Talk to your children about sex and relationships: support for parents

4 TALK TO YOUR CHILDREN ABOUT SEX AND RELATIONSHIPSWhat if my son ordaughter is gay?Even though it may be hard for you it isimportant that you don’t express strongnegative feelings because your childwill need your acceptance and loveand positive messages from you thatbeing gay is fine. Gay children andyoung people are often bullied verballyand physically, in and out of school.We need to challenge prejudicebecause it damages the self-esteem andemotional development of the child whois bullied – as well as the bulliesthemselves. There is information andsupport available both for you and yourchild (see sources of support).I’m a foster parent,and some of thechildren I look afterhave been sexuallyabused. What shouldI do?Everything in this leaflet is relevant toyou, but the children you’re lookingafter may find that talking about sexbrings up traumatic memories. Thismeans you have to build their trust first.They may not know as much about sexas you think – and past abuse maymean they’ll be more open to abusiverelationships in the future. Reassurethem that the abuse was not their fault,be very boundaried and let them knowyou recognise how painful it is forthem. Make sure you get specialistsupport from the social worker, whomay be able to offer training or leafletsfor you and the children.I’m on my own with ason and a daughter;do I need to doanything different?No, you may feel it’s harder becauseyou can’t share the responsibility. Tryand make sure that your children cantalk with trusted family members andfriends of both sexes.I feel I’ve left it toolate to start talkingabout sex andrelationshipsIt’s never too late. Why not start nowby talking about this leaflet?Sources of supportThere are many books, leaflets andsome videos on sex and relationships,aimed at all ages. They can beborrowed from schools or publiclibraries, or bought from your localhigh street book shop. Attend schoolmeetings and events, which will talkabout SRE. You’ll find that mostparents are ‘like you’ trying to do thebest for their child. The followingorganisations offer information,helplines, leaflets, and books and insome cases a mail order service.BrookTelephone: 0800 0185023 (forlocal information)FFLAG (Families and Friends ofLesbians and Gays)Helpline: 01454 852 418E-mail: info@fflag.org.ukWebsite: www.fflag.org.ukfpa (formally Family PlanningAssociation)Helpline: 0845 310 1334Monday to Friday 9am to 7pmwww.fpa.org.ukParenting Education andSupport ForumInformation Service: 020 7284 8388E-mail: pesf@dial.pipex.comWebsite: www.parentingforum.org.ukParentline PlusHelpline: 0808 800 2222Monday to Friday 9am to 9pmSaturday 9.30am to 5pmSunday 10am to 3pmWebsite: www.parentlineplus.org.ukPublished by the National Children's Bureau as part of the SPOTLIGHT series.Registered Charity 258825. 8 Wakley Street, London EC1V 7QE.Sex Education ForumTel: 020 7843 1901 Fax: 020 7843 6053 E-mail: sexedforum@ncb.org.ukWebsite: www.ncb.org.uk/sef© National Children’s Bureau October 2003