Corpus disaffiliation - Varsity

News p5University Press adoptsa giant panda cub.Rejoicing ensues.Features p16We talk to someoveractive freshers abouttheir experiencesMy Degree p14Straight from the horse’smouth: an architect preparesfor Saturday’s revelsFRIDAY 19TH NOVEMBER 2010 THE INDEPENDENT STUDENT NEWSPAPER SINCE 1947 ISSUE NO 730 | VARSITY.CO.UKCambridge left mobilises against cutsNOAH B. KATZStudent assaultednear GrangeRoad areaABTIN SADEGHIBusinesses and banks to be targeted as student activists claim “it is just the beginning”TRISTAN DUNN & NATASHA PESARANFollowing national protests lastweek, the Cambridge left are planningfurther action to voice theiranger at government proposals.Cambridge Defend Education,a student organisation which wasstarted in October to fight fundingcuts and fee increases, have decidedto hold a teach-in on Sunday to raiseawareness, to be followed by a demonstrationin Cambridge city centrenext Wednesday, which will coincidewith a walk-out of sixth-form studentsfrom the Cambridge area.A member of Cambridge DefendEducation told Varsity, “A lot ofpeople were saying at the time, andthis was repeated by ministers andothers, that the protest last weekwas just the beginning. But that’sthe reality. We’re not done yet.“Since the protest last week,things are really heating up. Wehave had a lot of new faces at meetingsand new names added to ouremail list. We’re hoping the teach-inand demonstration next week willbuild interest and new involvement.We’re doing everything we can toget the word out.”A demonstration will take placenext Wednesday, starting outsideGreat St Mary’s at noon.The group will march throughCambridge targeting businessesand institutions that are in someway linked to the cuts. In particular,banks and the phone company,Vodafone, which has come undercharges of tax evasion, have beensingled out.A member from the group told Varsity,“Once everyone is assembledwe will march through Cambridge.It won’t just be a ramble, there willbe people leading the parade, withflags and music. But we will stop andprotest outside every locale whichhas a stake in what’s going on.“After the march, we will see whatthe vibe is like. I don’t know whatwill happen. If people want to continueprotesting, we will go with it.”Sixth-form students from aroundCambridge will stage a walk-out onthe same day and join the protest.Cambridge Defend Education willalso hold a “teach-in to fight to feesand cuts” at King’s and Clare, whichincludes a number of talks, discussionsand workshops.The title of one panel discussionhad to be changed after King’s Collegeexpressed anxiety about itsradical overtones.The panel, which was originallyentitled ‘Direct Action Workshop’,was renamed ‘Sharing Stories ofActivism’ at the College’s behest.According to a spokesperson, thepanel will consist of an “academictraining session in how to go aboutdoing direct action in a way that haspolitical impact but does not causeany damage to persons or property.”Speakers include the socialistwriter Richard Seymour, CUSUPresident Rahul Manisgani, andprofessors from the Universityof Cambridge and King’s College,London.Cambridge Defend Education’spromotional material says they hopethe event will “shake up the debateon education funding, train up toresist cuts, fees and outsourcing”and “build a movement to defendeducation.”The group estimates that between200 and 300 students will attend.All members of the campaign whocommented wished to remain anonymousas an expression of the group’sdemocratic collectivist policy.A female Wolfson student wasassaulted at around midnight onTuesday at the junction of SidgwickAvenue and Grange Road.The attacker was described as adark-haired male, wearing a leatherjacket. Based on the descriptiongiven, it has been suggested that thesame attacker may have assaulteda Robinson student last Thursdaymorning on Adams Road.The Senior Tutor at Wolfson College,Dr Jane McLarty said that“neither student was hurt and nothingwas stolen” but they “were bothvery upsetting incidents for thewomen concerned.”According to a Wolfson Collegestudent said that “Cambridge wasa very safe city overall, but someareas feel really deserted, particularlyat night.“The recent assaults have mademe much more wary and vigilantwhilst coming home from a nightout,” she said.Following the incident, many collegeshave sent precautionary emailsto their students, urging them to becareful when venturing out late atnight.Dr McLarty advised students totake a “common sense approach”by “keeping to well-lit areas whencoming home at night” and trying to“travel with companions if going toand fro, late at night in the GrangeRoad area.”The assault comes weeks afterVarsity conducted an investigationinto street safety. The investigationrevealed Grange Road as beinga higher-risk area for studentassaults, with two female studentsfrom Homerton being assaulted earlierin the year.Corpus JCR leavesCUSUIn an overwhelming 71%vote, Corpus Christi JCRhas decided to disaffiliatefrom CUSU. In the wake ofthe decision, Varsity considersthe value that CUSUprovides and the impact thedisaffiliation would have onCUSU’s budget. ❯❯p3Dean criticises presstreatmentA royal connection forCambridge?Explore careers at theEuropean UnionNews Interview: SirMartin GilbertDr Priyamvada Gopal, Dean Cambridge residents are The European Union (EU) Renowned historian and officialof Churchill College, has criticisedexcited to learn that newly is in the market for talentedbiographer of Winstonsensationalistic coverage engaged couple Prince William graduates looking to build Churchill, Sir Martin Gilbertof the College in national and and Kate Middleton are likely careers as EU civil servants. has written over 80 books.international press, after Freedomto take the titles Duke and Varsity spoke to David Lid-Varsity sat down with himof Information requests Duchess of Cambridge, accordington,the Europe Minister, to discuss the ways in whichwere used to obtain student ing to bookies. The Palace has about the opportunities availablecolliding historical narra-and the skills graduates tives have contributed to thedisciplinary reports for the so far remained tight-lippedlast five years. ❯❯p4 on the issue.❯❯p7 need to be successful. ❯❯p6 Middle East conflict. ❯❯p8The Question p12Corpusdisaffiliation:Is CUSUuseful?9 771758 44400246 >

219th November 2010EDITORIALwww.varsity.co.ukSomething to say?letters@varsity.co.ukOnline this weekEstablished in 1947Issue No 730Old Examination Hall, Free School Lane, Cambridge, CB2 3RFTelephone: 01223 337575 Fax: 01223 760949ARTS COMMENTHandsome wretch, ConradSteel on why Harry Potter isso bloody good.Corpus disaffiliationCorpus’s decision to disaffliate from CUSU has met amixed response from the wider student community,although the reaction of the majority is probably theendemic (and ill-advised) indifference that seems to dogmost CUSU activity.In Varsity this week, Clare College JCR PresidentJames Tiffin claims that Corpus have deprived “CUSU ofa considerable chunk of their funds , which means that theservices they are able to offer could be severely diminishedthis time next year. If every JCR committee decided thatthey didn’t want to pay, CUSU could not function.”Fortunately, Corpus JCR have offered an eloquentdefence of their position, accompanied by figures that makeTiffin’s comments seem hyperbolic. Corpus’s affiliationfee constitues only 0.6% of CUSU’s budget – hardly ‘aconsiderable chunk of their funds.’The source of CUSU’s problem is confusion andconsequent ignorance about what services affiliationfees provide. Since all students are automaticallyentitled to the services CUSU provides, regardless ofLetters to theEditorSir,I’m writing to complainabout the story publishedFriday 12th November,page nine,headlined: ‘Unionmembership reduction claimproved false.’The content of this articledamges my reputation as ajournalist (as the author ofthe piece in The CambridgeStudent, page one, 4thNovember) on several points,totally misrepresenting myarticle, and I expect you topublish a full apology in yournext edition.Your headline, claims thatclaims have been “proved false”and the subheadline statesthat the potential move is“unfounded.” However, quotingJames Counsell directly in myoriginal article, he explicitlysaid that he hoped to reducefees to £10. Thus you cannotjustifiably say it has eitherproven false, or “unfounded”.Get involvedIf you would like to find out howto write for Varsity, come to oneof our weekly meetings.News: Monday 3.30pm, PembrokeCollege BarMagazine: Wednesday 5pm, TheMaypole (Portugal Place)Alternatively, email the relevantsection editor (right) with yourideas.This implies that I inventedthe story and deliberatelymisled in my article. Two claimswithout basis.Your next comment: “Thestory in TCS maintained thatdue to a significant boost incorporate revenue the Unionwould be able to reducetheir membership fees by asubstantial amount” similarlymisrepresents my integrity.Colonel William Bailey, UnionBursar said this, (indeed inthe presence of two of yourown reporters). To say that we“maintained”, again wronglyimplies that this is based onfalse speculation on the part ofTCS.Moreover, this is only partof the explanation given by myarticle: “the launch of an appealto alumni may help to cover thecost of reducing fees.”The next section is similarlybadly inbalanced: The articlealso stated that the Union hadnot settled on an exact figure,but did quote UnionPresident, James Counsell,as naming £10 as a “symbolicfee” in light of funding changeswhich might allow the Union toVarsity has been Cambridge’s independent student newspaper since 1947 and distributes 10,000 free copies to every Cambridge college, to ARU and around Cambridge each week.NEWSPAPERSSUPPORTRECYCLINGRecycled paper madeup 87.2% of the rawmaterial for UKnewspapers in 2008NEWSPAPERS SUPPORTRECYCLINGwhether their JCR is affiliated or not, the affiliation feeis essentially an expensive goodwill gift from the collegecommunities.There is also the troubling and terminally unansweredquestion of what exactly CUSU do. Varsity, with CUSU’shelp, has tried to shed some light on this murky topic thisweek.Calling for disaffiliation seems churlish when there aremore interesting questions at hand. We ought not askwhether CUSU should exist or not, we ought to ask if itis efficient, if it is meeting the needs and demands of thestudent population and if it ought to be run for less.Importantly, Corpus point out that affiliation feesconstitute 20% of the CUSU budget. The onus is uponCUSU to prove that they cannot provide necessary serviceswith 80% of their budget. Unfortunately, CUSU aren’tparticularly vocal on this topic. As long as JCRs remain inthe dark about what exactly it is that CUSU do, it will beeasy to persuade them to disaffiliate. If only TCS would dotheir owners a favour every once in a while, CUSU mightbe able to get their message out.abolish fees entirely.Regardless of laterstatements by the Union, thisis clearly not speculation butbased on a direct quote by anauthoritative source.Most seriously, andindicative that neither TheUnion nor yourselves haveproperly read my articleis fundamentally untrue.“TCS mistook speculationconcerning the Union’sfunding over the comingdecade for a concrete planfor an immediate reduction.”At no point in my article doI state that this is either aconcrete plan or intended tocome into force immediately.This total misrepresentation isintolerable at the best of times,but to have printed theselibelous untruths without evenallowing me a right of reply isbeyond the pale.The rest of the articlebases itself upon this untruthand again denigrates myjournalistic abilities, especiallyas the profits from fundraisingamongst alumni should havebeen taken into account alongwith corporate fees: ” To many,the proposed reduction in feeswas baffling when consideredalongside the Union’s 2009figures, which showed thatwhile membership fees hadraised £133,430, corporateincome was only at £46,257.Given the disparity, it appearedhighly unlikely that theUnion could suddenly raiseenough corporate income todrastically reduce membershipfees, let alone eradicate themcompletely.” Of course I wasaware of this disparity, and thisis why at no point do I statethat a reduction in membershipfees is even agreed, never mindimminent.The article fails torepresent my article in afair manner, fundamentallymisunderstanding centralaspects of it and denigrates myjournalistic abilities. I feel thatat the very least, a full apologyis due to me, recognising yourerror, and I look forward toseeing it printed this Friday.Yours,Philip BrookTCS ReporterSPORTCatch up on thrills andspills of Botswana’sNo.1 meat packingfootball teamInside this weekFEATURESFive freshers spill the beansabout what they’ve beendoing in their fi rst termTHEATREThe Freshers’ shows, asmoking new sketch companyand a fresh farce for Downing’sHoward TheatreNEWSStorm clouds gather asstudent movements prepareto carry on the fi ght forhigher educationMAGAZINEMedic? Missed thatseminar on surgery?Big op’ coming up?Get cramming with thisweek’s Lecture Notes.COMMENTGemma Gronland on whyforking out for the royalwedding might not be theBritish’s cup of teaEDITOR Joe Pitt-Rashid editor@varsity.co.uk ASSOCIATE EDITORS Helen Mackreath & Lara Prendergast associate@varsity.co.uk ONLINE EDITOR David Rosenberg online@varsity.co.uk DEPUTY ONLINE EDITOR LeonieJames online@varsity.co.uk NEWS EDITOR Osama Siddiqui news@varsity.co.uk DEPUTY NEWS EDITORS Olivia Crellin & Natasha Pesaran news@varsity.co.uk COMMENT EDITORS Jamie Pollock & Rhys Treharnecomment@varsity.co.uk MAGAZINE EDITORS Alice Hancock & Charlotte Wu magazine@varsity.co.uk SPORT EDITOR Alex Kennedy sport@varsity.co.uk FEATURES EDITOR Lydia Onyett features@varsity.co.uk ARTSEDITORS Eliot D’Silva & Zeljka Marosevic arts@varsity.co.uk THEATRE EDITOR Edward Herring theatre@varsity.co.uk REVIEWS & LISTINGS EDITORS Julia Lichnova & David Shone reviews@varsity.co.uk FASHIONEDITORS Louise Benson, Jess Kwong & Pete Morelli fashion@varsity.co.uk SATIRE EDITORS Alex Owen & Ben Ashenden satire@varsity.co.ukSENIOR REPORTERS Jane Ashford-Thom, Elizabeth Bateman, Cathy Bueker, Jemma Trainor & Jessie Waldman seniorreporter@varsity.co.uk THEATRE CRITICS Michael Christie, Siobhan Forshaw, Helen Young,Matt Russell & Laura Peatman theatrecritic@varsity.co.uk FOOD & DRINK CRITICS Lettice Franklin & Alex Lass food@varsity.co.uk MUSIC CRITICS Nathan Arnott-Davies, Ellie Brindle, Sam Gould & Katya Hermanmusic@varsity.co.uk FILM CRITIC Alice Bolland fi lm@varsity.co.uk VISUAL ARTS CRITIC Yates Norton visualarts@varsity.co.uk LITERARY CRITIC Sophie Peacock literary@varsity.co.ukPRODUCTION MANAGER Hugo Gye production@varsity.co.uk SUB-EDITORS Jonny Aldridge, Olivia Anness, Henry Drummond, Donald Futers, Angela Scarsbrook, Charlotte Sewell & Leonie Taylor subeditor@varsity.co.ukBUSINESS & ADVERTISING MANAGER Michael Derringer business@varsity.co.uk BOARD OF DIRECTORS Dr Michael Franklin (Chair), Prof. Peter Robinson, Dr Tim Harris, Mr Chris Wright, Mr Michael Derringer, MrHugo Gye (VarSoc President), Mr Laurie Tuffrey, Mr Paul Smith, Miss Avantika Chilkoti, Miss Helen Mackreath & Mr Josef Pitt-RashidFor VarsiTV enquiries: vtv@varsity.co.ukVarsity, Old Examination Hall, Free School Lane, Cambridge CB2 3RF. Tel 01223 337575. Fax 01223 760949. Varsity is published by Varsity Publications Ltd. Varsity Publications also publishes BlueSci and The Mays.©2010 Varsity Publications Ltd. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic, mechanical photocopying, recording or otherwise withoutprior permission of the publisher. Printed at Iliffe Print Cambridge — Winship Road, Milton, Cambridge CB24 6PP on 48gsm UPM Matt Paper. Registered as a newspaper at the Post Offi ce. ISSN 1758-4442

News team: Osama Siddiqui, Olivia Crellin & Natasha Pesaran19th November 2010news@varsity.co.uk NewS 3www.varsity.co.ukCorpus disaffiliation: the falloutOpinionsBike theft makes up ten per cent of all recorded crimeSAMANTHA SHARMANdaNiel ChurCher“We were disappointed thatCorpus Christi JCR andMCR voted to disaffiliatefrom CUSU. JCRs contributeto CUSU on behalf of theirindividual students—thuscollectively funding the fundamentalrepresentation andservices CUSU provides to allstudents: disaffiliation compromisesour ability to carry theseout. CUSU is the only studentunion in the country that doesnot have block grant fundingfrom the university, anddepends on JCRs paying affiliationfees. CUSU’s budget isvery constrained, with the bulkof our services being funded byaffiliation fees. We will continueto represent the entire studentbody to the University andbeyond, as all students remainindividual members of CUSU.”Rahul MansiganiCUSU PresidentCorpus students at a demonstration against College authorities last March, which enjoyed the support of CUSU sabbatical officersANdREw GRIFFINCorpus Christi JCR have voted todisaffiliate from the Cambridge UniversityStudents’ Union (CUSU).An overwhelming 71 per cent ofCorpus undergraduates lent theirsupport to the motion to disaffiliatefrom the University students’ unionin a ballot on Sunday. 149 studentsvoted in total.The postgraduate MCR also votedto disaffiliate, with 81 per cent ofstudents opting out of membershipof CUSU.The move to disaffiliate comesafter mounting frustration on thepart of Corpus undergraduates andJCR members at the cost of membership,and the quality of servicereceived. The JCR currently pays£2,800 to CUSU in affiliation fees.The President of Corpus JCR,Rhys Grant, said that the Committeehad not received clear information“as to what affiliation fees are usedfor and what CUSU actually doesfor JCR/MCR committees. Weneeded some clear reasons as to whywe should stay affiliated when ouraffiliation fees are more than 10 percent of our budget.”He added, “It’s hard to tell if thiswill affect Corpus students, but thegeneral consensus seems to be thatit won’t, other than that we nowhave an extra £2,800 to use as theJCR/MCR wish.”Not all students were entirelyhappy with the news, however. LawrenceDunn, a second-year Corpusstudent, was worried that the decisionmay act as precedent, and “thewithdrawal of funding as other JCRsdisaffiliate may seriously weakenCUSU just as the cuts come in fromon high”.The affiliation fees paid by Corpuscontribute only 0.6 per cent ofCUSU’s funding. Approximately20 per cent of the CUSU budget ismade up of affiliation fees.However, coming at a time whenquestions are being raised at otherwhere the money comes from...■■■■■■unlike almost all uK Students’ unions, CuSu receives no blockgrant funding from the university.CuSu relies heavily on affiliation fees to cover the cost ofproviding basic representation for and services to studentsThe current affiliation fee is £6.70 per undergraduate, £3 forgraduatesFor example the £1,700 (approx) which Peterhouse JCrcontributes to CuSu makes up the entire budget for both theeducation Campaigns and ethical affairs Campaigns for thewhole year.affiliation fees are set annually by representatives of affiliatedCommon rooms on the CuSu Council.as a result of responsible management of its finances, CuSu hasnever needed to approach the university for extra emergencyfunding, unlike the Graduate union and other Students’ unionscolleges about affiliation, the movewill represent a significant blow toCUSU.Rahul Mansigani, CUSU president,told Varsity that CUSU was“disappointed that Corpus ChristiJCR and MCR voted to disaffiliate”.He argued that “the Committeeand Corpus students recognised themany benefits that CUSU provides,”and that “arguments for disaffiliationwere based almost entirely onthe fact that Corpus students wouldlargely retain these benefits withoutthe JCR paying for them”.He also assured that CUSU, “willcontinue to represent the entirestudent body to the University andbeyond”.Corpus undergraduates willremain members of CUSU on anindividual level, and thus will continueto be represented to theUniversity by them and make use ofthe majority of their services.The JCR is also eligible to remainas a member of the National Unionof Students (NUS). The JCR will,however, lose their seats on CUSUCouncil.Some have expressed concernthat the JCR’s disaffiliation will haveadverse effects for Corpus studentsin their ability to influence Collegeand University authorities.In the past, Corpus JCR hasenjoyed the support of CUSU. Mostrecently CUSU backed Corpus JCRin a protest in March which washeld against the College for allegedinstances of miscommunication andfinancial mismanagement.Corpus JCR is the only JCR in theUniversity to disaffiliate, althoughMagdalene and Downing Colleges’MCRs have also done so.The last time a JCR disaffiliatedfrom CUSU was in March 2006 whenTrinity College Students’ Unionvoted to disaffiliate by a margin ofonly six votes.Unsuccessful attempts to disaffiliatewere also made by Peterhousestudents in Michaelmas 2009.And where the money goes...■■■■■almost all the money that JCr/MCrs donate to CuSu in theform of affiliation fees go directly to CuSu’s campaigns CuSurelies heavily on affiliation fees to cover the cost of providingbasic representation for and services to students.CuSu trains JCr/MCr committees, providing welfare Officerswith training in counselling, Presidents in leadership andcommunication skills, Treasurers in managing the budget.CuSu Sabbatical Officers are members of various Senior Tutors’Committees where they can make sure the efforts of individualJCr/MCrs are carried through at a higher level.CuSu offers welfare support through the Student adviceService, which is the only professional, free and independentservice that offers advice to all students and advocates onstudents’ behalf at college and university hearings.CuSu can act as a strong local and national voice of Cambridgestudents“I would like to have a bodythat represents my views tothe University. UnfortunatelyCUSU represents the views ofa few students further to thepolitical left than I and don’tappear to poll their membershipon these opinions. CUSUalso take large sums of moneyfrom JCRs for apparentlyno return; at least from myCollege’s reported experience.This is why we havedisaffiliated.”Alexander JohnsonCorpus Christi College“Despite its best efforts, CUSUhas repeatedly failed to provideany kind of service studentseither value or require. Collegesshould not affiliate to anorganisation deemed by themuch of the student body as aninconvenient source of irritatingemail updates.”Ben RichardsonChrist’s College“Without the representationthat CUSU provides for us all,the University would be free totrample all over us. JCRs canonly do so much on thier own.CUSU is the only organisationwhich can bring all studentstogether so we can speak withone voice whenever we needto. At a time like this whenstudents are more under threatthan ever, CUSU is even moreimportant.”AnonymousTrinity College52 Trumpington StreetCambridge CB2 1RGFREE CHELSEA BUNWith every purchase over £2.00 in the shopORFREE MORNINGCOFFEE/TEA(9am-12pm)With any cake or pastry in the restauranton presentation of this voucherand proof of student status

4NewS19th November 2010www.varsity.co.ukNews team: Osama Siddiqui, Oliva Crellin & Natasha Pesarannews@varsity.co.ukChurchill Dean slams press coveragePress reported several incidents of indecent exposure and misdemeanor at Churchilljemma trainorThe Dean of Churchill College hascondemmed the tabloid coverage ofthe College’s disciplinary reports as“distorting” and “sensational”.In a statement released to Varsity,Dr Priyamvada Gopal clarified that,contrary to reports in the DailyMail and the Times of India, she didnot “complain” to the College followingan incident in which she waspropositioned by a former studentof the College. “A drunk formerstudent who did not know me madesome inappropriate remarks when Icame down to investigate noise lateat night.”She also made the point that shethere was nothing unusual in theway she dealt with the incident.“I did not ‘complain’ to the Collegeabout the incident; I reportedit in an annual report as part of mynormal duties.”Dr Gopal categorically statedthat reports of “harassment” andhaving to “reject” and “fight off” theadvances of the student in questionwere completely unfounded, andhas described the entire reaction bythe British tabloids as “disturbing”.The incident has generated a greatdeal of national and internationalpress coverage, with the story beingpicked up by the Daily Mail andThe Telegraph, as well as the Timesof India and The Hindu.Information regarding the disciplinaryreports of Cambridgecolleges was requested under theFreedom of Information Act, arequest to which 29 of the collegesresponded. It seems that accordingto the records, Churchill, Clareand Sidney Sussex have had thehighest recent rate of “student misdemeanours”,with Churchill alonehaving recorded 91 incidents involvingmore than 100 students over thepast five years.The timing of the articles in thenational media has appeared somewhatartificially engineered tocoincide with student protests overthe Government’s planned increasedaily mail onlinethe Daily Mail’s coverage of the“indecent proposal” at ChurchillCollegein university tuition fees, particularas the disciplinary records are nowmore than three years old.Dr Gopal remarked “I found thetiming bizarre. The Daily Mail carriedthe story the day before theprotests and The Telegraph on theday of the protests. My suspicionswere bolstered by readers’ commentswhich stridently denounceproviding students like this withpublic funding.”In the context of the raising ofuniversity tuition fees and the violentoutburst at last week’s studentdemonstrations, its appearance inthe press has certainly managedto distract from the issue of tuitionfees to the detriment of the studentpopulation, a concern that is sharedby Dr Gopal.“I am disturbed that the Britishtabloids have misused the Freedomof Information Act to obtain a reportdating back so many years in orderto deliberately discredit universitystudents who are protesting todayagainst cuts to the higher educationbudget.”Churchill JCR President MattBoardman was also keen to stressthat the media reports failed toreflect a realistic portrayal of collegestudents.“Most of the events mentionedin this article happened severalyears ago, and involved a very smalland unrepresentative minority ofChurchill students. The most recentDean’s reports in Churchill showthat disciplinary incidents are actuallyvery infrequent.“The Daily Mail article providedno context, and as was pointed outby readers in the online comments,no mention was made of the College’sstrong performance in theTompkins table this year. It’s possiblethat ‘Students Perform Well’was not a sufficiently excitingheadline.”He added “In light of the media’streatment of the recent NUS protestsin London, we can perhapswithhold our surprise.”Guernsey resistancetestimony uncoveredClaimBack£49.90Net price £285.09ClaimBack£87.88Net price £502.11Instore, online, Collection or delivery.Easy networking in a choice of coloursVPC-M13M1ETravels light at just 1.4 kilos with a slimprofile, large 250GB hard drive andBluetooth.ClaimBack£23.83Net price £136.16Only£334.99Offer ends 24.12.2010Sony ICFC1PMK2B- Clock Radio withSony NEX 5 - Capture everything Sony PRS350 - Reader Pocket EditioniPod dockingThe amazing new NEX5 ultra compact Ultra slim & Lightweight with 5” glare free Speaker dock / clock radio, iPod®, iPhone®,camera with HD movie recording. touch screen.Stereo Speaker. Powerful 3W + 3W speakers.Now£589.99 Now£159.99Offer ends 24.12.2010Offer ends 24.12.2010Now£69.99CAMBRIDGE16 Lion Yard Shopping CentreTel: 01223 351135http://cambridge.sony.co.uk‘Sony’, ‘make.believe’, ‘ VAIO’, ‘Alpha’, ‘e-Reader’, ‘Sony Centre’, and their logos are registered trademarks of Sony Corporation. All prices correct attime of going to press. E & O.E. Offers subject to availability, whilst stocks lasts. *VAT back offer is on selected Sony models only. VAT paid at time ofpurchase on selected Sony products can be claimed back via redemption. Please check in-store for more detais. Operated by: Shasonic Centres Ltd.the documents obtained by dr Carr’s research teamanna goldenbergTestimonies of resistance fightersin Guernsey during World War Twohave been revealed by a Universityof Cambridge research team.The shocking accounts of ChannelIslanders who were sent to Germanprisons were presented as part ofthe Cambridge Festival of Ideas.The documents will help to finallyrecognise the resistance attempts tosabotage the German occupation.The documents were obtainedwhen a Guernsian who wasimprisoned for resistance activityresponded to a newspaperadvertisement by Dr Gilly Carr,University Lecturer in Archaeologyand daughter of Frank Falla. Fallawas another Guernsian who wasimprisoned for resistance activity.The respondent to the advertisementhanded the Cambridgeresearch team untouched documentsfrom Falla’s bequest.He had compiled nearly 200 pagesof testimonies of Channel Islanderswho were deported during the warin his life-long quest for recognitionfor their efforts.Falla and four others ran theGuernsey Underground Newsletter(GUNS) in which they distributednews from the Allied side to theirfellow citizens. Upon getting caught,they were sent to Germany, travellingin cattle trucks under appallingconditions.One report reads: “While in thetrucks we had no sanitation on ourjourneys and through sufferingfrom starvation and malnutrition,we were forced to bury the manyprisoners who died in the trucks.”Two of the GUNS members did notsurvive imprisonment.Dr Carr explained why researchinto the Channel Islands resistancehas been difficult to conduct:“Researching the resistance inthe Channel Islands is still a verydifficult and sensitive issue. Noteverybody felt that they could affordto defy the Germans at the time andemotions still run deep.”Since the Channel Islands were ofno strategic importance, the Britishgovernment surrendered it to theGermans. Large parts of the Islandswere evacuated. Authorities cooperatedwith the occupiers and theinhabitants always had the reputationof being passive.

News team: Osama Siddiqui, Oliva Crellin & Natasha Pesarannews@varsity.co.ukRecord gift toCavendish labRaphael gRayNewS19th November 20105www.varsity.co.ukCUP adopts panda cubThe Cavendish Laboratory, the Universityof Cambridge’s Departmentof Physics, will receive a £20 milliondonation from a wealthy City hedgefund manager, the largest in its 136-year history.Coming at a time when institutionsof higher learning acrossthe country are facing punishingspending cuts, the pledge has beenwell received by the Universityauthorities.The donor, David Harding, 49,studied theoretical physics at Cambridgebefore founding WintonCapital Management in 1997, ahedge fund that predicts swings incommodity prices.The company is known foremploying highly trained PhDs insuch esoteric subjects as extragalacticastrophysics and artificialintelligence.Mr Harding’s gift will set up andfund ‘The Winton Programme forthe Physics of Sustainability’, anoutfit he hopes will “develop materialswith seemingly miraculousproperties that could combat thegrowing effect humans are having onthe planet.”The Vice-Chancellor of the University,Professor Sir Leszek Borysiewicz,unequivocally praised Mr Harding’sdonation as “truly exceptional bothin its generosity and in its vision oftranslating fundamental discoveriesin physics, to meet one of the mostpressing needs of our generation.However, sections of the studentbody have not met the news withsuch enthusiasm. Ashley Walsh,Chair of the Cambridge UniversitiesLabour Club, expressedunease at the idea of the Universitycoming to rely on private donors: “Ido not believe that the entirety, orthe majority, of the system shouldbe funded by wealthy privateindividuals.”The Cavendish laboratory hasproduced 29 Nobel Prize winners.QUEENS’CONFERENCECOLLEGE CAMBRIDGE& CA TERINGemily caRltonCambridge University Press (CUP)has adopted a giant panda cub in anattempt to improve relations withpotential Chinese clients.The panda cub, named Jian Qiao,has been adopted for life, a commitmentof roughly £2,500 a year forthe extent of its life, usually around20 years.Cambridge University Press arepositive about the investment.Chief Executive Stephen Bournesaid “given the importance of giantpandas to China, this adoption is asymbol of our strategy to work withthe Chinese Government to buildbridges between China and theWest.”The adoption is also “part of thewider commitment to do all we canto protect the environment”.Giant pandas are amongst theworld’s most severely endangeredspecies, with fewer than 2,000 in thewild today.CUP are keen to link this environmentalcommitment to theirextensive collection of publishedworks on climate change.China is an important market forCUP, who have produced 30 titlesin their ‘Cultural China’ series andEnglish language teaching materialsthat are used throughout thecountry.A spokeswoman said they areplanning on utilising the interest inpandas they expect on the part oftheir Chinese students to make lessonsmore “fun and engaging”. Theyplan to develop an English-languagesite where students can follow thegrowth and progress of Jian Qiaowhich will complement their publishedteaching materials.But opinion amongst universitystudents is mixed. Adam Sullivan, asecond-year Bio Natsci, said “Chinesestudents will care more aboutthe quality of the teaching materialsthan about the company adoptinganimals”.Meanwhile Queens’ studentEdward Davenport said, “I don’tthink it’s a particularly goodinvestment, but £2,500 is a drop inthe ocean for CUP and, as far aspublicity stunts go, it has good environmentalconsequences”.Whilst some are still scepticalabout CUP’s stated aim to panderto an uncertain interest in Jian Qiaoamongst Chinese students, fewquestion that the money this willprovide for Chengdu Giant PandaBreeding Research Foundation is agood thing.Whatever the motives behind theadoption, Chief Executive StephenBourne hopes that it will demonstrateinterest amongst prospectiveEnglish-language students as wellas demonstrating good will to prospectiveChinese buyers since “itshows the importance that we placeon being a responsible memberof the communities in which weoperate.”To take your career in this direction, be sure to takeyourself to the Pitt Building on November 22nd.Ready to launch yourself into asuccessful business career? We knowjust the place for a running start.We’re Opera Solutions, a fast-growinginternational firm that combinesworld-class management consultingand advanced analytics to consistentlyachieve remarkable results for ourclients. Among other things, we up thewinnings of the UK’s biggest gamblingoperation, bust credit card crooks whoescaped Scotland Yard, and help anonline travel company keep bookingextraordinary profits.cambridge university presschief executive Stephen Bourne with the adopted panda cub Jian QiaoSpecial BanquetingOffer for UniversityClubs and SocietyDinnersQueens’ College is offering3 course meals at £31+VATper person.This offer is available for new banqueting bookings only during Januaryand February 2011 and cannot be used in conjunction with any otheroffer and does not include beverages.If you’re a high-performing final-yearundergraduate or postgraduate fromany subject with a strong interest inwhere business is going – and an evenstronger desire to help lead it there– then there’s an equally compellingreason to find out more about Opera.Join us on Monday, November 22, 2010, 6:30-8:30 pm,in the Darwin Room of the Pitt Building, located at the cornerof Trumpington Street and Mill Lane (next door to the Mill LaneLecture Rooms). You’ll hear first-hand from Opera consultantsabout what we do, how we do it, and how your talents can makea difference.Email cambridgerecruitment@operasolutions.com for furtherinformation.www.operasolutions.comQueens’ College Tel: 01223 335592 Fax: 01223 335533Email: info@queensconferences.com Website: www.queensconferences.comJersey City New York San Diego London Paris Shanghai New Delhi

619th November 2010NEWSwww.varsity.co.ukTess Maddock(1989 – 2010)News team: Osama Siddiqui, Olivia Crellin & Natasha Pesarannews@varsity.co.ukCable fuels Cambridge privatisation speculationJesus Theologian TessMaddock died on 30th October.The university community hasbeen shocked and saddened bythe news of Tess Maddock’stragic death. Tess, a third-yeartheologian at Jesus College,was a brilliant student who hadgained a starred first in her firstyear. She also found time to playhockey for the College and for theUniversity Women’s Second Team.Not just a keen sportswoman,Tess also organised the College’sShort Story Society andvolunteered for several charitiesin the city. She will be greatlymissed for her sound advice,deep intellect and great sense ofhumour.Tess had found life difficultover her two years here and,despite the support of her manyfriends and of the College, hadhad to suspend her studies thisyear, returning home to Bristolin September. The thoughts ofeveryone at Jesus are with Tess’sfamily at this time.A memorial service will be held inJesus College Chapel on Monday22nd November at 8pm, and all arewelcome to attend.IMOGEN GOODMANBusiness Secretary Vince Cable hasfuelled speculation that Cambridgeand other Russell Group Universitiescould go private in the nearfuture.In a speech given at the Girls’Schools Association Conference, hecited the threat of privatisation asone of the key reasons for governmentplans to increase tuition fees,stating that “fees keep universitiespublic.”His comments follow mediaspeculation earlier in the monththat Cambridge was planning togo private as a result of reformsin government funding for HigherEducation institutions.The Comprehensive SpendingReview, released on the 20thOctober, outlined plans to slash thebudget for Higher Education by 40per cent over the next four years.Lord Browne’s controversial reportproposed lifting the current tuitionfee cap of £3,290 a year in order toreplace the money lost in cuts tostate funding.Cable pointed out that the BrowneReview had originally proposedremoving the cap on fees entirely,but this had been rejected by thegovernment due to concerns that itwould unduly affect students frompoorer backgrounds. The currentgovernment proposals stand atannual fees of £9,000, on the conditionthat institutions take adequatemeasures to improve access.Speaking at the conference, Cablesaid, “One of the reasons we areStudents protesting the raising of the cap on tuition fees to £9,000; Cable suggests that the cap has not been lifted completely toprevent institutions such as Cambridge from going privatedoing this is precisely to head offOxford, Cambridge, London Schoolof Economics, University CollegeLondon from going private, becauseif we had not opened up the systemin the way we have, they would havehad a very strong incentive to do so.Whether we will head them off ornot, I don’t know.”Cable indicated that the governmenthad been under pressure fromparticular institutions to lift the capon fees, but stated that universitieswould be much less likely to privatiseunder the current proposals, which,he claimed, would be profitable forthem.“It’s a little bit like bankers whosay if you’re going to put some kindof tax on us we’ll run away to Singapore.Universities have beenplaying this game with us – let ushave unlimited fees or we’ll privatise.I don’t believe it.“I think what we’re proposing isa fair settlement which will providethem with enough income to providehigh quality education and which isalso fair to the pupils”.Cambridge-alumnus Cable saidthat he would “very much regret it”if the University did privatise, butsaid that he found it hard to imagineeither Cambridge or Oxford takingthis step, primarily due to the complicatedlogistics of the collegiatesystem.Cambridge has stated that “theUniversity has no position onthese matters,” and responsesfrom fellows have been profoundlyambivalent.David Lidington: Minister of State for Foreign & CommonwealthJessie Waldman talks to David Lidington about graduate opportunities at the European UnionROSEMARY WARNERQ: As Minister for Europe, your job mustinvolve a lot of liaison between the Houseof Commons and European parliament.What advantages are there for an aspiringpolitician to go into European politicsrather than British politics?A: Most graduates are probably not looking toforge a career in politics by becoming MPs orMEPs. They would rather be involved in theprocess of contributing to policy making. Thisis the role of the EU civil servant. Europeanpolicy is developed by EU civil servants whoneed to think creatively, be at ease working ina dynamic political environment and who areable to develop policy that those at the politicallevel can judge and implement. Those whoare interested in this kind of career can workin areas as diverse as climate change, tradedevelopment or the single market, alongsidepeople from all over Europe.Q: Are recruiters only looking for peoplewith a background in political sciences orlanguages?A: No, the EU needs generalist civil servantswith a wide variety of academic backgroundsincluding lawyers, economists, auditors, ITand other specialists. However, you do needto have a satisfactory knowledge of a secondlanguage, to a minimum of French or GermanA-level standard.Q: What qualities are recruiters looking forin applicants to fast stream the applicationprocess for the European institutions?A: The European Fast Stream is designed forgraduates whose ultimate ambition is to workfor one of the EU institutions and become aEuropean civil servant. Its main purpose is toensure you get experience and training thatwill boost your chances of passing the EU’srecruitment competition known as the concours.Otherwise you can apply directly toEPSO (European Personnel Selection Office)to take the concours. Both routes requireyou to be motivated to ‘work for’ Europe.Recruiters are looking for people who havesomething more than just knowledge and professionalskills. Equally important is the driveto deliver results and the ability to work effectivelyas part of a multi-cultural team. Theseare careers spent surrounded by Europe’sbrightest and best, in a buzzing, multiculturalenvironment. The ability to be diplomaticand to adapt easily to a variety of environmentsand stakeholders is essential. It’s a factthat the EU’s institutions want more Britishstaff because they are well-known for theirquality and professionalism, for their nativefluency in English and their ability to negotiateeffectively.Q: What kinds of job opportunities areavailable?A: A graduate at ‘administrator’ level wouldbe typically engaged in drafting policies andimplementing EU law, analysing and advising.They may find themselves taking part intrade negotiations with non-EU countries,representing the Institutions in internationalforums, inspecting the fishing fleets inthe Member States, developing or managinga specific scientific research programme, ordrafting a decision of the European Court ofJustice or the European Ombudsman. Careeropportunities include administration, law,finance, economics, communications and science,because to cover the wide range of policyareas, staff are needed whose skill set reflectsthe incredible breadth of subject mattercovered.Q: European politics has traditionally beenseen as a political backwater secondary toa career in Westminster. Do you think thisis still the case?A: No, I don’t think it is. There is much thatthe EU does that has a positive impact onthe lives of UK citizens every day. Membershipof this single market – the world’s largestmulti-lateral trading bloc - brings significanteconomic opportunities to the UK. 3 millionjobs (10% of the UK workforce) are directlyor indirectly linked to export of goods andservices to EU countries. What the EU doesdirectly affects us all. This means that EUcivil servants have extremely stimulating andvaried jobs. In other words, they have a careerpacked from the outset with interesting, challenging,responsible work that really makes adifference: shaping the policies, creating thelegislation, and negotiating the compromiseswhich make the headlines across Europeevery day. This work is every bit as importantas that carried out in Whitehall.Q: What kinds of transferable skills couldsomeone whose future career plan wasto go into say the media, or a think tankacquire by working in the EuropeanInstitutions?A: Firstly, working in the EU institutionsbrings you into contact with a wide range ofpeople from Europe and the whole world. Suchcontacts can be an asset professionally as wellas personally throughout any future career.It’s an environment that gives you knowledgewhich is in great demand in other careers,such as political and public affairs, think-tanks,media and even business. I’d also say that theskills required of a good official: clear thinking;ability to express yourself clearly and form acoherent argument [would be cultivated].

News team: Osama Siddiqui, Olivia Crellin & Natasha Pesaran19th November 2010news@varsity.co.uk NEWS 7www.varsity.co.ukHi! Society Cambridge Treasure Trap (LARP)William and Kate could be Dukeand Duchess of CambridgeSAMANTHA SHARMANIn a bit of news that has thrilledCambridge reisdents, Prince Williamand Kate Middleton could becomethe Duke and Duchess of Cambridgeafter their marriage next year.Traditionally, royal men receivea new title from the sovereign aftertheir wedding. In addition to Cambridge,there are a number of titlesthat are available as possible optionsfor Prince William, including Dukeof Clarence, Connaught, Sussex orWindsor.However, Cambridge appears tobe a likely choice, as bookmakersPaddy Power have made the title thefavourite of the suggestions.The news came after ClarenceHouse announced that the couplebecame engaged on a holiday inKenya in October. The wedding is setto take place next spring or summer.Many students expressed excitementat the prospect of a Duke andDuchess of Cambridge. “This is whatthe monarchy is for,” said one Cambridgeundergraduate.She added, “The wedding will bea day of national celebration and itwould be fantastic for Cambridge tohave such an honour bestowed on itby having the future King and Queenas our Duke and Duchess.”Another student wonderedwhether the bestowing of the titlewould mean possible involvement ofthe young royals in Cambridge life.“If they are the Duke and Duchessof Cambridge, is it so inconceivablethat they might consider taking partin town or University events?”However, not all students are soenthusiastic. According to one studentfrom Pembroke College, “Itwon’t have any effect on Cambridgeor on any of our lives.”“I believe that the royal family is ananachronism that merely distracts usfrom modern problems and an escapeinto the bliss of our imperial past.”What is Cambridge UniversityTreasure Trap?Cambridge University TreasureTrap is a live action role play (LARP)system, set in a made-up medievalfantasyworld, which is a bit like theLord of the Rings or Discworld inflavour.Players take on characters wholive in the city of Grantabrugge -similar to Cambridge in many respects- and respond to the thingswhich go on there and the peoplethat they meet.Currently the society has about40 members, 5 of whom are Refs, responsiblefor running the game.Another student argued that theCambridge title was not the mostsuitable one for the couple. “Whileit would be exciting for them to benamed Duke and Duchess of Cambridge,neither William nor Katehave any connection to Cambridge,”he said.He added, “It would be moremeaningful for them, if they had aScottish title.” Prince William andKate Middleton met when they wereboth students at the University of StAndrew’s in Scotland.The royal couple will receive aseries of other titles in addition to theone given to them by the Queen ontheir wedding day, including Princeand Princess of Wales and Duke andDuchess of Cornwall when Charlesbecomes King.The title of Duke of Cambridge isquite rare and usually used for minorroyals. The first official use was in1664, given to James Stuart, the sonof the Duke of York by his first wife.However, the ill-fated royal onlylived for a few months, resulting inthe title becoming extinct.The most recent Duke of Cambridgewas Prince George, grandsonof George III. According to historianDr Dean Lang, Prince Georgewas the most famous royal to holdthe title. He is known to millions ofpeople as a result of the countlesspubs named after him.Dr Lang describes him as a “bitof a stickler and a great disciplinarian.”Dr Lang added, “If anyone heldback the army for 50 years, it wouldhave been the Duke of Cambridge,I’m afraid.”There have been some critics inthe past who have doubted the suitabilityof Kate as a bride for William.As such, it is perhaps fitting that theprevious Duke of Cambridge ignoredthe disapproval of the royal familytowards his choice and marriedSarah Fairbrother, an actress andthe mother of two of his children.ROSEMARY WARNERWhat happens when CambridgeUniversity Treasure Trap meets?Every Friday we have tavernnights, where we turn up in costume.The ref will shout “TIMEIN”, from which moment everyoneis in character.As the evening goes on, ‘monsters’will be sent in, who might be townsfolkwho want to give the playercharacters missions, or try to assassinatethem, for example.The players should build theircharacters up and keep them consistentfrom week to week.BELfAst • BournEMouth • CAMBriDgE • gLAsgoW • LEAMington/WArWiCk • LonDonoxforD - All day conferenceCAMBRIDGE 25TH NOVEMBER 2010Darwin or Design?What does the science really say?“When examined with the powerful tools of modern biology, but not with its modern prejudices, lifeon a biochemical level can be a product, Behe says, only of intelligent design. Coming from a practicalbiologist this proposition is close to heretical.”The New York Times Book Review.Engage with world-renowned scientist Prof Michael BeheListen to 21st century science questioning 19th century ideasAsk your questionsMichael J. Behe is Professor of Biochemistry at Lehigh University, Pennsylvania, USA, and has done research on sickle-celldisease and, at the US National Institutes of Health, on DNA. He is the author of 40 technical papers and two widelyreviewedbooks, Darwin’s Black Box: The Biochemical Challenge to Evolution (1996) and The Edge of Evolution: TheSearch for the Limits of Darwinism (2007), which argue that living systems at the molecular level are best explained byintelligent design.Free full length DVD, Unlocking the Mystery of Life given to all on-line registrations on attendance.For further information and to register visit www.darwinordesign.org.ukemail: info@darwinordesign.org.ukThe Centre for Intelligent Design, The Wheatsheaf,Speirs Wharf, Glasgow G4 9TJHow do you keep tabs on theprogression of the characters?Mostly we keep the characters quitesimple, but sometimes there will bea fight, or an attempted poisoning,and that’s where the rules come in– to adjudicate the things we can’tdo for real, like put a love potion insomeone’s drink.Sometimes the players get carriedaway, and a ref might need to pointout that they’ve been hit in the armeight times.That’s quite an unusual pastime –how do you feel others perceiveyour society?Mostly they want to take pictures ofus! We do get a bit of flak for whatwe do, but mostly people seem reallyinterested when they hear a properexplanation.We’re only in character duringthe LARP sessions – most of thetime we’re just normal people, andwe usually end up in the pub aftermeetings.What’s the best thing about yoursociety?There’s nothing else quite like it –where else can you step into a differentreality and then run aroundthe woods hitting your mates withbits of foam on sticks?!And what’s the worst?Falling over, defeated in battle, justto realise you’ve landed right in oneof Grantchester Meadows’ plentifulsupply of cowpats…What’s your society REALLYabout?To me it’s about having a great timewith a large group of friends, doingsomething that we’ll be telling warstories about for years to come. Ifyou’ve ever wondered what it’s liketo live another person’s life, or feelthe thrill of fighting to the death,come along!Sum up your society in fivewords.Another you in another world.MICHELLE TAYLOR WAS INTERVIEWED BYLAUREN DAVIDSONFind out more athttp://www.srcf.ucam.org/tt/VENUE DETAILSBABBAGE LECTuRE THEATRE 25 NOVEMBER 2010University New Museums Site, Corn Exchange Street, Cambridge CB2 3RSOn-line registration at www.darwinordesign.org.ukStarts: Doors 6:30 for 7:00pm Admission: £6.50Student Concession: £2:00 on the door in cash only(‘First come, first served’ for concessions)

819th November 2010NewSwww.varsity.co.ukNews team: Osama Siddiqui, Olivia Crellin & Natasha Pesarannews@varsity.co.ukNews in BriefHistoric lecturesavailable onlineThirty Jawarhal Nehru MemorialTrust Lectures have been madeavailable to read online. The lectures,which began in 1966, covertopics ranging from the Indian filmindustry to human rights and climatechange. Past lecturers haveincluded Sir Harold Wilson andHRH Prince Hassan of Jordan.After graduating from Cambridge,Nehru became Presidentof the Indian National Congress in1928 and by the end of the SecondWorld War was recognised asGhandi’s successor. In 1947 hebecame the first Prime Minister ofIndia, a post he held until his deathin 1964.The next lecture will be given byGopalkrishna Gandhi, governor ofWest Bengal from 2004 to 2009 andthe grandson of Mahatma Ghandi. Itwill be entitled ‘Britain, Ghandi andNehru’ and will take place in Londonon 24th November. PATRICK O’GRADYNew building forscience departmentsWork is underway on a new sitefor the Department of MaterialsScience and Metallurgy,specially designed to accommodateworld class equipment andresearch facilities.The £41 million building willallow the Department to behoused on one location designedspecifically for its purposes forthe first time in its 100 yearhistory. The department iscurrently spread across five separatebuildings in the city centre,some dating back to the 1870s,The resources will include astate-of-the-art electron microscopefacility, a cell-culturelaboratory, a mechanical testingarea, a process laboratory andworkshop, and an x-ray diffractionfacility. SAMANTHA SHARMANFire scare at King’sKing’s students were awokenat 3am on Thursday morningby the fire alarm and clouds ofsmoke from one of the kitchens.With the arrival of two fireengines, it was realised thata male student, attempting tocook a midnight snack in theSpalding Hostel kitchen, aftera heavy night of drinking, hadpassed out unconscious and leftthe meal to catch fire.A King’s student told Varsitythat she was “just about to headoff to bed” when she was “startled”by the sirens and presenceof the fire and rescue service.Following the incident, studentsreceived a warning from the LayDean regarding the “disastrousconsequences” of such “antisocial”behaviour. ABTIN SADEGHIMartin Gilbert: The History TellerSir Martin Gilbert, esteemed historian and Churchill biographer,talks to Osama Siddiqui about the uses and abuses of history.I have had the pleasure of meetingSir Martin Gilbert once before,although our meeting then was particularlybrief and is likely not tohave registered with the esteemedhistorian. Sir Martin was servinga visiting professorship in Historyat the university that I attendedbefore coming to Cambridge (theUniversity of Western Ontario inLondon, Canada), and was due togive a public lecture entitled “DidChurchill Believe in Democracy?”There was palpable excitement oncampus among history enthusiastsat the prospect of hearing one of theworld’s foremost authorities on WinstonChurchill talk about his area ofexpertise.Sir Martin’s illustrious list ofaccomplishments was cited in tonesof hushed reverence. Author ofover 80 books, Churchill’s officialbiographer, knighted by the Queenfor “services to British history andinternational relations”. The expectationswere high and the talk didnot disappoint.Given this history, I jumped at theopportunity to speak to Sir Martinon his recent visit to Cambridge. Hewas invited by the CU Israel Societyto deliver the inaugural YitzhakRabin Memorial Lecture on thelegacy of Rabin.While I had originally plannedfor our conversation to be about thechallenges and prospects for peacein the Middle East, as a history student,I could not resist asking SirMartin about the practice of historyitself.We started by talking about howa sense of history hangs over longstandingconflicts, such as the one inthe Middle East. “One of the problemsin the Middle East conflict isthat neither side understands theother’s narrative. It is important tosee how the other person sees thehistorical narrative,” Sir Martinexplained.According to Sir Martin, it is veryimportant to understand how theother side views itself and its circumstancesin the great sweep ofhistory. “The narrative of the underdogneeds to be understood bothways,” he said.The public recognition of eachother’s history has practical implicationsas far as the Middle Eastis concerned. Since the “essenceof true history requires both sidesrecognising the other’s side”, SirMartin argued that “parallel topeace negotiations you need educationalinitiatives.”“One of theproblems in theMiddle East conflictis that neither sideunderstands theother’s narrative.”As an example, Sir Martin mentionedan initiative which involvedIsraeli and Palestinian womenwho were suffering from cancer tomeet and share each other’s experiences.However, since it has becomeincreasingly difficult for there to betravel between the West Bank andIsrael, the frequency of such initiativeshas decreased.“The situation has hardened. It’smore difficult for people to meet,”explained Sir Martin.The theme of one side understandingthe other’s perspective seems tobe very important to Sir Martin’swork. His latest book (his 82nd),which was published this year, istitled ‘In Ishmael’s House: A Historyof Jews in Muslim Lands’.Described by reviewers as a“masterful” and an “epic examination”,the book is about 1,400 yearsof Jewish life in Muslim territories.As the book jacket describes it, itis a story of both “co-existence andconflict”.“I spent three years writing it,”Sir Martin explained. “And I studiedthousands of different episodes.”The book is a remarkable portraitof hope and reconciliation betweenthe two faiths. So much so that,“one reviewer felt it was too politicallycorrect,” Sir Martin said witha chuckle.In this way, the book perhapsreflects the kind of history thatSir Martin is interested in writing.“When you write history, do youinevitably bend in one direction orthe other when you choose to writeabout certain episodes and notothers?” he asked.Explaining his own perspective, hesaid, “I don’t think I would be interestedin a subject that highlighted aparticularly negative aspect. I chosethis subject because it had a positiveaspect in it.”Sir Martin’s efforts, however, didnot stop some from using his historicalwork for their own ends. “InIshmael’s House was taken up bythe partisans of the two narratives,”he recalled. “But, nothing is blackand white.”This leads us to a discussion of thepublic uses and abuses of history.“History is a very accessible subjectand lends itself to popularising quiteeasily, as it relates to people’s parentsand grandparents.”Sir Martin is the unique historianwhose works are not onlywell-reviewed in academic ivorytowers, but are also popular withaverage readers.“I have quite a high respect for myreaders,” he said. “I welcome feedbackfrom them, and they frequentlyemail me with comments or pointsabout which they are angry.”Does he think that the generalpublic is informed enough abouthistory? “In some areas,” he said.“Military history, for example, isvery popular, partly because of theattention given to it by films and televisionprogrammes.”However, there are many otherareas of historical knowledge that hewould like to see strengthened. “It isimportant to understand the evolutionof society, of where our society isand how we got here,” he explained.“In every society, people take forgranted where they are. But, it isimportant to ask, ‘how did we get tothis point? How did the role of thestate evolve?’ These are importantquestions.”They are important questionsindeed, and the totality of Sir Martin’swork has been asking these questionswith deep intelligence and insight fornearly five decades.

Oliver Wyman is a leading global management consultancy. We combine deep industry knowledge with specialisedexpertise in strategy, operations, risk management, organisational transformation and leadership development.We are looking for talented Cambridge graduates to join one of the fastest growing consulting firms in the top 10Application deadlinesFull time:19 th December 2010 for January offersInternships: 30 th January 2011To find out more about Oliver Wyman or apply online for full-time or intern positionsplease visit our website at: www.oliverwyman.com/careersOliver Wyman is a leading global management consultancy.Visit us at oliverwyman.com.Get there faster. Start here.Varsity is recruitingApplications are invited to sectionedit Varsity in Lent 2011.Application forms are available for downloadfrom varsity.co.uk/jobsThe deadline for section editor applications isMonday 22nd November at midnightAny student is encouraged to apply.No experience is necessary.If you have any questions, pleaseemail the current editor,Joe Pitt-Rashid, oneditor@varsity.co.uk.Positions include: News Editor,Comment Editor, Features Editor,Arts Editor, Reviews Editor, SportEditor, Fashion Editor, ScienceCorrespondent, Theatre Critic,Music Critic, Classical Critic,Film Critic,Visual Arts Critic,Literary Critic, Food Critic,Photographer, Illustrator

1019th November 2010COMMENTCommentwww.varsity.co.ukComment Editors: Jamie Pollock & Rhys Treharnecomment@varsity.co.uk@paulchambers: that’s a twitter pill to swallowThe prosecution of Paul Chambers is telling of a generational gap in interpretations of how we use the internetJAMES VINCENTFriends and fellow citizens,have you heard the goodnews? Yes, I can’t believe iteither; another would-be terroristhas been ousted and prosecuted,another budding bin Laden’s diabolicalscheming has been stampedout by the might of Her Majesty’sconstabulary and brought to justice!Justice, good citizens, has been doneto those who dare to threaten thelives of innocents as a joke. A joke?Well, yes, admittedly it was just ajoke, but, I might hasten to add, thiswas not just any joke, this was ajoke published on…the internet!Ahem. Well, yes, despite allthat incredibly biting satire, theprosecution of Paul Chambers is asad reality. The 27-year-old accountanthas just lost his appeal againsta conviction that has now foundhim guilty of sending a “menacingelectronic communication” overTwitter. The offending messagereads in full: “Crap! Robin Hoodairport is closed. You’ve got a weekto get your shit together, otherwiseI’m blowing the airport sky high!”That this is a joke seems to betoo obvious to need pointingout. Even if youdon’t happen to bea comedy scholarable to dissect thesubtle interplay ofself-deprecation,hyperboleand mock selfimportancein thetweet, then at leastthe exclamationmarks should be adead giveaway. Notso for Judge JacquelineDavis who ruled thatthe tweet was “menacingin its content and obviouslyso,” claiming that “any ordinaryperson reading this would see it inthat way, and be alarmed.” Seeingas the ordinary people that themessage was sent to consisted ofChambers’s friends and family onewould hope that their first thoughtwas a sit down and a quiet chatwith Paul, rather than calling inthe anti-terror squads. It is obviousthat this trial is as much of a jokeas the original tweet; not so funnyis Paul’s loss of a job, a permanentcriminal record and a £3,000 bill infines and legal fees.However, the issue here is largerthan just a single misguidedjudge. A blind and inattentiveapplication of the law willalways result in theseaberrations. Theyare rightly decriedby the public, butwill remain asmostly harmlessone-offs. Thelurking evil thatprompted such ajudgement is farmore subtle: it isthe widening gapbetween how thosein power understandthe internet, and howthose who use it do. Ourgeneration instinctively understandsthat although someone’spresence on the internet is partlyan extension of their public life,there remains a key differencebetween what people say online,Our generationunderstands thatthough someone’spresence on theinternet is partlyan extension oftheir public life,there remains a keydifference betweenwhat people sayonline and whothey really are.and who they are in real life: noteverything needs to be taken sodamned literally. You don’t leapto the phone to confront a friendevery time their Facebook statusdeclares that they “Just throttleda baby, woo”, or send off heartfeltconsolations when they updatewith “Now I can’t marry PrinceWilliam, FML”, because you knowthe conventions – you know it’s ajoke. The judge in Paul Chambers’scase seems to exemplify a generationthat thinks that sending atweet such as Paul’s is done withthe same seriousness as a threateningand huskily-voiced phone call.These are the same people whowonder how long it will take fortheir ‘Electronic-Mail’ to get to youthrough all those pipes. These arethe people in power.The problem extends to themedia as well, with po-faced literalismproviding good headlinefodder for perennially scandalisedshit-stirrers such as the DailyMail. Stephen Fry seems to bea lightning rod for these sorts ofthing and was being targeted againon Tuesday because of an outburstagainst being labelled “opportunistic”.And why did he get calledthis? Because he offered to payPaul Chambers’s legal fees. Thegeneration gap between those whounderstand and those who don’t isslowly closing, but until it does, atleast we can show solidarity.Gap NahTuition fee increases mean sixth-formers and graduates thinking about taking a jolly gap year to somewhere sunny can forget itSOPHIE DUNDOVICWith tuition fees set to reachrecord levels by 2012,we could be about to seethe popularity of traditional gapyears plummet. It will not be thatstudents no longer value the experiencethat a gap year brings andthe opportunities that it presents,but simply that it is a lot more difficultto justify spending thousandstravelling the world when you canexpect to be subject to somewherein the region of £36,000 of debtthree years down the line. And thatis without taking your year’s worthof escalating expenses into account.Granted, there will be some whoare dead-set on the idea and preparedto swallow the costs or findsome inventive way of working theirway around the world, but thesejobs are unfortunately few and farbetween and becoming increasinglydifficult to find. With more andmore graduates chasing short-termopportunities or taking post-universitygap years, it is becoming quite achallenge for the average sixth-formerto secure any sort of well-paidwork abroad.The biggest impact will surely befelt by those currently in their finalyear of A level study. According tothe Browne Report it seems thatthe higher rate of tuition fees is tobe implemented in 2012, meaningthat the next batch of freshers willescape the fees hike by the skin oftheir teeth.This clearly presents those consideringgap years of any kind withsome difficult decisions. Those whowere planning on working for a yearto save up some money for universitywould effectively be workingfor free, since by enrolling in 2011they will be able to lock themselvesinto the lower rate of £3375With more andmore graduateschasing short termopportunitiesor taking postuniversitygap years,it is becoming quitea challenge forthe average sixthformerto secureany sort of wellpaidwork abroad.as already proposed by the government.Deferring entry could thencost up to £5625 in the first yearalone for home students. Similarly,those hoping to travel will have todecide whether the experiencesgained are worth the extra debtaccumulation.Financially it does not make muchsense for anyone to defer entry nextacademic year. For some studentsother considerations will outweighthe financial implications but thisissue is certain to be a hot topic inschools nationwide. So what doesthis mean for university places?Increased pressure on an alreadyfinite number of higher educationplaces is a likely outcome as studentsflock to avoid the extra fees.2011 entry is a comparative bargainbut this can only leave more hopefulsdisappointed as the competitionincreases. Those lucky enough tosecure offers can relax in the knowledgethat they will be able to travelall they like after their degree andbe more than £17,000 better off thantheir ‘gap yah-ing’ peers.The lucky ones are those of ussafe in the knowledge that our feesare fixed. We had a choice and therewas no price on it. Higher educationcertainly needs more fundingbut students are in no position tofoot the bill. Students benefit froma university education, there canbe no denying that, but so does therest of the country. It is Britain’sgraduates who are developing theinnovative ideas that enable us tocompete in a global marketplace,who are increasing the efficiencyof our healthcare system and whoare going on to teach the next generation.Surely the benefits to theeconomy outweigh whatever itcosts to subsidise higher educationin the long run.

MAGAZINEA postcard aboutSoma p14Yann Tiersen:grumpy man p19The Varsitorialistp20

14 MAGAZINEOh, joy! Oh, heaven!Oh, rapture! Alltogether now: IT’SCHRISTMAAAAAAAAAAS!Okay, it’s November, butreally, you see, it’s Christmas.For why? Well, an angel hasjust appeared unto me, andits name is John Lewis. Andit has come bearing gifts,good tidings and great joy,and Lisa Snowdon singinginto a hairbrush. Or was thatM&S?Anyway, hark! The heraldangels are singing a cutesycover of Elton John’s ‘YourSong’, because the advertisers,working like busy little elvesunder the festive commandof Santa’s Workshop (supermarketand department storedivision), have so decreed thatit is Christmastime. All thoseblockbuster, minute-longadverts have finally arrived,beaming into your laptop andmine, through the little gapshalfway through The OnlyWay is Essex on ITV Player.These bombastic supermarketadverts are a nationwidememo that the Saviour ison His way, and He’s bringingwith Him some superseasonal savings. But they’renot just a reminder to makeour shopping list, and checkit twice. They’re a blueprintfor the mood of the festiveseason to come. From watchingthe big Christmassy ads,we can align our own celebrationswith the pre-ordainedvibe decided months ago bybig business. Now, if you’rea follower of these columnsthen you will know that I’vegot a dash of the conspiracytheorist about me, but comeon, this one’s obvious.We get a choice, of course, ofwhich versionof Christmaswe will follow.Are you asentimental,upper-middleclassfan ofLe Creuset?Right this way,madam, you willsee the comfortingsyrupy oozeof this year’sJohn Lewiscampaign,adorned with adusting of early snow. If youliked their summer offering– the maudlin, auburn-tintedstory of a woman’s lifetold through kitchen andhomeware products, to thesound of Fyfe Dangerfield’scover of ‘She’s Always aWoman’, which proved thatpedestal misogyny is still atthe core of department storemarketing – then you will19th November 2010www.varsity.co.ukCharlotte Runcie: On Christmas AdvertsDear Varsity,“The Saviour is on His way and He’s bringing with Him somesuper-seasonal savings.”Apparently what our Germanic ancestors liked todo of a Thursday afternoon was to feed castratedreindeer with fly agarics, then drink their piss.The psychoactive chemicals in the agaric, thusfiltered clean of poison, yield a magical drinkcalled Soma venerated in bronze-age Indo-Iranianculture. This according to an exhibition Freddietook me to at the Hamburger Bahnhof. They’vefilled the old engine-hall with live reindeer,giant mushrooms, canaries, one-way mirrors andmice, in a giant experimental recreation of theexperience.On the wall, a quotation from theRigveda: “We have drunk Soma and become immortal;we have seen the light, the gods discovered.”“That sounds rather good doesn’t it.”“You think – we should try to score atab of Soma while we’re here?”There seemed no harm in asking. But the museumattendant told us coolly that Soma was valuedat €1000 a pop, and that you had to shoot up atthe museum’s nightly lock-in if you wanted a go.Nobody knows what Soma was, see – mushroom-piss issome mad German scientist’s untested theory, soyou have to promise them before they let you at thehallucinogens that you won’t sue if you die. Andit’s not even the real thing. The secret recipe isprobably being safely kept out of the clutches ofthe Catholic Church by wise Rosicrucians in thebasement of a chapel in suburban Glasgow.love this.Parents sneak a terrifyingrobotic horse upstairs behindtheir children’s backs, and asmall boy inexplicably hangsa bulging stocking, meant fora human, next to a dog. Thedog is chained up outside inthe snow, looking on mournfullyas the boy skips backinside to his rosy familycelebrations. It’s sappy, withLOUISE LONGan undercurrent of menace. Ifthis is the advert for you, thenyour Christmas will consist ofcosy indulgence set against abackdrop of dystopian cruelty.Hmm.Not convinced? Fear not!Follow me through our winterwonderland to the Marks andSpencer aisle, where I’m surewe can find something moreto your tastes. Aha! MyleeneKlass! And Twiggy! You can’tsay no to them. Here they,and some other minor modelsand celebrities, re-enact theStrasbourg Dancing Plague of1518, brought bang up-to-datewith cheeky visual referencesto Beyoncé’s ‘SingleLadies’ video and High SchoolMusical. Wisely the recreationstops short of depicting theplague victims’ tragic deathsof exhaustion and heartattacks, so your Christmasjollity remains at least partlyintact.No? Well, there’s alwaysIceland. Set in the ‘MoulinBlanche’ (I know), a gang ofthose salt-of-the-earth mumsdo the cancan and sing thepraises of £2 king prawns anda dessert,called the BaileysDome Gateau which is surelya sign of the End Times, forthree pounds. A bargain, sure,but something about it allseems a bit skank – wait, isthat Jason Donovan?On second thoughts, maybethese adverts aren’t such agreat kickstart to the festiveseason after all. In fact, I’mnot even convinced any ofthem will make anyone buyanything, ever.I have watched the bestChristmas spirit that retailBritain has to offer. And I wassore afraid.So, despondently, we went to sit with a Club-Mateon some abandoned railway lines. Club-Mate is theBerlin drink, a sort of urine-coloured tonguetinglingdangerously strong ice tea made ofhand-squeezed rainforests. Nobody knows what goesinto it. It comes in a bottle with a picture ofFreddie Mercury in a sombrero on the front. It’smade in a factory that can’t be seen on GoogleMaps. Freddie and I turned and faced each otherdramatically.“You don’t think –”“You mean –”“It was under our noses all the time...?”We saw the light. We discovered the gods. We drankSoma.It wasn’t as good as they claimed. Legal highs,always such a disappointment.Ali(Haxie M-B is online)Magazine Editors : Alice Hancock & Charlotte Wumagazine@varsity.co.ukGOODMarks andSpencers’new 140DERNIERtights: Werepeat ONEHUNDREDANDFORTYDENIER.They’re practicallyfl eece lined. Say goodbye tochilly knees. Oh, and they’re prettyhard to make holes in too. Jealous,lads?Ice Rink season hasarrived. Parker’s Piecehas been transformedinto a winter wonderland.The Union isturning a room intoan ice rink. Get yourskates on andrelease yourinner fi ve year oldrather than doing it for free slidingaround the Sidgwick Site.Havingdozedoff on hissurfboard andwithout Chitty ChittyBang Bang to hand,it was lucky forDick van Dyke thatsome neighbourlydolphins were in thearea to pushhim backto shore. Theporpoises were notavailable for commentRoyal Lovebirds FINALLYannounce theirengagement:Yep, sorry girls,Prince Williamis offi cially offthe market. Findsomewhere else tobecome Queen of.Fake lifestyles:Jack Wills tryingto force theirsweaters onthe Cambridgepopulation,Cath Kidstonopening up onMarket Square...The Daily Mail website is nowthe most popular ‘newspaper’website in the UK – that’s 18million people, and rising, gettingever more bigoted and brainwashedevery month.BAD

Magazine Editors: Alice Hancock & Charlotte Wumagazine@varsity.co.uk19th November 2010www.varsity.co.ukMAGAZINE 15SOME QUESTIONS FOR:Tom Davenport, Founder of TWSAlice Hancock and Charlotte Wu talk to the man behind the fi rst national student thinktank,The Wilberforce Society, about the fulfi lling life of investment banking that lies aheadCollege:Sidney SussexSchool:WinchesterDate of birth:5th February 1989Date of death:I’ll let you know when it’s all overSexuality:StraightEthnicity:White British (is this an ethnicity?)Religion:Well, I go to Chapel but largely forthe chill-factor.Emergency contact:Don’t bother. It was probably myfault.Smoker:No thanks. I’ve seen enough of theFootlights for this term.Number of sexual partners?I won’t comment on number;but they have all been excellent(although numbers 86 and 115 werea little sub-par).Pets?About seven (but they are nothing todo with me).Mental health problems:Not when I last checked.Favourite book?Probably The Papers of A. J.Wentworth by H. F. Ellis. It’s a sortof more niche version of Decline andFall.Actual favourite book?:The as yet unpublished memoirs ofthe president of my college drinkingsociety: Beyond the Ale; the Life andTimes of a Gentleman Rogue.What are you reading?The Sun.What’s the worst joke you’ve ever heard?Q. What is politicks?A. Lots of small itchy insects.If you could rule any country (UK and USAaside) which would it be?Seriously: Zimbabwe. And then hand itover to Morgan.“If my arch-nemesis canbe played by RowanAtkinson then I’ve gotnothing to worry about.”When you’re rich and powerful and theUniversity is offering to name somethingafter you, what will you request?Murray Edwards should be due arebranding by then shouldn’t it?What did you want to be when you grewup?Taller than I was when I stayed down.What do you want to be when you growup?Happy, at one with myself and satisfiedwith my life (an investmentbanker).What’s the key to happiness?Not knowing.What will be written on your gravestone?Nothing that the scourge of timecannot wear away.Who would play you in the film of yourlife?I don’t really care so long as I get todirect it.Who will play your arch-nemesis in thefilm of your life?Rowan Atkinson. If my arch nemesiscan be played by Rowan Atkinson thenI’ve got nothing to worry about.Where do you live?In the real world or here?Where do you sleep?I make a point of keeping it varied.Where will you be on Wednesday night?Probably outside Cindies, desperatelytrying to appear in Cindies Stories.When did you first realise that you wantedto be a megalomaniac?When I learned what the word meant.Who’s your favourite dictator?The Magazine Editor of Varsity.“On Wednesday I’llprobably be outsideCindies, desperatelytrying to appear inCindies Stories.”ADAM HINES-GREENWhat’s the working title for your spill-allmemoirs?See answer to earlier question (the oneabout actual favourite book).How many copies will it sell?There is only one person I’d want toread it.Who’s your Cambridge arch-nemesis?No answerWhich Pokémon would play you in thecartoon of your life?I don’t know any, I’m afraid.What’s next for Tom Davenport?I would love to be an investmentbanker for status and respect reasons.Sadly I’m not sure that will happen.Do you have anything you’d like to askus?What is Cindies Stories?The Wilberforce Society is the only student run political think tank in the UK. It has no political affi liations and welcomes members with a broad range of differentviewpoints. TWS comes together to discuss and produce pioneering policy proposals with an emphasis on the practical. They are supported by the TWSAdvisory Council, a group of senior policy experts who provide experienced perspective on policy assessment. Meetings are held weekly during term at 4.30pmon Saturdays in the Andrew Room at Sidney Sussex.

1619th november 2010magazinE www.varsity.co.ukFeatures Editor: Lydia Onyettfeatures@varsity.co.ukA Fresh Startas they near the end of their first terms, we meet the freshers who’ve done a little more than curryfight in the mahal and fall asleep in lectures (and one who did exactly that).The JournoLibertine Magazine started its lifeas a naïve teenage dream, aftermy efforts to reinvigorate myschool magazine had resulted in themajority of the issue being censored.Together, a friend and I started ahumble blog, encouraging young journalistsand photographers across the WorldWide Web to send us their submissionsfor publication. Our aim was to publisha magazine that would act as a platformfor undiscovered young talent, in all itsguises, and to present our readers witha fusion of poetry, politics, music andphotography, all submitted by youngpeople. Much to our surprise, withindays of the website’s launch our inboxeswere overflowing with submissions fromas far afield as Japan and Palestine. Inthe months that followed, we trekked upthe steep learning curve of the magazinepublishing industry and put together aneditorial team. By October 2009, wereeventually ready to go to print withLibertine: Issue 0. In 2010 we embarkedon a rather more ambitious scheme toproduce 10,000 full-length issues of the“Convincing ad executivesthat a magazine producedby teenagers was a viableinvestment was tricky.”magazine.I would be lying if I said it waseasy. Convincing ad executives that amagazine produced by teenagers wasa viable investment was tricky. We’dalso overlooked the fact that 10,000magazines wouldn’t just distributethemselves. Oh yes, we distributed eachand every magazine by hand.We were nearly sued on threeseparate occasions by PR companieswho didn’t seem to appreciate irony.There was also the slight problem thatsex-crazed French people continuouslyhijacked our Facebook page. Apparently‘libertine’ has slightly differentconnotations across the Channel…But, needless to say, the hard work wasworth it. Over the past year, Libertinehas developed an estimated print andonline readership of over 45,000 andI’ve been able to do things I neverthought I would have the opportunityto do. From interviewing leadinghuman rights activists and musiciansto presenting business pitches to hardnosedinvestors, working for Libertinehas given me a wealth of experiencethat I couldn’t have gained in any otherway. Luckily, my friend and I bothended up at Cambridge and we’re slowlyadjusting to the fact that we’ll have tosqueeze phone calls to distributors andphotographers into our lecture schedules.It can be somewhat odd to findmyself rapidly oscillating between essaydeadlines and frantic email debateswith paper suppliers at 2am but, thenagain, at least I’m an arts student.CeCi MourkogiannisHaTTY CaRman

Features Editor: Lydia Onyettfeatures@varsity.co.ukmagazinE19th november 201017www.varsity.co.ukthe CheerleaderIn this atmosphere of academia,where hard-nosed intellect reignssupreme, the last thing onewould ascribe to this series would besomething as frivolous as cheerleading.After all, isn’t cheerleading thequintessential pastime of Americanhigh-school dumb blondes, wherefoolish chanting and ridiculousdancing are flaunted in an inaneattempt to impress mindless jocks?Surely Cambridge undergraduates,hand-picked for their first-rate intelligence,have far better things to dowith their time than ponce about withpom-poms?Apparently not. For a number ofyears now, a daring faction of radicalstudents has been meeting twice aweek to engage in such audaciousactivities. They call themselves theCambridge Cougars, and they can befound on the prowl at several sportingevents in the city, ready to pounce ontheir innocent, unassuming prey.Perhaps it was their infectioussmiles, their boundless energy or theirdazzling outfits, but within days ofjoining the University, I too had joinedthe dark side. Before I could even giveyou a ‘Why’, I was throwing High Vs,jumping herkies, catching cradlesand donning spankies as part of theUniversity of Cambridge’s cheerleadingsquad. It was, like, totallyawesome.“Real cheerleaders don’tuse pompoms.”Any prior assumptions I had ofcheerleading being a lightweightactivity were immediately backflippedaway. I was plunged into high-impactstunts, tumbles and dance sequencesthat demanded infinite reservesof energy and unlimited stores ofstrength. I was placed in a stunt teamin which one false move meant thecollapse of our unsettlingly trusting‘flyer’. And when I asked about thepompoms, I was met with the sardonicreply, “Real cheerleaders don’t usepompoms.”What, then, had I let myself infor? An hour into my first trainingsession, having been expected toproduce multiple jumps, hold complicatedbalances and display unnaturalflexibility, I realised that cheerleadingis anything but the sport of hystericalteenage girls. It requires absolutecommitment and dedication, andmaximum levels of fitness coupledwith spirit and determination: hardwork, but I love it.So, boys, next time you ogle thegroup of girls supporting your teamfrom the sidelines, remember thata huge amount of work has goneinto that performance – we’ve justperfected the art of making it lookeffortless. rosie sargeantthe thespFreshers are first introduced tothe ADC by the back entrance,which is a crying shame, ifyou ask me. Since auditions at a newuniversity are going to be intimidatinganyway, why not go for broke andsend them up the front stairs, past thenotice telling you that Ian McKellen,Derek Jacobi and apparently everyother impressive thesp you’ve heardof performed there? Which isn’t to saywaiting for your first audition while afellow auditionee warms up by perfectlyenunciating every syllable of “ModernMajor General” under his breath isn’tsufficiently off-putting. And then thereare the audition slips which require youto give ‘previous acting experience’, andon which you can’t help noticing thateveryone else appears to be writing anessay.At school it was relatively easy to beknown as the ‘theatre person’ – all youMy cast-mates all seemto be scions of sometheatrical dynasty orother.needed was to audition for everythingand you ended up with that identity. Itwasn’t a cool identity, no, but at leastpeople vaguely assumed you were goodat something. At Cambridge you arestill just as uncool a drama-nerd as youwere, but now there are so many betterones that you’ve lost your trademark.I admit that I auditioned for playsin Freshers’ Week because it neveroccurred to me not to. But betweengetting a couple of small roles in thisterm’s plays and performing them, myreason for doing drama changed, andfor the better. No longer trying to beimpressive (what’s the use? My castmatesall seem to be scions of sometheatrical dynasty or other), I can justenjoy making a play for the sheer joy ofthe process. Within a few weeks, I havecome to love the ADC – the discardedDomino’s boxes, the feral clubroomkitchen, the people who hang aroundwithout immediate purpose – because itfeels lived in.Even if you are terrible (and my debutat the ADC did not go well – sprintingonto stage in an emotional scene witha dying hero in my arms, I careeredinto an unexpected box and droppedhim, luckily into the arms of another,more competent actor), putting onplays is worth the massive amountof time you put into it because of thesense of community. Yes, I could play ateam sport for that feeling, but a) no, Iactually couldn’t, and b) rugby teamsdon’t sit around a piano at four o’ clockin the morning improvising comedyscenes after a match. That may not beeveryone’s idea of fun, but hey, I’m atheatre person. fred maynardthe protestorLast Wednesday I decided enoughwas enough. I escaped the bubbleof Cambridge and went to bellowwith fifty thousand students on theNUS demonstration.As well as fire-fuelledhigh-jinks, it felt like wewere doing something.I need not inform you that ‘thedemonstration’ was in actual fact aguise for the gathering of pyromaniacswith a penchant for beating up policemen.The national press have kindlyalready done that for me. But as wellas fire-fuelled high jinks, it felt likewe were actually doing something, asopposed to doing something in the senseof sitting in a cold room attempting towrite an essay but failing miserably. Wewere fighting to give others the chanceto sit in a cold room, the chance to writean essay, the chance to fail miserably.I crawled onto the London-bound busat eight feeling slightly worse for wear.I wondered if I was still sleeping whenmy supervisor greeted me with a highfive. To quote the multi-millionaire,welfare-slashing Prime Minister, wewere all in this together.When we arrived in the capital wehad ample time to admire the creativitythat those nasty politicians areattempting to stifle. Banners reading,‘Tories! Putting the N in cuts’ and ‘Firstno letter from Hogwarts… Now this?!’taught me more about the power oflanguage than a morning of lecturesever could.After a good few hours, we presumedit was all over. We had chanted tillour cheeks were crimson, our voiceshoarse and our stomachs rumbling. Ididn’t even attempt to disguise my envyas students from Cardiff tucked intopacked lunches. Never have crabstickslooked so tasty.It was during this moment ofweakness that we spied a certainrestaurant that does ridiculously gooddough balls with gloriously greasygarlic butter. I was just tucking in whenI got a text: “Just seen the violence onthe news: try not to get arrested.” I wastoo ashamed to text my Mum back tosay I was safe and sound enjoying theculinary delights of a high street chain.I’m a fresher; I still have a lot tolearn. Next time, I pledge to forsakefood and set fire to things. rosa friendROSiE SaRgEanTthe VirginHaving a camera follow mearound was fun, and a bitflattering if I’m honest. I’mstill not sure if it should have hurt myfeelings – you were laughing with me,right? Anyway, life goes on even if it’snot being documented, as I’m sure youknow. It’s hard to sum up a whole term,but by God I’m going to try.Girls are always on my mind. Inlectures, on my bike, on Facebook. Butit seems to me like the other boys atcollege aren’t suffering in the same way.Sure, they go to Cindies and pull nicegirls and then probably later have sexwith them, but it’s all no big deal. If thatkind of thing happened to me – that’sthe biggest ‘if’ there’s ever been – then Iwould need to talk about it with everyone.It’s not kissing and telling, it’s justbeing really excited about girls. And thegood thing about this article is you can’tnot listen to me or tell me to shut up.You’re reading this. You could stop, but Ibet you probably won’t.I was desperate to get into a collegedrinking society. What better way tomeet a girl and make her my girlfriend?Right? Or at least kiss one. One night Ipluck up the courage to approach a fewCould I maybe get yournumber?of the society guys in the bar. SomehowI end up challenging the president ofthe society – a fairly hefty third-yearwhose name I won’t mention – to adrinking contest. If I can outdrinkhim, I can join. Brilliant! Fast forwardsome hours, I’m being sick outside theporters’ lodge of a college I’ve neverbeen to before, being supported by agirl whose name I don’t know. Fastforward some more hours, I’m wokenup by said girl, presumably on the floorof her bedroom. Plus it feels like I’vewet myself. It takes a surprisingly longtime for me to get my stuff together andleave. If you are that girl, thanks forkeeping it quiet, and I’m obviously verysorry. Could I maybe get your number?Henry staples

1819th November 2010MAGAZINE www.varsity.co.ukArts Editors: Eliot D’Silva & Zeljka Marosevicarts@varsity.co.uk‘I reallylikeHarryPotter.Maybetoomuch.’CONRAD STEELOne of theeasiestspellsto perform, asanyone who’s read any of the HarryPotter books knows, is that whichmakes light. You only have to say theword “lumos”, and your magic wandswitches on like a torch. You say, “letthere be light,” and...well, you don’thave to have read the 3407 pages ofJ.K. Rowling’s creation to know therest: this is in no way an originalidea. No, it’s the original idea, inwhich speaking, acting and seeingall come together for one impossiblemoment. Harry finds it very useful.I really like Harry Potter, maybetoo much. I’m embarrassed to admitit, but I’ve enjoyed reading thebooks far more than Paradise Lost,say. What does this say about me?Childish? Short attention-span?Unequal to real life, reading fantasyfor release? But then, if it’s escapismI’m after, why prefer Hogwarts toMilton’s Eden? In fact, I think whatappeals so much about the stories isjust how close to the real world theyare. Any disappointed eleven-yearoldcan tell you that wizard school isjust an anonymous letter away, andonce your invitation comes, there’snothing beige suburbia can do tohold onto you. A tiny hole opens up inreality, and pretty soon a giant on amotorbike rides through it (apologiesnon-Potter-readers, this is all in thefirst book). Initiation into the magical“The people youthought were ‘everyone’are really ‘muggles’.”world doesn’t remove you from thenon-magical one, though it doesunlock a few of its secrets. Hurricaneson the news are really giants.You can walk through a brick wall inKing’s Cross. The people you thoughtwere ‘everyone’ are really ‘muggles’.Maybe that word, ‘muggle’, the onlypart of Rowling’s terminology to havereally entered the language, is atthe heart of what elicits such strongreactions to Harry Potter, whetheradoration or scorn. The author, socareful elsewhere to put her Classicsdegree to good use inventing namesthat sound credible and respectable,reflects the real world back at itselfin a phrase so juvenile and ungainlythat I feel awkward even writing it.But that’s the attraction: it redeemsthe gawky blandness of reality asthe flip-side of thrilling fantasy. Wereaders are renamed muggles, andlovers of the books embrace the wordas if it gives the world a new aspect.Like switching on a light.Join Conrad Steel for the releaseof Harry Potter and the DeathlyHallows on Friday.Artists in ResidenceThe current economic climate doesn’t look promising for artistic communities.The current economic climate doesn’t look promising for artistic communities.Anna Gelderd travels to Hamburg to meet groups of artists who are fi ghting backWhat you do matters less thanwhere you do it. At least,according to estate agents,government planners and Kirstie andPhil: location is King. However, forartistic communities what they dotends to drastically change where theyare. In New York the most soughtafterneighbourhoods are formerrun-down art districts: in the 1990sthe expensive apartments and fashionhouses moved into Soho and most ofthe galleries were forced to close downand move out. Art and the economyhave more in common than a comparisonbetween a suit-clad economist anda paint-covered artist would have youbelieve.Now, after a global recession, theartistic and cultural landscape feelsthreatened. In New York one galleryafter another has closed. In the UKcultural institutions expect to seemassive cuts in funding under thenew Tory government. So where canart go in difficult times? The artisticspaces of Frise and Gangerviertel inHamburg offer one possibility.Founded by 21 art students in 1977,Frise was created out of an abandonedfactory. Originally known as KunstlerhausHamburg, the group was helpedby their art professor, sculptor UlrichRueckriem, who donated his own workto raise funds for the restoration ofthe factory. Two years later, he wasinviting international artists suchas Richard Long and German artistMartin Kipperberg to exhibit. Twentyfive years later the owner of the buildingwouldn’t renew their contract andso the artists did the only thing theycould: they bought an old hairdressingschool. (Frise artist Torsten Bruchpoints out that the name means curlyhair.) In the spirit of renewal, “we justtook the letters from friseur instituteand put them over our door.”“Of course we have somesort of yoga thing.”By contrast, the Gangeviertelstarted life in 2009 as a festivalexhibiting between 300 and 500artists’ work. It now includes twelvehouses and amenities on a scale thatwould be astonishing for any culturalinstitution, but is especially impressivefor one that just celebratedits first anniversary. Sitting in theGangeviertel food co-operative mediaartist Fabian Nitschkowski and sculptorJonas Brandt described what’scurrently on offer. “We have threegalleries, we have a café, there’sgoing to be a big club in the basement,there’s theatre production, filmproduction and photographic studioson the top floor.” The collective isdesigned to help artists in both theirlife and work but most intriguingly,Fabian also refers to “some sort ofyoga thing.”There has been an attempt to evictthe artists but the city’s desire topromote a creative image underminedit. Fabian recounts that they had suchextensive media coverage “all overGermany, in such a shortamount of time, that itwould have been reallybad publicity for the city.” In fact thecity paid for basic repairs when itwas reported that many of the artistswere using uninhabitable studios.Fabian strongly feels that the benefitsbrought about by the artistic communitydeserve the city’s recognition.Hamburg presents a glossy artisticimage and rents have dramaticallyincreased in certain, now desirable,neighbourhoods, and so the artistshave responded with “we can’t alwaysfeed you and get nothing back.”The structure developed by Frise ofindividual artistic production, exhibitionsby outside artists and studiosavailable for artists from all over theworld, has proven to be a successfulmodel. There are now around 16similar organisations in Hamburgand the balance between city, propertyowner and artist is crucial. Friseartist Sabine Mohr points to theattempts by the city in the 1990sto establish its own artists houseswhich “were not founded by artists,not self-organised, so they didn’t workout as well.” Hamburg-based artistand curator Michel Chevalier alsohighlights a “long tradition of art inpublic spaces” as part of the success ofthese collective art spaces. A result, hebelieves, of the high number of conceptualand performance artists such asMarina Abramovic and Joseph Beuyswho have taught at the famouslyopen-minded Hamburg Art Academy.Although these two artist-run organisationswere formed within a specificcontext they provide nourishing foodfor thought in the debate over howto maintain cultural activities in theface of spiraling real-estate costs anddamaging economic fluctuations. Asartist Fabien from the Gangeviertelnotes, you won’t have a lively innercity in Hamburg if you don’t acceptthe artists.

Arts Editors: Eliot D’Silva & Zeljka Marosevicarts@varsity.co.ukMAGAZINE19th November 201019www.varsity.co.ukVa Va Gloom?Isolated, mournful and disconnected from his homeland, Yann Tiersen makes music in his own melancholicworld. Madeleine Morley caught up with him to fi nd out, “Why the long face?”It takes a long time to find YannTiersen. I finally locate him afterhe’s played the final show on hiscurrent UK tour, a show that wasincredibly powerful, featuring manyvoices, many instruments, manysounds. I’ve had the problem of tryingto find Yann Tiersen before - earlierthat day in fact. In the CambridgeFopp record shop I track down his newalbum Dust Lane - where heavy songsstart out bleak but evolve into vast,dusty, enthralling soundscapes – inthe ‘world music’ section. He is not in‘pop/rock’ where he would most like tobe, nor filed under ‘soundtrack’ wherehe could easily fit, having writtenthe dreamy, evocative soundtracks toAmelie and Good Bye, Lenin! To bein the world section implies Tiersen’smusic would not be of interest toArcade Fire or Nick Cave fans. This isdaft. It’s worth the journey it mighttake you to find him and his music.“I’m pretty sure LouReed is a big twat. ”When I do find Yann Tiersen, lurkingbackstage after his performance, hedoesn’t seem to want to do the interview.I can’t tell if this is shyness orboredom or arrogance, or all of that, buthe quickly becomes chatty. He sees noresemblance between his music andArcade Fire’s, but he is outraged bywhere he has been pigeonholed; “I thinkthe worst place to be is in world music.I hope it’s just Cambridge.” Sadly, itisn’t just Cambridge. Tiersen’s soundinvokes what we’ve heard before anda lot of things we haven’t, very Frenchsounding and yet opposed to the French,a soundtrack to everything and nothinglike a soundtrack. Like most unclassifiablemusic from abroad it tends to besimplified as ‘world music’.Tiersen is full of contradictions. I askif he feels it important to be a Frenchcomposer to which he wearily replies:“I am not fucking French, I hate Frenchpeople, it is the worst country in theworld.” He is actually from Brittany.The first cities he visited were London,then Berlin; not Paris. London andBerlin seeped into his sensibility morethan Paris ever has.“When I started touring, France waslike a foreign country to me,” he says.Historically, French pop music is adisaster. Yann Tiersen did not want tomake French pop, so paradoxically createda radical form of French music byrejecting his nationality, yet embracingits intellectual history; the likes of Sartre,Cocteau, Satie and Baudelaire.I’m shocked to hear that he hatesmaking soundtracks, as he’s fantasticat writing music for films. I’m evenmore shocked when Tiersen tells mehe does not particularly care for Amelie,and wrote its music seven yearsbefore it hit the screen, not knowing itwould become the (perfect) soundtrack.“It’s not easy for me to work withsomeone, especially for a movie. Tocreate, I need to be on my own. Whenyou make an album you are free, youcan spend years on it. If you’re doing asoundtrack it is just for a short periodof time, there is pressure.” Tiersenmentions Jim Jarmusch’s Dead Manas the only type of soundtrack he’d beeven moderately interested in, whereNeil Young improvises an electricguitar over the director’s self-dubbed“Acid Western”. I ask if there is anyonehe would like to collaborate with, butYann Tiersen really does value privacy:“I’m really a big fan of the Velvet Undergroundbut I’m pretty sure that LouReed is a big twat.”“I am not fucking French,I hate French people, itis the worst country inthe world”Despite liking to work alone, whenhe collaborates he reflects his personaltaste in sound. On ‘Dust Lane’, Tiersenassembled an impressive band, includingDave Collingwood from Gravenhurston drums and Matt Elliott– formally of Third Eye Foundation –contributing melancholy vocals.The album is steeped in death andmourning, recorded during a timewhen he lost several of those closest tohim. One of the most intriguing songson the album, Chapter 19, reflects thistheme with its lyrics being an excerptfrom Henry Miller’s Sexus. “When Iwas a teenager, I lost my father. Millerbecame like a father figure, his bookswere very important and very specialto me.”I went into the interview hoping he’dtell me about an unnamed movementof musicians that he belonged to, butinstead found that he is not lookingto be a part of any scene, and reachesnot just to the past for inspiration butto what is around him. “It has alwaysbeen my dream to construct. When youwalk down the street and hear beautifulsounds – that is freedom. My goal isto try and reach that kind of freedomwith random sounds and noises.”Perhaps this is because he’s a musicianthinking not only philosophicallybut about the state of the world. “Weare living in a strange time. WithCameron in the UK, Sarkozy in France,Berlusconi in Italy, these are strange,strange days. Music is quite abstract,but even so, those political things areall in the album, only subconsciously.”What Tiersen has seemed to do in‘Dust Lane’, is move away from filmsoundtracks in favour of a rich andpowerful set of sounds that reflectlife, death, love, magic, hope, sadness,fear, desire. He doesn’t want to soundFrench, but has an exotic and extremesense of Frenchness.When the interview is over I still feelas if I haven’t found Yann Tiersen, andI think I don’t really want to either. Infinding Yann Tiersen, in boxing himinto a genre, a movement, a country, hewould not be Yann Tiersen any longer.I decide the best place to find him is inhis music, where he is lost in his ownworld.

2019th November 2010MAGAZINE www.varsity.co.ukFood and DrinkMy degree: ArchitectureMagazine Editors: Alice Hancock & Charlotte Wumagazine@varsity.co.ukLETTICE FRANKLINAt this point in term we need toremember how lucky we are to behere and what wonderful things wehave learnt. Despite my moaningI have had moments of intenseacademic joy – the discovery thatevery literary text boils down to astudy of syphilis has changed myentire perspective on life. I havealso received an education outsidelibraries and lecture halls.The highest zenith of myCambridge learning is representedby the next 5 points:o What kind of cheese do you useto lure an animal from a forest?Camemberto What does the cheese say when itlooks in the mirror? Halloumio What cheese is made backwards?Edamo Which cheese can you use tohide a horse? Mascarponeo What do you call cheese thatdoesn’t belong to you? Nachoscheese.YUP, MIND-BLOWING. (WereI writing an essay I would haveto, at this point, add a begrudgingfootnote; I am not even remotelyfunny enough to have thoughtof these myself). These mouthwateringslices of hilarity handilybring me on to my final revelation:What makes everythingbetter when 3am strikes, the week’sninth essay is uncompleted, thetemperature sinks to -12°C and youhit an all time low? Any kind ofcheese. Melting cheese transformsit into a warm, blanketing blubber,insulating against cold and worry.The History Faculty serves heartattackson a plate advertisedas toasties, cheese oozing out instalactites of joy. The Van of Lifedishes out vats of cheesy chips torevellers weary of Life. We have, itseems, a primitive need. This needcan, however, be satisfied withoutresorting to the fantasticallyunhealthy. Match cheese with peasin poetic and culinary harmony;grilled halloumi combined with peas,mint and watercress is a reminderof the spring that will eventuallyarrive. PLUS I’ve got a pretty goodjoke about peas. Yup, I am going totell it: Why did the tomato blush?Because it saw Mr Green Pea overthe fence. (Chuckle).Ingredients: 300g frozen gardenpeas, 2 x 250g halloumi cut into6 slices each, 3 large handfuls ofwatercress, 1 handful of mint freshlychopped, 2 tbsp pine nuts, Olive oil,Lemon, zest and juice. Serves four1. Cook the peas in lightly saltedboiling water for 3 mins, drain andcool under cold water. 2. Roast thepine nuts in a frying pan for 3 minsor until golden. Cool on a plate. 3.Grill the halloumi on a greasedbaking sheet or a griddle panuntil each side is lightly browned.4. Arrange the watercress, thenadd the peas, nuts and halloumi.5.Dress with olive oil and lemonjuice. Top with black pepper.OK fairy-lights are SOthe new concrete!Obviously I’ve beentrés busyuese preparing✄ ✂ ✄ C a B e R e t! ✄ ✂ ✄It’s going to be really, really,really, really avant-past!Genuinely ANYTHINGcould happen. Oslo hasbooked in some gypsy pigmiesto play on the acousticfountains (Shelley wroteabout it, so it’s Literate aswell as ‘London’). Me andCorinthian have doublehandedly made a bellydancer out of origami lettuceand Quentunne has literallybrought his sister upfrom the Sorb. to help makePRACTICAL NOTES:LUNG SURGERYIsaac Henrion, 1st-year Maths, Emmanuel“I used to wear checked shirts all the time, but I’ve recently got intostripes. This is a bit of an aberration in that respect.”IF YOU’D LIKE TO BE PHOTOGRAPHED BY THE VARSITORIALIST, EMAIIL MAGAZINE@VARSITY.CO.UKthe cocktails (champz, olive,Fortnum’s fizz and an ironicchuppa-chup).DJ Shut-up! and MC SarcasticUtopia are only thewarm-up this year, becauseFozzle and Richelle haveagreed to do their two hourrasta-rural set (obviouslywe’re not paying them – it’stheir fucking privilege). I amgoing to d-a-n-c-e ALL thelong night until 3am when ithas to close.Lighting-wise we’ve gonefor Jocelyn’s Himalayan candleeggs in the hallways, andthe Faculty’s lamps for thedrunking rooms, but withvintage Urdu stencil projectorsover the bulbs. Onewall will read “build love,love build”. (Gorgonzolaassures me its enigmaticallymirrored?)Henry, who is actuallyan engineer butis soo sweet, hashelped with thefood: this yearwe’re having none,so he’s had an easyride so far. Thedrinks deals aregoing to be farcicallycheap, it’s going toput you into hystericswhen you seehow much a rumand ice sets you back.KATE JONESI’ve only just recoveredfrom theoffensively lowwine prices.Now allwe need todo is showthe FacultyHeads thatwe’re notgoing to bepushed about.If they force usto come in andwork the next daywe’re going to puton a 48-hour workin...Ooh!The Tuscansalamanders havearrived!Get in fast, get in hard. Speed over accuracy. N.Bene: right lung stronger than left, so ifone has to go- the left one is right; so the right one is left (in there). Dr. Chunderan advisesusing a Dyson for blood removal; he may be joking but it is worth trying everythingat least once in surgery. Difficulty upon bronchial incision 5.b. Do not confuse alveoli withown hand and/or other hand. Do not smoke during operation: expensive habit etc. Dangerpoint–restitching: floral patterns ideal but not time effective, use classic cross-stitch (redstring frowned upon- considered morbid). When lung operation shouldn’t be used? If nolung issues then avoid. If very serious lung issues then suggest iron lung and be done withit. (Alternatively, new hemp ‘lung for life.’) Never remove lungs entirely without consultingpatient.The VarsitorialistSociety HoroscopesJust what did you really sign up for at theFreshers’ Fair...?“Your friends force you to attend anotherAlcoholics Anonymous meeting. You tellthem it’s a waste of time – you’re justpractising for Monday!”– ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS“Why is no one else in the clubFrench? And where’s this crucifi xthey keep banging on about?”– LACROSSE“You start to worry you’re notgetting enough screen time.”– CAM FM“This week, you –”– JESUS COLLEGE SHORTSTORY SOCIETY“You want this to stopBeen talking like this too longAll your friends are gone.”– HAIKU CLUB

LISTINGSListings Editors: Julia Lichnova & David Shone19th November 201021listings@varsity.co.ukwww.varsity.co.ukListingsPick of the WeekKambonk: The SequelWEDS 24 NOVEMBER, KAMBAR, 22.00-04.00 (£3 BEFORE 11/£4 AFTER)Kambonk returns for another night of bump and grind,proving that you can’t go wrong with a combination of cheapdrinks and party tunes. Promising music with words all nightlong, expect Hip-Hop, Garage, Dancehall, R&B and anythingelse you can shake a leg to.The Pied PiperADC MAINSHOW, 19.45, TUES 23 NOVEMBER - SAT 4 DECEMBER (£6-10)Billed as “ein Über-Fest of REVELRY, ROMANCE andRODENTS” and featuring some of Cambridge’s finestfunny-men and women, this year’s offering promiseshigh-camp hilarity, close-up magic and lots and lots ofrats.FilmMusic& Nightlife Theatre ArtsTalks& EventsJust keep reaching, Harry, you’re nearly thereHarry Potter and the DeathlyHallows Part 1VUE CINEMA, FRI 21.00, 23.30, SAT-THURS, 20.00,21.00. 22.30.Pickof theweekFilmIt’s the moment you’veall been waiting for. Well,almost. You’ll have towait until next summerto catch the final instalment, butHarry, Ron and Hermione do atleast get to make a start on defeatingevil.Chico & RitaARTS PICTUREHOUSE, 21.10 DAILY (22.00 SATURDAY)Cuba 1948. Chico plays piano,Rita sings. They fall in love,out of love, back in love.Animated movie catches itall to an impressive Latin/Jazz soundtrack.Sunday 21st NovemberChrist’s Films: Scott Pilgrim vs.Th e W o r l dCHRIST’S COLLEGE, 19.30, 22.00 (£3)One of the summer’s big-hitters,Michael Cera (Juno, Superbad)battles an army of his girlfriend’sexes.Monday 22nd NovemberArcSoc: Nulepsy/JulienDonkey BoyDEPARTMENT OF ARCHITECTURE, SCROOPETERRACE, 18.30 (£2, FREE FOR ARCSOC MEMBERS)Jessica Rinland presents her shortfi l m , Nulpesy. It’s followed by aQ&A session with the film-makerand a screening of HarmonyKorine’s Julien Donkey Boy.Thursday 25th NovemberRoman HolidayARTS PICTUREHOUSE, 17.00Classic style and oh-so-nearly-endof-termescapism from GregoryPeck and Audrey Hepburn.Friday 19th NovemberCUSO: Brahms/Glazunov/SibeliusWEST ROAD CONCERT HALL, 20.00 (£12/£8/£5)James Henshaw and ChristopherStark conduct a mixedprogramme, featuring Sibelius’sfifth symphony and Glazunov’sViolin Concerto.Clare Cellars: RaffertieCLARE CELLARS,21.00 – 00.30(£4/£3 FOR CLARESTUDENTS)Expectheavybasslinesas theBirmingham-basedDJand producer plays a mix ofdubstep, garage and ‘90s raveanthems.Saturday 20th NovemberJCMS Michaelmas TermConcertJESUS COLLEGE CHAPEL, 20.00-23.00,(£4/£2 CONC./£1 FOR JESUS STUDENTS)Jesus College MusicSociety presents a selectionof music by Haydn,Beethoven and Stravinsky.PlastiqueJ1, THE JUNCTION, 22.00-03.00 (£6 ADV)Filthy Dukes preside over thestaple mix of Techno, Electro,House, Dubstep, D&B and Grime.Tuesday 23rd NovemberTruly Medley DeeplySOUL TREE, 20.00 - 23.00, £5TMD play their last show as theiroriginal line-up.Wednesday 24thNovemberKambonk: The SequelKAMBAR, 22.00-04.00 (£3 BEFORE11/£4 AFTER)See Pick of the Week.Raffertie: super wonk.Pickof theweekMusicFriday 26th NovemberVoOdOo RAVE 2o1o:RE$URRECTI0NTHE FOUNTAIN INN, 20.00 – 03.00, (£2 BEFORE 12,£4 AFTER)The Voodoo Soundsystem returnsto Cambridge for a night of Dark,Mashy and Bashy rhythms. Rude.BlackbirdCORPUS PLAYROOM, 19.00, TUES 23RD- SAT 27THNOVEMBERDissecting the relationshipbetween Una, twelve, and Ray,a family friend thirty years hersenior, David Harrower’s 2006 playis a challenging look at the tabooneither dare name.The Pied Piper: ADC/FootlightsPantomime 2010ADC MAINSHOW, 19.45, TUES 23NOVEMBER - SAT 4 DECEMBER(£8-10)See Pick of the Week.Pickof theweekTh e a t r eEcclesiastical PerksCORPUS PLAYROOM, 21.30, TUES 23RD- SAT 27THNOVEMBERA Catholic priesttakes up a newposition in aninner-city schooland soon findshimself at thecentre of a rowthat compromiseshis reputation andhis faith. Dark new comedy fromMichael Christie, the play posesdifficult questions about religion,accusations, and the unforgivingnature of the British media.Passing ByADC LATESHOW, 23.00, WEDS 24TH – SAT 27THNOVEMBER (£6/£5)Romanticcomedy followingtwo menwhose heartsdraw themtogether as their lives pull themapart.Blithe SpiritARTS THEATRE, 19.45 MON 22ND – SAT 27THNOVEMBER (£15-35)Noël Coward’s classic comedycomes to Cambridge before a WestEnd run. Featuring Alison Steadmanand Robert Bathurst.The Real Inspector HoundFITZPATRICK HALL, QUEENS’ COLLEGE, 19.45, TUES16TH - SAT 20TH NOVEMBER,Farce, metatheatre and whodunnitcombine in Tom Stoppard’s one-actplay.Ongoing exhibitionsKings, Satraps and Shahs:Persian coinage through the agesFITZWILLIAM MUSEUM, UNTIL 30 JANUARYSome tiny coins that tell bighistory: the collapse of the AchaemenidEmpire under Alexanderthe Great, the stories of the greatPersian dynasties. Milk the mintfor epic history at the FitzwilliamThe Unilever Series: Ai WeiweiTATE MODERN, UNTIL 2 MAY 2011The turbine hall filled withsunflower seeds. But be warned:this will not be a blackbird’s fieldday, because every single seedis handcrafted and painted inporcelain.Wednesday 20th NovemberAS SO CI ATIONSKETTLE’S YARD, 20TH NOVEMBER -9TH JANUARY 2011Film and video workscurated by TanyaLeighton, exploring thegaps in the relationshipbetweenlanguageand history,words andimages.There’s atour of theexhibitionon Thursdaylunchtime.Pickof theweekArtsSunday 21st NovemberFree University of Cambridge:Teach InKING’S AND CLARE COLLEGES,13.30 - 18.00A day of talks andworkshops to stimulatethe debate on educationPickof theweekEventsspending and galvanise resistanceto budget cuts. More informationfrom www.defendeducation.co.uk.Wednesday 23rd NovemberTim MinchinJ1, THE JUNCTION, 20.00 (£15)(ALSO THURSDAY 24TH NOVEMBER)TheAustraliancomedianand musiciantakes overthe Junctionfor twowarm-upgigs beforeembarkingon an arena tour in December.Sailing the Wine Dark SeaCYPRIOT GALLERY, FITZWILLIAM MUSEUM, 18.30 -20.30 (£8/£6)Agamemnon left you wantingmore? Aeschylus, Homer, Sapphoand Sophocles readin the originalGreek,surroundedby Greeksculpture.Appropriately,wineis includedin the ticketprice.Thursday 24thNovemberThis House Hates HumanRightsCAMBRIDGE UNION, 19.30 (FREE TO MEMBERS)Another provocative motionfrom the Union promises intensedebate. Speakers including ShamiChakrabarti and Peter Hitchensslug it out.TO HAVE SOMETHING LISTED ON THESE PAGES, E-MAIL JULIA LICHNOVA AT REVIEWS@VARSITY.CO.UK BY NO LATER THAN MONDAY ON THE WEEK OF PUBLICATION.

22REviEws17th November 2010www.varsity.co.ukReviews Editor: Julia Carolyn Lichnovareviews@varsity.co.ukalbumreviewsMy Beautiful DarkTwisted FantasykaNyE wEst`John Cage’s Musicircus Ben ashenden experiences a new approach to performance in kettle’s yardWhen Kanye made his toast tothe douchebags at the BET HipHop Awards, a galling comebackbegan. Bringing into the studiosuch diverse talents as MosDef, Bon Iver and Nicki Minaj,Yeezy struck out at the haters(the NY Times! Obama! TaylorSwift?) and set out to reclaimhis ostentatious throne. In doingso, MBDTF was created, adefiant middle finger aimed at hisnarrow-minded critics, and theclearest indication yet that if JayZ is Batman, Kanye is The Joker.In ‘Power’ he snarls, “I ain’t got apower trip, who you going homewith?” Narcissistic, charismatic,and still decidedly self conscious,Chitown’s favourite is the closesthip-hop will ever have to a rockstar. sam gouldThe Lady KillerCEE Lo GREENFamous for being the fat blokewho sung about being ‘crazy’,Cee Lo Green unfairly garnereda reputation as a frivolous popsinger. Yet this lightweight tagrested on the serious misunderstandingthat Gnarls Barkley’smassive single was anythingother than a three-minute peepinto Green’s own documenteddepression; however this albumsees Green in a much cockiermood. Yet in a Mark Ronsoninfestedera, where even EastLondon rappers are sounding likeSmokey Robinson, the album’sbrand of Motown sounds bland.This isn’t helped by Green’srefusal to deploy his precise andprovocative rap – indeed mostof the album, ‘Wildflower’ and‘Please’ in particular, pass bywithout leaving any impression.‘Fuck You’ and ‘I Want You’ aresubsequently left to prop up analbum that is at best unremarkable,at worst a let down. Cee-Lo,you can do a whole lot better.nathanael arnott-daviesBack to BasicsBack to Basics now has its ownwebsite! Check it out onhttp://varsity.co.uk/basics“THIS IS NOT A CONCERT”,declares the programme. If youwandered into Kettle’s Yard lastWednesday by lucky chance, youdid the right thing, because thatwas sort of the point of the night.An event fuelled by “chance operation”,John Cage’s Musicircus wasa bizarre evening indeed.What on earth was it then?Well, Cage described his original1967 Musicircus as “nothing morethan an invitation to a number ofmusicians, who perform simultaneouslyanything or in any waythey desire”. So in 2010, on adrizzly, dark November evening inCambridge, a museum and adjoininghouse came to life with thesounds of guitars, violins, radiostatic, spoken words and laptopsin one of the most surreal musicalevenings I’ve ever witnessed.The twenty musical acts, spreadacross the museum, were understrict instructions: they must startand stop playing according to asecond-by-second ‘time-chart’.These spasmodic periods wereutterly randomised, so a performermight smash away at their string,skin or brass-based instrumentfor three minutes or barely threeMUSICYann Tiersenthe JunctionSomething about Yann Tiersenhas definitely changed. As Iarrive at his last UK showat The Junction, I notice thatthe stage setup is quite differentfrom what I expected. Havingwritten the wistful, spellbindingsoundtracks of Goodbye Lenin andAmelie there should surely be agrand piano and no doubt an accordion.In reality, there are synths,quite a few synths, and many, manymicrophones. I suppose this makessense now that Tiersen has signedto electronic specialists Mute.There are also all the componentsof a typical rock band: two shinyguitars and a massive drum kit,played by Gravenhurst drummerseconds. The audience was freeto wander around and listen towhatever they liked. The resultof this, we are promised, is “sonicchaos”.At times, the experience was alittle chaotic, but this was whatmade it so engrossing. I sat forsome time on a comfy chair-cumstoolof the type Kettle’s Yard sospecialise in, and consequentlypositioned myself betweenfour competing, simultaneousmusical performances vying formy attention. Facing me, theThe effect wasprofoundlyoriginal, to saythe leastfolksy reassurances of JosephineStephenson’s guitar were batteneddown by the impossibly crouchedFreddie Brown’s amusing plonkingsupon his toy piano. Meanwhile,in the two rooms that flankedour sonically befuddling piece ofDave Collingwood.At times during the show youcan hear the serene, Parisianswells and swirls present inAmelie. But at other timesTiersen (who, as I learn in aninterview later, hates Amelieand hates the French) rejects theParisian simplicity and insteadembraces a deep, pounding‘Progginess’. The show becomesa sort of rebellion against whatThe show becomesa sort of rebellionagainst whatpeople think he ispeople think he is: he proveshimself to be a wild and unpredictablemulti-instrumental musician,not just the soundtrack writer Ihad pigeonholed him to be.Tiersen has enjoyed experimentingwith sounds and voiceshallway, the scores at the fingersof Andrew Goldman’s saloon pianofought bravely with the full gustoof The Staircase Band, whichdominated the House’s landingand provided the entire buildilngwith a jubilant heartbeat, at timesheaving, at others fluttering.As these sounds cascaded overeach other I couldn’t help but smile.The effect was profoundly original,to say the least, and the wholeevent had a rare charm and personality.A noticeable glint appearedin the eye of a performer when heor she was obliged to stop, leavingthe nearby listeners with only anabrupt, uncanny silence. Therewas a sense that they were breakingan unwritten contract withthe listener; both musician andaudience member were, withoutcompromise, at the mercy of anambiguous ‘chance-determined’scheme of sound.There were, of course, momentsof frustration. With suchunabashed randomisation, therewere corners in which, at thewrong time, you could find yourselfbeing treated to a lot of unwantedsound. I tried hard, but ultimatelyfailed to warm to the orchestra ofon his new albumDust Lane, andwatching himperform liveallows you tosee the extent towhich he enjoysthis experimentation.Supportband Syd Mattersaccompany himon stage, playingthe part of a sortof deranged choir.At times duringthe show, in thevast, atmospherictracks which layervoices, synths andguitars, there are so many melodiclines on the little stage at TheJunction that it seems not to beable to hold them all up.At other times the stage isbarren and it is only Yann and hisviolin, which he plays speedily,strangely, eerily. Tiersen must beboth on his own with his instrumentsand surrounded by manyyann tiersen: “a wild and unpredictable”Lydia MoRRis-JoNEsradios at the entrance. They wereenthusiastically conducted to altertheir volume and frequency, andalthough one could occasionallytake purchase on a sliver of distant,fuzzy melody, the overall resultIt was anorchestration, ifsuch a thing can beformed, of chaostended to hurry people along toquieter corners of the building.Similarly, the varied smashesof the huge gong proved overlyaggressive.But even when the Musicircuswas unsettling it remained charming;it was an orchestration, ifsuch a thing can be formed, ofchaos. The New Music Ensembleand all the performers ought to becongratulated for their initiativeand originality – especially thechap found whistling, alone, in thetoilet.HELEN siMMoNsvocal lines and sounds. I get theimpression that he makes hismusic completely alone, that whatwe are hearing, seeing, watchingis not Tiersen and his band, butTiersen and his voices, his instruments.His performances suggestthat music is about loneliness:accepting it and fighting it.madeleine morley

Reviews Editor: Julia Carolyn Lichnova17th November 2010reviews@varsity.co.uk REVIEWS 23www.varsity.co.ukFILMUn LacArchitecture FacultyHoused in thecooler-thanyour-averageFaculty of Architectureand History ofArt, ArchSoc arePHIL MAUGHAN screening modern,challenging filmsthat push the avant-garde in a timeof mainstream cinematic sluggishness,presenting works whichresurrect the age-old question:what is a film?This week’s offering, Un Lac(Phillipe Grandrieux, 2008)is a mystifying, beautiful andoverwhelming cinematic experience.There are less than 30 linesof dialogue in the whole piece,which is set in a bleak and snowynowhereland, and focuses on atightly knit family group dealingwith an epileptic son, incestuousurges, a violent, punishing climateand the arrival of a young manfrom the outside world.The most shocking feature ofthe film is its cinematography.The camerawork is up close andpersonal, shaking and lungingabout. We are seldom allowed tosee more than a face, or hands, ora small rectangle of the sublime,stark mountainous horizon, backedup with emphasised seismicrumbles and heavy breathing.While watching, you find yourselfterrified, but wondering ifanything in the least bit frighteningis actually taking place.You should have realised bynow that this is not your averageDEBATEComedy DebateThe Cambridge UnionThe Footlights sustained anassuredly funny tone inthe Union last Thursdaywhile emphatically persuading alively audience that love is a myth.Mark Fiddaman was the highlightof the evening, opening a wellstructured,wide-ranging set witha false syllogism: “idiots believe inmyths, idiots also believe in love,therefore love is a myth.” Much ofthe Footlights’ performance fizzedand sparked with an unpredictableélan. Just as the trope of havingFiddaman chat up a member of theOxford team seemed to be reachingthe end of its lifespan, they seguedneatly into a song of his favouriteFriends episodes; and when thisbegan to tire, the sound of PhilMolly Hart’s song“Phil Wang, won’tyou wang me” wassomething of ahighlightPhillipe Grandrieux, Un Lac (2008)90-minute rom com. It is an artsypiece, with a lot of posturingfrom its minimal cast. However,a disconcerting psychologicalenergy makes it highly memorable,drawing more on the ferociouslandscape than the tiny humanswithin it. Anyone interested inseeing what film can really do asa medium should get hold of theDVD, pop on some earphones andturn off the lights. You will beshaken.ArchSoc’s free screeningstake place every Monday. Nextup is Julien Donkey Boy by edgyAmerican director HarmonyKorine (he wrote Kids!), prefacedwith a talk and screening byupcoming short film directorJessica Rinland. The followingA mystifying,beautiful andoverwhelmingcinematicexperienceweek’s session, on Monday 29thNovember, will see the last event of2010, David Lynch’s dark psycho-thriller Fire Walk With Me (1992) –the movie that precluded his TVdrama Twin Peaks.Wang quietly suggesting “the onewith two girls and one cup” keptthe audience on its toes.Other Footlights acts reachedsimilar success: Alex Owen gave abrief discourse on pillow talk, (“I’dhad two partners before, so I wasable to refer to myself in the thirdperson”); Phil Wang’s performancewas consistently funny, and BenAshenden’s Dr Answer had hismoments successfully mockingNick Clegg. One couldn’t help butfeel that the Footlights’ undisputedvictory was a result not of partisanship,but of their talent andgood material.The Oxford Revue undoubtedlyfaced a more difficult task indefending love against cynicism,but their unpolished performancesmade matters worse. Molly Hart’ssong “Phil Wang, won’t you wangme” was something of a highlight,though she had already lostthe audience with some ratherpredictable jokes earlier in heract – something about how she’sAmerican, so she doesn’t like tea.Max Fletcher and Adam Lebovitswere similarly inconsistent: toomany ill-conceived, badly executedjokes and funny hats marredwhat could have been an excellentperformance which, at its highestpoints, had Fletcher echoing AlanBennett. By the end, the jokesresorted to seemed rather tediousand appeared devoid of any realverve or flair. However, these moreinfelicitous moments of the debatedid not spoil a great evening at theUnion. JONNY BARLOWARTSEpic of thePersian Kings:The Art ofFerdowsi’sShahnamehFitzwilliam MuseumAliterary jewel, theShahnameh heaves withtales of kings and conquerors,demons and dragons. APersian Book of Kings, it is an epicpoem twice as long as the Odysseyand the Iliad combined, writtenby the poet Ferdowsi 1,000 yearsago. This scintillating new exhibitiondisplays nearly 100 paintingsfrom illuminated manuscripts ofthe poem, created in the centuriesafter the epic work was completed.The Shahnameh blends mythand reality. Split into threesections – myths, legends andhistory – it serves, according tomuseum director Timothy Potts,as “the pre-eminent compendiumof legend and knowledge aboutIran’s past”: a past which canbe charted from the mythicalKiyumars through the legendaryexploits of Rostam, described bythe exhibition as ‘the Hercules ofPersian folklore’, to the conquestof Iran by Alexander the Greatand the history and collapse of theSasanian dynasty (c. AD 224-651).These illuminated manuscriptsare a fitting tribute to Ferdowsi’swork. Regardless of whether thescenes we see are real or fictitious,the effect on the senses is alwaysARTSClive Head: ModernPerspectivesThe National GalleryInever thought I’d be disconcertedby a cup of cappuccino.But the offending mug in CliveHead’s painting Cottage Delight,which looms out of the picture,alarmingly tangible but dismayinglyflat, certainly did. If Headmanaged to make the terriblymiddle-class drink almost disturbing,what he does to the café inwhich the coffee sits is even morestartling.Head uses unique perspectiveswhich lack vanishing points ratherthan the conventional one or two,thereby creating a visual experienceakin to real life: reality isn’tjust mirrored but actively recreated.By eschewing a hierarchy ofpictorial interest, which had beenthe basis of ‘realistic’ art since theRenaissance, Head’s works causethe eye to actively focus on certainobjects without being passivelyled to particular elements withinthe picture by perspectives withvanishing points. The effect, then,is like looking at a slice of reality inwhich the eye and not the pictureplane is the active ordering component.This gives our sight, andS. Shiraz, Lohrasp enthroned, 1540sdazzling: the viewer is greetedwith a multitude of colours, createdfrom crushed precious stones andwild plants. A generous portionof gold leaf is also applied acrossthe pages. As if this were notenough, there is also a selection ofmetalwork and ceramics, includingmedieval armour and daggers ofthe sort found in the Shahnameh.An ornate table top decoratedwith tiles depicting the tale ofThe viewer isgreeted witha multitude ofcolours, createdfrom crushedprecious stonesand wild plantsRostam shooting Ashkabus is thelargest and most recent item ondisplay. Made in Tehran in 1886-87for a British Army officer, it is atestament to the long-term influenceof Ferdowsi’s work.KIT HILDYARDClive Head, Haymarket 2009FITZWILLIAM MUSEUMindeed ourselves, a peculiar agencywhich is perhaps largely unknownin the history of painting. Cubismgot there before him in representingthe world from all corners,but while Cubism is fragmentary,Head manages to bring togethermany disparate views into aseamless whole. It is as if he viewsthe world with a monocular vision,making it our task to complete andcomplement the work by relivingthe reality that he has literallyre-presented.It is a startling novelty and atestament to Clive Head’s innovationin the history of Western Artthat his tiny exhibition has brokenattendance records. People queuedto see three paintings. They wouldnever do so (I certainly wouldn’t) togo to look at the shabby corner atHaymarket, or a sad undergroundexit on a miserable London day,both of which he represents. ButClive Head, like all good poets andartists, has made an apparentlymundane reality startlingly newand beautiful, so much so that acappuccino will bowl you over.YATES NORTONOverlookedALICE BOLLANDAs the days getshorter and thenights longer,darker and awhole lot moreforeboding, thisweek I’m thinking about the top5 greatest villains ... and I mean,real villains. Not just any run-ofthe-millbad guys, but those trulyvicious, evil characters that senda shiver down your spine. Here’swhat I’ve come up with.5The Octopus - The SpiritSamuel L. Jackson isdisturbingly convincing asthe power-mad supervillain, TheOctopus. Ruthless and indiscriminate,Mr O, with the helpof his expendable lackeys, plotsto destroy and dominate the city,thus defeating the virtuous Spirit.He also kills a kitten, whichseems unnecessarily mean.4Norman Stansfield – LeonIn this classics 90s hitmanthriller, Gary Oldmanstars as the impeccably suitedStansfield, corrupt detective-cumdruglord.Pitted against JeanReno as Leon, the hitman, and14-year-old Natalie Portman asMatilda, Stansfield is the embodimentof true evil; Oldman isoutstanding.3Jafar– AlladinCreepy beard? Check. Weirdhypnotic snake staff? Check.Evil laugh? Check. Disney’s ultimatevillain, Jafar, makes it ontothis list due to his unwaveringcruelty. With his eyes fixed firmlyon the prize Jafar knows what hewants, and will stop at nothing toget it.2Captain Vidal – Pan’sLabyrinthThis twisted fairy tale fromSpanish director Guillermo delToro enters the realm of ‘goodvs. evil’ on multiple levels. Yet,whilst del Toro conjures up awhole host of monstrous mythicaldemons, it is the sociopathicfascist leader Vidal whosepleasure in the infliction ofpain and torture is horrific yetutterly realistic.1Anton Chigurh – NoCountry for Old MenJavier Bardem scoops firstplace for his terrifying performanceas the cold-blooded killingmachine Anton Chigurh in thisphenomenal film from the Coenbrothers. He plays a hitmanhired to track down drug money,armed with a silenced shotgunand a cattlegun; a man who killswithout emotion or hesitation,sometimes flipping a coin todecide the fate of his victims...

24THEATRE19th November 2010www.varsity.co.ukTheatre Editor: Edward Herringtheatre@varsity.co.ukView from theGroundlingsEDWARD HERRING[The following note was foundamong Mr Herring’s papersearly Wednesday morningshortly after he was reportedmissing by the police. His body isyet to be located.]“To Whomever It May Concern,I am leaving you. With aheavy heart I packed my bindle,stuffing it glumly with my treasuredthesaurus and back issuesof Varsity. And now, with trembling,wetted lids, I sit to stranglesome truth from my hack’s pen,urged to clean the slate, put therecord straight. (Oh, see how Iyield to such horrid clichés whenaddressing my indiscretions!)For I, dear concerned party,have been breeding a hoard ofunprovoked fictions, half-truths,fantasies, lies. Each week I sitdown to author that hideouscolumn and squeeze from mytroubled loaf a series of sentencesmisshapen by fakery andrepeated deceits. The truth (Icannot, no I cannot bear it!) is alltoo disturbing to put in writing,but by whatever gracile slice ofconscience I am forced to confess:“I, Edward Herring, knowNOTHING about Cambridgetheatre.“Oh, do not admonish me tooharshly! Turn away your loathsomeglare of moral reprimand!Could you not intuit that I wasa fraud, a phony, a hoodwinkerfrom the off? This week I wasgoing to remind my wool-eyedpublic to watch Blackbird(Corpus Playroom, 23rd-27th)because of the great duo acting init, but I cannot remember theirnames. I only know them as ‘HimFrom The Tempest’ and ‘HerFrom Cat on a Hot Tin Roof’,neither of which I’ve even seen! Iwas also on the verge of suggestingmy devoted readership gosee Passing By (ADC Lateshow,24th-27th) but why, why whenI myself have no clue as to itscontent, dialogue, directorship ordramaturgy? (Oh, look away! thehurtful shame is too much!)“So, the humanity of it all beingtoo much to bear, I must stealaway through fen and by bog, byfield and through thicket, to finda new theatre column wherebyI might begin afresh and selfflagellatewith the birch branchesof truth, sobriety and wretchedlylucid diction.“Wiping my cheeks of their sorrowfuldew, I must creep humblyinto the world and kiss my handto the sordid, salivating communityof Camdram. (Do not lamentor mourn my passing, please. Ifyou can find the strength to carryon without me then do.) Yet notbefore one final ball-wrenchingadieu to SIMON HAINES.”Relative ValuesADC Mainshow(until Sat 20th)Relative Values, the first playof Noël Coward’s writtenin the nineteen fifties, is abrilliant comedy of manners, full ofsnobbery and acidic wit. Thoughhis wife-to-be still harbours feelingsfor fellow actor Don Lucas(Arthur Kendrick), Nigel, Earl ofMarshwood (Will Chappell) is aboutto marry a Hollywood star, MirandaFrayle (Charlotte Hamblin). ButFrayle is the younger sister of MrsMoxton, known as ‘Moxie’ (JennieKing), the long-time lady’s maid ofNigel’s mother, Countess FelicityMarshwood (Claudia Blunt). Thus itmust be pretended upon Miranda’sarrival that Moxie is Felicity’sequal, a “companion-secretary”,instead of a servant. Very muchof its time – and the script, in fact,often suggests the play shouldThe accents requiredin this play rangefrom conservativeRP to Cockney, butthe quality of theaccents here wasextremely mixed.be set even earlier than the early1950s, its own contemporaryera – this production nonethelessattempts to highlight, as the programmeputs it, ‘the relevance itpossesses today’. An early line ofCrestwell’s (the butler of the house,played by Stephen Bermingham)Donkeys’ YearsHoward Theatre,Downing College(until Sat 20th)When you are greeted at theentrance of the HowardTheatre a vanguard ofstatuesque ushers kindly tell youto relax in the sepulchral clinician’sbar. After ten minutes spentspaciously detached from yourfellow man in this white cavern,you then move, at the advice of achilling overhead tannoy, into thetheatre. However much I mighthave suffered such early discomfortat how needlessly slick studenttheatre seemed to have become, Iwas comforted somewhat by therambunctious comedy that ensuedonstage.As Alex Lass states in his director’snotes: it is something of asurprise that Michael Frayn’sDonkeys’ Years, in which a groupof wintry graduates reconvene fora reunion at their Oxbridge almadelivered rather archly ,“You don’thave to be conservative to voteConservative”, is one of the themost successful and most specificallyzeitgeist implementations ofthis intended tone.This being the freshers’ mainshow,there’s opportunity to checkout who’s likely to be consistentlygracing the stage over the nextthree years or so. The annual showgenerally yields no shortage oftalent, and Relative Values is noexception. The cast (numbering tenin total) was strong : Berminghaminhabited the role of Crestwell,absolutely finding all of the mannerismsand humour of the role;Hamblin was good at exhibitingher character’s melodrama; Kendrickimmediately conveyed theoffensiveness of his Americanover-familiarity in a great scenealongside Bermingham; Blunt’scrisp and biting Matriarch was ajoy to watch.Denys Robinson, secretary ofthe Noël Coward Society (due todiscuss this play in a pre-show talkon Friday), told me in the intervalmater, has never been performedin Cambridge before. The play’smixture of madcap upper-classcharacters tirelessly mincedthrough the well-worn machine offarce seems to fit well with Cambridge’ssometimes woolly brandof conservatism. And the script,though fatted with a number ofknee-slapping jokes, could haveseemed laboriously frothy if not forthe assured series of performanceswhich prevented it from forminginto a tooth-sugaring strip of theatricalcandy.The raucous energy of JohanMunir’s Headingly (especiallyin the second half) was at pointsThe acting, for all itsnuanced depictions,ultimately failed tostop this play frombecoming anythingmore than a genteelromp.that he would have expected Nigelto have been played, “more ‘rugbyplayer’, more butch”. In this production,he is instead portrayedas petulant and childish. It workswell, especially in contrast to thecharming and strapping Don,and his unattractiveness makesMiranda’s return to Don muchmore believable – important whenplayed to an audience no longerwishing for a return to the statusquo of marriages within one’s ownclass for the sole reason of thesystem’s own self-perpetuation.Perhaps Nigel walking onstage inthe second act wearing jodhpursand a riding hat did something tore-assert his masculinity.The accents required in thisplay range from conservative RPto Cockney, but the quality of theaccents was extremely mixed. TheAmerican accents were surprisinglygood, as were Blunt’s efforts.King as Moxie was far betterat putting on a bad-on-purposeRP accent and pretending to besocially superior than playing hercharacter’s true self. There waswonderfully excessive. Yet thiswas balanced out with a number ofsubtler motifs: a blend of obnoxioussniggers, surreal looks into thenear horizon and several pathetic,wimpy physical quirks savedfor the character’s bathetic fall.Similarly, Holly Olivia Braine’swell-timed shifts from collectedease to sickly angst proved anotherexample of comic control. Sheinjected into her role the kind ofgrace one would not expect to bepresent in such a foppish drama.Behind these performances layThere’s opportunityto check out who’slikely to be gracingthe stage these nextfew years.a greater than usual number ofmangled lines and minor slip-upsfrom several actors throughout,but hopefully these will disappearin later performances.The crew must also be congratulated:the set and costume designwere very good, and blocking wassuccessful (though not innovative).This production was successful inkeeping this play fresh – no meanfeat. Nor did it suck the humourout of this comedy; it even regularlyaccentuated it. Some mistakesand mixed abilities of the performersdo not excessively detract froman immensely enjoyable performance.HELEN YOUNGa phalanx of brightly vivified caricatures.Harry Carr as the snakishclergyman, proffering the oddcamp witticism and bizarre sexualallusion, successfully managed tocontort himself into a sly depictionof this velvet-clad weirdo. CraigNunes committed to his potentiallytwo-dimensional role as thebumbling nobody and, resultantly,produced a brilliantly volcanicclown. Finally, Theo Hughes-Morgan as the skulking, sulkingQuine loomed over the proceedingswith an oozing, sardonic set ofdeliveries.The acting, for all its nuanceddepictions, ultimately failed to stopthis play from becoming anythingmore than a genteel romp. Whilea good friend of mine presentlyreminded me that the productionhad nothing more to offer thanfun frippery it seems frustratingthat any theatre team would startfrom such a premise. The HowardTheatre is well built to host sturdycomedies such as The Relapse.But its design can seem needlesslyplush when putting on farce and,consequently, makes one wonderabout the financial benefits of thisclean yet genre-restricted littleplayhouse.EDWARD HERRINGGUIDE TO STAR RATINGS: About as Valuable as a Vindaloo Enema Something a Little Less Worse than That RelativelyValuable What's the Value of Making Up Another One? Value-Added Theatre

Theatre Editor: Edward Herring19th November 2010theatre@varsity.co.uk THEATRE 25www.varsity.co.ukNow, NowCorpus Playroom(until Sat 20th)Poor Jason Derulo became oneof the many subjects of popularculture to be picked apartlast night by the comedy sketchgroup Care of Douglas. From TescoClubcards and facial cream salesassistants to heroin-addicted Biologylecturers, not one of the all tootrivial aspects of our normal livesThe performancewas smooth andeverybody seemed tolaugh at everything.was deemed by the sketch-group asincapable of being made ridiculous.The final scene was a synthesis ofall our favourite component parts,the team knew what we would likebest and handed it all right backto us at the end. It was just thatobvious what would be deemedPickwick andNicklebyADC Theatre(until Sat 20th)James Swanton is, by now,a familiar face on the Cambridgetheatrical scene, butI did wonder how anyone couldpull off a show involving at least20 characters without it getting alittle repetitive – but this show hasgiven me my answer. Apart fromone moment where the voices oftwo characters seemed to blendinto one, the rest of the performancewas marked by its greatrange and variety.The set is marvellous: cascadesof pages, photographs, curtains,top hats, wigs and canes combinein a chaotic tumble that bursts intothe audiences’ eyes as they enterthe room, and the humbugs onseats were a lovely touch.Once the lights went down, wewere greeted by a record of Swanton’svocal acrobatics taking on thefirst of his many characters andsetting the scene for us admirably,I want to see moreof Swanton’sstraight acting –these were amongthe most movingperformances I’veseen in Cambridge.with a hurtle through nineteenthcenturyLondon theatre, anaffectionate homage to Dickens,on whose public readings this isfunny, though I wonder if the groupever had a back-up plan for thefinal sketch if the audience hadresponded differently.Emma Sidi seized the stage,her agility only rivalled by that ofJason Forbes. Some of her mostbeautiful moments were when theenergy in her limbs was held in onebrilliant facial expression, however.Lacking all dignity at points,she showed all the hallmarks of acommitted performer, and couldcommand our attention whethershe was jumping in front of us ornot.Pierre Novellie and LowellBelfield had a more understatedpresence onstage, which was avital contrast; Care of Douglasknow that to truly win over theaudience you must engage themin more ways than one. Ahir Shahdisplayed an impressive versatility,varying his expressiveness accordingto what the scene required ofhim. You could tell which mode hewas in by how wide his eyes wereopen: if he was staring out at us, heexpected us to be staring at him.All the boxes of a comedysketch-show were ticked. Theperformance was smooth, longersketches were appropriatelybroken up by shorter, snappierones, and everybody seemed tolaugh at everything. Every time abased, and an introduction to ouractor for the evening. At this pointJames, scuttling about onstage,turned around and burst into theopening of his show.The first half is a comic masterpiece.It started off in a bit of atangle, and took a few minutes forme to decipher what was going on(which is probably attributable tofirst-night tension) but once Swantonhad settled into his variousroles the piece literally took off,with our hapless actor flying aboutthe stage, from judge’s throne towitness-box to courtroom floor, allmanaged marvellously by JamesHancock-Evans’s brilliant comicdirection.The second half took on a muchdarker tone, with the tragic storyof Smike and the neglected boys ofDotheboys Hall being its centralpoint. I must admit I want to seemore of Swanton’s straight acting –these were among the most movingperformances I have seen in Cambridge.The cold lighting reallyadded to the tone.This is a production with veryfew flaws, of a supremely polishedstandard, but with a familiar, affectionateair, as if you’re watching anextremely talented uncle caperingabout your living room. It is worthevery minute, every gravity-defyingtwist of limbs, and I agree withthe grudging praise of one of themany guises of Swanton himself:“excellent use of hats… he must becommended for that.” Go and see itif you can.ANNA DAGENHARTsketch ended, the team had bankedmore points and the less likely itbecame that the next one wouldn’tturn out better.Some of the sketches, however,were a little too long. For instance,in one sketch the point where theend should have been was literallymarked out by applause, anapproval of the scene that seemedto be undermined by a characterre-entering. Yet, much like the girlin Jason Derulo’s video, I see nomajor flaw where someone may bemore pedantic.The atmosphere in the theatreThe RealInspector HoundQueens’ College(until Sat 20th)To review The Real InspectorHound just after watching itis not easy as the play doesnot readily invite criticism. In fact,it mocks it.Once the curtain is raised theaudience are presented with thequintessential country housedrawing-room and, just beyond, arow of auditorium chairs uncannilysimilar to those you’re ensconcedin. Within these sit two ‘critics’,Moon (Oliver Marsh) and Birdboot(Kit Hildyard), who proceed tooffer hackneyed reflections on theaction of the play from the otherside of the large mirror that seemsto have been wedged through themiddle of the stage, simultaneouslyexposing the messy details of theirown messy lives (Birdboot appearsto have indulged in an extramaritalaffair with an actress in the‘play’, whilst Moon is enveloped inexistential anguish over his ownBorgesian doppelganger, Higgs.)The play in hand is a clichédwhodunit in the style of AgathaChristie and, as it develops, audiencemembers turn into cast andvice versa; the lines between artand reality become blurred (thesecritical platitudes are difficult toavoid).One might assume that metatheatreof this kind is tricky toperform, but what this productionproved is that a play of such intellectualcalibre largely sustainsitself. The wit and wordplay are soself-consciously fledged and flownthat one wonders whether poordelivery can bring them down (infact the burden of effective executionwas something that the actorsEmma Sidi showedall the hallmarksof a committedperformer.was lively; the nature of thecomedy scene here is such thatperformers need not necessarilybegin talking before the audienceare on board. George Potts certainlyknew what everyone wasfinding funny and adapted wellto it, there is nothing so rewardingin comedy as when the peopleonstage respond to the laughterand immediately reinforce it. If hisface hadn’t slightly revealed thisawareness, he could’ve pulled itoff more seamlessly. Jason Forbes,equally, perhaps betrayed too muchof his inner thought processes.He appeared in so many differentforms throughout that it seemed ashame to have the illusion broken,and see what was underneath.So it’s four stars for Care ofDouglas. Don’t just happen to seethem in a Footlights Smoker. Likelast year’s Good. Clean. Men. thisband of comics are much better inconcentrated volumes.HELEN CAHILLWit, puns and comicabsurdity.seemed aware of, forcing occasionalerrors from the sheer weight of thelinguistic material).Not that the performances werebad at all: Marsh and Hildyardplayed Moon and Birdboot confidently,the former with a lethargicenergy that leaked and lapsedaccordingly and the latter witha wonderfully distorted senseof sanctimony. Pete Skidmore’sInspector Hound was suitablydroll and shifty, while the othermurder-mystery archetypes beingsatirised (Felicity the provincialbeauty, Magnus the crippled halfbrother)carried their singulardimensions with obvious gusto.The show was stolen however byOliver Marsh whose concentrationnever wavered; there was acontinuity of action and voice thatshaped his Moon more smoothlythan Hildyard’s Birdboot andrendered his performance quiteengaging. At the point when Moonand Birdboot become involved inthe action of the murder-mysteryand two of the players take on therole of critics, Marsh managed toestablish a dramatic connectionbetween his murky roles wherehis companion did not. Technicallythe performance benefited fromthe dramatic possibilities offeredby the Queens’ College FitzpatrickTheatre. A booming PA facilitatedthe various auditory props (samplesthat included ringing parlourtelephones and suspicious policenewscasts) and the cues were perfectlyon time.What this performance didn’tlack was laughter and for wit, punsand comic absurdity, it certainlydelivered. Whether we shouldattribute this to the play or theperformance is unclear, however itis clear that the production was anoverall success. PATRICK MAYERIncomingEcclesiastical Perks is aplay about a Catholicpriest who moves to atough comprehensive in a bigcity in which he struggles tocontain his classes. So far, socliché. He’s a bit creepy, and hehas a strange habit of sayingthings that make him soundan awful lot like a paedophile.Eventually, reports reach thepolice and the head teacher ofthe school that he has sexuallyassaulted one of the children.It’s a comedy, naturally.In writing the play, I supposeI proved myself a prophet.There was something in thewater (media) towards thebeginning of this year aboutdodgy Catholic priests, and loand behold what comes out butall sorts of revelations aboutyears and years of abuse andcover ups. I guess I felt vindicated.Not in a “Ha, ha! I toldyou so! Kiddy-fiddlers, the lotof ‘em!” kind of way, but more inwhat I saw in the fallout. Withmorbid curiosity, I couldn’t helpbut read what the tabloids hadto say. When describing thehorrors of secret abuse theywrote with grim comic relish inthe chaos of it all. One cursorysearch on a well known tabloid’swebsite brings up phrases like‘Scotland’s most senior Catholicto say sorry to the victims ofattacks by perv priests’. Greatalliteration! What I found bothhorrible and horribly funny wasthe way that these revelationsopened the door for a big oldpoint-the-finger-athon.So, yes, the play is a comedy.But it’s a serious and blackcomedy. Sometimes the humouris uncomfortably nauseous andclose to the bone, but that’sreally the point: making theaudience implicit in the kind offinger-pointing that tabloids areso expert at, is sometimes thebest way of engaging peoplewith the issue at hand. A comedyabout child abuse shouldn’talways be easy to watch.Hey, enough about me. Theactors we’ve assembled aregreat. They’re all natural comicactors, so it’s less obvious if thescript ever lumbers upon itssoapbox, but they’ve also beenreally adept at bringing out thesadness of the play. Underneaththe bleakness of the subjectmatter, the actors have donewell to bring out the humanity,gentleness and warmth of thecharacters. There’s one scenethat chokes me up like a bigbaby. Every time. So, comeand see it: it’s a pretty unusualplay, if I say so myself, and it’snot the kind of thing you’ll seeevery day.MICHAEL CHRISTIE

26FashioN19th November 2010www.varsity.co.ukFashion Editors: Louise Benson & Jess Kwongfashion@varsity.co.ukDAYS OF HEAVENPhotographed and styled byLouise Benson and Jess KwongClockwise from top: Braid cable necklace THE NORTH CIRCULAR. Cable hood scarf THE NORTH CIRCULAR.Dark knight’s hood THE NORTH CIRCULAR. Cape COS.With special thanks to The North Circular.FOR MORE IMAGES GO TO VARSITY.CO.UK/FASHIONBLOG

Fashion Editors: Louise Benson & Jess Kwong19th November 2010fashion@varsity.co.uk FASHION 27www.varsity.co.ukClockwise from top left: Fur hood NICHOLASK. Jumper VINTAGE. Boots (worn throughout)FRYE. Dark knight’s hood THE NORTHCIRCULAR. Cape COS. Hat VINTAGE.

yenyTheDrydenSocietyTheDrydenSocietyGOTDRAMA?Direct a play.Apply now for LentProductionsThedrydensociety@gmail.comDrydenSocietyDramatic Arts FundingWant to advertise your play or event here?advertising@varsity.co.uk01223 337575Games & puzzlesVarsity Crossword no. 535SudokuKakuro1 2 3 4 5 697 810 1113 141516 171218 19Down1 Bad guy with time to receive order (9)2 Community hooker’s a nymph (4)3 We are preceded by our claim to beweird and wonderful (10)4 Hit the floor (4)5 Extreme role taken by actor playingGod (7)6 Rib damaged during sixth note of thescales (5)8 Fish gives girl food poisoning (10)9 Hopeful of light surrounding me,overcoming fog (10)12 Green ivy twists round the pointlessuniverse (10)14 King Cole - your friend, of course (9)15 Dance around the country gettinglucky (7)16 Not interested in a clownsomersaulting (5)18 Beginning and end of soliloquy aboutwhat once was beautiful (4)19 Father of surrealism? (4)The object is to insert the numbers in the boxes to satisfyonly one condition: each row, column and 3x3 box mustcontain the digits 1 through 9 exactly once.4967183564156193892The Varsity Scribblepad76253989275www.puzzlemix.com / MADE BY GARETH MOOREFill the grid so that each run of squares adds up to the totalin the box above or to the left. Use only numbers 1 through9, and never use a number more than once per run (anumber may reoccur in the same row in a separate run).15710833281938414 17814Hitori410www.puzzlemix.com / MADE BY GARETH MOORE20Shade in the squares so that no number occurs more thanonce per row or column. Shaded squares may not behorizontally or vertically adjacent. Unshaded squares mustform a single area.21 22Across1 Exam dubiously trimmed (7)4 A fraction claimed to be reborn (7)7 Legal documents about account figures(10)10 Stare east beyond canyon (4)11 Wife-beater not quite exemplary (6)13 Zoophile article I’m very enthusiasticabout (6, 5)15 Glowing mineral with smell of diseaseat first (11)16 With Vader beheaded, you are king (6)17 Slight mispronounciation (4)20 Legendary primate with no tail meetstwo men (10)21 Scapegoat oddly frail, ugly eccentric(4, 3)22 Attraction: it’s covered in sauce (7)Crossword set by Hapax.Answers to last issue’s crossword (no. 534):Across:1 Misinformation, 8 Negate, 9 Ampere, 11 Scamper, 12 Serpent, 13 Lolita, 15 Metis, 17 Olmec, 19 Eaglet, 22 Leopold, 25 Tattoo, 26 Vixens, 27 Identity crisisDown: 1 Ministry of Love, 2 Signal, 3, 24 Not up to scratch, 4 Mimes, 5 Theorem, 6 Operetta, 7 Photosynthesis, 10 Ursine, 14 August, 16 Imported, 18 Crouton, 20 Earlier, 21 Athens, 23 Dhoti19116211762014 8 9 3 313 1 8 2 5 1969 2 6 1 2 3162 3 1 5 9 7317 3 4 8 9102 1 7Last issue’s solutions13364623472156735727161431277671543412161575747372938761454581392677164528931879236546345187295297643818712954363456879129623415786473672364652571243165767247252671341151372376164www.puzzlemix.com / MADE BY GARETH MOORE

Sport Editor: Alex Kennedysport@varsity.co.ukCollege Sport19th November 2010www.varsity.co.ukMCR FootballGrad football is just as good as college leaguesJONNY SINGERThe MCR Football League is consideredby many to be a bit of ajoke. One ‘grad-lad’ mentioneda few weeks ago that he ‘couldn’tplay in that team, it didn’t evenresemble football’, and if you askaround, this is a view that’s widelyheld. Having seen Engineering FC,a team with an age range of 15-50(and that’s being conservative) anda win record which doesn’t look outof place next to that of AmericanSamoa, take on a St John’s MCRteam which only managed to putout eight men, I was inclined toagree with that consensus.That was before this weekend.Throwing myself into the world ofcollege football I saw three gamesthis weekend, in the First Division,Second Division and MCR league.Whilst Downing and Trinity playedout a dour 0-0 draw, on a crampedpitch where the sides cancelledMen’s RugbyFixture ListFirst DivisionSt John’s vs. TrinityQueens’ vs. JesusTrinity vs. DowningSecond DivisionTrinity Hall vs. St CatzRobinson vs. GirtonPembroke vs. ClareMen’s FootballFirst DivisionDowning vs. EmmaChrist’s vs. FitzwilliamCaius vs. GirtonSt Catharine’s vs. HomertonTrinity vs. JesusSecond DivisionDarwin vs. Jesus IICorpus Christi vs. Long RoadChurchill vs. Queens’St John’s vs. PembrokeTrinity Hall vs. Selwyneach other out, Selwyn/RobinsonMCR were involved in a fantasticmatch against Clare/Fitz MCR.The pitch was vast, the fitnesslevels poor, the enthusiasm fantasticand the spirit of the game hugelyrefreshing. Instead of seeing thereferee lambasted for every call asin the top-flight clash, both teamsjust got on with playing. In fact,when one captain began complaining,his own ‘keeper and centreback, as well as the opposing captain,all politely told him to ‘playsome football and leave the rest tothe ref’.But what struck me the mostabout the game was just how muchquality there really was on show.Misplaced passes were rare, closecontrol was fantastic, some of thefinishing was top-drawer, and whilethe goalkeeping left something tobe desired, both defences stoodup to stern for the majority of thegame.View from below the Bottom DivisionVARSITY SPORTLast weekend saw a run out for ateam that have not even made itinto the bottom division. EmmaIVs (a team not yet officiallyin existence) played a friendlymatch against bottom divisionside Caius IVs at Barton Road.Emma were certainly up for thechallenge of playing as illustrious oppositionas a mid-table Seventh Divisionoutfit and arrived at the grounda full 40 minutes early to get a prematchtraining session-cum-warmup going. Caius IVs, by comparison,perhaps slighly arrogantly, turnedup late and engaged in a warm upconsisting of little but kicking ballsat their star striker Mike Judey.Such arrogance, however,was not completely misplacedwith Caius running out comfortablewinners by nine goals to one.This game, however, was notabout Caius IVs. They have alreadyshown their inability toThe boggy pitch meant that playersreally tired towards the end,giving more space to the ‘flair players’.A delightful back-heel nutmegleft the visiting captain looking ashade embarrassed, and 60-yardcross-field passes became commonplace.This was not schoolboyfootball, this was men (and onewoman) playing properly.A final minute goal meant thatClare/Fitz nicked the game 3-2,having lead three times and stillonly holding the lead for an aggregateof three and a half minutes.The result hurt for “Robwyn”, butyou felt that each player probablyhad more important things in theirlives to redress the balance.Would either of these teams competein the college leagues? Not inthe top two flights but they couldprobably hold their own in themiddle leagues. But the match wasfar more enjoyable a spectacle thanDowning vs. Trinity.Botswana Meat Commission – Round upDAN WELLBELOVEThe past six months have been atumultuous period for Botswana MeatCommission F.C. who will be hopingthat the second half of the seasonbrings about a period of much-neededstability. The Club are searching fortheir third manager this year, amidreports of backroom dissent andtreachery. Daniel Nare appearedlikely to succeed Kaizer Kalambo,after resigning from his job at ExtensionGunners, but has declared that hehas no interest in returning to footballuntil the New Year. Enos Mmesi, theformer assistant manager, should nowbe considered the favourite to inheritthe role. Nevertheless, chairmanSonny Phiri may question the logicof appointing a manager so intrinsicallylinked with the old regime, andinstead opt to start afresh. Meanwhile,Kalambo looks set to return tothe game straight away at First Division-strugglersKanye Swallows.Kalambo may have consideredhimself unfortunate to be dismissedonly ten games into his reign, but theBMC board believed that they hadto act swiftly to halt the slide downthe league. Expectations of a top halffinish appeared justified after only fourgames. The side had already obtainedeight points, and enjoyed wins over astrong Gunners team and an admittedlypoor Motlakase. However, thisgood form deteriorated immediatelyafter Varsity began their coverage, asthe team struggled with the increasedmedia scrutiny. The past seven gameshave seen four losses and three draws,as the team has slumped to eleventh,and only kept from sliding into therelegation zone by the ineptitude ofthose below them.Nonetheless, the BMC side shouldnot be overly disheartened by theseason so far, as there have beennumerous positives which they cantake from it. The team is still rebuilding,after considerable losses to theplaying staff over the off-season. Thedefence has proven to be one of theMen’s RugbyResultsFirst DivisionTrinity 0 - 50 DowningJesus 48 - 10 MagdaleneSt John’s 16 - 10 Queens’Second DivisionPembroke 34 - 12 St CatzClare 12 - 7 GirtonMen’s FootballFirst DivisionEmma 6 - 0 Christ’sDowning 0 - 0 TrinitySecond DivisionJesus II 3 - 2 Corpus ChristiPembroke 2 - 3 SelwynQueens’ 2 -2 St John’sFourth DivisionFitz II 1- 6 Caius IIDowning II 1 - 2 CCCCJesus III 1 - 6 St Catz IIIDarwin II 3 - 3 Trinity Hall IIEmma sadly didn’t look like this in theirpink kitplay football this season. Thisgame was about Emma whoseenthusiasm and sportsmanshipthroughout must be commended.Turning up in a bizzare mix of brightlurid colours - mostly pink and orange- Emma looked like they may wellbelong in the Bottom Division, wherethe quality and aethseticity of the kitis extremely dubious. The displayedall the hallmarks of a Seventh Divisionside: mistimed tackles, a terriblefirst touch and no pace anywhere onthe pitche. They would fit in with theother riff-raff of the bottom division.Indeed, despite the scoreline,they were not completely outplayedby Caius and managedto hold their own particularly inmidfield with captain Paul Maynardputting in an admirable shift.To enter the league, Emma IVsneed Emma IIIs to be promoted.This is grossly unfair based onSunday’s display. A 9-1 loss is atypical result in Seventh Divisionand Emma IV should not atall be disheartend. Here’s hopingthat they putting in similarlyhorrible tackles and skewedshots in real matches next year.strongest in the league, as only threeother sides have conceded fewerthan the thirteen that BMC have letin. Scoring goals has been more of aconcern, and the team will look to providegreater support to the talentedbut unpredictable Kenano Kgetholetsile,who has found the net six timesalready this season.Therefore there is no reason forBMC to fear the months ahead. Theyare still adjusting to their new home,and will be hopeful of converting thedraws obtained there into wins. A newmanager will bring fresh impetus to ateam that is approaching a series ofwinnable games against TASC, PoliceXI and Black Peril. Only a few pointsseparate the teams in the middle ofthe Botswanan Premier League table,and one good month will see the teamfrom Lobatse back where they believethey belong.SPORT29Sport inBriefRugbyThere are only three gamesleft for the Rugby Blues matchbefore their early Decemberclash with Oxford University atTwickenham. Next Wednesdayat Grange Road is the traditionalSteele Bodgers match whereCambridgewill throw down thegaunlet to their old rivals andchallenge them to the matchnext month. For this traditionalone, the Blues are anticipatinggetting 3,000-4,000 spectatorsdown to Grange Road, whichitself reflects the importanceof the Varsity Rugby match tothe students of Cambridge. TheBlues are looking good ahead ofthe next month’s clash, but thereare several injury concernsfor captain Jimmy Richards.The Blues need Greg Cushingto be fully fit to take up hisrole as first choice fly half, andBen Maidment, ex of LondonWasps, is currently strugglingfor full fitness. Dan Vickermanis certainly not going to beplaying at Twickenham havinghad an operation on his knee.LacrosseThe Cambridge Women’s Lacrosseteam continued their excellentseason by notching up yet anothercomfortable victory. This weekit was Exeter who were put tothe sword despite putting outa relatively strong first team.It was the strongest team theLacrosse Blues had to face sofar this year and despite a shakystart they comfortably dealt withwhatever Exeter had to throwat them. Goals from ex-captainEllie Walshe kept the scoreboardticking over. Exeter performedbetter in the second period of play,but some excellent goalkeepingrestricted them to scoringmore than six goals, not nearlyenough when Cambridge werein such potent attacking form.RowingRussian Justice minister AlexanderKonovalov rowed withthe Blues squad on Wednesday.Mr Konovalov went out in aboat directed by the Blues’ headcoach Donald Legget. It wasa welcome relief to the Bluessquad after a relatively disappointingperformance over theThames between Mortlake andPutney. The Cambridge Elitecoxed four (consiting of Rasmussen,Nash, Cubasch and Nelson)finished the course over threeseconds behind the Oxford crew.Oxford also managed to winthe Elite coxless four category.Although it is not fair to judgeeither crew based on the foursrace, it can certainly be suggestedthat currently Oxfordhave a psychological advantagegoing into the Christmas break.

3019th November 2010SPORTwww.varsity.co.ukSport Editor: Alex Kennedysport@varsity.co.ukUNIVERSITY WOMEN’S FOOTBALLWomen Blues through to compete in the FA CupCambridge’s women see off Thorpe in the last qualifying round to make it through to the FA Cup properTHORPE UTD 0CAMBRIDGE 3SARA HAENZICambridge University Women’sBlues have made it through to the FACup competition proper after a comfortable3-0 victory against ThorpeUnited. Resplendent in their newkit – with especially pleasing stripedsocks – Cambridge produced a competentdisplay to dispatch a teamonly one division below them.Full of bustle the game thusbegan. Cambridge started off unconvincingly:Thorpe shut them downin their own half for the first five toten minutes. Shape and organisationsoon improved, though, and the firstchances fell to Cambridge. MandyWainwright finished brilliantly togive Cambridge a well-deservedlead. Only a little later, two subsequentcorners should have doubledthis advantage, but Leesa Haydock’sheader was cleared off the line by adefender, and then Wainwright’s wasblocked by a good effort from theThorpe goalkeeper.It did not take long, however, forthe second goal to come. Some nicework in the midfield by BethanyMcGee and a precise cross by thecaptain Maisie Byrne found strikerThe Women’s Blues team pose in their new strip and in action against Thorpe UnitedWainwright, who took her opportunitysuperbly to double Cambridge’slead.Cambridge finished the first halfpoorly, however. A breakdown incommunication and a slightly lethargicwork rate allowed Thorpe to getin their first shot on goal. It was along way off target and the Blues’goal was never really threatened, butthe strength of their team means thatthey should have comfortably controlledthe whole of the game. It wasonly a lack of concentration that ledto this short period of pressure fromThore. Yet the scoreline remainedunchanged and Cambridge went in atthe break two goals ahead, reflectiveof their domination of the half.In the beginning of the second half,the Blues players seemed somewhatinattentive, giving Thorpe room toplay. It remained that way for mostof the second half, although the bestThorpe could achieve were a coupleof corners and one weak shot ontarget.Towards the end, Cambridgemanaged to get stuck in the Thorpehalf again, and through Manon vanThorenburg’s persistence, Wainwrightwas able to score her thirdgoal of the day to complete a superbhat-trick.The three goal to nil scorelineremained unchanged, ensuring thatCambridge could face their longjourney home in a cheerful spirit.The game was not brilliant, and theskill in the side was not evident asoften as it should have been. However,all you want from a cup matchis a win – and win Cambridge did.They are therefore through to theFA cup proper.The next round is to be played on12th December away at NorwichCity Ladies, who will no doubt proveto be a sterner test than Thorpe didlast week. The fact that the game isplayed out of term time is also no helpto the Blues as some of their playerswill be missing. Nonetheless, moralein the camp is high, and the Bluesare confident of pulling out a strongperformance against a very usefulNorwich City outfit.Cambridge’s RouteFirst Qualifying RoundByeSecond Qualifying RoundHethersett Athletic LFC 4Cambridge 4(Cambridge won 4-3 on pens)Third Qualifying RoundThorpe United LFC 0Cambridge 4First Round ProperNorwich City Ladies v.CambridgeNice to meet Blue...Polly Checkland-Harding, women’s water polo captain, CaiusWhen did youstart playingwater polo?I probablystarted in aboutYear 8 - ourgirl’s team atschool startedwith me and a few friends when they took ona new sports teacher who knew how to play.I was reluctant at first: the idea of chucking aball around in water wearing a silly cap didn’tseem that appealing, especially as at thatpoint we were training with the guys! However,I soon saw past that and began to loveit. We built the team up over the years, and bythe time that I was captain in my final year ofsixth form we had a really strong set and weredoing well in school competitions.Why did you choose water polo as yoursport ?If I’m honest, it’s the only sport I’ve ever beenvery good at! I doubt that at school manypeople would have thought of me as ‘sporty’but I decided I wanted to play something atUniversity so stuck with that. I found it incrediblytough at first as there was a big jump inability and fitness but I stuck at it because it’sso much fun to play! It’s fast-paced, physicaland it gets you super fit very very fast. It combinesso many different disciplines and is mostimportantly a team sport – the team has towork together otherwise it all falls apart.“It’s fast-paced, physicaland it gets you super fitvery fast.”What is your favourite personal sportingmemory?Scoring my first goal for Cambridge feltpretty awesome but my best memory has tobe winning Varsity last year! It was a closematch, even though we’d beaten Oxford byan impressive amount earlier in the season,so the elation when the final whistle went wasincredible! We play a lot of other matchesthrough the year, some of which are equallyimportant in terms of the success of the team,but there’s nothing quite like the celebrationsafter beating Oxford.How did you feel before your first universitygame and how did the game go?I was absolutely terrified! I hadn’t been playingfor very long and felt miles behind thestandard of the rest of the team. I ended upreally enjoying it though: because a matchsquad is thirteen players, the newer playersget a chance to play early on without beingput under too much pressure. I probablymade loads of mistakes but I was just proudto be picked.Who is the best player you have playedwith?We’ve got some incredible players on ourteam, but I think the absolute best for mewould be Jeanie Ward-Waller, who played forus last year. She was very experienced havingplayed over in the States, and what set herapart was her ability to bring up the standardof the entirety of the rest of the team. Shecould handle being tackled by about four ofthe opposition at once, and still calmly makesure that you were ready to receive the ball!What is the dressing room like before agame?Our coach is always complaining that we talktoo much during training, but it gets prettyquiet before a match. We try to get everyonepumped up before a game, though, and not letit get too serious.Who are the characters in the dressingroom?Liane Grant has got to be one - she is alwayshaving a laugh with someone, which invariablymeans that she takes an AGE to change! Andthen she wonders why the lifeguards areannoyed. But we love her.What motivates you to get out of bedevery morning and go to training?I think all in all it’s got to be my team. Beingcaptain this year has so far been incrediblyrewarding. Everybody works very hard,plus they are great fun to be with! We’vetaken on a lot of new players and seeinghow they’re improving from week to weekis brilliant.What are you hoping for in the comingseason?We were promoted into the top division ofBUCS in my first year, so staying there is naturallya priority! We are up against some ofthe best universities in the country for sport –they have great facilities and their teams playat the top level so it’s always a challenge butI think that if we keep pushing we could doreally well. We are going abroad on tour overChristmas for the first time in several years,which just shows how committed the team is.I just hope we get the success we have workedso hard for.Will you beat The Other Place?Hell yes! Nuff said.

Sport Editor: Alex Kennedysport@varsity.co.uk19th November 2010www.varsity.co.ukSPORT31Sport CommentVarsity matches are not the be all and end allUniversity sides should stop concentrating so much on the Varsity match and concentrate more on playing competitively all the timeMIKE BENJAMINArguably there is nothingbigger in universitysport than a grudge matchbetween Oxford and Cambridge.They litter the Cambridge sportingcalendar and all university sportingsocieties will have put a big redring around the chosen date. Andwith tens of thousands flocking tothe rugby Varsity match at Twickenham,a similar number attendingthe Boat Race with even morewatching it live on BBC, and withhuge numbers turning up to eventhe polo Varsity, its importance inCambridge life is clear. Howeverwith many teams now playing inleagues and national competitions,the importance of one yearly spatcan be heavily questioned. Consideringthat most other universitieshave adopted their own ‘varsities’,have the two institutions becometoo insular in their outlooks?Much of the allure of Varsityderives from its history; many of themost important fixtures date backto the nineteenth century. The firstever recorded match between thetwo universities dates inevitablyback to Lord’s, the most British ofsporting institutions, where in 1827they played a two-day cricket match.The historic Boat Race followed twoyears later, while the first football andrugby fixtures took place in 1870s.Yet not every Varsity match hassuch a long history, for example thewomen’s rugby Varsity match onlystarted in 1988. It is undoubtedly truethat the match has the same intensitysimply because of the sheer weightof the two intuitions, yet withoutthe historical importance attachedto the event, there is less of a furoresurrounding it.Yet those matches that do containa certain historical significance haveoffered promoters key opportunitiesfor marketing and exploitation.Some of the encounters have driftedinto the public conscience. The BoatRace is live on BBC every year, therugby Varsity live on Sky Sports, asis the rugby league fixture. They areideally suited to the live broadcast:readymade one-off affairs where thewinner takes all.This is something Blues rugbycaptain Jimmy Richards alludes to:“the Varsity match is all about onematch and the success of the wholeyears hinges on just 80 minutes”.Rugby union is one of the few sportswhere the Blues do not compete ina league and Richards admits thatall other matches are essentiallypractice games. He argues that “if wewere to change to a league set up, wewould lose a lot of the mystique andtradition and this would dilute thewhole occasion”Stirring stuff and music topromoters hears but from a fan’spoint of view, it would surely bebetter to see the Blues competein a nail biting and exciting leaguecampaign. Indeed, it would surelybenefit the club as much as thestudents, for a critical league clashbetween the Blues and anothertop rugby side will surely fill morebenches in Grange Road than afriendly between Cambridge andBlackheath.Indeed, as much as the prestigeof Oxbridge counts, real challengescan be posed by other sportinguniversities. It is something revealedby Skylar Neil, RFUW Bluescaptain, when she not only says thatopposition in the women’s rugbyleagues is possibly tougher thanagainst Oxford but also that victoriesagainst Loughborough can meanmore to the players. Indeed, she addsthat “CURFC has placed greaterUNIVERSITY GOLFGolf Blues show promise in early seasonCambridge narrowly come second to Oxford at the annual Doxbridge matchANDREW DINSMOREThe Blues have been hard at work inlaying the groundwork for looks tobe a very promising year. The firstfixture was a preseason clash withOxord and Durham in the annualDoxbridge match held at AldeburghGolf Club. The final score was Oxford12, Cambridge 11 and Durham 4. Itwas a good effort to show Oxfordthat the club has recovered wellsince its 9-6 defeat in Varsity lastyear. Durham were unable to keeppace with the Oxbridge teams,despite having recently been promotedto the Northern Premiership.Cambridge rarely get the opporunityto play other university sides,with their only fixtures usually beingagainst Oxford and golf clubs, and socompeting against a rival universitywas greatly relished by the players.It was an extremely promisingperformance from a team that hasbenefited from an influx of talentand enthusiasm into a club thathas become truly international.Last year’s Varsity disappointmentseems a long way away as the team“With many teamsnow playingin leaguesand nationalcompetitions, theimportance ofVarsity matches canbe questioned”has changed significantly from lastyear. The new star of the team isundoubtedly Ben Wescoe, formerCaptain of Yale golf team, who playsof +3 and recently shot level par atAugusta. His love of golf stretchesbeyond the golf course and into hisstudies as his M.Phil in History ofArt and Architecture allows him togive presentations on “golf coursearchitecture and the picturesque.”The Club is also fortunate to havePaul Schoenberger, from Germany;Geordie Ting, from Singapore; LucasBirrell-Gray from Holland and LouisCaron, also from the States. Thecore of the team is as strong as everwith Ruaraidh Stewart, a Scotsmanand four time Blue, going strong andlooking for a fifth Blue, a remarkableachievement in any sport.The result of this new foundstrength has been a solid performanceso far with two wins, twodraws and four very narrow losses.“It’s tough for the guys as we haveto get up at 5.30am both Saturdayand Sunday to play against teams ontheir home track and they often havea much wider and more experiencedDinsmore Teeing off at last year’s Varsitypool of players to choose so to geta win is really a great result.” AlexSilver, the Secretary of the Club,said.The team spirit this year is highand although Varsity is a long wayoff at the end of March, the prospect“As much asthe prestige ofOxbridge counts,real challengescan be posed byother sportinguniversities”of victory in the oldest match in golfkeeps the guys grinding hard attheir game. At times it can be toughduring the early morning practicesessions and what can only bedescribed, at times, as an SAS survivalmission in the lashing winterwind and rain, but the end goal isalways in the forefront of the team’smind.With the end of the term loomingthe team is looking for a coupleof big wins to finish, which shouldinspire them to practice hard overthe break. It would be just rewardfor the effort that they have put inso far this year. Next year will seethe 122nd Varsity Match, which is tobe played at Royal Cinque Ports thisyear, a former British Open course,and will be a perfect location to showOxford the light.It is without a doubt the bestCambridge team in years and theprospect of a Varsity victory is veryreal indeed. If the Blues are able tokeep their level of performance highthere is no reason why they cannotdefeat a very similarly talentedOxford side.emphasis on our performance in ourBUCS and RFUW leagues and, as aresult, have been very successful inour Varsity matches as well”. Thereis clearly a mutual relationship whichthe Blues have profited from. Teamssuch as Loughborough will always bestronger than Oxford: it would surelybenefit the men’s rugby team tocompete against such teams in morethan just a ‘friendly’ capacity. TheBoat Club similarly train simply forthe Boat Race. Engaging in a morecompetitive environment beforehandwould surely benefit them.Consequently, the issue of Varsityis a hotly debated topic amongstplayers themselves. In this case, bothcaptains clearly feel their respectiveset-ups benefit them the most. Thereis a tension between wanting to keepthe symbolism of the Varsity fixturebut also realising that there may beother challenges out there, some ofwhich can be immensely rewarding.Varsity will always be the fixturefor the season but it must be realisedthat a league campaign complementsit rather than detracts from it.There are benefits to both the cluband the students. For the player,the chance of further glory. For thesupporters, the chance to supportthe best university in the country.That cannot be offered simply by acomfortable victory against a weakOxford side.College RugbyCONTINUED FROM BACK PAGESecondly, they managed to maintainthis pressure with moreincisive and powerful play inthe midfield. Two further penaltieswere probably less than theydeserved, but it still put significantbreathing space in-between themand Queens’.Yet in a display typical of theirseason so far, John’s were unable toto completely close out the game.Credit must go to a spirited performancefrom the Queens’ team, whohave shocked a lot of rugby followersthis season, but it must beacknowledged that they were onlyallowed back into the game due tosome sloppy John’s defence and andsilly indisicpline at the breakdown.A powerful run by Roberts allowedSharples to scamper over in thecorner with Blencowe scoring soonafter in similar fashion. A John’ssinbining came too late for Queens’to do any further damage.This was another victory forJohn’s, but a far from convincingone. They will need to significantlyimprove if they wish to continuemaking back the ground that theylost to Jesus in the first rounds ofthe season.Think you could do better? We’re always looking for sport writers and photographers.If you’d like to work for us, get in contact with our Sport Editor at sport@varsity.co.uk

The Varsitymatch – it’snothing specialSPORT3219th November 2010SPORTwww.varsity.co.ukCommentp31Sport Editor: Alex Kennedysport@varsity.co.ukWomen’s Footballp30Light Bluesmake it intothe FA CupJohn’s seal unconvincing winRed Boys once again fail to impress against Queens’HANNAH COPLEYRedboyReportsOur man on theinside of the StJohn’s 1st XVtells it like itisStrong John’s defence halts another Queens’ attackMIKE BENJAMINDespite passing the half-way pointin the season, John’s rugby is stillstruggling to recapture the form ofprevious seasons. Their second victoryagainst Queens’ this seasonneatly sums up their season’s performances.They managed to ground outa victory but again failed to impress,with Queens’ outscoring them by twotries to one. The John’s juggernaut isstill finding this year’s Division Onetougher going than usual.Yet it was a strong start from theRed Boys with John’s quickly ableto establish themselves in Queens’territory, retaining possession andmoving solidly through the phases.However, the blight of northernhemisphere rugby that is a lack ofexpansive play can be seen in theway John’s have used the ball thisseason. Phase after phase wasplayed narrow with the remnants ofrucks scattered all over the pitch.This did John’s no favours as itleft too few players in the line andslowed their play down. Their appetitefor contact was stopped on theoccasions where the ball was movedout into the backs, but one threateningmove came to a halt as theyfailed to exploit an overlap.After surviving the initial heavyRugby league boys prepare for tour to MaltaTHOMAS BREWSTERST JOHN’S 16QUEENS’ 10Cambridge University RugbyLeague have announced their NewYear Tour to Malta from 12th – 16thJanuary 2011. Trips to destinationssuch as Malta are seen as highlyimportant within the coaching set upas it permits players to gel as a squadin pleasant surroundings. Locationsare not just picked for their sportsfacilities, but must also offer goodworking environments should ourstudents wish to work between sessions.This is a departure for the club– the Rugby League tours have traditionallybeen to Carcassonne inthe south of France, however dueto the adverse weather in the pastcouple of years, they have decided tolook further afield to Malta. RugbyLeague in Malta is currently at anforward bombardment, Queens’worked themselves into the game.Over the next ten minutes, the gamedescended into a messy affair withboth teams unable to hold onto possessionfor any length of time, oftenkicking it away.The rest of the half proved crucialfor the outcome of the game.Queens’ continued to enjoy thebetter of play, launching severalattacks on the John’s try line only tobe denied by a strong defence. Muchof this impetus was based on anotherdominant scrum with Queens’ winningnumerous times against thehead with hooker Layfield showinggood skill. If there is anything thatQueens’ will be able to take awayfrom this campaign it is probablythe best college scrum. They reallyhave shown other colleges how it’sunprecedented high, and importantlyfor the Blues, it can provide the qualityof facility that the club requiresfor such a camp.For the tour, CURL Head CoachJohn Evans (Ex-Head coach ofMidlands Students, GB EmergingStudents), and Assistant CoachThomas Brewster (Ex-Head coachof Durham University & AssistantManager of GB Student Rugbydone and their dominance over bothJesus’ and John’s pack is particularlyimpressive.Nevertheless, it was the boot thatcrucially divided the teams at halftime. While John’s were able to landone of their two penalties, Queensmissed both of theirs, with thesecond one particularly achievable.The second half was almost acarbon copy of the first, only thistime the John’s attack was moredamaging as the juggernaut crashedits way through. First John’s finallymanaged to show some real incisionwith the forwards finally generatingsome quick ball, allowing spacefor the back line to operate in. Theball was shifted through the backseffectively and a try was scored inthe corner.CONTINUED INSIDELeague XIII) are joined by BrianChambers (Warrington Wolves PerformanceCoach).The training camp starts in Cambridgefor a training day on 12thJanuary, before they then travel toMalta on the 13th. The team will traintwice on the 14th before playing thefirst ever international test matchfor Cambridge University RugbyLeague vs Malta Rugby League.With just a couple ofweeks to go before wecan finally take leave ofthis weird and wonderful worldwe, and indeed everyone else,calls “Cambridge,” inevitablythoughts turn to the Chrimboholls.Obviously the biggest socialdate in the calendar is the 9th ofDecember, the Varsity Match,which I’ve marked out in mydiary in eight different colouredhighlighters (two of whichthough turned out to be invisibleink ones, which is annoying.)First up I’d like to say I’mproud to be writing for thestudent newspaper that hassponsored this match every yearsince it began in 1873, and longmay it continue. This year, unlike1873, which I bet was practicallyVictorian in its restraint, shouldbe brilliant, with so many of theJohn’s lads taking to the field:Bunter, Doyley, Abercrombie,Toffo, Hollamache, Dorington,Lovelace and Rodderwitz, andthose are just the guys withridiculous names.I sadly didn’t make the bluessquad this year. The coach saidI had an attitude problem, so Iwrapped him in jelly and threwhim down a flight of stairs shouting“eat the jelly then, go on, eat itif you’re such a big man.” There’salways next year. I obvs want tobe giving the boys all the supportI can anyway, so I’ve arrangedfor about a hundred of us fromJohn’s to be taken in a coach toTwickenham, stopping off alongthe way at the top twenty rugbythemed pubs in Britain to get usin the mood. If we’re sharpishwith our ordering and leave ontime in the morning we should beable to catch the last ten minutesof the game. I’ve prepared a fewchants as well for when we getthere: “Come on the boys in lightblue, play the game well and doyour best to score the tries, wecan win if we play to the best ofour ability, so let’s bloody do itthen eh lads?” and “Rugby!” aremy favourites.After the match there’s abrilliant after party lined upat Mahiki. Toffo’s manning theguest list and the dress codeis “Snow white and the sevendwarfs.” I’ve managed to capturefive so far so my entourageis almost there.