“A violation of basic rights of free speech” - Varsity

News Interviewp6Zac Goldsmith onthe economics ofenvironmentalismFashionp16-17The Last Supper,Cambridge-styleArtsp20-21Bookshops forall seasons: tryour book crawlFRIDAY FEBRUARY 5 TH 2010“A violation ofbasic rights offree speech”Varsity exclusive: Benny Morris speaksout against the cancellation of his talkELLEN DAVIS-WALKER & OSAMA SIDDIQUIRenowned Israeli historian and Cambridgealumnus Professor BennyMorris has condemned the decisionto cancel his talk after accusations of“Islamophobia” were made.Speaking to Varsity yesterday,Morris said, “I believe that theattempt by several Cambridge studentsand a lecturer to prevent melecturing in Cambridge is a violationof basic rights of free speech – just aspreventing publication of cartoonsdepicting Jesus, Moses or Mohammadare violations of free speech.”Morris also criticised the IsraelSociety for caving to pressure andcancelling the talk. He said, “Ithink the Israel Society’s bowing toMuslim-Arab pressures to cancelthe lecture was a terrible mistake,evidence of weakness and a badprecedent.”Morris was originally scheduled tospeak this Thursday on the topic of“1948 Revisited” at an event organizedby the CU Israel Society.The decision to cancel the talkwas made after a petition signed bymembers of the Islamic Society andthe English Faculty, among others,was sent to CUSU.The signatories of the petition saidthey felt that the decision to inviteMorris, who has talked in the past of“a deep problem in Islam… in whichhuman life doesn’t have the samevalue as it does in the West”, couldlead to incitements of racial tension.Morris has been hounded by accusationsof “Islamophobia” since aninterview with The Guardian in2009, in which he claimed that PalestinianArabs have “no respect” fordemocratic values.Previously, he came under attackafter a 2004 interview, in which hestated that Palestinians should be“contained so that they will not succeedin murdering us”.Morris has said that his commenthas been mischaracterised, and is“always trotted out by critics outof historical context”. According tohim, the remark referred specificallyto the proposal to build a securityfence to prevent suicide bombersfrom entering Israel.In a statement, CU Israel Societysaid that they never intended to“provide a platform for racism”, andregretted the fact that Morris’s personalviews were “deeply offensiveto many”.The society defended the decisionto host Morris, stating that theplanned Question and Answer sessionwas meant to be an “open spacefor anyone, including those withgrievances, to challenge Morris.”Speaking to Varsity, Jake Witzenfeld,President of the Israel Society,said that he “decided to cancel for fearof CU Israel Society being portrayedas a mouthpiece of Islamophobia.“To be clear, it was a very cautious,necessary and respectful approachto Cambridge student politics thatdrove this difficult decision.”Witzenfeld added, “Cancelling thelecture and choosing to recognisethe sensitivities of those offended byMorris was unfortunate yet noble.”CONTINUED ON PAGE 3THE INDEPENDENT STUDENT NEWSPAPER SINCE 1947Flying the RAG in Abu DhabiLULU EARLELast weekend, over 100 teams of students took up the challenge oftravelling as far away from Cambridge as possible, with only theirown initiative to assist them. Clad in tuxedos and performing magictricks for donations, the winning pair from Fitzwilliam College raisedthe £449 they needed to buy return tickets to New York, astonishinglyreaching their destination in only 19 of the 36 hours allowed for thetask. Other groups too, met with great success. Second place went to apair who reached Abu Dhabi (pictured), and third to a group reachingDubai. The sponsored hitchhike raised £16,000 for RAG charities lastyear and, although the numbers have not yet been finalised, this yearlooks set to surpass this figure significantly. AVANTIKA CHILKOTIISSUE NO 712 | VARSITY.CO.UKRichardEvans will benext WolfsonPresidentTABATHA LEGGETTProfessor Richard Evans will becomethe fifth President of Wolfson Collegeon September 30th 2010, when currentPresident Dr Gordon Johnsonretires.The Governing Body of WolfsonCollege elected Evans, currently aFellow of Gonville and Caius College,Regius Professor of Modern Historyand Chairman of the Faculty ofHistory.Evans graduated from the Universityof Oxford, and went on to teachat the University of Stirling, the Universityof East Anglia and BirkbeckCollege, London. Whereas most previousRegius Professors were simplychosen, Evans applied for the positionand was selected by a panel.Evans said, “I am very gratefulto the Fellows for selecting me asPresident of Wolfson. It is a uniqueinstitution, which prides itself on itsdistinctively cosmopolitan, egalitarianand informal character and I lookforward with enthusiasm to leadingit over the next few years.”Evans’s work concerns the socialand cultural history of Germany, andhe has been editor of the Journal ofContemporary History since 1998.Johnson told Varsity, “I’m thrilledby the election of Professor Evansto succeed me in October: he bringsgreat academic distinction to the Collegeand valuable experience fromoutside Cambridge, particularly withgraduate students.”Essayp11ACGrayling:Theproblemwithprohibition05 >9 771758 444002

2NEWSFriday February 5th 2010www.varsity.co.ukNews Team: Matthew Symington, Helen Mackreath and Osama Siddiquinews@varsity.co.ukOn varsity.co.uk this weekCOMMENTCatch up with out Man About Town, Jamie Pollock,as he leaves the city behind on a Jailbreak mission toAbu Dhabi and Rob Peal looks at the pros of having alittle restraint.SPORTHead online for sports coverage from across theUniversity, updated throughout the week, and tocheck out our SuperSports videos (see p.31).FASHIONCharlotte Wu explains, plain and simple, why it’s okayto say you love fashion.ENTERTAINMENTColm Flanagan expounds the virtuesof ABBA’s classic ‘Gold’ and we suggestprocrastination possibilities with a lookat 2010’s must-see TV programmes.City Council approveplans to bring tuk-tuksto CambridgePlans are underway to introducetuk-tuks to Cambridge this summeras Cambridge City Councillorsaccept their proposal by entrpreneurMalcolm Fulcher. However, thethree wheeled motorised rickshaws,characteristic of many Asiancountries, will only be permittedto operate as private hire vehicles;this will restrict their activity topre-booked guided tours. A decisionover whether it will be legal forindividuals to hail them from thestreet has yet to be made.Restrictions may be putin place because tuk-tuksfall short of certainlicensing laws regardingdisability access;they do not have thecapacity to accomodatewheelchairs. Concernshave been raised aboutthe proposals, withfears about safety, roadovercrowding and noisepollution. Local taxi drivers,of whom 320 operate in the city, mayalso find their business disrupted.Chinese universitiescould rival Oxbridge,says Ivy League presidentChinese universities could soon rivalOxbridge and the Ivy League, accordingto Professor Richard Levin,President of Yale University.Speaking in Londonon Monday, ProfessorLevin suggested thatwithin 25 years Chineseuniversities could rankamong the top ten mostelite academies in theworld.While the highereducation sectorin England facesdrastic funding cuts,China is spending billionson university education.Nevertheless, oneCambridge studentmaintains, “As moreinternational universitiesincrease their standards,students will no longer berestricted to attending universityin their home country. Hopefullythis will increase links between topuniversities across the world andprovide a plethora of opportunity”.Upgrade modernbuildings, saysCambridge ProfessorProminent University of CambridgeProfessor of Architecture, Alan Short,has criticised commentsmade by Paul Morrell,the Government’sconstruction tsar,about demolishingsome buildingsconstructed in the60s and 70s, as theyare environmentallyunsustainable.Short has rejectedMorrell’s assertion thatmany buildings from thisera need to be demolished in orderto comply with the government’sobjective of significantly reducingcarbon emissions in the constructionindustry. Short argues that upgradingmany of these modern buildings– such as the famous Cripps Buildingin St John’s College – is quicker,cheaper, and less disruptive thandemolishing them and starting again.Modern techniques allow most, ifnot all, buildings to meet the sameenvironmental standards as newlyconstructedones.University pressure to recognize employees’ unionAVANTIKA CHILKOTIThe University of Cambridge iscoming under significant pressure toformally recognise its branch of theUniversity and College Union (UCU),the biggest trade union in the UKfor academics, lecturers, researchersand academic staff. The organisationrepresents over 120,000 workers inthe UK, protecting their employmentand professional interests.The Cambridge division of UCUfirst called for formal universityrecognition 3 years ago. They arenow continuing their pursuit workingalongside Unite, the country’s largestunion which has a membership ofover 2 million workers. The aim ofthe campaign is to gain formal recognitionfor “academic staff”, a termthat encompasses those involvedin both education and research, ineither a professional or administrativecapacity.There appears to be some hopefor success in the unions’ claims asan informal arrangement has beenagreed whereby the Trades UnionCongress will work for the Universityof Cambridge’s academic staff.This is being seen as a promising steptowards an accord that allows for fullrecognition.A UCU spokesperson hascommented : “We think there aresubstantial benefits to both staff andmanagement from having orderlyindustrial relations”. He also addedthat USU is, “the recognised unionfor academic and academic-relatedstaff working in the universitiesacross the UK”.If the workers’ union was fully,formally recognised, staff wouldthen be able to take part in collectivetalks with the university concerningthe terms and conditions of theirwork. With wage award negotiationstaking place at the national level, suchnegotiations have not been missed inthe field of wage bargaining but withmore local issues such as the termsand conditions of work, negotiatingrights are of essence for employees.University and College Union protesters in LeedsThe argument against formalrecognition is that the system andstructure of government at thisuniversity is unique. The university’sgoverning body, Regent House,gives academics great powers ofself-government and includes 3,800academic and administrative staff. Itis thought that the role of this bodywould simply be duplicated were theCambridge branch of UCU to receiveformal recognition.Furthermore, relations betweenthe unions and the management of theuniversity have always been positiveand cooperative, with memberspermitted to join national strikeswhen they wish to. A spokesmanfor the university confirmed that,“the University of Cambridge hasa positive relationship with tradesunions. UCU, Unite and Unisonplay an active consultation role andassist in the effective running of theUniversity”.Rather than this being deemedsufficient and full, formal recognitionof the organisation thus redundant,a representative of UCU sees thesegood relations as an incentive for theuniversity to give the union fullerrecognition: “We already workpositively with the university andother campus unions to ensure ourmembers are effectively representedand have welcomed therecent constructive dialogue with theuniversity on these issues”.Get involvedIf you would like to find out howto write for Varsity, come to oneof our weekly meetings.News: Monday 4pm, Queens'College BarMagazine: Wednesday 5.30pm,The Maypole (Portugal Place)Alternatively, email the relevantsection editor (right) with yourideas.Varsity has been Cambridge’s independent student newspaper since 1947 and distributes 10,000 free copies to every Cambridge College, to ARU and around Cambridge each week.editors Emma Mustich & Laurie Tuffrey editor@varsity.co.uk associate editors Avantika Chilkoti associate@varsity.co.uk & Paul Smith magazine@varsity.co.uk digital editor Zing Tsjeng digital@varsity.co.uknews editor Matthew Symington news@varsity.co.uk deputy news editors Helen Mackreath & Osama Siddiqui news@varsity.co.uk comment editor Charlotte Runcie comment@varsity.co.uksport editors Vince Bennici & Ed Thornton sport@varsity.co.uk features editor Joe Pitt-Rashid features@varsity.co.uk arts editors Alice Hancock & Lara Prendergast arts@varsity.co.uktheatre editor Abigail Dean theatre@varsity.co.uk reviews & listings editor David Pegg reviews@varsity.co.uk fashion editors Matilda Bathurst, Argyro Nicolaou & Charlotte Wu fashion@varsity.co.uksenior reporters Claire Gatzen, Gemma Oke & James Wilson seniorreporter@varsity.co.uk science correspondent Sita Dinanauth science@varsity.co.uk food & drink editor Rosie Corner food@varsity.co.uktheatre critics Nathan Brooker, Nick Chapman, Edward Herring, Jemima Middleton, Kiran Millwood-Hargrave, Lydia Onyett, George Reynolds & David Shone theatrecritic@varsity.co.ukmusic critics Eleanor Careless, Dan Grabiner, Joe Snape & Scott Whittaker music@varsity.co.uk film critics Katie Anderson & Victoria Beale film@varsity.co.ukvisual arts critic Eliot D'Silva visualarts@varsity.co.uk literary critic Zeljka Marosevic literary@varsity.co.uk editor-at-large Laura Freeman laura.freeman@varsity.co.ukvarsitv producer Phillippa Garner vtv@varsity.co.uk varsitv editors Richard Rothschild-Pearson & Fred Rowson vtv@varsity.co.uk deputy varsitv editor Alan Young vtv@varsity.co.ukproduction manager Colm Flanagan production@varsity.co.uk chief sub-editors Lauren Arthur & Angela Scarsbrook subeditor@varsity.co.uksub-editors Lydia Crudge, Mike Hornsey, Joe Perez & Charlotte Sewell subeditor@varsity.co.uk designer Dylan Spencer-Davidson designer@varsity.co.uk design consultant Michael Derringerbusiness & advertising manager Michael Derringer business@varsity.co.uk board of directors Dr Michael Franklin (Chair), Prof. Peter Robinson, Dr Tim Harris, Mr Chris Wright, Mr Michael Derringer,Mr Elliot Ross, Mr Patrick Kingsley (VarSoc President), Miss Anna Trench, Mr Hugo Gye, Mr Michael Stothard, Miss Clementine Dowley, Mr Robert Peal, Mr Christopher Adriaanse, Miss Emma Mustich &Mr Laurie TuffreyNEWSPAPERSSUPPORTRECYCLINGRecycled paper madeup 87.2% of the rawmaterial for UKnewspapers in 2008NEWSPAPERS SUPPORTRECYCLINGVarsity, Old Examination Hall, Free School Lane, Cambridge CB2 3RF. Tel 01223 337575. Fax 01223 760949. Varsity is published by Varsity Publications Ltd. Varsity Publications also publishes BlueSci and The Mays.©2010 Varsity Publications Ltd. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system or transmitted in any form or by any means electronic, mechanical photocopying, recording orotherwise without prior permission of the publisher. Printed at Iliffe Print Cambridge — Winship Road, Milton, Cambridge CB24 6PP on 48gsm UPM Matt Paper. Registered as a newspaper at the Post Office. ISSN 1758-4442

News Team: Matthew Symington, Helen Mackreath and Osama SiddiquiFriday February 5th 2010news@varsity.co.uk www.varsity.co.ukNewSS 3Caius students vote on overhaul in dining systemGcsU propose the introduction of a kitchen fixed charge and a cut in the minimum dining requirementsjames wilsonStudents at Gonville and CaiusCollege will be voting this week onkey measures that could dramaticallyoverhaul the format of halldining.Caius currently has a systemwhereby students are required toeat in hall at least 43 nights perterm at £6.40 each. There is no fixedcharge and students are required tobuy tickets in order to dine. This hasresulted in many wasting money, asstudents choose not to eat at hall anddo not use all of their dinner tickets.A survey carried out by Caius JCRin Michaelmas Term 2009 indicatedthat only 31 percent of studentsused all their tickets. In Lent Termlast year this number was as low as23 percent, whilst one percent ofstudents used none at all.The college now plans to establisha booking system next year, whichwill require students to reserve aplace at a particular hall in advanceof the night in order to eat.The news has received a lukewarmreception from the Gonville andCaius Students’ Union, who believethat the proposals will only add to thethe inflexibility caused by the currentsystem. Pranav Khamar, GCSU foodand bar officer and chair of the GCSUHall Working Group, told Varsitythat the proposed system “will makethings even worse”.Continued from front pageHowever, Cambridge residentand writer on Israel and Palestine,Ben White, argued that the attitudeconveyed in the statement releasedby the CU Israel society, was equallyalarming.“It is unfortunately still not clearwhat the Israel Society finds ‘regrettable’- Morris’ actual views or thefact that many people were offendedby them.”White also added that the decisionto invite someone who “has publiclyexpressed such vile views aboutArabs and Muslims” was a “worryingsign”.He said, “Imagine if a studentgroup organised an event forsomeone who had said similar thingsabout Jews or Africans? The choiceof Morris indicates a certain wayof thinking that should give us allreason for serious concern.”These sentiments were shared bya first-year member of the IslamicSociety at Fitzwilliam College whofelt that it was not the first time thata speaker had been chosen with a“less than tolerant attitude towardsArabs”.Nevertheless, many felt hopefulabout the decision. Rob Mindell,president of the CU Jewish Society,said that “the Israel Society committeehave shown an unprecedentedamount of compassion and considerationtowards minority views inCaius dining roomThey have put forward an alternativeproposal to introduce akitchen fixed charge, reduce ticketprices proportionately and cut theminimum dining requirement toa compulsory 30 nights per term.Students would pay £3 per meal,with the choice to take as manyadditional meals as they choose.This would run in addition to thecollege’s booking system, allowingfurther cost reductions once savingsbecome evident.Those students who currently eatBenny Morris protests cancellationcancelling the talk.“I have felt offended by countlesshateful and anti-Jewish talksthat have taken place in Cambridgeover the past year. It fills me withhope that we have now adopted anProfessor Benny Morris, Israeli historian30 or fewer dinners per term couldsave up to £40 if the changes arebrought in.“Separating costs into KFC andmeal tickets will make it much easierto reduce the number of dinnertickets we have to buy, as there’sno worry about having to coveroverheads of running the collegekitchens,” Mr Khamar told Varsity.“We believe the proposed changeswill give Caius students a lot morechoice. We believe no one will bemade worse-off by our system andatmosphere of understanding andco-operation in Cambridge.”Morris will speak on the samesubject today at 1pm at the Departmentof Political and InternationalStudies.our survey shows most students willalso save a fair bit of money eachterm.”College authorities have indicatedthat while they believe the GCSU’sideas to be feasible, they will notimplement them until they areconvinced they have the studentbody’s support.“The bursars and tutors havebeen receptive to our ideas so far,”added Mr Khamar. “We’re aimingfor a record turnout in this poll. Ifwe get this, and students stronglyReport on climate changeprinted by CUP toned downgemma okeBill collinsAn influential document published byCambridge University Press for theGovernment on the possible effectsof climate change has come underscrutiny as it emerged that claimsmade in the original document wereunable to be scientifically supported.The Stern Review, published by HMTreasury, made claims about changingclimate conditions such as rainfall andhurricane patterns and habitat loss.However, in its second publicationin January 2007 by the CambridgeUniversity Press (CUP), some ofthe predictions contained in the firstreport were scaled down because thescientific evidence they were basedupon could not be verified.Claims relating to the changingclimate of Australia required particularamendments. Assertions such asan expected increase in eucalyptusand savannah habitats, lower rainfallsdue to rising ocean temperatures andincreasingly strong regional typhoonswere all removed in the report’s secondpublication. While these claims weregiven strong media coverage, theirremoval was not publicly announced.A statement from the CUPdefended its involvement in thesupport our ideas, I’m confident thatwe can agree with college to implementour proposals very soon.”The issue brings to light a controversialdebate regarding theadvantages and disadvantages ofhaving a kitchen fixed charge andcompulsory eating in hall.“It’s a massive improvement instudents’ degree of choice,” statedMr Khamar. “Instead of having tobuy meals to eat in hall most nightsevery term, students will only payfor the meals they do choose toeat.”Others are more skeptical. “We’restill being made to eat in hall for asubstantial number of days,” saidone undergraduate. “I’d rather eatelsewhere and the college’s proposalswould allow me to do that withoutwasting money.”It is general practice at Cambridgecolleges to have a fixed charge ofaround £146 that students arerequired to pay every term, withsome stipulating a certain numberof nights that students must dine infor. Gonville and Caius has long beenthe exception.James Polyblank, the JCR president,said: “Caius students havespent years, if not decades campaigningfor cheaper and fewer dinnertickets. It’s beginning to look likewe’ve finally cracked it!”Students at Caius will be votingfrom Tuesday to Friday, with thepossibility of an extension.altered publication, highlighting thatthe Cambridge University Presshad no involvement in any of thesechanges made to the body of thereport or its findings, except for thenormal editorial processes such ascorrecting spelling errors.A spokesperson for the Press said:“We are aware that some changeswere made to the Report before themanuscript arrived at the Press,but we were not involved in thosechanges.”She continued: “The Report isCrown copyright and our contractwas for the book version of the Reportas delivered to us by HM Treasury.”52 Trumpington StreetCambridge CB2 1RGFREE CHELSEA BUNWith every purchase over £2.00 in the shopORFREE MORNINGCOFFEE/TEA(9am-12pm)With any cake or pastry in the restauranton presentation of this voucherand proof of student status

4NEWSFriday January 29th 2010www.varsity.co.ukNews Team: Matthew Symington, Helen Mackreath and Osama Siddiquinews@varsity.co.ukGlobal breakout for RAG JailbreakersTeams reach Washington and Abu Dhabi for the charity fundraiserANNA FAHYAn annual Cambridge ritual, theRAG Jailbreak competition challengespairs of University studentsto get as far away from the city aspossible in just 36 hours, withoutspending any of their own money.This year’s event has been widelyregarded as one of the most successfulyet, with the winners managingto get to Washington DC. Nick Milletand Reza Khorasanee, both fromFitzwilliam College, raised the £449necessary for return tickets to NewYork, primarily through performingmagic tricks.Dressed in tuxedos, Reza promisedto solve a rubix cube in under40 seconds, while Nick performedcard tricks, resulting in the boysraising £120 on the train to Londonalone. Once in New York, the pair’stricks continued to impress, earningthem enough money to get toWinners Nick Millet and RezaKhorasanee in WashingtonNICK MILLETWashington just before the 36 hourdeadline.Despite the success of their magictricks, the boys also noted the surprisingnumber of connections theyfound with people on the trip.“Someone in the city knew myuncle, and a lawyer we met in Americahad just listened to a talk byProfessor Michael Lamb, one of mylecturers,” Nick, an SPS student,told us. “Even on the train to LiverpoolStreet we met an ex-RAG repwho donated £40.”Other Jailbreak teams also managedto travel incredible distancesthis year. The second placed teammade it to Abu Dhabi, 5478.7kmfrom Cambridge, while the thirdpair got as far as Dubai.Three teams managed to get toTurkey, and over four fifths of the101 teams competing made it out ofthe UK.While the majority of far-reachingteams used the money they’d raisedJAMES KEMPJames Kemp and Lana Whittaker in ParisARU set to cut 1000 placesfor next academic yearto buy airline tickets, some pairsdecided to hitch-hike all the way. Themost successful reached Alicantein Spain, an impressive 1539.64kmfrom Cambridge city centre.Other impressive hitch-hikeslanded students in Berlin and Bratislava,Slovakia.Of the hitch-hiking experience,Katie Forster, who made it toSpain along with Simon Whitaker,enthused, “I’m so glad we did it.It was a great experience. It couldhave been dangerous, but we didn’treally think about it at the time.”With the pairs’ 36 hours coming toan end at 9pm on Saturday evening,the couples were forced to return toreality on Monday morning. As Rezamarvelled, “I was back in dissectionby 10am.”Cambridge RAG supports a widevariety of charities, including theAlzheimer’s Society, Jimmy’s NightShelter and the East Anglia AirAmbulances.ROLAND CHANIN-MORRISRoland Chanin-Morris and Elaine Davisin PortugalThe Best of the Travel Logs...Eccentric European truck driversfeatured heavily in this year’sJailbreak. Thanks go out in particularto Stanislaw who dumped histeam outside the channel tunnel;and Antonio, who memorablylamented “I can’t handle peoplecalling my mum a bitch, maybewhen she was 45, not at 70, shehasn’t had sex for 40 years”.Wayne, action man cum drugdealer, whose startling commentsincluded – “I once caught, killed,stripped, skinned, cooked andate a chicken in an hour,” and “Ican’t eat cheese...cos of what mybrother made me do...” is likelyto spawn a cult following.Our Jailbreakers seem to haveresorted to rather unorthodoxmethods. One team grew so desperatethat they attempted topick the pockets of a homelessman, whose response was quitesimply: “I AM charity.”Whilst some teams were grovellingin the gutter, others soughtmore luxurious means of gettingahead. The Bentley sounds nice,Alex and Palika, as does dinnerwith a Count – note that sluttymaid’s outfits guarantee sameday flights and haute cuisine uponarrival.Whilst the majority of the teamswere trudging through the hinterlandsof west Germany, otherswere enjoying distinctlymore exotic climes; fromskinny-dipping in theFinnish gulf, to strollingalong the beach in Alicante andsouthern Portugal.There were low points along theway: stranded outside the aluminiumfactory, one team could onlymuster “I think Dunkirk is wheretrucks come to die.” For some,it was a trip down memory lane;it seems like more than a coincidencethat Robin got to revisitthe scene of his lost virginity.Nostalgia aside, one teamarrived at their destination 500miles away from Cambridge asthe Proclaimers’ ‘500 miles’ burstforth from the radio, setting atriumphant tone. This year’sJailbreakers emerged victoriousover their ’09 counterparts, evenin the face of extreme adversity.“Pay for a bus you tramps” was ahit to our M25 massif, but merelya blip of abuse in an otherwiseepic weekend.FLO SHARP AND JESS NICHOLLS,RAG COMMITTEE JAILBREAKREPSCU Amnesty take to the streets in ‘ShellHell Day’HUGO SCHMIDTAnglia Ruskin University hasannounced that it will be cutting1,000 student places in the next academicyear. This decision has come inthe wake of £215 million reductionsin the Education budget, a cut whichwill rise to a total of 950 million by2013.This decision has come at a particularlybad time for ARU. The numberof applicants had increased by 30%in previous years, and this had led toARU planning an extension to theircampus. The new University Centreat Harlow has recently had its planningpermission approved, withintended facilities including a 96 seatlecture theatre, an i-Lab and conferencingfacilities.Michael Thorne, the vice chancellorof Anglia Ruskin University toldVarsity: “It is not places that will belost. The Government is capping thenumber of full time UK undergraduatesany university can recruit thisSeptember to the number recruitedin 2008.“Because of a baby boom 17 or18 years ago there are more sixthformers than ever before wanting auniversity place and likely to be academicallyqualified to get one.“At Anglia Ruskin applicationsare up more than 30% and we wouldnormally have expected to take anadditional 1700 students this comingsummer as a result of that increase.Instead, however we shall have toturn them away.”People estimate that across all universitiesmore than 200,000 studentswill be turned away this year.”His statements are echoed by ProfessorSteve Smith, the President ofUniversities UK, who has sharplycriticised the Government, sayingthat similar losses in Universityplaces will be felt throughout thecountry.But the Minister for Higher Education,David Lammy, has describedthis prospect as “scaremongering”and assured his listeners thatHEFCE, the Higher EducationFunding Council for England, wouldcut in such a way as to minimise theimpact on staff and students.Whilst the bulk of the cuts arebeing targeted towards capital projectsand expansions, the teachinggrant is scheduled to fall by £215 million,with a further reduction of £48million from postgraduate and foundationcourses. Professor Smith hassaid that these cuts will inevitablyreduce the quality of teaching.JULIA LICHNOVA-DINANYesterday saw the coming of ‘ShellHell Day’, part of Cambridge UniversityAmnesty International’scampaign to end Royal Dutch Shell’spollution of the Niger Delta and theuse of gas flaring in the region.Protesters donned white jumpsuits and gathered outside SenateHouse, calling for Shell to “clean uptheir act”.According to the ‘Shell Hell Campaign’Facebook group, which hasover 300 members, the UK-basedpetroleum company “makes millionsof dollars while pollutingeco-systems”.Gas flaring and oil pollution arecited as the main culprits of environmentaland human damage.Catherine Lough, one of the organisersof the protest, stated that 30,000tonnes of oil are spilled every yearover the Niger Delta.Hannah Perry, CU Amnesty Chairand protest organiser, said: “Oilpollution severely affects local communitieswho depend so strongly onclean rivers for fishing and unpollutedland for farming in ordersupport their families.”The protest was supported byDr Julian Huppert, the Lib Demparliamentary candidate for Cambridgeand a Fellow of Clare College.The Trinity graduate who introducedModel United Nations in Cambridgehas maintained a lifelong interestin international affairs and humanrights.He described his visit to Nigeria:“I’ve been out there, I’ve seenfor myself the bright, smoky jets ofwaste gas. The levels of pollutionthis produces are really affecting thepeople.”Students were quick to commentCU Amnesty Protesters at ‘Shell Hell Day’ form the Shell logoon the possible influence of a Cambridgecampaign. “Many collegeshave investments in Shell, and thecompany often employs Cambridgegraduates – for example, engineersfrom Churchill”, noted Sarina, CUAmnesty Treasurer.Fernandes added, “Our aim is forthe Colleges to affect direct pressureson Shell.”The CU Amnesty group is hopefulfor the future. “Cambridge’s voice isnot alone”, said Perry. “We are partof a massive movement.”JULIA LICHNOVA-DINAN

1897A lb Opportunity Cambs AD_1897A lb Opportunity Cambs AD 15/01/2010 14:11 Page 1Opportunity awaitsAre you looking for options that will open new doors? Would you like to develop valuable skills?Do you want to be part of a collaborative team culture that brings out the best in you?Step forward at www.deloitte.co.uk/graduateswww.deloitte.co.uk/graduates© 2010 Deloitte LLP. All rights reserved.

NNeWS 6Friday February 5th 2010www.varsity.co.ukNews Team: Matthew Symington, Helen Mackreath and Osama Siddiquinews@varsity.co.ukHi! SocietyNewS iNTerviewTrue blues and keen greensAIESECDid you forgo a gap year, andnow always feel a pang of envywhen your well-travelled friendrecalls their various adventureshugging monkeys and orphansin a far off land? Well, the goodnews is that the AssociationInternationale des Étudiantsen Sciences Économiques etCommerciales, AIESEC forshort, can offer you a secondchance.AIESEC was established in1948 with the aim of promotinggreater cultural understandingthrough international exchangeprograms. This is no pen-palscheme, however, as today’smembers undertake both voluntaryand paid work placementsin professional organisations,schools and charities for aperiod of 2-18 months across100 countries.The program doesn’t endthere: once you return a morewell-rounded individual, the‘Heading For The Future’conference awaits, enabling youto “learn about capitalising onyour experience and about howto get the job that you want inthe future”.Even if going abroad is notfor you, these conferencesoccur regularly: the Cambridgeheats of the AIESEC NationalLeadership Tournament,described by the president,Mark Sommerfield, as being“like a one day Dragons’ Denexperience”, is due to take placeon February 27th, and is open toall Cambridge students.The society extends farbeyond the parameters of thebubble, working in 21 universitiesacross the UK witharound 40,000 members worldwide.Last year it sent sevenCambridge students on highquality internships to placeslike India, Ecuador, Kenyaand Poland. This year they arehoping to send twice as many.Competition for thisCV-booster is rigorous: theadmission process searches forthose who “have what it takesto succeed, who are preparedto work and play hard”. This isevidenced by their impressivelist of alumni including a formerprime minister of Japan and BillClinton (reassuringly, GeorgeBush didn’t make the grade).Experience comes at a price,costing £350, but in terms of“keeping up with the Joneses”of the gap year, it’s worth it.ROANNA MOTTERSHEADRising Tory star Zac Goldsmith tells Jessica King why every goodConservative is also an environmentalistThe elusive Zac Goldsmith arriveslate to the party at which I havebeen promised an audience withhim. Goldsmith is the Conservativeparliamentary candidate forRichmond Park, and a rising figurewithin the Conservative party.As ex-editor of environmentaljournal The Ecologist, his roleseems to be to strengthen thenew eco-friendly face of conservatism.On joining the party in2005, he famously declared, “AConservative who is not also in hisheart an environmentalist cannotlegitimately be described as aConservative.”Goldsmith is also famous for hispersonal life, having inherited avast fortune from his late father,which he has put to good use infunding both his journalism and hispolitical career. Given his amplecelebrity, I am disappointed, andnot a little embarrassed, whenhe charmingly declines to beinterviewed, citing the continuedtendency of journalists to misinterprethis comments.I assume he is referring to thefurore surrounding his financialmanagement: Goldsmith recentlyadmitted to claiming non-domiciletax status despite growing upin southwest London. I assurehim ingratiatingly that I, for one,believe him to be an honest politician.He promises to answer anyquestions I may have via email, andresponds promptly.One would be forgiven forthinking that Goldsmith occupiesa paradoxical role in influencingConservative environmental policy.In the ‘Gummer-Goldsmith’ report,he recommended such measures ascapping flight numbers and banningnight flights from Heathrow.He was also instrumental inpersuading BAA to scrap plans fora third runway if the Conservativescome to power. Yet he also takesgreat pains to point out that themain aim of Tory environmentalpolicy is, “reconciling the marketwith the environment”.Surely reducing the number offlights will have a negative impacton airliners’ profit margins? Heresponds with an air of economicsensibility: “Green policy shouldn’tbe about punishment or stealthtaxes. It needs to incentivisethe right behaviour, for examplethrough tax breaks, and that needsto be paid for by disincentives onpolluting behaviour.”I suspect that Conservativepolicy towards airliners may alsohave something to do with noisepollution – an attempt to cater tothe middle-class suburban voterswho form their principal supportbase, at least in Goldsmith’s constituencyof Richmond.These constituencies are alsolikely to react positively to theConservatives’ proposed measureof decentralising energy provision.Conservative Party policy is apparentlycommitted to “developingand expanding renewable forms ofenergy” such as wind turbines andcombined heat and power.Energy is to be increasinglygenerated on a small scale withinthe local community, encouraged bya system of “feed-in tariffs”, whichGoldsmith elaborates on thus: “TheFeed-in-Tariff is a mechanism forfixing the price of energy generatedby renewables, so that homeownerscan know exactly how long it willtake them to earn their initial costback.”He does, however, stress thatLabour have proposed a similarpolicy, but one on which apparently“the levels are to be set very low”.Conservative policy, he says, will be“at a much more ambitious level”.Although Goldsmith is clearlydedicated to combating climatechange, there has been some uncertaintyas to whether the majorityof the Conservative party are ascommitted. Recent concerns overpublished material from the EastAnglia Climate research unit, whichsuggests that evidence for anthropogenicglobal warming has beenexaggerated, have reinforced thesceptical position.Not only this but many of theproposed measures, regardless ofGoldsmith’s best attempts, will becostly, and the Conservative oldguard especially hate unnecessaryexpense. When asked about this,“There has neverbeen a nuclearpower plant thatwasn’t run atthe taxpayer’sexpense. In a freemarket, nuclearwouldn’t exist”Goldsmith minimises a possible riftin the party, but admits that theleaked emails are a “real problem.Scientists should never seekto manipulate data for politicalreasons.”His own view, however, has notchanged: “There is as close to aconsensus as science allows thatwe have a problem, and that weought to take the precautionaryapproach.”Another controversial issuefor environmental campaignersis that of the increasing interestand investment in nuclear power.Official Conservative doctrinestates that “Nuclear power willbe part of the energy mix if it iseconomically viable,” a suitablyambiguous position.Goldsmith’s view, however, isthat “nuclear power cannot deliverthat value for money.” He adds,“don’t forget there has never beena nuclear power plant that wasn’tconstructed and run at the public’sexpense. In a free market, nuclearwouldn’t exist.”I also have a chance to ask himabout economic policy. Conservativeshave proposed a numberof measures to solve the currentcrisis: working with councils tofreeze council tax for two years bycutting spending on governmentadvertising, cutting governmentspending and introducing a £50billion National Loan GuaranteeScheme to encourage banks to lendto small businesses again.Although Goldsmith is keen tostress the necessity of a “combinationof policies”, spending cutsare the first thing he emphasises,using the example of the criminaljustice system, the cost of whichhas “nearly doubled in 10 years,”without obvious improvements.A less obviously Conservativeproposal is the freeze on counciltax, intended to “help strugglingfamilies”. Finally, the NationalLoan Guarantee Scheme, accordingto Goldsmith, is based on the soundeconomic science for which theparty is reputed. Labour’s VAT cuthe dismisses as “nonsense”.There you have it. Zac Goldsmith,a rare example of a greencampaigner with a sound grasp ofeconomics. Long may he continue toact as a force for innovation in theConservative party.

News Team: Matthew Symington, Helen Mackreath and Osama SiddiquiFriday February 5th 2010news@varsity.co.uk www.varsity.co.ukNEWSS 7VARSITY PROFILEPiotr DudaReflections on Cambridge from the Trailer of Life’s haute-cuisine heroCambridgeSpiesWe won’t fully appreciate thewarmth and comfort that the Trailerof Life brings to our post-Cindieswanderings until it’s no longer withus. Having moved on to the Cityor wherever, walks home from anight out will always lack the reliefoffered by an uplifted canvas toshelter under, the intoxicating aromaof a hard-at-work deep-fat fryer, andthe friendly face of a bespectacledproprietor waiting to take your orderand waving his tongs around like amadman.Before I absent myself from thisworld forever, I took the opportunityto chat to Piotr Duda, the chapmentioned above. Like mine, Piotr’srelationship with the Trailer of Lifeends this year. “My wife is running arestaurant and I plan to run it withher back in Poland,” he tells me.But he has promised to return to theTrailer once a year for eight weeks tohelp his cousin: the Trailer of Life isa family business, and Piotr and hiscousin are business partners.I ask Piotr, who has been inCambridge since 1998, if he’s everhad a few rough nights at the Trailerof Life, or if there’s anything customersdo that annoys him particularly.“What makes me really upset,” hebegins, “is either people calling mea foreigner or drunk people thinkingthey’ve got the wrong change. Atthe end of last August we had a lotof trouble.”But to my question on what hethinks of University students he saysUniversityWatchGelato University in BolognaWhen the Gelato University in Bologna wasestablished in 2003, it could hardly have beenexpected that the number of enrolments tothe institution would experience an 89 percentincrease by 2009. Indeed, between 2008 and2009, enrolments in the £600-a-week coursenearly doubled. This rise is partly due tojob losses during the recent recession, withex-businessmen flooding to the university totry their hand at gelato-making and createa new future for themselves. The institutionruns six courses, ranging from beginner toadvanced, which aim to teach the artand science of producing perfectgelato. Students are encouragedto experiment with exotic flavours,such as red wine, olive oil, Parmesancheese with pear, and basilwith lemon. The institution wasestablished as an offspring ofCarpigiani, the Italiancompany behind themanufacture of 70percent of gelatomakingmachinesworldwide.there is “only one answer: they aremost polite, most friendly, and verygood people”.Yet not without their own irritatinghabits; remembering the grin ona friend’s face as he placed an orderat the till giving his name as Quivern.Piotr has had plenty where that camefrom: “People give names like Jesus,as well as very rude names that Iwon’t repeat.”Out of interest, I ask at whattime Piotr gets to bed in these coldCambridge nights, “6am”, is theimmediate answer, “and we start at 6pm, but I sleep all day in between.”I assume social lives are a lowpriority then, but decide in any caseto ask Piotr if he’s a fan of Cindies, “Ihaven’t been to Cindies in over twoyears,” he responds, “these days ifI do go out I usually go to La Razaor Fez.”I decide to round off my interviewwith some Trailer of Life trivia, andfind out that Piotr’s own order wouldalways be a chicken fillet burgerwith cheese alongside cheesy friesand gravy.I am less amused to learn whatit takes to obtain a discount at theTrailer, having always consideredmyself slightly special for receiving10 percent off. “Students automaticallyget 10 percent off, and very fewof them know that!” Oh, I see. Eagerto complete the advertisement,Piotr continues: “Bring your studentcards along and you get immediatediscount.” MATTHEW SYMINGTONUniversity of CumbriaThe University of Cumbria is facing a financialcrisis, which will lead to top university officialssubmitting a bid for a £25 million emergencyaid package to the Higher Education FundingCouncil for England next month. The bail-outis unlikely to protect jobs, but will instead gotoward upgrading the university’s real estateand developing new academic courses in areasincluding tourism, energy and food security.These changes are to be made in order to reflectthe needs of the local economy, part of thereason for the creation of the university. In thecoming months, up to 200 jobs couldbe cut, while a restructuring of theuniversity from five faculties tothree, cutting such subjects ashistory and law, is expected. Areview of extracurricular serviceswill also take place. The universitycurrently has the highest staffsalary costs of any Englishuniversity at 71 percentof income, compared toa national average of 56percent. Decisions are dueto take place in late February.University of BathKarl Woodgett, 37, a registrar at the Universityof Bath, and formerly at the Universityof Surrey, has been sentenced to nine monthsin prison, suspended for one year and orderedto do 200 hours of community service. He wasconvicted of forging degree certificates fortwo Cameroonean women in return for sexualfavours. His system for distributing fakedegrees had already been honed by his experiencewith his ex-wife, also of African origin, andher family, before he enlisted Elsie Neh andMbone Kemba for a “pain management study”,as Woodgett described it in an email. He filmedhimself caning and spanking the women to feedhis caning fetish during the “study”, whichthey had consented to participate in. JudgeDavid Ticehurst, who presided over the case,made the point that Woodgett has underminedthe aim of universities by knowingly falsifyingdocuments. ESMÉ NICHOLSONMap of Cameroon, home of Woodgett’s victimsALASTAIR APPLETONSock BlockedDonning his lucky socks, thisfootball-mad son of the manserounded off an evening ofintemperance by leaving inthe company of a wee smasher.Extending the hand of fellowshipto a fellow Scot, they returned toher room, where the frisky fillyundressed her man, leaving himsporting nothing but his auspicioustogs. Not so lucky. The lightblue emblem stamped across ourhero’s socks proved too muchfor the lass, herself an ardentCeltic fan. Old Firm rivalriesspringing to the fore, our beauin blue was promptly ejected, hisclothes following him soon after.Lacking the candour to ask forhis shoes, a long hobble homefollowed, his socks providinga soggy reminder of the failedventure.Helping HandBy the time second year comesaround, most of this University’sstudents know their onions.They know their Mahal fromtheir Curry King. They knowwhen they should stop on theVKs. One unfortunate chap ofthe swapping brigade, however,had rather too “ruddy good” atime this Sunday eve. Makinghis way back up The Hill, ourfine-mannered gentleman wascompelled to telephone his collegiatepater for what turned outto be rather too helping a hand.The obliging fellow dutifullycame down, but found himselfsomewhat overwhelmed withthis here trollied rah decidingto revert to his birthday suitamidst the shrubbery belongingto some revered College Fellowsand insisting upon taking a tinklewith this “helping hand” comingto his aid most directly.SkinnyMan Cans FanOne grimy clubber last weekresponded to a visiting arstite’scharitable appeal with a heckleddemand to “shut the fuck up andrap”. At which point our skinnyhero did just that for the firsttime that evening, respondingwith a torrent of rhythmic jibesthat would make even the hardiestsoulja blush.

8 NeWSFriday February 5th 2010www.varsity.co.ukNews Team: Matthew Symington, Helen Mackreath and Osama Siddiquinews@varsity.co.ukStudents lash out against “homophobic”remarks of Lib Dem councillorStudent to stand for Labourin Council electionsclaire gatzenCambridge students have reactedfuriously to ‘homophobic’ commentsmade by a Cambridge LiberalDemocrat councillor.Cambridgeshire County CouncillorKilian Bourke created a groupon social networking site Facebookcalled “Romsey 27 – The Legacy”.On the group page, Bourke boastedthat the group could “ridicule all andsundry with their dazzling repertory[sic] of scathing insults, suchas: That’s gay! Don’t be so gay! Areyou gay or something? and Get outof my face you raging homo!”Bourke also tells an anecdoteon the site about going to a party,talking to a room full of men, and“feeling secure”, only to discoverthat some of them were gay.Bourke’s remarks came underfire from students of all politicalaffiliations.George Owers, Chair of theCambridge University LabourClub, described Bourke as a “principle-lessopportunist”. Speaking toVarsity, he said, “These commentsare an absolute disgrace, the kindof thing you’d expect from a BNPcouncillor, not from a ‘mainstream’politician.”He added, “If he decides to stay on,I hope they have the good sense tokick him out at the next election.”John Oxley, vice-chairman ofCambridge University ConservativeAssociation, told Varsity:“Homophobia is an outdated andabhorrent prejudice, and has noplace in modern politics.Mr Bourke should stronglyconsider both his actions and hisposition, which I for one believeis untenable in light of suchremarks.”CUSU LGBT President RaymondLi, speaking to Varsity, said that hewas “disgusted and surprised thatsuch comments could come froma Lib Dem councillor, especiallywhen the party he is working for isregarded as being LGBT-friendly.”Chair of the Cambridge StudentLiberal Democrats Dom Weldontold Varsity, “I despise homophobiaand homophobic insults.” However,he was keen to emphasise that“Bourke has apologised wholeheartedlyfor the offence caused bythis unfortunate lapse.”Lib Dem Councillor Kilian BourkeBourke said that he apologised“unreservedly” for any offencecaused by his comments. He said,“I assure you they do not reflectmy views. They were made severalyears ago when I was a studentand were intended as a stupid jokebetween friends.”Thatcher’s private papers from 1979released at ChurchillDocuments include details of ex-PM’s pre-election dietemma mustichA collection of approximately 25,000private documents from MargaretThatcher’s first year as Prime Minister(May-December 1979) was releasedlast Saturday for public viewingand consultation at the ChurchillArchives Centre in Cambridge.Among the documents areunexpected details of a protein-richdiet Thatcher took up only monthsbefore her 1979 election, and noteson Thatcher’s original choices for herfirst Cabinet, in addition to crucialtexts relating to both foreign policyand domestic relations in the formerBritish premier’s first year.A folded sheet found tucked insideThatcher’s 1979 pocket diary andentitled “Mayo Clinic Diet” outlinesa nutritional regime designed to helpits follower lose up to 20 lbs in twoweeks.The sheet bears Thatcher’shandwriting, including check-marksand “x”s next to each day’s recommendedfoods. The documentsuggests that Thatcher tried to loseweight at some point before the May4th 1979 general election, when shestopped using the diary.The discovery of the diet sheet isespecially interesting in light of astatement made by Thatcher in aninterview for The Sun published inmid-March 1979. In the interview,Thatcher said, “I have no specialdieting regime of meals, I just try toeat little.”The Mayo Clinic Diet recommends28 eggs per week. Other foods on thepolitical candidate’s diet includedspinach, steak, cottage cheese andcold chicken. A note at the bottomwarns that whisky is the onlyalcoholic beverage to be consumed,and that it can only be taken on dayswhen meat is eaten.Crucial documents in the widercollection include notes on thebrainstorm behind Thatcher’s firstCabinet appointments. These show,for example, that Michael Heseltine,later instrumental in Thatcher’s fallThatcher’s pre-election diet regimefrom power, was originally intendedto be Secretary of State for Energy,rather than Secretary of State forthe Environment.They also reveal that Thatcherconsidered giving Nicholas Ridleya Cabinet post in 1979, but changedher mind, later appointing him Secretaryof State for Transport in 1983.The simultaneous opening, withthis new collection, of parts of thecollections of Thatcher Press SecretaryBernard Ingham and PolicyUnit Chief John Hoskyns, will allowfor increased understanding of thebehind-the-scenes work of DowningStreet staff.The papers released on Saturdayunder the 30-year rule complementthe set of Thatcher’s official papersfor 1979 that were opened last monthin the National Archives at Kew.This marks “the first time that aBritish Prime Minister’s private andofficial papers have been released intandem,” according to a ChurchillArchives Centre press release.The Margaret Thatcher Foundation,in partnership with theMargaret Thatcher Archive Trustand the Churchill Archives Centre,also announced Saturday that itplans ultimately to make all ofLady Thatcher’s papers, from thebeginning of her career through1990, available to the public for freethrough a digitisation scheme.Documents that have already beenreleased can be viewed online atwww.margaretthatcher.org.Katie FOrsterA Cambridge student has beenselected by the Cambridge LabourParty to run as one of their candidatesin the upcoming city councilelections.George Owers is a 3rd year PPSISstudent at Jesus College and the headof the Cambridge University LabourClub. He will run for the position ofCity Councillor for Abbey Ward, anarea to the East of town. The wardis a marginal one and the battle forseats between the parties is said tobe fierce.Abbey Ward currently has threecouncillors: two Labour and oneGreen. Owers has told Varsity thathe is “determined to hold the seatfor Labour”. If elected, he plans towork for change in the Cambridgecommunity, promising to “fight toimprove people’s lives in real ways,from helping to fix problems withdrainage and anti-social behaviour, tothe bigger city-wide issues”.However, societies in Cambridgethat support other political partieshave been quick to criticise thedecision. Dom Weldon, chair ofthe Cambridge Student LiberalDemocrats, believes that Owers wasselected out of necessity. He says:“I think the party having to select astudent, rather than finding a localresident shows just how much thesupport for Labour in Abbey hasdied away.”Nick Hillman is the Conservativecandidate for Cambridge in the 2010election and a resident of AbbeyWard. He has highlighted his surprisethat Owers is standing in a wardwith a relatively low proportion ofstudents, saying that “perhaps heMA Publishingknows how unpopular Labour’s cutsto universities are among students”.One of the most contentioussubjects in the upcoming City Councilelections is the proposed redevelopmentof the site of the currentprivate Marshall Airport to makeway for new homes. The LabourParty oppose the rebuilding of thesite. Owers says that the plans will“rob the city of thousands of skilledjobs and cause infrastructural andtraffic chaos”.However, Dom Weldon points outthe need for affordable housing inCambridge, stating that “building onthe airport is the only way to tacklethis human crisis in an environmentallyfriendly way.”The Conservatives also oppose themove and have highlighted discrepanciesbetween Labour policy andaction, as Nick Hillman points out:“The Labour Party claims to beagainst the development, but it is theLabour Government that is pushingfor so many new homes to be built.”The City Council elections will beheld on May 6th 2010.George Owers, head of CULC•Developed in close collaborationwith Cambridge University Pressand other publishing professionals•Master classes from seniorprofessionals•Work experience and mentoringopportunities•Hart McLeod Bursary including a£1000 fees discountFor further information:Visit: www.anglia.ac.uk/alsspgEmail: sarah.jones@anglia.ac.ukCall: 0845 196 2981

Comment Editor: Charlotte RuncieFriday February 5th 2010comment@varsity.co.uk www.varsity.co.ukCOMMENT 9Comment“Fetishising marriage andcalling for censorship arethe unintelligent reflexes ofmoralisers.”AC GRAYLINGWhat did Blair really do for us?ROB PEALBlair’s personality is hard tounderstand. At the centreof it there is a paradox: heis undoubtedly a man of immensefaith and conviction, but he is alsoterrifyingly dishonest. The ChilcotInquiry has confirmed that at theroot of this paradox lies Blair’sjuggernaut of an ego.It is highly revealing that as astudent Blair did not want to bePrime Minister, he wanted to be arock star. He still has the rampantself-regard of a demented celebrity,and this is behind his capacity forinsincerity. For Blair, his messianicself-belief that whatever he pursuesis right, justifies lying on a grandscale in order to get there. So hehas made deceit his political art.In 1997 the newly elected TonyBlair let the Labour Party accepta £1 million bribe from BernieEcclestone to change legislationon tobacco advertising, and thendeclared to the nation that he wasa “pretty straight kind of guy”.Britain should have taken note:you should never believe someonewho tells you they are honest. Andif ever there was a fundamentaldiscrepancy between claims anddeeds it can be seen in Tony Blair’sBlair’s performance at the Chilcot Inquiry will secure hisreputation as a wild egotist and a compulsively dishonest mansubsequent career.Watching him come back from thedead at the Chilcot Inquiry was anunnerving experience, like reunitingwith a former friend who had“He believed in thethreat of WMDssimply because hewanted to.”let you down. All of those famousmannerisms which once convincedthe electorate he was a decentman had a very different effectlast week. The staccato intonation,emphatic hand movements,nods of the head, little chucklesand complicit smile almost seemeddisrespectful in their flagrantinsincerity.Some have praised Blair forhis robust defence at the Inquiry,but the strength of his assertionswas completely at odds withthe weakness of his arguments.Blair’s style of justification hasalways been solipsistic, demandingthat the public just accept hisown conviction. Such defences arecompletely insufficient. His tediousrefrain, “I did what I believewas right” is little different fromclaiming, “I believe what I didwas right.” As a frighteningly selfregardingman, Blair is incapable ofseeing past the imagined infallibilityof his own judgement.This can be seen in almost all ofhis answers to panel. In defendingthe importance of 9/11 he simplyignored the irrelevance of al-Qaedato Iraq, and fatuously stated, “Iregarded it as an attack on us.”Equally, his defence of the infamousdossier entitled ‘Iraq’s Weaponsof Mass Destruction’ dependedon what it was that he thought.Why was a document assembledlike a piece of A-level coursework,ripping claims off PhD dissertationsfound on the Internet, presented toParliament as “extensive, detailedand authoritative”? After dramaticallyremoving his glasses, Blairanswered, “I did believe it, andI did believe it frankly beyonddoubt.”The panel weakly accept Blair’sprofession of ‘belief’ as sufficient.However, ‘belief’ is not an answer:it merely opens up the question ofwhy Blair believed what he did.Some of the earlier revelations ofthe Inquiry can help us with thatquestion. Many, such as ForeignPolicy advisor Sir David Manning,have testified that Blair pledgedBritish support to Bush at hisTexas ranch in April 2002. So by thetime the dossier was published fourmonths later, Britain wasalready on coursefor war. It is clearthat such dossierswere not objectivecases forwar piecedtogether byprofessionallyimpartial CivilServants, buthack jobs cobbledtogether by AlastairCampbell to justify whatwas in fact a foregone conclusion.Blair believed in the threat ofWMDs simply because he wantedto believe it. What is more, hewanted Parliament and the publicto believe it.Blair also let slip in his interviewwith Fern Britton last year thateven if he had known before thatthere were no WMDs, he wouldhave wanted regime change inIraq. So if it wasn’t about theweapons, we still have to ask: whywas Blair so intent on taking usto war? Once again, the answer ishis ego. A friend of Blair’s recentlydescribed him as “like a girl whowants to go to all the best dances”.When the big players were goingin against the baddies, Blairdesperately wanted to be part of abattle between good and evil. Theopinions of one million Britons whomarched in protest, the twoMPs who stood down fromthe cabinet and the UNwere never going tostop his mission.Like the egotistwho fantasises abouthis own funeral,Blair is preoccupiedby his legacy.Behind Blair’s catchphrase“move on” is abelief that all his actionsrepresent political progress/Godly providence. Blair depictedhimself as the grand interpreterof progress, perpetually ‘movingon’. But we have not moved on.In terms of peace in the MiddleEast and Britain’s respect in globalpolitics, we have taken a big stepbackwards. That is Blair’s legacy.Read Rob’s blog, ‘The WorldOutside’, at varsity.co.uk/blogsSo it turns out Education is for saleGEMMA GRONLANDAll this Education Tripostalk is beginning to wearthin. This isn’t becauseI’m apathetic towards the issue,or because I think that Educationis a ‘nothing’ subject whosestudents should all fuck off back toHomerton. On the contrary, I aman Education student myself, andI’m disappointed at the decision toeradicate my Tripos. Still, I find ithard to be anything but pessimisticabout its future.The Tripos is currently set toend by 2012 because of financialconstraints, yet another rejig of thesocial sciences and perhaps a generalfeeling that all of us studying Educationare just a little bit shit. This lastreason is why I am pessimistic. IfSocial Sciences should defend its doomed little cornerit were all about money or the needto reorganise the PPSIS faculty (Ithink this is right... it’s changed somany times I’m probably missing aP in there) then the horizon mightlook brighter. These issues areminor in comparison to the ratherinsulting claim that those of us whohave chosen to study Educationare not quite as clever as the restof the Cambridge student body. Sohow does the subject overcome thiswave of discouragement? Well, itprobably won’t. Fast forwardto 2012 and “... yeah, Istudy Social PsychologicalInternational Politics withelectives in Anthropology,Education andCriminology. I thinkthey call it SPIPAEC ...”You get the idea.The ramifications of ending theTripos go beyond the damaged egosof its students. Social sciences willbecome even more ridiculouslyamalgamated, with even less opportunityfor specialism. This talkabout uniting the social sciencesunder one faculty and creatinga new, independent Faculty ofPsychology speaks volumes forthe University’s general attitudetowards social sciences. Whileit welcomes with open arms theformation of an independent facultyfor the most scientific-soundingsocial science, it assumes that allthe others can be consolidatedwithout any detriment tothe depth and breadth ofthe subjects themselves. If Iwanted to study Anthropology,I would want to know thatI could in a faculty that doesn’tjust offer it as a Part II after twoyears of compulsory study in otherdisciplines. This is where I thinkthe University is failing its SocialSciences students. Future applicantslooking to study Educationwill be disappointed to find it hasbeen replaced with a tokenisticPart II option rather than a full,in-depth degree. This might leadthem to look elsewhere. It bafflesme that the University boasts thebest Education degree in Englandwhilst questioning the prestige ofthe course.Whilst I have a bleak outlookon the future of the Tripos, I havenot resigned myself to do nothingabout it. I’m just unsure about thebest course of action. One justificationfor the course as it is now isthat many Education students goon to do PGCEs and the TeachFirst graduate scheme. So what?Students from lots of other subjectsgo on to do exactly the same.This reasoning only perpetuatesthe notion that those of us whostudy Education do so becausewe definitely want to be teachers,which isn’t the case. Nobody saysto Geographers, “Oh, so you wantto draw maps?” It should not beassumed that an Education degreeis only worthwhile if the studentwants a career in the field. Thoseof us willing to contest the currentdecision should be making betterarguments for the value of thesubject and, more importantly,emphasising the enthusiasm andability of the students. Oh, and justto clear things up: we don’t all go toHomerton.

10CoMMENT AND EDIToRIALFriday February 5th 2010www.varsity.co.ukComment Editor: Charlotte Runciecomment@varsity.co.ukolly watsonEstablished in 1947Issue No 712Old Examination Hall, Free School Lane, Cambridge, CB2 3RFTelephone: 01223 337575 Fax: 01223 760949Speaking freelyCU Israel Society’s decision to cancel Benny Morris’s talk this weekhas clearly sparked a controversy. Morris himself is somethingof a difficult figure to pin down, having divided opinion betweenhistorians in the past and garnered accusations of being bothpro-Israeli and pro-Palestinian.What is clear is that he is prone to making attention-seekingstatements. This is the man, after all, who said, “When the choiceis between ethnic cleansing and genocide – the annihilation of yourpeople – I prefer ethnic cleansing,” and suggested a pre-emptivenuclear strike on Iran as the only alternative to stop Iran’s nuclearprospects.But free speech is a basic right, even though it might sometimescome at the cost of allowing incendiary, even dangerous, viewpointsto be expressed. Last year’s Nick Griffin Question Time debaclebrought this to our attention. The aftermath of the broadcast saw,rightly, widespread disgust and disapprobation towards Griffin andthe BNP. Unfortunately, it also seems to have provoked an increasein the radical party’s membership. However, in allowing Griffin avoice, the BBC ultimately showed up his vile, reproachable views.By inviting Benny Morris to speak, were the Israel Society givinghis reputedly anti-Palestinian views a promotional platform, or werethey simply allowing him to express these views, so as to enable usto question and possibly criticise? The true nature of Morris’s viewscan only be tested and demonstrated if those views are aired, tobe thoroughly questioned and debated. If his ideas are dangerousor offensive, surely it is better to know their mettle in order moreeffectively to combat them.Yes to NUSThis week, students will vote on the issue of CUSU’s continued NUSaffiliation. Disaffiliation could free us from what the ‘NO’ campaignerssee as extraneous costs and ineffectual politics on the organisation’spart. But affiliation, which costs about the same as two pints perstudent per year, has saved us vast amounts in the form of interestfreebank accounts, allows us a greater sense of solidarity withuniversity students nationwide, and - crucially - voices our concernson the national stage.Referenda on NUS affiliation in recent years have seen a repeatedfailure to attain the requisite 2,000 votes in a discouraging display ofapathy. So many students complain that CUSU is irrelevant, but, ifthis is true, we are merely perpetuating the fact by not participatingin its elections. We must get the number voting well over 2,000 thisyear.We do not need to rehearse more detailed arguments for or againstNUS affiliation now; these are freely available online. In threesentences: Voting is now open. We vote ‘YES’. We hope you will too.Letters to theEditorAs leaders of students’ unionsfrom around Britain, we urge thestudents of Cambridge to voteYES to remain affiliated to NUS.NUS is the most powerful voicestudents have within society toshape their educational experienceand defend their rights. The workdone by NUS to support our unionsand represent students nationallyis simply irreplaceable. Havingcampaigned alongside CUSU andshared best practice with yoursabbatical officers, we would hate tosee Cambridge shrink into isolation.Public expenditure cuts, a highereducation funding review dominatedby business interests and a generalelection which looks set to result ina hung parliament, place today’sstudents in a unique position. If everstudents needed a strong nationalvoice to defend the quality of theirexperience, it is now.Cambridge students deserve tobe at the centre this movement,rather than out in the cold. Pleasevote YES for NUS in the referendumand leave CUSU best placedto improve the lives of students inCambridge.Stefan Baskerville (Oxford)Aled Dilwyn-Fisher (LSE)Thomas Graham (Edinburgh)Andrew Bradley (Warwick)Ryan Wain (KCL)Paul Tobin (Sheffield)Fabian Neuner (Birmingham)Dannie Grufferty (Liverpool)Emma DiIorio (Bristol)Roxy Shamsolmaali (Nottingham)Sarah Hutchinson (Oxford)Emilie Tapping (KCL)Brigid Fisher (Birmingham)Alexander Erdlenbruch (Sheffield)Would that more Christians werelike Rosie Tegelaars (‘Confessionsof a Christian’); sadly, CICCUaren’t. I was the fresher whostarted the thread on The StudentRoom her article refers to. Backthen, I asked “What’s wrong withCICCU?” Now a finalist, I cananswer my own question. CICCU’sproblem isn’t how they spread theirmessage, but the message itself.They think that all gay relationshipsare bad and that gay peopleare disordered. They think thateveryone who isn’t a Christian getssent to hell: an eternal concentrationcamp for non-believers. Theythink this is a good thing, andexactly what my loved ones and Ideserve because of who and whatwe are: human, but not Christian. Iwon’t follow Tegelaars’ suggestionto ‘join the debate’ with CICCUbecause I consider their beliefsbeneath contempt, and I think this,rather than endemic relativism, iswhy Cambridge students dislikethem. If CICCU had courage intheir convictions they’d debateinstead of preach. Perhaps they’rescared they’d lose; listening to theirspeakers, those fears would bewell-founded. For an organisationdevoted to spreading and defendingthe ‘Good News’, CICCU areremarkably light on apologetics.They have much to say sorry for.Gregory LewisGonville and CaiusEmail letters@varsity.co.uk for thechance to win a bottle from theCambridge Wine Merchants. Lettersmay be edited.OverratedWeek 4: Stephen FryFirstly I want to apologiseto Mr. Fry; this is nothingpersonal. I adore QI, and Ilove the fact he’s raised awarenessof gay issues. In some areas Fryis criminally underrated, such aswith his film writing debut BrightYoung Things, and the astonishinglypersonal The Secret Life ofthe Manic Depressive. But I stilldon’t understand why everyonefawns around Fry to the extentthey do.As I write this, Fry has 1,289,721Twitter followers, and they areincreasing by the second. And whatdoes he do with it? Put pressure onthe government? Make a movementfor change? No. He encouragespolitical apathy and publiclyrefused to vote in the 2005 election.I’ve had many conversations withpeople who abstained from votingand been told that if the nation’sscrumptilicious teddy-bear doesn’t,why should they?Fry also decried tax-payers forbeing upset over the MPs’ expensesscandal. “Who hasn’t fiddledexpenses?” he said, and thoughhe has a point, this is unsuitablecoming from such a figurehead.“A tedious, bourgeois obsession”,says someone who has clearlybenefited from financial fiddling atthe tax-payers expense. Hardly theideal role model.The media reporting Fry’s everymove is tedious. Maybe it’s just me,but I don’t care if he stops usingTwitter or not. Not everything hedoes is news; nor should he be the‘go-to-celeb’ for a comment on anytechnology-based advance or newsstory.No-one can criticise Fry withoutfear of umbrage from the socialmedia community. Back in October,when one microblogger dared tosay that although he admired Fry,he found his tweets “a bit... boring”,the uproar was ludicrous, with eventhe BBC finding it necessary to runthe story. The poor chap who daredto say anything was bombardedwith rebukes from Fry’s manyfollowers. There are numerousFacebook groups demandingStephen Fry be made King, PrimeMinister and/or Poet Laureate(maybe all of them at once). Onegroup appears to think he alreadyis, declaring “Bad MouthingStephen Fry should be classed asTreason”. He apparently has hisown day (24th Aug), and there iseven one group with the sole aim ofaiding his escape from a lift.I want to make it clear; I do nothate Stephen. I just feel it is possiblehe has spread himself a littlethin; the moments of excellence arediluted by inane comments regardingthe weather or darts scores.I hate his sycophantic fans whofawn on his every word, makingcomplaints about news articlesthey have yet to read (by their ownadmittance), simply because Fryhas frowned upon it. I re-iterate: Ido not dislike Fry; I merely wish hewas a little less ubiquitous and lessrevered by those who appear to beunder the illusion he is God.But Stephen, please don’t sendyour Twitter army after me. I’mscared of them. All 1,290,282 ofthem. michelle brook

Comment Editor: Charlotte Runciecomment@varsity.co.ukFriday February 5th 2010www.varsity.co.ukCoMMEnt11thE ESSAYBack to VictoriaNot-SciThere are fashions in moralsas there are in everythingelse, but though fashionsin clothing or music are usuallyharmless and sometimes amusing,the oscillation between reactionaryand liberal moralities is anothermatter, especially when its directionis reactionary. Alas, I perceivejust such a movement occurringnow; which invites comment and anassemblage of reminders.Here are some straws in the wind.Mr David Cameron, perhaps thenext Prime Minister, has announceda policy of tax breaks to ‘supportmarriage’. At time of writing thepolicy’s details are still in flux,but its aim of providing a moneyinducement to people to get andstay married – which at a minimumspecifically means acquiring arelevant piece of paper from themunicipality – has a clear premise.It is that there is something aboutthat piece of paper which turnslong-term committed relationshipsinto something ‘proper’ and worthyof reward. In the background of thisview are residues of theology andcontrol of sex, and a wish to reviveand re-emphasize ideas of socialacceptability, in effect by making thestate a third contracting party torelationships.Mr Cameron says his policy isbased on the claimed fact that whenboth parents in addition have amunicipal document, their childrendo better than if the municipaldocument is absent. This claimedfact is one that needs inspection,now that magical thinking aboutthese matters is less common. Inthe long and unhappy history ofChurch and state interest in licensingcohabitation and reproduction,the argument for marriage was notabout children but the supposedmagic: marriage was a ‘sacrament’,‘ordained of God,’ and so forth. Theobvious fact that children flourishif they have a plurality of kindand happy adults caring for themis these days somehow parlayedby moralizers into pieties aboutmarriage, leaving the ‘sacrament’part to be taken care of by thewedding dress industry.In a speech outlining his taxbreaks Mr Cameron further saidthat the media and advertisersshould be discouraged from flauntingsaucy, explicit, flesh-revealingimages (he ignored a cry of ‘PageThree!’ from the audience, becauseThe Sun is on his side) in order toprotect children. Moves to turnpublic space into a kindergarten areone of the earliest signs of moralchill, and one of the surest. Otherpeople call it censorship, but not MrCameron; challenged directly aboutthis, he did not reply.These moralistic indications fromthe Conservative Party, not hithertobest known for keeping its trousersup and its hands out of tills, tendin the same direction as another ofthose laborious Labour governmentinitiatives consisting of all gestureand no thought, namely, its efforts toCriminalisation and legislation are the last resorts ofthe fussy moralizer, argues AC Grayling. We can’t letsociety be controlled by finger-wagging prudesdeal with prostitution by prohibitionand criminalisation. It passed a lawlast autumn criminalising customersof sex workers if these latterhad been trafficked. Now, genuinetrafficking is an extremely horriblecrime involving kidnapping andcoercion. Someone who had sexualrelations with the victim of suchtreatment is surely committing rape.As this latter point suggests, thereare laws already in place to punishthe crimes implicated in genuinetrafficking. The Labour government,with its bad habit of duplicatingexisting laws, and too often on thebasis of bad thinking, was unable to“If the exampleof Prohibition in1920s Americateaches anything,it is thatprohibition andcriminalisationmake allproblems worse”resist gesture politics here.For one thing, the definitionof trafficking is so broad that itobscures the serious problem ofreal trafficking. So if a young gayman comes to the UK from Poland(where homosexuals are persecuted)to work in the sex industry, and ifa friend helps him make any of thearrangements involved in movingto Britain and finding somewhereto stay, he is thereby officially‘trafficked’ and his friend and hisclients are officially criminals.Many people find it hard tobelieve that some other peoplemight actually choose to be sexworkers. They deny that anyonewould become a sex worker if notcoerced by pimps, drug habits, ordesperate poverty. This is the thinkingbehind the current Glasgowcampaign to stamp out prostitutionby criminalising its customers.Glasgow City Council’s hope is thatthe Scottish Assembly will adoptthe same measures for the countryas a whole. The sponsors of suchmeasures, convinced that sex workis always unwilling and horrible,would accordingly be surprisedwhen they hear about, for example,Tuppy Owens and the TenderLoving Care (TLC) Trust, whichputs disabled people in touch withsex workers willing to help themwith their needs. Think of the deprivationexperienced by, say, armlessor paralysed men and women;think of the extraordinarily warmimagination of those who recognisethat deprivation, and respond toit. A Times article reported that“The TLC has helped hundredsof people with disabilities… manysex workers offer a concession todisabled clients who genuinelycannot afford what they offer.”Like most other activities, sexwork has a large lower end wheredrug addiction, violence, disease andmisery are rife: not all or even manysex workers are Belles de Jour. Doesit solve such problems by drivingit further underground, furtherinto the arms of crime, further intostigma and exclusion? Laws againstbrothels force sex workers onto thestreet, alone, in all weathers, whenthey could be safer and warmer ina house together. Less stigmatizationof everything to do with thesex trade would encourage itsworkers and clients to access healthadvice and care, and to reduce theabuses that too easily occur whenit is driven into the shadows. If theexample of Prohibition in 1920sAmerica teaches anything, it is thatmichael lovettprohibition and criminalisation makeall problems worse.There is of course a better alternativein all these matters. Familieswith children should be helped tostay flourishingly together, howeverconstituted and whether or not amarriage licence has been bought.People abused, coerced, harmed, nomatter in what line of work, shouldbe protected. Addicts should behelped, and criminals given lessopportunity to exploit human miseryin any respect. This applies to theareas where matters of morality tipover into problems; by no means allof them do, and those that do notshould never be the business of thepolice or even of finger-waggingprudes.Fetishizing marriage, calling forcensorship, promoting ‘wars’ ondrugs and prostitution through thecriminal law, are the unintelligentreflexes of moralizers who do notwant anyone else to do, be or seewhat they themselves dislike orare frightened of doing, being andseeing. In the days of Mary Whitehouse,who did not want anyone elseto see on television what she personallydisapproved of, the great puzzlewas why she had bought a televisionwithout an ‘off’ button. Today’s newmoralizers have to be reminded thatif they seek to do good, it is bestdone through working along thegrain of human nature, not againstit, and in particular by sympathetic,constructive and tolerant means.But first they have to be sure thattheir moralizing impulse is notsimply a matter of having forgottenwhere the ‘off’ button is whenthey are tempted to meddle in otherpeople’s lives.AC Grayling is Professor ofPhilosophy at Birkbeck, University ofLondon, author of over twenty bookson philosophy and other subjects,and a columnist for The Times.Scientific reporting inThe Daily FailAccording to The Daily Mail,some things that increase therisk of cancer are: aspirin,babies, bacon, being a blackperson, being a woman, being aman, being Southern, blow jobs,bras, a broken heart, children,cod liver oil, crayons, dogs,Facebook, flip-flops, being tall,large heads, left handedness,pregnancy, sex, teen sex andworking.If you are a southerner whowears bras, has a broken heartand wears flip-flops, you might,understandably, be concerned.Visit the Facebook group ‘TheDaily Mail list of ‘Things thatgive you cancer’’ to see a list ofthe many other things that TheDaily Mail has linked to cancerand to read the original articles.But really, there has been nopaper over the last decade thathas demonstrated consistentlyand unashamedly that scaringits readers into buying it ismore important than crediblejournalism.I’m not going to deny thatI occasionally read The DailyMail when I’m looking for someentertainment. Even this weekI read ‘The tell tail clue to ahappy dog…they wag it to theleft’ and ‘Lord of the dance:Prince Harry ditches ceremonyand gets down to the Calypsobeat in Haiti fundraising effort’.I even perused ‘Not so steadycam! The first film to be shotentirely by chimps using bashproof cameras’ with interest.Even if these stories arecompletely inaccurate – evenif a happy dog wags its tail tothe right and Harry never ‘gotdown’ to any beat, Calypso orotherwise – it is unlikely tochange my life in any way, andmore importantly it won’t havewidespread consequences forthe public in general.But sometimes it is serious.While the media in general werecareless during the MMR scare,The Daily Mail was particularlyirresponsible. In fact, I thinkthe paper has yet to produce awell written, informative andbalanced science article.The Daily Mail is to sciencewhat Jedward were to TheX Factor: entertaining andpopular with the public, but notfor the right reasons.SITA DINANAUTH

I am very much looking forward to'Rescued?' next week and count it areal privilege to have been asked tospeak each night at Great St. Mary'sChurch. Obviously the question is whybother coming?The reason to give a little precioustime to come and listen to either thelunchtime or the evening talks is this:If the coming of Christ at Christmas isnot the best news you've heard in yourlife, you can be sure, you can becertain, you've misunderstood it.It would be great to see you.Best wishesRico TiceTHE HEARTBREAKS YOU EMBRACENew theatre cabaret staring Stuart Flynnwritten by Orlando Readeworkshopswith helen mortfridays: 12.02, 19.02,26.02, 05.03, 11.03The mays xviii and the Marlowe Society bring you aprogramme of poetry and script writing workshops. Incollaboration with prize-winning poet Helen Mort, we will beorganising a weekly laboratory in Cambridge for a group ofnew writers to work on their poems or drama, with a particularemphasis on new play writing.The Other Prize. The Mays anthology. The John Kinsella / TracyRyan Poetry Prize. Future fame. It’s all to play for.If you are interested please send an application detailing whoyou are, what you are currently working on or have alreadywritten, and what you would like to work on were you to jointhe group. If you have any work to submit for considerationthen please limit it to two pages maximum together with yourapplication. All are welcome to apply though places are limited.Please send your applications to Mark Maughan (mjm91@cam.ac.uk) and Helen Mort (hm317@cam.ac.uk) no later than middayon Monday 8th February.Workshops will take place every Friday of term from the 12thof February onwards.8pmThursday 11 & Friday 12 FebruaryMichaelhouse CafeAll tickets £5 on the doorthemayshttp://mays.varsity.co.uk

FRIDAY FEBRUARY 5 TH 2010The Varsity MagazineFEATURES, ARTS, FASHION & REVIEWSOld NewsEXPLORING THE VARSITY ARCHIVESPlus Ben Goldacre p15, Cambridge’s best bookshops p20-21 and Reviews p24-25

14MAGAZINEFriday February 5th 2010www.varsity.co.ukMagazine Editor: Paul Smithmagazine@varsity.co.ukThe Zeitgeist TapeThe fortnight’s entertainment water-coolergossip, digested for your pleasureIt was the Grammys on Sundaynight. Do you care? Not really.The Grammys have onlyslightly more relevance to goodmusic than a block of slightly offRoquefort. Take, for example,Taylor Swift, who has beenbestowed four Grammys by theGrammy gods. Wikipedia claims thejudges are members of the NationalAcademy of Recording Arts andSciences, but Zeitgeist Tape prefersto think of them as a shadowy warcabinet of recording executives inHugo Boss, strategising on howbest to leech as much money aspossible from a dying industry. Youcan imagine the decision processthat led up to Swift’s annunciationas the youngest ever Grammywinner: “Beyoncé?” “She doeshave the voice…” “Yeah, but canshe really sing about being in thebleachers and falling in love withfootball captains convincingly?”“Good point. Let’s give Beyonce sixGrammys and hope Sasha Fiercesubsumes her entire ego.”A few months ago, Swift wasbetter known as the one Kanye Westinterrupted. Now, West is not amongthe most amiable people on Earth.This is a man, after all, who wearsfloor-length chinchilla fur coats andthen accuses people of not having“fun” with fashion. However, afterseeing Swift perform an excruciatingrendition of ‘Rhiannon’ with StevieNicks of Fleetwood Mac, we may beforced to admit Kanye was right.We were led to believe thatSwift was a “preternaturallygifted songwriter” (Rolling Stonemagazine) or a “hugely talentedperson” (John Mayer) in the mouldof a female Elliot Smith. Or evena second-rate Liz Phair. But no.Sample lyric: “Romeo, save me, theytry to tell me how to feel / This loveis difficult, but it’s real”. Dire Straitsthis ain’t. But just try telling that toyour little sister.In other showbiz news SimonCowell, having started with LeonardCohen’s ‘Hallelujah’, has moved on toruining more classic rock songs: thistime, R.E.M.’s ‘Everybody Hurts’.Among other notables, the singlefeatures Mariah Carey, Cheryl Cole,Susan Boyle, JLS, Miley Cyrus and,uh, Mika. This is the problem withcharity singles. For every TakeThat, there is also a James Blunt:the name in the room that nobodywants to acknowledge. Pity the JoeMcElderrys of this world, cursed toplay second fiddle to Jon Bon Jovi.You can imagine the phone call: “HiJoe, listen, Simon really appreciatesyour talent and he’d like for you torecord a charity single. You’ll besinging the line “when the day islong”, except you’ll be harmonisingwith Mariah. And Michael Bublé.And Mika. It’ll be great.” Has a morerandom selection of musicians everexisted? In any case, Cowell’s fingerpuppets are lending their voices forcharity Helping Haiti. And Cowell’sproducer-in-crime? The Sun.Now, we’re not one to besmirchany charity effort to help an impoverishedcountry in need, no matterhow ill-conceived or celeb-studded,but come on now. The Sun is notexactly synonymous with theword charitable. If any Haitianrefugees came over to English soil,with nothing but a tale of tragedyand woe, The Sun would ask twoquestions: “Are you a key worker?”and “Are you a welfare thief?”before promptly filing a deportationorder. It also doesn’t help that theBritish charity single is going upagainst its American counterpart, are-recording of ‘We Are The World’.It clocks in at 75 singers and featureseverybody from Barbara Streisandto Carlos Santana. It’s like yourAuntie Doris’ weekly local parishsing-along going up against theVienna Boys’ Choir. No matter howhard they try, no matter how manypo-faced American rock songs aboutpain and suffering they cover, Britishcharity singles can never reallyescape the cheesy whiff of naffness.Here’s the solution: embrace thenaff. Get Bill Nighy to cover ABBAwith Wallace and Gromit on guestvocals. Send it out with a badlyPhotoshopped cover of Nighy’s headon the body of David Hasselhoff. Ifnothing else, somebody might launcha Facebook campaign to propel it tonumber one. zing tsjengHead online to read VictoriaBeale’s ‘Self-Help’ column.HOTCHATROULETTE.COM Links you intoa random webcam chat with fellowprocrastinators, drunkards, andweirdos across the world. Nowwith genius drinking game.tinyurl.com/ygsjs9cHOWARD THEATRE ATDOWNING COLLEGEIt flushes with rainwater,heats with solar panels andentertains with theatre. Whatmore could you want?GRAZE.COM Delivers yourdaily dose of fresh fruit andnuts to your pigeonhole,all for £2.99. Genius.LOST Final season of famous seriesreturns to UK shores today. Refreshyour memory of season one to five:tinyurl.com/y9v6aq7EMMA WATSON FORPEOPLETREE Harry Potteractress and Cambridgerunaway designs for ethicalfashion label. Still shouldhave gone to Homerton.NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCKReformed boyband have announceda string of reunion gigs. Altogethernow: “NKOTB, had a bunchof hits, Chinese foodmakes me sick...”GAEL GARCIABERNALThe Science of Sleepstar’s marriage is onthe rocks as he demandsa paternity test for hischild. Ay, papi...BRITNEY SPEARSHer black lace D&GGrammy dress wasclassy... until you gotto her lack of a skirt.NOTSISTER VALERIE WALKER71, NUNSEARCH:worst+line+reading+everWhich words do you mostoveruse?Astonishing and mammamia.What’s hot?Being with friendsand having gooddiscussions.What’s not?Being ill or unwell.What is your guiltiestpleasure?Chocolate.Tell us a secret aboutyourselfI enjoy reading detectivenovels.What do you dream of?I dream of lots of intelligentyoung women joining theconvent.And finally, dogs or cats?Both, but dogs.Week 4: Songs For A SwapJay-Z - ‘Girls Girls Girls’Rugby Swap. Mahal. Standard. Superhero fancy dress theme. Tonightyou’re Misogyny Man, wearing a costume of boxers and a cape. Jokes.Velvet Underground - ‘Femme Fatale’Sitting beside you in the Curry House is Katy. She can down six VKs ina row and had a walk-on role on Hollyoaks last summer. Fit.Fat Les - ‘Vindaloo’Wine is flowing, pennies are flying, korma decorating the walls and thestaff are crying. Banter.Beastie Boys - ‘Fight For Your Right’The Cindies Bouncer won’t budge. Katy’s already in the club. Cringe. You tellhim you’re synonymous with Cambridge. Everything goes black. Heavy.The Strokes - ‘Last Nite’Waking up bruised in the doorway of Heffers (lad), you stagger home,switch on your computer and check out VarsiTV. That guy beingslapped on Cindies Stories seems really familiar...Oh God. Oh man. Oh God. Ohman. Oh God Oh man. Oh God ohman. OhGodOhManOhGodOhManOhGodOhMan.Ryan O’Neal’sacting is actually THAT bad.Overheard“That’s the last time I’mever giving a handjobin someone’s backgarden.”(9pm, outside Trinity)

Features Editor: Joe Pitt-RashidFriday February 5th 2010features@varsity.co.uk www.varsity.co.ukFEATURES 15Where the buzz is atBefore they headline the NME Tour, Eleanor Careless chats to Hugo White, guitarist withThe Maccabees about their rapid rise to fameIf success is a honeypot, TheMaccabees have flown to it.Following a second albumgenerally rapturously received, theyare set to headline the ShockwavesNME Awards Tour in Februaryalong with Bombay Bicycle Club,The Big Pink and The Drums.Not long ago Roots Manuva rangup “out of the blue” to undertakean “effortless” and long-awaitedtransformation of the song ‘NoKind Words’ into ‘Empty Vessels’.Yet they are oddly unperturbed bytheir rush to fame. Hugo White, theband’s guitarist, openly confessesthat rehearsals for the tour have yetto start; but they’ve played thesevenues before, at least the big ones.Playing at Brixton Academy, inparticular, feels like “a home comingvenue” to this South London band.Their ambition second time roundis to “make it better... not saying itwas bad last time”. There will besome new songs, but they’re notyet fully formed. The Maccabeescompose in an exceedingly collaborativeway, taking a “skeleton” ideaand by a slow (“there are hundredsof stages”) and often argumentativeprocess (“at times we’re not verylaid back... but we can be”) bashingit into a meatier shape. Not thattheir songs are meaty. The originalskeletal form lingers in theirsparse vocal lines and hooky, jerkyrhythms. This refined transparencyof texture has become their trademarksound, and bears a ghostlywitness to their self-admittedlylaborious composition process. Itwas this “really slow and drainingprocess,” Hugo says, that wasresponsible for the unusually largegap between their first and secondalbum. When they make theirThe Maccabees: Apparently “a religious band”third, their project after the NMEtour, they “don’t want to leave it solong” and are planning to be moreindependent in their song-making,working individually rather than asa group. ‘Precious Time’ is clearlycatching up with these casual musicmakers.This is a band who areself-professedly “not very goodwith our instruments”. In fact, mostof them only picked up a guitar ormicrophone for the first timefour years ago. So why, I askHugo, set up a band in thefirstplace?Hisanswer is breathtakinglynonchalant. “[We] kinda met eachother... Knew I wanted to playguitar with someone...put me on thephone to someone, I said I heardyou play the guitar, I’m learningto play...” They hammed up a fewquotidian institutions (a local leisurecentre, for example), spot on trendfor glamourising the mundane, andgot away with it. In Hugo’s ownwords, “it just happened that wewere there and ended up doing it”.Gamely, hehopes that“we’re now a bit better at playingour instruments than we werethen...” Such an exponential learningcurve makes their success all themore impressive. He continues toexplain how “none of us were likethese amazing guitar players, weweren’t gonna be in a band cos wewere going to do solos the wholetime... it was more about makingmusic as a group.” What abouttheir name, the ‘Maccabees’, aninitially arbitrary choice pulled fromthe Bible? Has this come to meansomething, anything, to the groupwho bear this name? Refreshingly,no is the answer. When asked todefine The Maccabees in a fewwords, Hugo wryly replies “areligious group” (almost correct).The Biblical Maccabees werefreedom fighters. Perhaps the mostappropriate part of this (unintended,but inevitable) association, though,is its intimation of a united force, ofpulling togetherness. In which casethe most apt part of The Maccabees’name is its last syllable; the ‘Beescertainly seemed to have masteredthe art of making their own buzz,from scratch.The Shockwaves NME Tour comes to the CornExchange on Friday 19th February.Britain: the litigious nationScience journalist extraordinaire Ben Goldacre of Bad Science fame meets Sita Dinanauth todiscuss the woes of British libel lawthat’s why SouthPark is wise. At the“Andend of the Scientologyepisode Tom Cruise shouts‘I’m gonna sue you, I’m gonna sueyou in England!’” Ben Goldacretells Varsity when he refers tothe ludicrous state of British libellaw and how it is against crediblejournalism. Goldacre lectured inCambridge as part of the public2010 Darwin lecture series (takingplace from the 25th January untilthe 5th March); he talked aboutAIDS denialism, UK journalism, theludicrous state of British libel lawand being sued.Ben Goldacre has become amedia champion for “unpickingdodgy scientific claims made byscaremongering journalists, dodgygovernment reports, evil pharmaceuticalcorporations, PR companiesand quacks” via his notorious ‘BadScience’ column in The Guardiansince 2003. It has spawned BadScience, the book which has sold180,000 copies and reached numberone in the paperback non-fictioncharts.South Park jokes aside, Goldacreis more than happy to discusshis own experience. “I got suedby Matthias Rath, the vitaminpill salesman from Europe andAmerica who went to South Africaand started taking out adverts innational newspapers saying thatanti-retroviral drugs would kill you,that they were a conspiracy by thepharmaceutical industry and thatthe answer to the aids epidemicwas here and it was vitamin pills.I pointed out the danger of this,especially within the context of acountry with an AIDS denialistpresident, Taibo Mbeki, a countrywhere around 350,000 people diedunnecessarily because of AIDSdenialist policies pursued by thegovernment. When I pointed outthe foolishness of that, he sued us.”He continues “and that is not theimportant part of the story; the caseran for nineteen months, he failed,it cost us £535,000 to defend thecase and we only got £365,000 back.That means the cost of successfullydefending a libel case that is broughtagainst you is 170 grand and thatis roughly the same as an averagepricedhome in the UK.”Whist the Matthias Rath case hasbeen well publicised, he is keen topoint out this is something whichaffects all journalists in the UK, herefers to Peter Wilmshurst, a cardiologist,who is currently being suedby a medical device company andSimon Singh, interviewed recentlyby Varsity, a science journalist,who is being sued by the BritishChiropractic Association. “Whatthat means is with the costs being sohigh the ultimate end product of thatis that people do not write challengingstories and if you don’t writechallenging stories then the publicdon’t have access to information.This isn’t about journalists wantingto be able to write about stuff,this is about whether the publichave access to information and atthe moment the British libel lawsdeprive people of that.”British libel laws are so bad thatpeople are coming to England justto sue. “There are newspapers inAmerica that are talking aboutpulling out of the UK market andnot distributing papers in theUK and blocking UK web accessbecause they are concerned aboutour libel laws and they’re right to be.There is a Tunisian Sheikh who suedan Arabic TV station based in Dubai,broadcasting in Arabic, not inEnglish and he sued them inLondon. When a Danishnewspaper writesabout an Icelandicbank, they get suedin London.”Court casesaside, does hethink Britishjournalism hasimproved withrespect to accuratereporting?“No, absolutely not,nothing has changedin British medianews reporting.BritishBen Goldacre: Sue him at your perilnews media coverage of health isin many cases so bad that it poses aserious risk to public health.You need to makesure peopleknow thatthey can’ttrust whatthey readin thepapersand Ithinkanybodywho arguesagainst thatis franklyirresponsible.”

16FASHIONFriday February 5th 2010www.varsity.co.ukFashion Editors: Matilda Bathurst, Afashion@va“Never speak disrespectfully of society. oPhotographer: Zing Tsjeng, Assistants: Michael Derringer, JPR. Makeup: Rebecca Felton. Korma [£11.50] Eucharistic Liquor [£7.50] Naan-Wafers x6 [£11.70] all from The Bombay Brasserie; Jesus wears French Connection; Male Disciples: Swap Wear. Other Disciples [from left to right] wear blue blouse from Urban Outfitter

gyro Nicolaou and Charlotte Wursity.co.ukFriday February 5th 201017www.varsity.co.uk FASHIONNly people who caN’t get iNto it do that.”oscar Wildes and skirt from Udaipur beggar lord, pearls: stolen. Blue dress from Cult. Arabic Tunic from Arabia. Turquoise silk dress from Frou Frou Crew. Chiffon pink dress, model’s own. Engineers’ pennies: Barclays. Table cloths: Colonial Lowwwot. Watch our behind the scenes video of the shoot: VarsiTV.co.uk/e/cj72d4

18FEATURESFriday February 5th 2010www.varsity.co.ukFeatures Editor: Joe Pitt-Rashidfeatures@varsity.co.ukIn pagespast...From miners to May Balls, hereare some treasures from theVarsity archives

Features Editor: Joe Pitt-RashidFriday February 5th 2010features@varsity.co.uk www.varsity.co.ukFEatuREs 19

20ARTSFriday February 5th 2010www.varsity.co.ukArts Editors: Alice Hancock and Lara Prendergastarts@varsity.co.ukBookshop ‘til you dropWith no more Borders, and Waterstone’s fatiguesetting in, our intrepid Cambridge bookworms scouredthe city for better alternatives...The Market BookstoreMarket SquareThe great thing about the Market Bookstore, as owner Paul Neevesays, is that it’s its own advertiser. Pared down from ashop in 1981, it has only the bare essentials:a marquee and some books. Andmaybe some CDs and the oddDVD thrown in as well. Relyingsolely on donations to replenishhis stock, Neeve can’t guaranteehe’ll have what you’re looking for,although he’s certain on the flipside that there’s a buyer for everybook. A quick reminisce takes himback to the time he took in a trayof dictionaries of obscure languages,and a travelling professor specializingin British-Columbian natives “hit theroof!” at her own unlikely jackpot. Eachbook is judged by its cover and thenpriced, so if you’re looking for a bargainit might be worth your time. Open whenthe Market’s open: 10:00-16:00 Friday toMonday, and then on Wednesday, it’s goodfor a quick browse whilst you’re on your waysomewhere; and you can drink your coffee asyou do it, though that’s probably necessarygiven the combination of Cambridge weatherand a lack of walls. Lastly, a recommendation?Three Men in a Boat by Jerome K. Jerome.RACHEL KUOHeffers20 Trinity StreetMy personal favourite thing about Heffers is that they provide afree boyfriend-sitting service in the best-hidden Caffè Nero inCambridge. I go off to lectures, to supervisions, to the library,safe in the knowledge that my own little darling is unlikely toget into any trouble ensconced in the corner with a cookbookand a cappuccino. Even on a busy Saturday, when it feelssort of like an astonishingly well-stocked Waterstone’s,the shop is fairly quiet (apart from the whisper of turningpages), and there are still a few tables left for the taking.However, quite apart from the considerable lure ofbrowsing potential purchases over a coffee, Heffers isa Cambridge institution on entirely different merits.It stocks according to University reading lists, canorder in books on request within two to five days, andsells those cute bags printed with literary witticisms(there’s also a new light blue bicycle-print version, soif anyone fancies buying me a present...).In fact, judging purely from the number ofHeffers bags I see being toted around on a dailybasis, it’s hard not to feel like I’m preaching to theconverted. Not surprising really – this bookshopeffortlessly bridges the gap between the commercial andthe specialist, has a second-hand section worth a browse and incrediblyhelpful staff, so it’s hard to find fault. Now, about that present...SYLVIA CHRISTIEBooks for Amnesty46 Mill RoadI thought I’d wait for a quiet momentto speak to the volunteers in Books forAmnesty and entertain myself in themeantime by exploring a little. But therewas a steady stream of eager book buyers,so eventually I had to tear myself awayfrom the books and seize my moment whenI could. Part of the charm of the place isthat you never know what you are goingto find, or what is going to be donated. Avolunteer once found a letter written onDowning Street stationary tucked insideone of the books she was cataloguing, butregretfully admitted that it was “tediouslydomestic”, not the “political hot potatoes”she was hoping to find. The shop has previouslyreceived parts of private libraries,once from a prominent Oxford academic,so they often have quite specialized booksthat you might not expect to find in any oldsecond-hand shop. Indeed that morningthey had sold a book out of the specialeditions cabinet; a copy of The Decline andFall of the Roman Empire once owned byWyndham Lewis. Chatting to the volunteers,I admitted that I was a bit of a bookgeek but they smiled and assured me thatthis was the place for me; they had spentwhat must have been hundreds of poundsworking there. And what would theyrecommend for other bibliophiles? Thisweek they are reading Map for Lost Loversby Nadeem Aslam, and Eliot’s Middlemarch,and would thoroughly recommendthem both. GIVERNY TATTERSFIELD

Arts Editors: Alice Hancock and Lara PrendergastFriday February 5th 2010arts@varsity.co.uk www.varsity.co.ukARTS 21G David16 St Edwards PassageIf you stray far enough down St EdwardsPassage you will stumble upon a treat: GDavid, a (seemingly never-ending) chocolateboxbookshop, floor to ceiling in antiquarianbooks and publisher’s remainders. “It’s been inthe family since my great-grandfather startedhis market stall in 1896,” says David Asplin,one of three family partners now running theshop. Asplin is sanguine about the currentmarket and knows that while the future is notshiny bright, it certainly isn’t dull grey either.Having moved to its current premises around1940, the shop is currently in the process ofexpanding into a further room to be finishednext year. Customers are plentiful, and rangefrom students browsing for original presentsto book collectors sniffing out a valuable find.And valuable some most certainly are. “Weonce had a first edition copy ofDarwin’s Origin of Species. Ittook a year to sell but it wentfor around £20,000,” saysAsplin with a glint in hiseye. But do they ever feelhidden away? “Somethinglike this on the main dragwould be cost-prohibitive,”explains Asplin, and thereis no denying that, fora customer, emergingback onto the leafypath there is a certainsmug feeling of exclusivity– a feeling ofhaving been to a realbookshop.ALICE HANCOCKLibra Aries Alternative BookshopJean, the co-owner of Libra Aries Alternative Bookshop,arrived 15 minutes after opening time and breathlesslymotioned me into the red-fronted single room on MillRoad. She quickly disappeared behind a curtain of thesequined, coloured fabric found in any ‘alternative’space, leaving me on my own to browse. Run by acouple, this shop has been here since August 2004, andthere is evidence of a community built around it – theboard of ads for spiritual therapies being one example.The website had got me excited at the prospect ofpaganism, witchcraft and hallucinogens. It turns out,though, that ‘alternative’ refers not only to Satan-ism and astrology (both present in abundance), butalso to protest, parenting and nutrition. The shop’scategory system is also fascinating. I wonderedwhat Philip Pullman would have made of theinclusion ofThe Amber Spyglass under ‘EsotericBooks’, or what I should make of finding thecomputer gameThe Sims under ‘Fiction’. Alter-native thinking indeed.Just before I left, I spotted the magazine rack.Issue 16 of Now or Never! had, on its frontpage, Christ on the cross and a leprechaunsporting a swastika armband, along with theimmortal headline “Jesus! Acid! Nazis!”I very nearly bought it.PAUL MERCHANTAlthough this Sidney Street bookseller has its genesis in a 1902 businessventure made by the aspiring Porter family, today it operates undernew ownership. This switch has meant modernisation, but not at theexpense of Galloway and Porter’s gawky and intimate charm. Its affordable,miscellaneous aesthetic – most of the stock arrives courtesy of returnsand remainders, sometimes from larger supermarket chains – now findsitself counterpointed with new copies of Stephanie Meyers’ Twilight novels,leaving the shop slung nicely between the commercial and the personal. Inspite of this pressure to cater for trends and crazes, the staff at Gallowayand Porter preserve its independent ethos, many having worked there forseveral years. As the currentmanager, Bernie, informsme warmly, “I’ve been heresince 1976.” It shows: whenasked about the book-trade hedisplays bags of knowledgeand experience, even alludingto a £2,500 first edition ofKerouac’s On the Road tuckedaway in the rare books room.ELIOT D’SILVA9 The Broadway, Mill RoadGalloway And Porter30 Sidney StreetThe Haunted Bookshop9 St Edwards Passage“The haunted bookshop? You mean the one by Indigo,right?” There’s a lot more to this bookshop than itsproximity to the best bagels in town, although thosebagels are rather welcome after a minute’s browse turnsinto hours of rumination over the casually piled-upfaded first editions. A shelf of ghostly tales on yourleft as you enter nods to the shop’s name, although theowner encourages a far from ominous atmosphere:“Hushed voices are banned”. Although rather averseto answering my journalistic enquiries, she guided methrough her collection of Iris Murdoch as an acquain-tance rather than a saleswoman. You do need to spend some timeto unearth the real finds (and exercise extreme Jenga precision to extract themwithout causing a literary avalanche), but the rewards can range from an 1800edition of William Blake’s Songs of Innocence to a Morocco leather-boundanthology of Poets’ Cats. It’s especially good for illustrated collectibles: rootlein the alcove behind the desk for divine Edward Ardizzone children’s booksand curious editions of Lewis Carroll. CHARLOTTE WU

22 FEATURESFriday February 5th 2010www.varsity.co.ukArts Editors: Alice Hancock and Lara Prendergastarts@varsity.co.ukArts CommentClassics RevisitedGUY KIDDEYFor me – and I know it’s passé– the ‘60s represent theepitome of cultural revolution,an era of subversion wherethe connotations of those transformationsthat took place drovedeep into all facets of life. My dadswapped knee-length shorts for thefirst pair of skinny jeans, and mymum knee-length convent socks forhip-length skirts.Culture – creative endeavourand its effects – is all aboutsubversion. Society needs thissubversion. Accepted societalprotocols and customs, ideas andinterpretations need sustainedattack and questioning. There isnothing new in this argument, orin asserting that the abstractnessof art is the perfect way to do this,to avoid stereotype by constantreassessment.Art allows us to say and showwhat real life cannot. Admittedly,we live now in an age where thereare fewer overt taboos. Even thetitty tabloid has ceased to be very“Never look back”. But I have to saythat I cannot help itrisqué. But, today’s taboos aremore insidious; the 60s scratchedaway at the surface, challengingblatant prejudice and discrimination.Now we must deal with thecore – the kind of taboos that areattitudinal ills like our unrealistic,deleterious work ethic.The major transformations thattook place in the 60s were socialand political, though very much“What we facetoday boilsdown to culturalstagnation”reflected and steered by culture.What we face today boils downto a cultural stagnation. Culturegenerates change, but it also needsan audience. There is not enough ofeither.Petty politics has ousted art fromits popular subversive seat. Ourcriticisms are passive in this era ofpolitical correctness. We questionperceptions, rather than acts andfacts. One of thetenets of politicalcorrectness isinclusiveness – orinclusivity, the new,more politicallycorrect term.This is notpolitical comment,however; my point isthat in order to ensureinclusion, the currentconsensus is that cultural offeringsmust be accessible to the masses.Culture must be populist. Not thatwe should all start going to theopera, but if culture is going to bepopulist, let it be popular, as well –and of its own accord.The beneficiaries of this populistrule are talentless narcissists likeSimon Cowell. Conceptual art isour most valued aesthetic offering,if we look at the money it generates.But sensuous worth? I’msorry Tracey, Damian, but yes, myfi ve -y e a r - o l dcould have paintedthat. And the most prevalentcultural memories of the decadejust passed? Reality TV and aputative comedian who leavesmucky messages on answeringmachines.The subversive heart of artis still beating strongly.There has been a resurgenceof live music inrecent years. The shortstory, as an antidoteto what Zadie Smithcalls the ‘nauseatingnovel’, is enjoying acomeback. Nothing couldkick the life out of true art,but the leading purveyors ofcultural cuisine are suppressing it.Commercial viability is to blame, asit nearly always is.To buck the trend, to feedsubversion, it is time to dig out theunderground. Our cultural managersmust be brave and visionary,like the curator of the Bristol CityMuseum, who let Banksy take overthe space for a one-off exhibitionlast year. You have to fight forthings that are worth doing – inclusionincluded.J.D. SalingerThe Catcher in the Rye(1951)So I left that place. It was fullaphonies. Not one decent guy inthe whole pack of ‘em. Course Ithink watching an old man pickhis nose is kinda crumby. Itdidn’t upset me or nothing, it’sjust kinda crumby pretendingnot to pick your nose when youreally are. That stuff kills me.So I went back to the city, and itwas full of phonies too. Horsingaround doing crumby stuff likespitting water on each others’faces. I do wonder where thoseducks go in winter though,someplace nice I hope. All thatcrummy phoniness can be areal sonuvabitch. I mean, whowants to be a catcher in the ryeanyways? sylvia christieFOOD & DRINKDiner chez La RatatouilleThis week, Michelin-starred rats feed the imaginationof Varsity’s chief cuisinière Rosie CornerMenu du jourHors d’œuvrePetits Pates de Cèpes etRis de Veau en CroûteEntréeCassoulet Façon AllardInspiration this week camefrom one of the greatestkids’ films ever made for theadult market: Disney and Pixar’sRatatouille (2007). The film’spremise is deliciously simple: arat called Rémy, who happens tobe a natural Michelin-style chef,escapes family, responsibilitiesand his life of crime, to pursuehis career at Gusteau’s in Paris,aided by the poseable thumbs ofLinguini, a hapless cook with aheart of gold. All very Disneyfairytale ‘be who you were born tobe’, but with a stylistic twist: all ofthe food in this film is the stuff ofTechnicolor celluloid dreams. Fora target audience that probablyhasn’t yet discovered the joys ofolives and coffee (I still aver thatyou develop a liking for these withage; I did, but I may just have anuneducated palate) the image ofdelicately assembled haute-cuisineon brilliant white plates may nothit the spot, but it will leave theover-sixteens in the audienceweeping with joy (again, probablyjust me).At one of the many dramaticclimaxes of the film, the foodcritic Anton Ego, voiced by PeterO’Toole – phwoar – is asked by theall-American action hero Linguine:“If you like for so much, howcome you’re so thin” to which Egoreplies, “I don’t swallow unless Ilove it.” Excellent advice, ladies.The real gastronomic crux of thefilm occurs just before the credits(accompanied by the glorious ‘LeFestin’ by Camille) when (spoileralert) Linguine and his girlfriendCollette open a bistro called LaRatatouille where Rémy can fulfilhis life’s ambitions away from thescourge of the Health and SafetyMan. The bistro serves homecooking at its finest, and eventhe crepuscular Anton Ego findshappiness in the nostalgic plateof ratatouille just like his mamanused to make.Thus envisioned (and veryhungry) I embarked on a bistroinspiredmenu based on the recipesin the wonderful book Bistro bySharon O’Connor. All of the recipesin this book come from real Parisianbistros, so my student-friendlyversion was assembled with thegreatest accuracy and culturalsensitivity i.e. we didn’t wearstrings of garlic and paint on curlymoustaches, however much wewished to.Rat’s the way to do it.RHODRI KARIMFinger, leg, torso-lickin’ goodDessertMousse de Chocolat et BiscuitsMousse de Chocolat et Biscuits220g dark chocolate (chopped)155g unsalted butter (cut intocubes)8 eggs (separated)155g sugar (Fairtrade)180ml double creamMelt the chocolate in a bowl overa pan of boiling water. Removefrom the heat and stir in thebutter. Whisk together the eggyolks and sugar in a separatebowl and beat into the chocolatemixture. Stir in the cream. Inanother bowl, pay someone tobeat the egg whites with a whiskuntil they form soft peaks. Stir¼ of the whites into the chocolatemixture and fold in the rest(i.e. draw figures-of-eight in thebowl with the whites till everythingturns brown). Divide into10 individual ramekins, teacupsof small bowls and refrigeratefor at least 3 hours. Serve witha ladies finger or seven.Bon appetit!

Reviews and Listings Editor: David PeggFriday February 5th 2010reviews@varsity.co.uk LISTINGS 23www.varsity.co.ukListingsPick of the WeekChinese New Year GalaCORN EXCHANGE, 14:30-17:00 AND 19:00-21:30 (£5/6/16)Celebrate the coming Year of the Tiger and enjoy the splendourof Chinese art and culture at this gala event, previouslyheld in London. Try your hand at martial arts! Witness amysterious magic show! Try Asian culinary delights! Truly anight not to be missed. Tickets available from College Reps.MusicTalksFilm & Nightlife Theatre Arts & EventsThe Princess and the FrogVUE CINEMAS DAILY 11:50 14:10 16:40 19:10 21:30 (SAT &SUN 9:30)Breaking down barriers withDisney’s first African Americanprincess, but with a fairly unadventurousstoryline of stern fathersand frog smooching.TonyARTS PICTUREHOUSE DAILY 14:00 16:20 18:40 21:00Serial killer movie in socialrealist mockumentary style, likeThe Texas Chainsaw Massacrere-imagined by Mike Leigh. Tonyis a nerdy psychopath with a badhaircut who kills for kicks – perfectdate movie.Super 8 My BrainPORTLAND ARMS, SUNDAY 7TH FEBRUARY, 20:00A night of spooky short filmspresented by the Cambridge Super8 group; freaky, funny and frighteningfilms that will make yousleep with the light on.Sex, Drugs & Rock and RollARTS PICTUREHOUSE DAILY 14:00 21:15 (SAT 13:0022:00)Ex-Gollum Andy SerkisPickof theweekFilmrock musician.plays Ian Drury, punkmusic hall star & lyricalgenius, following hispath from polio strickenweird kid to anarchicStill WalkingARTS PICTUREHOUSE DAILY 13:30 18:00 (SAT 13:00,SUNDAY 17:00 ONLY)Tragic deaths and seething resentments,Japanese-style.Youth in RevoltVUE CINEMAS DAILY 12:10 14:40 16:50 19:00 21:15 23:30Michael Cera in off-beat teencomedy shock. A small town boyobsessed with New Wave Film,existentialism and Getting It Onmeets the girl of his dreams. Butstuff doesn’t go right! For a bit!Astro BoyVUE CINEMAS DAILY 11:30 14:00 16:20 18:45Japanese robot boy thing transfersto big screen with perky primarycoloured graphics and loud noises.Friday February 5thNico Muhly WorkshopMUSIC FACULTY, 16:00 (FREE)Pickof theweekMusicWunderkind composertalks about “composingmusic with live andpre-recorded elements”,and workshops studentcompositions. A fantastic opportunityfor those interested incontemporary music: there aren’tmany opportunities to do stuff likethis in Cambridge.Saturday February 6thRachmaninov, Grieg, andWhitleyTRINITY COLLEGE CHAPEL, 20:00 (£5/8)Not, as advertised, the UKpremiere of Grieg’s Symphony inC Minor, but one of its rare performances.Trinity College MusicSociety also performs chamberorchestra pieces by King’s musicstudent Kate Whitley.Sunday February 7thVampire WeekendCORN EXCHANGE, 19:30 (£17)What, like you don’t know whoVampire Weekend are? Really?After their triumphant return withContra, sure to be one of the year’smost exciting sing-along gigs.Tuesday February 9thDon’t You Love Me Baby?CINDIES, (£3 BEFORE 10:30, £4 AFTER)The obvious way to conclude yourRAG blind date: sticky floors andHanson? If it sounds like yourthing, get there early: first fiftycouples get free champagne.Thursday February 11thHot Club de ParisPORTLAND ARMS (£6)For those of a less classicist nature,an evening of yelpy Liverpudliandance-punk for the NME-readingset. The perfectly cramped confineof the Portland is Cambridge’smost reliable hipster pit. Bring yrskinny jeans.I Love You, You’re Perfect,Now ChangeFRI-SAT, 19.45, ADC (£6/8)Pickof theweekTheatreContradictory in titleand of genre, this couldbe the only musicalawkward-romanticcomedy-sketch-showyou catch all term.Friends meets Andrew LloydWebber.Cigarettes and ChocolateFRI-SAT, 23.00, ADC (£4/6)Shhh...Pale HorseFRI-SAT, 19.30, CORPUS PLAYROOM (£5/6)Wire-esque poster: drool.Gritty little insight into London,complete with a soundtrack ofthe big smoke’s bands. Rum willbe consumed, as might Lucy thebarmaid.MedeaFRI-SAT, 20.00, £4, JESUS COLLEGE FORUMThe freshers of Jesus modernisethis cheerful classic of ragingfeminist infanticide.SmokerTUE, 23.00, ADC (£4/6)A great goody bag of Footlightscomic talent. Six years of sell-outcrowds can’t be all that wrong. Gomunch on the next Emma Thompson/StephenFry/David Mitchelletc.The Final CountdownTUE-THU, 19.30, FITZPATRICK HALL, QUEENS’COLLEGE, (£5/8)Du-du-duhhh-duh. Du-du-du-duduh.From the people who broughtyou last year’s Crystal Maze, thisnew musical trails three finalistsas they face The Future. If a CV issung, it will be time to leave early.Dawn of ManWED-THU, 19.45, AUDITORIUM, HOMERTONCOLLEGECreationism is meeting evolution ina unique take on the origin of man.Four loveable apes will be on stage.TO HAVE SOMETHING LISTED ON THESE PAGES, E-MAIL DAVID PEGG AT LISTINGS@VARSITY.CO.UK BY NO LATER THAN MONDAY ON THE WEEK OF PUBLICATION.Ongoing ExhibitionsClouds and Myths:Monotypes by LinoMannocci9TH FEBRUARY – 9TH MAY, FITZWILLIAM MUSEUM(FREE)Pickof theweekArtsAnglo-Italian LinoMannoci works with inkpainted directly ontoa printing plate, and aselection of the resulting‘monotypes’ will arrive at theFitzwilliam this Tuesday. Theyexplore the experience of landscapethrough a soft palette of blues,browns and off-whites.State of the Art9TH FEBRUARY – 13TH FEBRUARY,THE SHOP, JESUS LANE, 7.30PM(FREE)For the first timethis term, TheShop comes outof retirementto exhibit newstudent artworksin everything fromabstract sculpture tosurrealist photography.Mixed Print Exhibition30TH JANURARY – 28TH FEBRUARY, CAMBRIDGECONTEMPORARY ARTM, 09:00 – 17:30 (FREE)Spacious, mostly vacant gallerydisplays an assortment of worksmade famous by their refusal tofit into more distinctly thematicshowings.Matthew Boulton and theIndustrial Revolution8TH DECEMBER - 5TH APRIL, FITZWILLIAM MUSEUM,TUE-SAT 10:00-17:00, SUN 12:00-17:002009 marked the bicentenary of thedeath of Boulton, a Birminghammanufacturer who revolutionisedmetalwork alongside James Watt.Numerous coins and medals ondisplay.Photographic Exhibition9TH JAN - 15TH FEB, MICHAELHOUSE CAFE,07:30-17:00Damian Gille’s photographs chroniclethe creation of a new set of bellsfor Great St. Mary’s church.Friday February 5thThe Architectonics ofBlame-AvoidanceLADY MITCHELL HALL, 17:30-18:30The Risk lecture series continuesas Gladstone Professor of GovernmentChristopher Hood points thefi n g e r.Saturday February 6thDrawing WorkshopKETTLE’S YARD, 11:30 (£5/8)Let’s face it - you suck at drawing.Come to Kettle’s Yard and let’s seeif we can’t sort you out with somenew tricks.King’s AffairLaunch PartyKING’S COLLEGE BAR,21:00-01:00 (FREE)Free music?Cheap drinks?A surprisingand unexpectedtheme? What moredo you want froma night at left-winghugbox King’s?Monday February 8thEquipoise Cheese and WineEveningHARKER RM 1, DEPARTMENT OF EARTH SCIENCES,17:00-18:00Adam Law, geologist, explains howhe sizes up the massive petroleumwealth of otherwise boring placeswhilst you stuff your face full ofcamembert. Sound fun?Same-sex Marriage:European PerspectivesRUSHMORE ROOM, ST. CATHARINE’S COLLEGE,18:00-19:15Wouldn’t it be nice to hear a lucidand informed talk about same-sexmarriage? Y’know, without somethick-as-pigshit Kansas pastorscreaming about “the family”? Nosuch nutcases here!Wednesday February 10thVita FuturistaKETTLE’S YARD, 18:00-20:30 (£5/7)Pickof theweekEventsLutz Becker introduceshis film, shotin 1989 and 2009,which explores therevolutionary andtransformative genre of ItalianFuturism. Features rare archivalfootage and interviews with theartists and their descendants.

24REVIEWSFriday February 5th 2010www.varsity.co.ukReviews Editor: David Peggreviews@varsity.co.ukBoxed InMUSICPAUL SMITHLoose morals, tight jacketSelwyn Jazz vs.Fitz SwingCLARE CELLARSWeek 4: LostFive years ago, as we beganto scrape away at theimpenetrable veneer ofmysteries that coats the show’sdelicious creamy narrative, talkof seven seasons abounded. Polarbears? Underground hatches?Surely not seven seasons,whinged the naysayers afterLost’s 2004 debut. The premiseis now famous: 48 lucky folkssurvive a plane crash on a SouthPacific island, and from there it’sjust gotten more complicated.From its beginning, flashbacksto our heroes’ lives before thecrash have been integral toplot revelation, but now Lost isconstrained by neither locationnor chronology, shifting freelyon and off the Island, as wellas backwards and forwardsthrough time. It’s this fluiditythat has allowed Lost to expandits scope and drawn unflinchingdevotion from its obsessed fans,but perhaps at the cost of a wideraudience impatient for immediateplot payoff.Mystery elements alone,however, would sell Lost short;it’s also a surprisingly literatebeast. Inspirations rangefrom Flannery O’Connor toThe Godfather via the Book ofGenesis, and religious influencesin particular permeate. Jacob,Benjamin and Aaron are allcharacters crucial to the show’sconvoluted mythology, and theIsland itself demands the mostdevout faith from its believers,chief amongst them John Locke,ostensibly rewarding them withlife after death.Season 6 hinges on the cliffhangerof its antecedent: Islandhottie and fertility specialist,Juliet Burke detonates anabandoned nuke amidst a pocketof the energy that affords theIsland its freakish propertiescirca 1977, in an effort toprevent Oceanic 815 crashingin 2004. All we were leftwith last May was a climacticwhiteout. But it promises themost intriguing season yet– never before has televisionexplored multiple realities withany depth or intelligence (TheOC’s parallel universe episodenotwithstanding).The producers know whatthey must now deliver: answers.The Numbers, the Monster, andthe Island’s origins must all beexplained, for Lost is a showthat’s manoeuvred itself into aposition wherein answers are allit has left to give. DAVID PEGGDazed and confusedAdam GreenTHE JUNCTIONa Jew,” Adam Greenannounces. “I was born“I’minto the Jewish faith. Andif you like that, then that’s cool. Ifyou don’t, then... I dunno.” He hasat this point exceeded the capacityof the stage, spilling over theguard rail for a spot of unsuccessfulcrowd-surfing; the five peoplethat do want an opportunity tomolest him seem unable to sustainhis weight. All that remains visiblefrom the back of the crowd are hisfeet and their oh-so-fashionabletrainers. His performance is such:Green is a keen exhibitionist. Ashis set opens, he swaggers on stagewearing an absurdly tight leatherjacket. His exposed midriff jigglesunenthusiastically as he staggerswildly around the stage, arms flailinglimply; a rat-arsed Gollum witha stunted jewfro.“I like to do drugs / I like toKe$haANIMALStepping out of Flo Rida’sshadow, Ke$ha has provedwith ‘TiK ToK’ that she cango it solo. Now on debut releaseAnimal it’s time for her to showthat she isn’t just a one-hit wonder.Teaming up with Dr Luke andMax Martin, Ke$ha is able to dojust that, unleashing a flurry ofhave drugs,” Adam mumblesincoherently. The song is called,appropriately, ‘Drugs’. DedicatedGreen enthusiasts whoop likebaboons at a mating ritual as theylean over the barrier at front ofstage, arms outstretched. Hisperformance is intriguing: howdo his eager fans differentiatebetween his universally identicalsongs? Or the more intriguingquestion: what is he on, exactly? Heexhibits the energy one associateswith smack, but also the apparentclamminess of heroin.As the gig progresses, Greendevelops an increasingly viciousloathing of his mic stand. “I ownthis piece of shit,” he informs us.He beats the microphone againsthis head, hard. “I own that too.”With his exhibitionism (girls squealinexplicably; his tummy’s oscillationis almost hypnotic) comes thenatural corollary of self-fixation.“What’s a low IQ?” he demands ofthe meagre but enthusiastic crowd.“Never mind. How hot is fire? Like,200 degrees? That’s me.” Moreover-the-top brat pop that’s at itsbest when it’s clear that Ke$hareally isn’t taking herself tooseriously.Across tracks such as ‘YourLove Is My Drug’ and ‘Kiss‘N Tell’, Ke$ha draws on thestrengths of her contemporaries,taking Avril’s attitude, mixing itwith Gaga’s production and addinga pinch of Katy Perry’s all-Americancharm for good measure. Theresult is an example of pop at itsfi n e s t .It’s only when Ke$ha trades inher insults for introspection thatAnimal becomes a little confusing.It’s not that disco-balladslike ‘Hungover’ don’t work, justthat they suggest an artist who’strying to cover too many basesat once. Next time round, Ke$hashould stick to vomiting in thecloset. JAMES KEMPstumbling. “That’s my IQ. What’swith this fucking microphone?”As annoying and semi-derangedas he can be, however, Green ispossessed by an undeniable energy;in happier numbers he bounces upand down, left wrist limply raised,hands clawed, like a 5-year-oldwith a sugar-high at a rave DJd byPingu. He’s also naturally, casuallyfunny, if puerile, and the crowdlikes him. His voice is resonant anddeep, carrying confidently over aheavily amplified kick that mademy sternum shudder. Over the lessdistorted guitar lines, his crooningeven begins to sound a little likeElvis, if Elvis spent less time eatingand more time crooning about blowjobs and stomach-churning roundsof soggy biscuit (and let us rememberthat there’s a fine line betweendelicate crooning and interminabledroning; Green floats over this moreadeptly than he does the crowd).Mere stage presence, sadly, cannotredeem 90 minutes’ indistinguishableindie rock.DAVID PEGGFucked UpCOUPLE TRACKSStill on the victory lapfollowing their massivelycritically-acclaimed Chemistryof Common Life, Canadianhardcore punk unit Fucked Upreturn with a compilation of theirmany rare and out-of-print singles.Unlike ChemCom, whichexploded out of the hXcThis was far too civilised anoccasion for a face-off; itwas two gigs in one, withtwo quite different bands on stage.Selwyn were there for the crack;smiley faces and a certain cheesinessto their sound marked themapart from the more musicallyserious and agile Fitz Swing.Vocalist Emily Sherwin isgood as the face of Selwyn Jazz,but needs more power to pushover the band. Admittedly, thesound man should have addressedthe imbalance, which was veryrhythm-section-heavy, emphasisingthe annoyingly plinky-plonkybass lines from the quarters of therhythm section.There is an energy to Fitz Swingthat is infectious; it is not volume,not speed and not conceit, but adetectible musical tension generatedand propelled by the band’sleader, Gwilym Bowen. Besides hisimpressive piano skills, he keepsthe players in rank and file withprofessional panache. If Fitz have anotable section, it’s the saxophones.Although not especially strong intheir own right, as an ensemble,they really tune in with eachother. The dynamic was very muchfather-son at this gig; there was ahint of ‘old dog-young dog’ at thefinale, with both bands on stagefor a climactic jam. Fitz Swingraced, Selwyn Jazz chased, butSelwyn have some snappy playersbiting at the feet of the big boys,particularly in the trumpet section,where there was none of the fluffinessoften afflicting up-and-comingbrass sections.The Cambridge jazz scene haspicked up in recent months, witha tempting selection of offeringson the musical menu. With moreprofessional musicians filling thebars and cellars of the city, studentjazzers are being challenged fortheir audiences. Nothing could bebetter; more experimental repertoireand innovative arrangementsshould result from this competition.GUY KIDDEYunderground by tempering F.U.’sassault with innovations likemelodic vocals, reasonable tempos,and the occasional flute solo,Couple Tracks is more old-skool.Sub-two-minute songs, hyperspeedrhythms, and frontman PinkEyes’ acid-reflux screams all meanthat it’s less suited to the hardcorepunk newbie.However, much of the fun of thischronologically-sequenced albumis hearing F.U.’s developmentfrom thrilling but undistinguishedbrutes (amply demostrated bydébut single “No Pasarán”) tothe thoughtful innovators whomixed up their hardcore. Fromthe gorgeous autumnal guitar of ‘IHate Summer’ to the Arabic chantingon ‘Generation’, F.U. are doingmore than anyone else to redefinewhat punk means right now.SCOTT WHITTAKER

Reviews Editor: David PeggFriday February 5th 2010reviews@varsity.co.uk www.varsity.co.ukREviEws 25fiLMRecord prophetsA Prophetarts picturehouseAProphet is good. Any reviewwill tell you that. It snatchedthe Cannes Grand Prix. Itis acted immaculately. Its barbaricmoments are filmed with staggeringbeauty. Its subtle virtue, however,is its accuracy in portraying humanambiguities. If you walk awaychilled, it’s not for an emotionlesspassage, but for the impossibility offavouring one character’s triumphover another’s downfall.This is the anti-Shawshank, agrim prison epic spanning the sixyear sentence of a young FrenchArab. It’s not Malik’s sentencewhich interests Jacques Audiard:it’s his passage from inarticulatepawn in the prison yard to calculatingking of internal favours andexternal crime. The journey iscatalysed by Corsican crimelordCésar, who offers Malik protectionin exchange for the murder offellow inmate Rayeb. In the tensesttwenty minutes of film you’re likelyto witness this year, Malik mustrecast himself as murderer inmind and body. The retaining of ablade between the gums is not aneasy practice to swallow, and theeventual encounter is as horrificallyvivid as Viggo Mortensen’sbathhouse confrontation inEastern Promises.Tahar Rahim conceals hisPreciousarts picturehouseThis film is miserable – I meanreally, truly grim. It is everymisery memoir bundledtogether, compounded, with anextra rapey twist. I think this isthe only non-horror film I’ve seenwhere others in the cinema audiencewinced and gasped, or even atclimactic moments said “Don’t goin there!” Precious is a fairy-taleBig girl, you are beautiful...character behind inscrutable resignation.Ever-watching, Malik isas unknowable as the cinemagoerbesides you, a curious whelp whosesubservience bursts sporadicallytowards rebellion. Such minimalistdisclosure feels suitably cold.Characters and events are introducedby a paused screen andbold titles, fleeting chapters inthe Dickensian bombardment ofprison life. The stylish Tarantinoslices cut a neat parallel with thefilm’s tenderness, for even César ispitiable, stagnating, old and alonein his privileged cell. Just whenA Prophet is unbearably bleak,however, it indulges a strangeelement of the fantastical. Rayebis a constant presence in Malik’scell. The ghost is sometimes stern,sometimes cackling; his throatMalik: calculating king of crimecrossed with a Greek tragedy.You could be forgiven for thinking,from watching the trailer, thatafter the first half, the film becomesa standard education-is-the-wayouttale, complete with photogenicand inspirational teacher. But forevery time a character tearfullywhispers “I love you Precious!”another character tries to kills herby dropping a television down thestairs. The plot of this film, whilegruelling, is nothing new – if youreally do want to see this film, itwould be for the acting, with tworemains slit in each encounter.Audiard could so easily havecreated a symbol of guilt, butRayeb is a confidant, and thecatalyst for Malik’s bemusingmoments of psychic insight whichoffer the film its title.Mysticism, crime, tragedy:sometimes A Prophet yearns forits epic status with too doggeda desperation. The intricacies ofdouble deals and broken loyaltiesaren’t easy to keep in check;better to let them play out in sleekexchange after sleek exchange.Difficult to watch for its bleaknessand its complexity, A Prophetis made more unbearable – andimpressive – in its insight of men,none of whom secure sympathy;each of whose souls are impossibleto define. abi deanincredible central performances byGabourey Sidibe as Precious andMo’Nique as Mary, her ogre of amother.Precious is the story of Claireece‘Precious’ Jones, a morbidly obeseblack teenager, pregnant withher second child. Both childrenare the result of being raped byher father, and one has Down’sSyndrome. Precious’ mother abusesher, beating her and screamingat her on a daily basis, becauseshe resents the ‘attention’ whichPrecious’ father gave her. Precious’life is hideous – her dangerous,debilitating weight is rarely if everdiscussed or alluded to on screen,mainly because it’s the least ofher worries. When her high schooldiscovers she is pregnant withher second child, they insist sheis transferred to an ‘alternative’school, where for the first timePrecious is treated well, learningto read and write with the help of adiligent teacher. However, as I said,any progress which Precious makesis overshadowed by the figure of hermother, who graspingly pursues herever more high achieving daughterin the hopes of re-obtaining herwelfare cheque.This is a well-made, thoughtprovoking,and brilliantly actedfilm, but it is one that I never wantto watch again. victoria bealeArt & LiteratureSargent, Sicker, Spencer:Hidden Depthsfitzwilliam museumBest to state baldly: this couldhave been deeper. Perhaps themain thing to be disappointedwith about Hidden Depths is thediscontinuity between Sargent andSickert on the one hand, and Spencer’sartworks on the other. Yet in spite ofthe special techniques and mannerismsof these very different artists – there’swatercolour and lithography, impressionismand primitivism – all three dosupposedly share common subjects:travel, music, the Great War and (mostperplexingly) love. But then, whoisn’t interested in travel, music andsargent: dorothy barnard 1889love? These appear less as sharedaesthetic preoccupations than as one-size-Fitz-all themes by which togroup these interesting, but quite different, artists. By all accounts,Sickert dismissed Sargent’s Venetian paintings as “slapdash gauches”,a comment passed when Stanley Spencer was but a lad, residing in theBerkshire village where he would spend his working life.However, the exhibition’s sketchy curation has nothing on some of itscontent. Entering the gallery we are greeted by nothing but mixturesof Sickert and Sargent’s frigid European landscapes (from which theartists made a fortune) and largely unprovocative portraits, many ofwhich will appeal only to an interested minority. Their art is one ofdetachment. Cooly cerebral, it often postpones the viewer’s emotionalengagement. Even Sargent’s admittedly brilliant oil rendering of a Sicilianpeasant, where a thoroughly normal, heavily moustached worker isimbued with a dignified grace, was conceived as a visual “study”. Butif Sargent and Sickert could be accused of thinking too much, thenSpencer was prone to not thinking enough. Spencer’s ‘Self-portrait withPatricia Preece’, hung in the center of the gallery, should be singled outfor criticism. Maybe the worst in a collection of nudes, Spencer prefacedthis work by stating “I like to celebrate all loveable acts”, a declarationwhich becomes preposterous when confronted by the solipsism andmisogyny of the scene he depicted. His brash and cartoonish canvasesmake Sargent’s watercolours look like works of genius. eliot d’silvaCambridge: A New Historygillian evansGillian Evans is perhaps Cambridge’s greatest rabble-rouser:from corporate sponsorship to disabled access, she will speakout – nearly always against the establishment. Her crowningachievement came when, after years of legal struggle, she forced theUniversity to recognise her claims to promotion, ending up as Professorof Medieval Theology and Intellectual History. She has now repaid thefavour by writing the first apparently comprehensive history of thisinstitution for several years.The book has already had criticism from inside the University: PeterLinehan, Dean of St John’s, wrote a scathing review in the Times LiterarySupplement, centring on the work’s alleged inaccuracies. Most ofthese, however, are too slight to trouble the general reader much (withthe exception, perhaps, of the assertion that the Tripos is “so-calledbecause it is taken over three years”, an odd fabrication); more worryingis the wild, uneven focus of the book.Much of this New History seems aimed at those completely unfamiliarwith Cambridge’s history: it explains early on that “Cambridge’s lifeis…an intellectual life”, tells us who the Apostles are more than once,and usually avoids referring to the monumental 1990s CUP history ofthe University. On the other hand, however, Prof. Evans dwells extensivelyon disputes over points of theology and University governance(intellectual property rights, anyone?) of no interest to the non-specialist.This book, with its scatter-gun approach and lengthy quotation fromliterary sources such as Wordsworth and Francis Cornford, often seemsmore like an anthology than a coherent history. Yet the anthologicalapproach only works if one has confidence in the anthologist’s judgment;here the author undermines herself, for repetition, spelling mistakesand personal bugbears fatally subvert the bigger picture. Sadly, it ishard to imagine an audience for this book. hugo gye

26THEATrEFriday February 5th 2010www.varsity.co.ukTheatre Editor: Abigail Deantheatre@varsity.co.ukView from theGroundlingsCambridge TheatreIt’s an interesting one, this.I’m not easily phased. I candeal with vaginas. I candeal with witchcraft. I like myMacbeths bloody and bold. I amshocked and awed, however, atthe arrival of Silent Canonfire,the world’s first silentpiratical adventure. Storminginto the Larkum Studio comeWednesday, it arrives with thedisclaimer: “This is not a joke!”Really? Really? We’re alsopromised “silent facial hair”. I’dbe more excited about the vocalvariety.Witches are pretty abundantthis week. Good conversationpost-last orders in the CollegeBar: name your favourites.Hermione’s too nouveau. ThinkSabrina. The Worst Witch.Samantha. Macbeth’s trio areup there. Double double toiland trouble... They created thealternative Halloween verse,the lines geeky kids regurgitatewhen trick-or-treating. Probablydestined-to-be CambridgeEnglish students. The batchoccupying The Crucible area more ambiguous case, ofcourse; the kind of case whichmight leave you longing forcaricatures of broomsticks andwarts. It’s looking as bleak andbeautiful as the eerie publicityfluttering about town, whichalways brings to mind WisconsinDeath Trip.When such publicity acquiresa vocabulary of its own, you’rein for a treat. Look out for‘pussy posters’ and ‘gash stash’in your p’lodge, because TheVagina Monologues are coming.All profits from the BATS lateshow are going to Women’sCharities, and it’s a better betthan RAG Blind Date, so headover to Queens’ with a bottle ofwine and a male friend you don’tmind losing. Their first runwent with ‘much hilarity’, but ifimprovisation’s more your thing,Alcock are shaking up the ADCLateshow and making comedyout of randomosity. PLATY-PUS. JESUS. Spontaneity.Comedians should check outThe Chortle Student ComedyAwards, who’ve added aCambridge leg to their competition.If you’re funny and fancya grand in prize money, applypronto at www.chortle.co.uk/student10. abigail deanThe Relapsehoward theatre, downing collegenot so wise an age,but your own follies“Tismay supply the stage”.Whatever the age, of course,people stay the same. We lie andcheat, vow to improve and thenrelapse, prey to our vanity orthe seductions of others – and itmakes for some wonderful theatre.Alex Lass’ production of JohnVanbrugh’s The Relapse combinesbiting satire, uproarious fun andsparkling wit to probe beneath finemanners and even finer clothes,revealing the seamy underbelly ofthe 17 th century.The choice of the inaugural playfor the brand new Howard Theatrecouldn’t have been better, exquisiteclassical architecture complementingThe Relapse’s opulent periodstyle. The relapse of the titlebelongs to Loveless (Josh Walker),a reformed rake who soon collapsesinto the arms of the beautifulBerinthia (Kate Mason). She inturn urges Loveless’ wife, Amanda(Sophie Rixon), to avenge herselfon her husband by succumbingto suitor Worthy (Phill Howe).Meanwhile, penniless YoungFashion (Edwin Ashcroft) hasanother scheme in mind: stealingthe fiancée of his rich beau brother,Lord Foppington (Andrew Brock).The Relapse’s main targetis the 17 th century beau, whosecloying manners and ridiculousclothes were exactly embodied byBrock. His affected accent neverfaltered; his ridiculous gesturesComedic timingis elusive;pause too longand you’re labouringthe point. Tooshort – the audienceoverlook the joke. Unfortunately,during Pale Horse, I often missedthe comedy in what is undoubtedlya brilliant script.Charles (Laurie Coldwell)runs a pub, and his wife hasdied. He convenes with variousbizarre individuals, including anand repeated exclamations of ‘stabmy vitals’ always raised a laugh.Ashcroft was the ideal foil as hisoutrageous brother. Nervous atfirst, he soon grew into his role, hishonesty believable despite somepretty doubtful conduct. By thescenes at Sir Clumsy’s countryhouse Ashcroft was coolly orderingFoppington to be bound by ariotous posse of country bumpkins.The plan was masterminded bysinister old lecher Coupler, playedin grotesque contortion by JamesSwanton; the concept of the‘sub-plot’ was crushed by bawdyaction and flawless acting.In the spotlight, then, Lovelesspaled slightly in comparison:less outrageously funny, morethought-provoking. Rixon playedhis long-suffering wife to perfection;the play’s lonely figure of coolgrace. Mason’s Berinthia cut a nicecontrast with her vivacious expressions,deepened by a tarnish of theworld-weary. When carried off tobed by Loveless, her tiny cry ofhelp was a great comedic moment.Walker seemed more strained inhis acting: the seducer, after all,has to appear comfortable in hisrole of libertine.The production was gorgeousto look at and to hear. WonderfulPale Horsecorpus playroomsophia zhang“We lie, cheat,improve, relapse- and it makesfor wonderfultheatre.”unintentionallycamp ‘ard man.He also buriesa body and fallsin love. Busynight. Coldwellwas fantastic: he loped acrossthe stage with real presence, andhis monologues ranged from thehilarious to the moving. It waswhen other characters were introducedthat it went a bit downhill.An embalmer’s affected mannercould have worked, if it were, well,funnier. This held true for mostencounters; I was calculating comicpotential, rather than laughing.And the reverse case scenario wasworse: wanting to laugh at thingsthat were not meant to be funny.There were moments of respite.Giulia Galastro was compellingas Lucy, Charles’ lover, moreirresistible with every arrogantthrust of her chin. Their love scene– complete with clothes removal –was neither trite nor awkward. Nomean feat in student theatre.Still, the leads’ performancescouldn’t redeem those missedchances for comedy. Go for somebeautiful moments between Galastroand Coldwell, but be preparedto laugh in all the wrong places.kiran millwood-hargraveperiod costumes were complementedby an orchestra showcasingthe original composition ofJonathan Williams from the wings.Still, no amplification could havebeen used to hide the creakingof the curtain, and the HowardTheatre might have mastered moreimpressive lighting. Minor flawsdidn’t detract from show’s splendour,but for all of the glamourEver tried acigaretteandchocolate intandem? Don’tbother: it’s prettyhorrific. Cigarettes and Chocolate,Anthony Minghella’s meditationupon silence, is more exquisiteencounter, dealing with thoughtprovokingpost-absurdist notions ofhuman interaction. To summarise:the play focuses on the varyingreactions of Gemma’s friends toher sudden and mysterious vowof silence. Giving up speech is,apparently, better than giving upcigarettes and chocolate, and as wesoon realise, casts the protagonistas a blank slate upon which peopleare able to ruthlessly project theirown personalities.Tamzin Merchant was a fragileand fierce Gemma, whose silenceseemed continuously precarious,and yet in her theft of theshow, other actors were exposedto falter. There was a certaindesperation in their creation ofself-absorbed stereotypes, eachwildly different in the endeavor fora different reaction to be elicitedfrom Gemma’s silence. Lines wereoften splurged out erratically; Iwasn’t persuaded that they hadn’tCigarettes andChocolateadc lateshowof the theatre’s opening, thereremained the feeling that in minoraspects it’s still twitching its limbs.Amidst a hilarious script deliveredto perfection, and the mostimpressive wardrobe you’re likelyto witness, technical gripes seemrather irrelevant. The Relapse isa tour de force; the next productionto hit the Howard walks in anoutstanding shadow. ruth halkonguide to star ratings: loveless coupler worthy young fashion london lothariojoe pitt-rashidrebecca pittjust spent acouple monthslearning how torecite at highspeed. Perhapsit was a nod tothe value of the things that areleft unsaid in human contact, butmy impression was that they allneeded to relax into their roles,and shake off the visible awarenessthat they were giving a performancein a play sceptical of speech.Only “rich and pregnant” silences,we are told, pierce through modernsociety’s excessive verbiage, andit was in such silences upon stagethat the magic of this productionemerged.Three distinct spaces uponthe stage (a trattoria, an office,an armchair) provided a triad oftensions, exacerbated by Gemma,stoic in the chair throughout.She posed a poignant and wittyreflection to the silent and watchingaudience, and such subtletiesslotted well with the ambiguitiesof Minghella’s script, in whichGemma’s silence is never entirelyjustified: whispers of an Italianholiday and a young child give theplay a dreamlike texture. If onlythe performances were as sweet asthe silences. nick chapman

Theatre Editor: Abigail DeanFriday February 5th 2010theatre@varsity.co.uk www.varsity.co.ukTHEATRE 27House PartySECRET LOCATIONHouse Party is way cool. It’sway cooler than me, in fact.Check out the Facebookpage: it has more friends than I do.And I basically operate on a comeone-come-allpolicy. No, no, it’s wellout of my league. Want to knowsomething else? House Party is noteven a party, it’s a play. Or is it?Well, tricky one, actually. Yousee, House Party is what peoplewho smoke those brown, licoricecigarettes and watch The CultureShow (ironically) might call ‘sitespecifictheatre’. It’s all perilouslycomplicated but, roughly, this iswhen a play is staged where itis set. The thing is, site-specifictheatre is so bloody hot at theminute that you turn on BBC Fourany hour of the day or night andyou’re never more than six feetaway from one. They’re a menace.So, House Party: well, firsteveryone meets at the ADC and iswhisked away to a secret location(told you it was cool). Once everyone’sarrived, we’re shouted at byJust like theCarry Onfilms andinstitutionalisedsodomy, Gilbertand Sullivanexemplify a treasured, quintessentially‘English’ entertainment.And just like sodomy, bloody goodfun it is, too. Sullivan’s pastichingof overwrought opera mixed withGilbert’s elaborate wordplay can bea real treat. It’s a shame that thisdidn’t always soar to the heightsthat its creators often reached,nor quite fulfil the promises of itsproposed inter-war twist.In part, this fulfills a selffulfillingprophecy. It’s a queersub-genre, the Cambridge UniversityG&S Society, and a queersub-genre of people it attracts, too.So we have singers who can’t act,and singers who can’t dance, butvery few cast members who can’tsing. The deficiencies of this formof natural selection were at timesobviously glaring, from mechanicalsailors to a gimpy bosun to asub-panto villain who looked a lotlike the Predator without conveyingany menace.Fortunately, the quality ofthe music almost made up forit. Admittedly, I’d question thediction of many of the singers:CAMBRIDGE ARTS THEATREHMS PinaforeCAMBRIDGE ARTS THEATREa bouncer and told to line up likewe’re off to Dachau. Then we’resplit into two groups, the invitedand the not-invited, and the ‘play’starts.You traipse through the party –a party that seems to be populatedby girls that look like RussellBrand, and boys that either looklike Heath Ledger’s Joker or Rufiofrom Hook. After a bit of an introduction,everyone’s given a glassof potent home brew. DO NOTDRINK IT – it’s fucking horrible.Well, taste it, but be prepared forthe experience of urine blendedwith cold tea. Right, then you’reshown snippets of a love-trianglething between Lucy (Mel Heslop),Seb (Josef Pitt-Rashid) and Jack(Ned Stuart-Smith). As the playgoes on, bits of story-line are interspersedwith musical interludes,monologues from other characters,heavily accentuated conversationsand weird dance routines. Stuffthat you might find at a party. Well,a party on Skins, anyway.Now, there’s a fair bit wrongwith this production: firstly, thenicely established narrative sortof fizzles out as we get lost in theepisodic workings of the party.Secondly, the script is a bit uneven,mellifluous as allthe voices were,they did reducemany words to theirconstituent vowels,and occasionallyrender an intrinsically flimsy plotpositively Kafkaesque. But theorchestra was simply outstanding,adding appropriate oomph inall the right places. Given somevery proficient leads and a robustchorus, it was impossible to denythe quality of the sounds splashingall over the audience, like a clutchof healthy sea-men.My reluctance to endorse thismore warmly stems from a senseof disappointment – disappointmentthat more was not donewith the promises of that roaring20s setting, or with the abundantopportunities for scurrilous navalhumour (I just practised a littleabove, to show how irresistible itis). Most of all, it was disappointingthat few on stage seemed to enjoyit all as much as the thoroughlysilly Matthew Thorne, who broughta deeply appropriate decadence tohis role as the Rt Hon. Sir JosephPorter KCB. If more followed hislead, it’d be lovely; instead, we havea G&S show I can’t imagine anyoneever going to. What, never? Well,hardly ever. GEORGE REYNOLDSoscillating uncomfortably fromstern, studenty theatrics to warmhumorous anecdotes. Thirdly, someof the choreographed sequencessail rather too closely to kneebitingembarrassment for myliking. And I’ve seen Stomp.However – and by crikey, is therea ‘however’– when House Partyhits the right notes, it is absolutelyspectacular. When inside, colouredlights stream in to cast unnervingand unnatural patterns on thewalls. When outside, lit roomsprovide colorful windows intomuted and private scenes. TheAre youfeelingdown?Early FifthWeek bluesand pre-Valentine’sDaydirth? Fear not: this slick, modernmusical will have you rolling inthe aisles and wandering home alljoyous and uplifted. I Love You,You’re Perfect, Now Change ismore of a sketch show than a traditionalmusical, as four actors chopand change roles in short scenesexploring the ups and downs in avariety of relationships. Yes, theconcept isn’t earth-moving. Thisisn’t Beckett or Stoppard, but itdoesn’t claim to be. Credit shouldgo to Pippa Dinnage for havingthe balls to put on a spunky, funmusical comedy for the hell of it:this show stands alone as a refreshingantidote to the run-of-the-milldirges repeatedly rehashed forstudent stages.All too often in amateur musicalproductions, singing comes first,and acting second. There seems tobe a presumption that if performerscan tackle high notes, theaudience won’t notice the ropeyacting underneath. In I Love You...,this is definitely not the case. Asa reviewer, one aims to pick outindividual actors for praise – I canonly refer you to a cast list, sincethere was no weak link. It is a realtestament to the strength of thecast that the play never descendedinto bitty nonsense; the four actorsswapped roles with ease, impressingand engaging their audiencefrom the off.Sadly, there were some openingnight hiccups that prevented theproduction from being a completesuccess. In most cases, the cast’sindefatigable vivacity made minormistakes forgiveable, but someunavoidable interruptions meantmusic, whether it was played bythe cast or by the resident DJ, isperfectly pitched so as to varybetween background hubbub,rousing drunken sing-a-longs andsurreally transportive codas. Attimes, the charged performances,played out centimeters from yourface, are compelling and utterlydisarming.It’s a weird piece, and a controversialone, too. But it is fresh andaudacious, and when it capturedthat precise cocktail of drama andvoyeurism, it was simply electrifying.NATHAN BROOKERI Love You, You’rePerfect, Now ChangeADC MAINSHOWJOE PITT-RASHIDthat thiscrucialenergy couldnot besustainedthroughout.Microphoneissues persistently recurred andobscured the content of someFIONA BROHAMERoutstanding numbers. Additionally,frequent scene changes infringedupon an otherwise polishedperformance – costume and setalterations were frantically rushedwhile the audience sat twiddlingtheir thumbs. Slower numbers suchas I Will Be Loved Tonight andShouldn’t I Be Less in Love?dragged, as the audience seemedimpatient to get back to more ofthe pithy, comedic numbers thatwere so successful. Still, the ADC’sanswer to the rom-com is a mustsee. Pretentious thesps will hate it,but then they’ve got some ‘serious’stuff to anticipate in the next fewweeks. For anyone with a sense ofhumour looking for an evening’sentertainment, this one’s a winner.LYDIA ONYETTIncomingThe CrucibleOne of the things thatannoys me about theatreis the forced idea of‘relevance’, of crudely coercingplays into reflecting contemporaryissues. So directorsstick prisoner characters intoa Guantanamo jumpsuit, orassure us that because theirshow has two lines about money,it’s ‘shockingly relevant’ to therecession era. The Crucible isobviously a special case: thoughset in the Puritan communityof Salem at the end of the 17 thcentury, no one would denyits allegory to the Communistwitch-hunts of the 50s. Yetto focus too heavily on theMcCarthy angle can distractfrom the play’s enduring greatness,and – I say it with caution– relevance. The play’s politicaland emotional sweep ensure thatthis relevance isn’t limiting: aslong as there is greed, prejudiceand mistrust in the world, TheCrucible will, depressingly,remain relevant.For all my cynicism of thedesire to link classic plays intoour own concerns, I found myselfunable to resist when researchingthe proposed anti-gay bill inUganda, which could see “serialhomosexual offenders” imprisonedfor life, or even executed.One of the bill’s most troublingaspects is that you only needto be accused of the “crime” ofhomosexuality by a “witness”.The parallels between this situationand The Crucible are clear:both Uganda and 17 th centurySalem are worlds rife withparanoia and prejudice, whereyou can destroy your neighboursimply by saying they are awitch, or an homosexual.“All that is necessary for thetriumph of evil is that good mendo nothing,” says the famousquotation, usually misattributedto Edmund Burke. In myproduction of The Crucible, theinhabitants of Salem sit outsideof the action at all times. Theyhave the choice to intervene,as we all do, to step into theevents of the world and influencethem for good or for evil.In 21 st century Uganda, in 17 thcentury Salem, and even here,in comfortable Cambridge, weare presented with that choicein every moment. What could bemore relevant than that?JOSH SEYMOURJosh directs The Crucible, showing at theADC Theatre February 9-13th.

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Sport Editors: Vince Bennici and Ed ThorntonFriday February 5th 2010sport@varsity.co.uk www.varsity.co.ukSPORT 29BOXINGGowns wear frowns as Town takes crownUniversity boxers are taken down by their local counterpartsSport inBriefCABCJOSH GAMESGOWN 4TOWN 5Cambridge University Boxing Cluband a coach full of travelling supportdescended on the Cambridge Motelon Saturday night in the first Townversus Gown contest for severalyears. The CUABC fighters put in anumber of impressive performancesagainst strong opposition which,despite losing 5-4 on the night,gives them every reason to be confidentwith the Varsity Match fastapproaching.After the inevitable pomp andceremony the first fight set the tonefor a thrilling evening. An old handin the ring and returning Blue, EdChadwick, fought one of five highlyexperienced fighters from the MetropolitanPolice. It was a fiery affairwith both men racing out of theblocks, not afraid to pull any punches.Chadwick, however, paid the pricefor his offensive, being caught offguard and receiving a number ofright hooks from the policeman. Withhis opponent bearing down on him,Chadwick, despite a valiant effort,could find no answer until HeadCoach Bob Blowes eventually threwin the towel late on the second round.The University boxers were underno illusions about the quality of theopposition and the next three boutsall went the Town’s way. FergalMcCool was perhaps unlucky to bepitted against such a competentfighter in John Metcalf, again fromthe Met, and lost on points despiteshowing some classy moves. Supeheavyweight ‘Big’ Robert Peppercertainly will be feeling aggrievedafter dominating the first 90 secondsof his fight before Sam Smith, withwhat seemed to be his first and onlypunch, enforced a dubious TechnicalKnockout. 4-0 to the Town.Staring at a whitewash, Cambridgefought back into the contestwith Elliot ‘The Pitbull’ Chambersstaging perhaps the biggest upset ofFootballCuppers (1st Teams):Round 2St Catz 6-3 St. John’sDowning P-P DarwinGirton 3-3 (0-3) HomertonLong Road P-P SidneyFitz P-P JesusChurchill P-P EmmaTrinity 4-3 CCCCCaius P-P Selwynthe night in his first ever fight. Hisopponent Dave Goddard was notonly ten years his senior but also thereigning Police welterweight champion.But the Robinson Geographercertainly didn’t lack confidence. Hishubristic pre-fight affirmation that“Amateur Boxing needs me” wasperhaps confirmed as he danced hisway around the ring like a youngdeer with Goddard failing to landmost of his throws. With his opponentfrustrated, Chambers variedhis attack well and landed a fine righthook in the second. His quick feetand slipping ensured that he containedall that Goddard had to throwat him in the third and he scored amajority points decision.If Chambers produced the biggestupset then Segawa Kiwanukatook the prize for performance of thenight. In a barnstorming display theQueens’ PhD studentdisplayeda powerFootballThe Shield (2nd Teams):Long Road II P-P Magdalene IIChrist’s II 5-3 St John’s IIEmma II P-P Caius IIKings II 1-0 Fitz IIJesus II P-P St Catz IISt Andrews College (withdrawn)vs Trinity IIChurchill II P-P Downing IISelwyn II 2-0 Trinity Hall IIThe Anorakthat few will live with, dispensingof his classy opponent from ICENIABC with a right hand of fury in thesecond and had the audience in awe ofhis stunning raw talent. This is whatthey had come to see. Kiwanuka, whomissed the bus to the contest, toldVarsity that, “It was a very toughfight and he threw a lot of punchesbut our three coaches are fantasticand they prepared me for that. I’venever knocked a guy down but I gottalook pretty for this opera.”This was followed by a superbperformance by Bart Dear whosimply out boxed his opponent fromMarston ABC. Next up was theall female contest, which onejudge labelled the most stylishof the night. Howevera loss for Heley Matthewsput the score at 5-3 to theTown, putting victoryout of sight with just onefight left.Rugby UnionDivision 1:Jesus 24- 7 TrinityP W D L F A D PtsST JOHN’S 8 8 0 0 346 40 306 32DOWNING 8 6 0 2 183 73 90 26JESUS 7 5 0 2 239 93 146 22TRINITY 8 3 0 5 128153 -25 16GIRTON 9 2 0 7 131231 -100 15ST CATHARINE’S 10 1 0 9 27 464 -437 11Even if victory was then beyondthe CUABC, inspirational captainChris Webb rounded the night offwith a show of maturity and skill.He showed himself a cut abovethe rest with superb agility combinedwith a jab which stalked hisopponent throughout the fight. Aunanimous points decision for thecaptain putting the final score at5-4 to the Town. Attributing hisperformance to the coaches, Webbsaid, “although he was beating mein the first round our coaches havea policy in the gym of fitness firstand that’s what saw me through.”He could have afforded to beless humble.In spite of thisloss, Head CoachBill Blowes willbe more thancontent with thisperformancewhich he suggestedshowed that,“we are human afterall” following lastyear’s 9-0 Varsitydemolition.Make nomistake,this wasserious opposition,who werepushed all the wayby the University. In theend the night belonged to theboxing debutants, Kiwanukachief among them, whoprovide more talent to addto an already professionalunit. CUABC will takesome beating come thetrip up to Oxford onTuesday March 9th.TIM SHERRINGTONRugby UnionDivision 2:Trinity Hall 26-30 MagdaleneP W D L GF GA GD PtsMAGDALENE 10 8 0 2 299104 195 34QUEENS’ 9 8 0 1 228 80 148 33TRINITY HALL 10 5 0 5 235188 47 25FITZWILLIAM 8 4 0 4 162152 10 20PEMBROKE 8 2 0 6 148150 -2 14SELWYN 9 0 0 9 7 405 -398 2Your weekly guide to college sportWomen’s LacrosseThe Women’s Lacrosse teamrounded off an exceptionalseason in their respective leagueby thrashing Cardiff Universityaway 17-4 in the final fixture ofthe year. Alana Livesey wasthe stand-out performer for theBlues, scoring several fantasticgoals in spite of an injury sustainedto her wrist. Attackingtrio Ellie Walsh, Georgie Hurt,and Jackie Vullinghs combinedwell, creating a series of fluidmoves that tore open the Cardiffdefence. Everything lookspromising for the upcoming Varsitymatch, the Blues defeatingOxford 10-6 last Wednesday.FootballDespite failing to pick up asingle point in PWC Division 1,the current holders of the Cupperscrown, St Catz, ensuredthat they could at least hope forsome glimmer of success out ofa dismally bad season. In a topdivision clash with St John’s,Catz produced an enthrallingperformance which sawthem run out 6-3 winners. Aglance at the score sheet indicatesthe possible reason forCatz’s upturn in form, Bluesstar striker Matt Stock addingfour of the six Catz goals. Collegeregulars Hall and Duhigcompleted the rout and ensuredthat St Catz progressed to thequarter-finals where they willface Homerton, extra-time conquerorsof Girton.Local SportWhile the transfer window forthe Premiership may be bestdescribed as underwhelming,to say the least, non-leagueCambridge United boss,Martin Ling, was busy tryingto strengthen his squad forthe second half of the season.As well as signing Youth Teamplayers Luke Berry and BlaineHudson to permanent contracts,Ling secured the signatures offormer Histon winger AntonioMurray and defender DavidPartridge. Inevitably the newarrivals came at a price, Cambridgefinally losing their battleto hold on to promising strikerChris Holroyd. Holroyd, whowas Cambridge’s most prolificplayer, has been prised away byBrighton manager Gus Poyet,the deal finally completed thisweek for an undisclosed fee.

30SPORTFriday February 5th 2010www.varsity.co.ukSport Editors: Vince Bennici and Ed Thorntonsport@varsity.co.ukWEATHERMore fixtures cancelled as weather continues to biteED THORNTONSince the snow started falling inCambridge over a month ago, thecold, wet weather has wreaked havocon almost all college playing fields,as well as the University pitches atGrange Road. College football andrugby matches have been postponedand the Blues Football team hasstruggled to find a pitch for trainingsessions.Just when it was starting to lookas if the weather had cleared up, lastweekend saw the reappearance ofthe conditions that plagued the startof term, resulting in the abandonmentof a series of sporting fixtures.Many groundsmen and captainsruled playing surfaces too treacherous,the ground being frozen andslippery.Sports which take place on syntheticpitches, such as hockey, hadbeen largely unaffected, but boththe male and female Hockey Bluesteams were forced to cancel theirrespective ties on Saturday, thepitches at Wilberforce Road deemedto be unplayable.Similar to the start of term, manycollege pitches appeared to be inreasonable condition, but closerinspection revealed that beneathany coating of snow the ground wasfrozen solid. When the water heldin the soil directly below the turfis frozen, the ground becomes veryhard and most sports are deemedtoo dangerous.A scene from earlier in the term, the repeat of similar conditions could cause interesting dilemmas for league secretariesMICHAEL DERRINGERThe hotly anticipated Cuppersencounter between Jesus and Fitzwilliam– which would have seen 11of the 22 players coming from theBlues set-up – suffered at the handsof the weather: Fitz’s captain JamesGillingham making the tough decisionto cancel the game just one hourbefore kick-off. Speaking about hisdecision, Gillingham said, “I know itwas probably unpopular with bothsides but with the standard of footballand the pace of play it wouldhave been dangerous to twist andturn.”Fitzwilliam College groundsmanDave Norman said, “the ground isso hard I can’t even get the cornerflags in the ground.” Even when theweather warms the prospect of raincould mean that, though the pitcheswill thaw, the combination of therain and the water produced whenthe ground defrosts will leave theground sodden and equally unusable.The ground quickly transformsfrom too hard to too soft and whilstthis is far less dangerous it makesplay difficult and can damage thepitches almost beyond repair – cueangry groundsmen.Last year colleges were forcedto deal with similar problemswhen heavy rain led to floodingand matches were postponed. Thenature of Cambridge sport, with itsshort terms and intense schedule, isaffected more than most universitiesby such problems, as teams areforced to squeeze multiple matchesinto a few weeks, sometimeshaving to play two fixtures in closesuccession. With the Cambridge traditionof a Cuppers competition ontop of the league, time is tight and nodoubt the end of Lent is going to bebusy as all the teams in the Universitytry to make up for lost time.Colleges will be under pressure toplay their matches: no one will wantto forfeit three points in a divisionwhere eight of the ten teams areseparated by only six points. Also,certain colleges will be hit harderthan others, as any sides still havingto play games left over from lastterm could really struggle to fulfilltheir league commitments.In PWC Division 1 of the men’sfootball league, both Jesus andChrist’s have only played fourgames, leaving five still needingto be played. Ironically, the situationcould be made worse for Jesusif they manage to progress in Cuppers,adding another fixture to beplayed over the limited number ofweekends. With Jesus required toplay Fitzwilliam in Cuppers and thePWC League, one option that hasbeen suggested is for this weekend’sfixture, originally intended to be aleague encounter, to count for bothleague and cup. Blues teams will belikewise optimistic that their trainingschedules will not be impededahead of key Varsity clashes. Whateverhappens, college captains ofa number of sports will be keepingtheir fingers crossed that theweather holds out so that this year’sfixtures can be completed. If theweather does strike then the closingweeks of term could be very hectic.ROWINGNewnham Short CourseCatz and Christ’s triumph as big guns stay awayATHLETICSBlues run well in LondonSome fast times recorded this weekALI MCLARENCatz M1 and Christ’s W1 won theirdivisions on the Cam this weekendas Newnham hosted their annualShort Course race. In the women’sside of the 1.6km head race, Christ’sW1 (7:22.34) managed a five secondvictory over bumps rivals PembrokeW1, with Magdalene W1 a furtherthree seconds behind in 3rd. CatzM1 (6:08.59) beat Division 2 rivalsRobinson M1 by just 1.2 seconds ina tight finish in the men’s first division,with Sidney M1 in third, andCaius M1, strongest on the bumpscharts, a surprising 4th.Results were as to be expectedfor the women in the top divisions,though Caius W1 (4th, 7:39.28) maybe concerned about their bumpsposition if this race is anything togo by, with Christ’s only two placesbehind. With FaT, Queens, Downingand LMBC staying away fromthe men’s division, the opportunitywas there for Caius M1 to provetheir racing credentials, yet theylost to three second division boatsin a baffling fall from last week’s 5thin the City Head-2-Head.Looking lower down the divisions,Emmanuel W2 impressivelyswept to victory in the seconddivision, posting 7:48.8, over 20seconds ahead of their nearest challengers,Christ’s W2. NewnhamW3 also posted a very impressivetime that bodes well for the gettingon race for bumps. Worringly,St Edmund’s W1 were slower thanNewnham W3, which could promiseyet another year of spoons comebumps. Magdalene M2 (6:31.52)won the men’s second division inanother tight finish over PembrokeM2 (6:33.00), which bodes well fortheir bumps campaign, with bladesa great possibility as they look tomove up the men’s third division.However, with many of the bestcrews staying away from this racein the Women’s and Men’s categories,much of the intrigue was takenout of the event. Jesus W1 have stillnot been racing on the Cam thisterm so their challenge to a falteringEmmanuel and a strong FaT has yetto be seen in the race for the women’sheadship. FaT M1 and DowningM1 still have yet to prove theirstrength against each other, thoughthe upcoming Robinson Head of theNene this weekend may prove thefirst chance to see them lock horns.Correction from last week:Issue 711, 29th January 2010, p.32, ‘Queens’and Trinity continue domination’ – ARU M1finished 2nd ahead of Queens M1VARSITY SPORTAt the London Indoor Games thisweek CUAC showed their talent withan impressive performance despitemissing some key athletes. Withonly three weeks to go until the VarsityIndoor Field Events and Relayscompetition this was an importantopportunity to test the squad and itwas a test which they passed.There were some notable performancesacross the team with somequick times for both the men andwomen. Following up from his clubrecord of 7.00 seconds in the 60msprint last weekend, Mark Dyble ranan almost as blistering 7.05. However,Mark will need to up his game againif he is to beat his Oxford rival whohas already recorded an astounding6.95 seconds earlier this year.The men’s sprints are competitiveat the moment, but Eamonn Katterstood out as he continued to build onhis achievements in Australia overChristmas, running 23.84 in the 200mand 53.25s in the 400m.The women all ran well but it wasan excellent weekend for FresherNikki Moss in particular. She ran apersonal best in the 60m with a timeof 8.52 seconds, as well as in the 200mclocking up only 27.87 seconds. ClubPresident Lucy Spray scored wellall round on the back of some hardwinter training, whilst women’scaptain Kate Laidlow ran her 400mpersonal best of 60.37 seconds.It is hard to know how Oxford areshaping up as they have been surprisinglyquiet, not sending a teamto any competitions so far. Nevertheless,the Blues have reason to beconfident, with good times this weekendand with many of the club’s bestathletes yet to open their season.Think you could do better? We’re looking for sport writers and photographers.If you’d like to work for us, get in contact with our Sport Editors at sport@varsity.co.uk

Sport Editors: Vince Bennici and Ed ThorntonFriday February 5th 2010sport@varsity.co.uk www.varsity.co.ukSPORT 31FOOTBALLBlues inch closer to promotion in local clashWinger Baxter continues his electric form for the Light Blues as Cambridge demolish UEACAMBRIDGE 4UEA 0WILL CAIGER-SMITHDespite the biting cold at Wychfieldon Wednesday afternoon, the Bluesseemed fired up for this leagueencounter with third-placed Universityof East Anglia: the whistle hadbarely sounded when a cheeky flickfrom Chris Gotch allowed DannyKerrigan to slip the ball past astartled (and slightly embarrassed)UEA keeper. This seemed to set thetone for the rest of the match. Cambridge,nipping at UEA’s heels in thetable, knew they had to keep a lidon their dangerous opponents, andso they did: “We didn’t give thema chance,” summarised skipperMichael Johnson.The first-minute surprise gaveway to a similarly frantic first half,which saw Cambridge dominate anovercrowded midfield without quitehaving the presence up front to takefull advantage of strong link-up playin their own half and some penetratingruns from Mark Baxter. Twentyminutes in, the Blues’ efforts wereVarsity Biorewarded with a corner, whichswung in to find Paul Hartley, whodirected a powerful header past theUEA keeper to make it 2-0.The pressure from Cambridgewas constant throughout; Fergusonwas left twiddling his thumbsduring the first half, covering UEA’sonly on-target shot with ease. Thelack of bite up front continued tofrustrate, however: three timesGotch found himself within shootingrange and three times he hurriedlysnatched the ball wide. Johnson alsowent through on goal after a wellwonturnover in the Blues’ half, buthis effort floated straight into thekeeper’s hands.After a couple of changes at halftime,Cambridge really began todominate, now getting the menthey needed up front to exploit aseries of mistakes from an increasinglyragged UEA defence. Baxterextended the lead to 3-0 ten minutesinto the second half, pouncing on aloose ball spilled by UEA’s keeperand just managing to slide the ballinto an open goal from a tight angle.Matt Stock was less lucky: pickingup the rebound after what was verynearly an own goal for UEA, hisleft-footed hook found the post. Cambridge’sback four was watertight,James Day giving a typically solidperformance and Danny Gwytherquietly stopping any threats beforeThe Eventsthey even happened. This allowedthe Blues to surge forward, and forthe last 15 minutes, they systematicallydismantled UEA, crowningtheir domination with a slick goal.Stock beat four men before offloadingto Gotch, who set up Baxter foran emphatic finish.With five minutes to go, there wasjust about time for Gotch to attempta frankly sarcastic bicycle beforethe whistle blew on a classy secondhalfdisplay from the Blues, who willnow be looking forward to repeatingWednesday’s performance againstthe same opponents next week, thistime in the cup.Cambridge University AFC (4-4-2)Goals: Kerrigan, Hartley, Baxter (2)Subs: Burrows (Michael Johnson), Cook (Kerrigan)MARK JOHNSON GWYTHERGOTCHKERRIGANFERGUSONVarsity SuperSports7 Sports. 5 Events. 1 SuperSport.DAYHARTLEY MICHAEL JOHNSONBAXTERSTOCKMAYNARDCUAFC are proud to be sponsored by CantabWILL CAIGER-SMITHA rarity for the Blues, striker Matt Stock failed to add his name to the scoresheet.Leader BoardVarsity BioWILL CAIGER-SMITHFive events put our athletes throughtheir paces, testing vital sportingattributes. We record the results foreach athlete then send them to themathmos at Varsity who work out anoverall SuperSports score for eachcompetitor. The Standing Jump testslower body strength. The Bag Throwtests upper body strength, the athleteshurling a large cylindricaltackle pad as far as they can – awkwardas well as heavy. 100m sprintis designed to discover speed, whilstthe Bleep Test is all about endurance.Finally, Limbo tests flexibility – andis generally just quite amusing.SPORTSS SCORERugby 25.604Hockey 24.327Football 22.998Name: Ollie SalvesonSport: HockeyCollege: St John’sHeight/Weight:175cm/74kgRESULTS:Standing Jump: 218.4cmLimbo: 70cmBag Throw: 425cm100m: 12.1 secsBleep Test: Level 14Week 3: HockeyThis is Week 3, Sport 3, of VarsitySport’s newest competition.Each week we’re taking a maleand a female competitor representinga major Blues sport and puttingthem to the test. Five events assessspecific sporting attributes: speed,strength, stamina and flexibility willall be measured.Representing our first stick sport,Ollie Salveson and Eleanor Wisemantook part this week on behalfof hockey. Salveson soon proved tobe a surprise package, although notas muscular as his rugby or footballcounterparts, he soon showed himselfto be a worthy opponent acrossall five events.An extremely impressive displaysaw him outstrip both Max Wolke andDave Riley in three of the five events,jumping into first place overall onthe men’s side of the competition.From relatively inauspicious beginningsin the Standing Jump, Salvesonredeemed himself with outstandingefforts in Limbo, the Bag Throw andthe Bleep Test.However, Varsity SuperSports isdesigned to discover the best overallsport, and, for hockey to claimthe overall lead, Eleanor Wisemanneeded to pull off a similarly impressivehaul across the events.Unfortunately, while Wisemanshowed signs of challenging CatMurphy and Anne Venner, her resultscame up just short of her competitors.In the Standing Jump she placedabove Murphy but below Venner anddid the same in the Bleep Test. It wasthe tests of strength and speed thatproved to Wiseman’s downfall, whileher 100m time certainly will not bethe slowest of the competition it wasnot quite quick enough to give her anoverall SuperSports score that wouldmove hockey above rugby.Rugby holds on to top spot, but willtheir dominance continue? Find outin Varsity SuperSports.Name: Eleanor WisemanSport: HockeyCollege: MagdaleneHeight/Weight:173cm/60kgRESULTS:Standing Jump: 175cmLimbo: 100cmBag Throw: 171cm100m: 16.44 secsBleep Test: Level 10.2SuperSports Score: 30.43You can watch videos of this week’s competitors by checking out: varsitv.co.uk/aztzb5SuperSports Score: 18.22

32SportFriday February 5th 2010www.varsity.co.ukSport Editors: Vince Bennici and Ed Thorntonsport@varsity.co.ukThe Universityloses out asthe Town vsGown fixturereturnsBoxingp29SPORTBlues trounceUEA, makingpromotion arealistictargetSPORTFootballp31FOOTBALLTrinity avoid potential Cup DisasterDivision 1 met Division 4 in Cuppers, CCCC narrowly missing out on a huge upsetTRINITY 4CCCC 3MICHELLE PHILLIPSANDREI ABOLINEShort of a forlorn hope of catchingDowning in the PWC league it wasin Cuppers that Trinity maintaineda real opportunity to earn somesilverware, with Trinity having wonfive games out of their last six andsitting comfortably near the topend of the table this looked like itwould be a walk over. Confident ofan easy victory over a CambridgeChinese Community Centre teamwith a dubious record and sufferingfrom five injuries, Trinity wereundoubteldy the favourites. Whatensued however, was a tight gamethat needed extra time to decide awinner and for most of the matchspectators were tempted by a possibleDavid and Goliath story.Trinity found a team that weredisplaying far more class andresolve than they were expectingtaking ruthless advantage of theircomplacent demeanor. Ultimatelythe first half was dictated by a lackof concentration that left neitherteam able to capitalize on a plethoraof opportunities. Countless times, ateither end of the field, the ball wouldroll tantalizingly across the facegoal with no opportunists ready tofinish. As the game progressed bothteams felt they should have been inthe lead and a mixture of frustrationand desperation sent a flurry of longrange attempts go over the bar andfar wide, only adding to the tenseatmosphere.The first half saw impressiveperformances by both midfields butboth were let down by their forwards’inability to convert the ground intogoals. The CCCC keeper was testedearly by a shot created by the sheerspeed of Dany Gammall. Trinitywere however surprised to findan immediate counterattack witha shot from Luang Tran that wentjust wide, a wake up call that failedto mobilize the Trinity defence intoa more rigid structure. Attack aftercounter-attack resulted in more lostopportunities. Just seven minutes inand Gammall, Merchant and Falderhad each had a shot whilst ShuSasaki and Duo Wai had four shotsbetween them, all had missed. Thiscontinued as Trinity were consistentlyincapable of dealing with highpasses fed into their box and wereonly saved by some silly misses.At the other end Trinity wereconstantly able to counter and werealmost rewarded when some eagerkeeping left an open goal. The scorewas only kept level by Dang’s effort;clearing the ball off the line and outof the net. A game like this wasbound to yield goals eventually andhalf an hour in Trinity found the firstwhen Shati Avwar set up a fine goalfrom Gammall. Only three minuteslater Gammall was given anotherchance from a clinical corner creatinghis second goal of the match.Despite the score, Trinity didn’tlook comfortable and continuedto play with a lack of precisionand drive.CCCC were the farmore determined team, with DuoWai continuing to play despite aminor injury as all three substitutionshad been used. Soon, somevirtuosic football from Shu Sasakigave Luang Tran an opportunityto score, which he duly converted.After another fast CCCC attackthat Trinity countered, Gammallproduced a lightning run down theleft, into the centre then into thebox where James Rutt took the balland hammered it into the net.Even now, with the score at threeone, CCCC refused to accept theirreputation as a second-rate teamand although Trinity were ahead itcertainly didn’t feel as though thegame was decided. CCCC continuedto press through the middle, ledlargely by the unceasing efforts ofShu Saski. 73 minutes in they gotthe goal they deserved as theirnumber 10 ran circles round theTrinity defence, setting up Tran,who whipped it into the goal. Itseemed now as though Trinitywere content to play a defensivegame and hope that CCCC wouldnot score an equalizer before thewhistle.Their position becameincreasingly precarious when acollision left Chris Peacock with abroken nose and Trinity with only 10players. It was now, with only fourminutes to go, that Saski displayedsome Ronaldo like skill and burstthrough the centre. With a clearroute to the net, only a desperatetackle prevented the goal. Saski wasnot to be deterred by the foul andthe entire Trinity team had to watchhelplessly as the perfect free kickcurled round the wall and sweptdirectly into the bottom right handcorner. The score was level.Trinity couldn’t believe they hadthrown away such a convincing leadand were now fighting in extra timeto play in the next round, and withonly ten players. In the nail-bitinghalf-hour to follow it genuinelyseemed as though Trinity would notbe knocked out. Throughout, CCCCwere on the cusp of scoring thedecider from which Trinity wouldnot recover.However, despite the pressure,just as David was loading his sling,Andy Garside tried a long shotthat just hit the post and rolledpast the keeper. Once again Trinitycould only play a defensive game.However, with only five minutesto go even the incessant pressurefrom CCCC failed to find an equalizer,despite a comical effort by thegoalkeeper to start a run down theright wing. Even in defeat CCCCseemed to maintain their sense ofhumor. Richard Falder, the Trinitycaptain, had to admit after thematch that he was “genuinely sorryfor them,” whilst the CCCC captaincould not help but say that he felt“they were robbed of victory”.