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Are Two Heads Better than One?By Larry AnnenDear Capt. Bilgeplug,I’ve been reading a lot lately about extensive problems with the onboard MSD, more commonly known as the “head.” With all the horrorstories out there, we are now very concerned, if not actually afraid, of this necessary device. Is it a basic design flaw? Would it be saferfor us to use a five-gallon bucket with a Glad Forceflex trash bag full of kitty litter?Somehow this does not seem like a very pleasant option. What’s the real story here?Capt. Jonathon PrivyS/V Thrones StowDear Jonathon,“Two heads are better than one,” isactually a term with nautical origins.Due to the unseen grand cosmicsource which requires that somethingmechanical on a sailboatmust always malfunction—andgenerally at the worst time—repetitivesystems have great advantages.Thereby, the manufacturersof sailing vessels have added asecond head to some vessels.I have two heads on my boat;one port and one starboard. Thisfantastic design results in at leastone head’s saltwater thru-hull pickupalways being submerged—nomatter what tack we are on. Whenmy port side head fails, guess whichtack I’m on? Go figure. This ultimatelyleads us back to the cosmic anomaly offunctionality, or lack thereof.I have never, for more than 48hours, had two functional heads at onetime…ever. Immediately after rebuildingthe forward head, I stupidly stoodon deck with a cold beer and proclaimedsuccess! Within 30 minutes, ajellyfish decided to get sucked up theintake of the other head (had to get ridof the cold beer)—which leads to ashort side story…The MSD (Marine SanitationDevice) apparently converts urineand poo into an extremely toxic andhighly caustic substance, not yetdefined on the periodic table, whenpumped through the head and intothe briny deep. This illegal actionrequires a multitude of official punishmentsfrom numerous local, stateand federal authorities. Apparently,when pumped through an MSD directlyoverboard, the ensuing destructioncan be catastrophic to the environment.I offer the teal blue tropical waters ofthe Bahamas as an example. No MSDpump-outs for a hundred miles in mostareas in those waters.I once saw an FWC officer—standingbetween twin 250-hp outboards—peeing in the water. As this is unpressurizedvia the marine head, the chemicalelements are unaltered—and therebyrendered safe upon contact withsaltwater. Also, the city recently (quiteby accident) dumped several milliongallons of untreated sewage directlyinto the bay. Not much of a problem asI believe it was unpressurized via anMSD—so no fines were incurred.If you are the daring type andwant to have some fun, the next timeyou see an onboard inspection aboutto happen, run below and set your“Y” valve to discharge overboard andpour in a bottle of yellow food coloring(have it handy). Give the headtwo pumps to get the bowl clean, butkeep the food coloring in the dischargetube. When they, the inspectionpolice, drop a blue dye tab inyour head and start pumping, itcomes out a vivid green…Another fun thing to do is periodicallyremove your discharge hosesand take them up to the dock. Thehoses, in time, collect deposits whichharden inside the hose, making theinternal diameter smaller and smalleras the months go by. Firmly grab oneend of the hose and start swinging itlike a baseball bat, striking it against adock piling. As you continue yourswings, the hardened material breaksup and at the same time slings out ofthe hose in a multitude of directions.I’ve seen people fully dressed, whilewalking the dog, dive off the dock(with the dog) to avoid the scattergunoutflow. In less than 10 seconds,you can actually clear an areathe size of half a city block of anyliving creature with this method.This, of course, does not garnerany new friends…but it’s funnyas all get out.Anyhow, a friend of mine cameup with a new solution to thistired old problem of cleaning outthe hoses. He made a hose connectionthat attaches to the discharge hoseat the joker valve (and it’s called thatfor a very good reason) and then to thefreshwater hose on the dock.He claims that simply turning thewater hose on applies 20-30 psi ofpressure on the discharge hose therebyforcing through any clogged TP orother material. He further reports thatonce the water is turned on, the sourceof the block can be found by locatingthe growing bulge somewhere alongthe length of the sanitary dischargehose. A couple of whacks with a flashlight,hammer, hairdryer—or anyother suitable object—will generallyfree the obstruction. Of course, thisonly works at the dock. To free theblockage while under way, he rigged aconnection from the J-valve on hisSCUBA tank directly to the overboarddischarge hose fitting. This would givehim 3,000 psi of working pressure.I would suggest not being within4 nm of his vessel when under way.After all, he enjoys spicy Mexican foodand his heads clog regularly.AhoyCapt. Bilgeplug70 SOUTHWINDS www.southwindsmagazine.com