Summer 2008, No. 3 - United Methodist Men

dad’s zoneFathers trust others to develop their childrenArecent survey by George Barnareveals that most parentsunderestimate the influencethey can exert on their children. Theyfocus on making sure their childrenare in an environment where learningcan take place rather than teachingvalues to their own children.Most parents place their childrenin the finest schools they can affordand they routinely take them toSunday school and church in the beliefthat these institutions will educatetheir children.Following the study, Barna issued“five P’s of parental hope”:1. Preparation. Millions ofparents enroll their youngstersin numerous and varied activitiesin order to prepare their childrenfor success. Most parents donot see themselves as the key togrooming a well-rounded child;they believe their role is to placetheir child in developmentalenvironments and under thetutelage of those who can taketheir prodigies to the next level ofproficiency.2. Performing well. Parentslook for measures of productivitythat indicate how their child isdoing on the path to success.Good grades in school, scoringin sports, and performing wellin artistic endeavors are amongthe measures parents rely upon,as well as feedback from otherparents, teachers, coaches, pastorsand other experts.3. Pressure management.Amidst significant parentalexpectations, stiff academicstandards and peer pressure,many kids struggle to stayhealthy and balanced. Parentswho are cognizant of thesemounting pressures attempt tohelp their offspring learn how tomanage stress, competition anddisappointments.4. Protection. The age-oldproblem of bullies––stillconsidered by kids, parents andteachers to be a significant issue––can be added to such parentalfears as kidnapping, drugs,and sexualization, making thesecurity of children one of the toppriorities of parents.5. Public perception. In a societywhere image is reality, and parentsare as anxious about their imageas a parent as they are about theirchild’s image in their peer group,influencing public perceptions isa major concern among parents.Like politicians, many parentshone their skills in spin controland positioning in order to placethem and their children in thebest possible light.Barna surveys point out that mostparents underestimate the influencethey can exert on their children.Consequently, they often focus on the“5 Ps” but neglect emphasis uponactivities that would strengthen theirrelational bond with the children.Many Christian parents overlook theneed to foster a connection betweentheir children and God, or to enhancethe child’s worldview as a criticalcomponent of their decision-makingskills.POSITION: DadJOB DESCRIPTION:Long term, team players needed, for challengingpermanent work in an often chaoticenvironment.Candidates must possess excellent communicationand organizational skills and be willing to workvariable hours, which will include evenings andweekends and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.Some overnight travel required, including trips toprimitive camping sites on rainy weekends andendless sports tournaments in far away cities!Travel expenses not reimbursed.Extensive courier duties also required.RESPONSIBILITIES:The rest of your life.Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily, untilsomeone needs $5.Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly. Also, mustpossess the physical stamina of a pack muleand be able to go from zero to 60 mph in threeseconds flat in case, this time, the screams fromthe backyard are not someone just crying wolf.Must be willing to face stimulating technicalchallenges, such as small gadget repair,mysteriously sluggish toilets and stuck zippers.Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars andcoordinate production of multiple homeworkprojects.Must have ability to plan and organize socialgatherings for clients of all ages and mentaloutlooks.Must be willing to be indispensable one minute, anembarrassment the next.Must handle assembly and product safety testing ofa half million cheap, plastic toys, and batteryoperated devices.Dad’s Job DescriptionMust always hope for the best but be prepared forthe worst.Must assume final, complete accountability for thequality of the end product.Responsibilities also include floor maintenance andjanitorial work throughout the facility.POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT &PROMOTION:None.Your job is to remain in the same position for years,without complaining, constantly retraining andupdating your skills,so that those in your charge can ultimatelysurpass youPREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:None required unfortunately.On-the-job training offered on a continuallyexhausting basis.WAGES AND COMPENSATION:You pay them!Offering frequent raises and bonuses.A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 on theassumption that college will help them becomefinancially independent.When you die, you give them whatever is left.The oddest thing about this reverse-salary schemeis that you actually enjoy it and wish you couldonly do more.BENEFITS:While no health or dental insurance, no pension, notuition reimbursement, no paid holidays andno stock options are offered; this job supplieslimitless opportunities for personal growth,unconditional love, and free hugs and kisses forlife if you play your cards right.AND THERE IS NO RETIREMENT.dad’s zone36 l Summer 2008 l UM MENUM MEN l Summer 2008 l 37