Planning Ahead - Florida Developmental Disabilities Council

• Arrange visits to an area funeral home, cemetery and church. Invite undertakers,doctors, and clergy to come and speak about the subject of death. Be sure theseprofessionals understand the learning limitations of persons in the group.• Teach community standards of conduct atfunerals and cemeteries, just as other formsof appropriate behavior are taught.• Explain public displays of grief over thedeath of a family member which are acceptable.When a relative or an acquaintancehas a terminal illness, or has been sick for along time, discuss how your feelings may bedifferent. He might feel relief, which can bean acceptable reaction when someone whohas suffered great pain dies.• Explain some popular euphemisms fordeath, such as, kicked the bucket, passed on,bought it, etc., as well as other death wordsthey might hear that are new to them, likehearse, pallbearer, etc.• Be careful in using the following phrasesbecause they imply a cause of death: wentto the hospital and died, died in his sleep, orgot sick and died.These activities may be conducted weekly over a period of a month or two. This will allow timefor participants to think about and discuss their own feelings at each get together.MAKING FUNERAL PLANSPlan ahead for your own funeral. If you have plans to donate your body to a medical school,discuss this with your family, obtain the necessary forms, complete and return them now. Completingthese plans now will simplify the family’s post-mortem duties.• Use a funeral facts booklet (these are available from any funeral establishment,or your county Cooperative Extension Service listed under county government inyour telephone directory) to gather and record necessary information.• Look at obituaries in the newspaper and use them as a guide to write down factsabout yourself. This helps the family remember the names and addresses of peopleto be included.• Describe your funeral service: Where will it be? Who will participate?• Kind of burial: Burial/cremation; Where?• Plan for necessary payment: Prepaid? If not, how?Now discuss these plans with your family member with a disability. Give him an opportunity tounderstand why you must plan this now. Use this as an opportunity to talk about life and death,and what it means within the context of your own personal religious or spiritual beliefs.After you have discussed the meaning of death, emotions and feelings that will be experienced,52Chapter 11, Coping with Changes & Losses