February 28

Review of cohesion and coherenceCohesion (connecting each sentence to the next):• begin sentences with the familiar (either something just mentioned in thepreceding text, or something you can safely assume readers will recognize),and• end sentences with the new or complex (something you’re first introducing, oranything that involves lengthy, potentially flow-wrecking, phrases)Coherence (maintaining consistent topics throughout a paragraph):• place somewhere near the beginning of each sentence a concise indication ofthat sentence’s topic, and• keep the topics of sentences in a passage related to each other (notnecessarily identical)“Cohesion” paragraph-rewriting exercise from last time:The Hart Queen is one of the best skis for beginning skiers. A thin layer oftempered ash from hardwood forests of Kentucky makes up its inner core.Therefore, two innovations for strength and flexibility are built into its outerconstruction. Also, two sheets of ten-gauge steel reinforce a layer of ash forincreased strength. A wrapping of fiberglass thus surrounds the two steelsheets for increased flexibility. In fact, most conventional bindings can beused with the Queen. The Salomon Double is the best, however. A cushion offoam and insulation firmly cradles the foot and ankle, yet freedom ofmovement is still permitted.One of the best skis for beginning skiers is the Hart Queen. Its inner core is athin layer of tempered ash from the hardwood forests of Kentucky. Built intoits outer construction are two innovations for strength and flexibility. Forincreased strength, the layer of ash is reinforced with two sheets of tengaugesteel. For increased flexibility, the steel sheets are wrapped withfiberglass. The Queen can be used with most conventional bindings, but theSalomon Double is best: it firmly cradles the foot and ankle in a cushion offoam and insulation that still permits freedom of movement.

Coherence: How could this paragraph be rewritten to give its sentences amore consistent set of topics?The power to create and communicate a new message to fit a newexperience is not a competence animals have in their natural states. Theirgenetic code limits the number and kind of messages that they cancommunicate. Information about distance, direction, source and richness ofpollen in flowers constitutes the only information that can be communicatedby bees, for example. A limited repertoire of messages delivered in thesame way, for generation after generation, is characteristic of animals of thesame species, in all significant respects.Current (scattered) set of topics:The power to create and communicate a new message to fit a newexperience is not a competence animals have in their natural states. Theirgenetic code limits the number and kind of messages that they cancommunicate. Information about distance, direction, source and richnessof pollen in flowers constitutes the only information that can becommunicated by bees, for example. A limited repertoire of messagesdelivered in the same way, for generation after generation, is characteristicof animals of the same species, in all significant respects.One possible revision, establishing a focused set of topics:In their natural states, most animals lack the power to create andcommunicate a new message to fit a new experience. Their genetic codeenables them to communicate only a limited number and kind of messages.Bees, for example, can communicate only information about distance,direction, source and richness of pollen in flowers. In all significant respects,animals of the same species are able to communicate a limited repertoire ofmessages delivered in the same way, for generation after generation.Another, choosing a different focus for the topics:The power to create and communicate a new message to fit a newexperience is not a competence animals have in their natural states. Thenumber and kind of messages that they can communicate is limited bytheir genetic code. All that bees can communicate, for example, isinformation about distance, direction, source and richness of pollen inflowers. A limited repertoire of messages delivered in the same way, forgeneration after generation, is characteristic of animals of the same species,in all significant respects.

More on sentence endings: stressWe’ve seen that sentences should begin with the familiar and end with thenew or complex. The end of a sentence is also the location for anything youwant to emphasize; the reader’s ear will give whatever you place there specialweight.Compare these two versions of the exact same material, just re-ordered to alterthe stress (Williams found the second, and created the first):The administration has blurred an issue central to arms control, the issue ofverification. Irresponsible charges, innuendo and leaks have submergedserious problems with Soviet compliance. The objective, instead, should benot to exploit these concerns in order to further poison our relations,repudiate existing agreements, or, worse still, terminate arms controlaltogether, but to insist on compliance and clarify questionable Sovietbehavior.The issue of verification—so central to arms control—has been blurred bythe administration. Serious problems with Soviet compliance have beensubmerged in irresponsible charges, innuendo and leaks. The objective,instead, should be to clarify questionable Soviet behavior and insist oncompliance—not to exploit these concerns in order to further poison ourrelations, repudiate existing agreements, or, worse still, terminate armscontrol altogether.To sum up:Sentences should begin with the topic (related to those of the othersentences in the paragraph) and end with what you wish to stress.They should begin with the familiar, the short, and the simple, and endwith the new, the long, and the complex (which then becomes the“familiar” that can begin another sentence).Return to the revised version of the Hart Queen paragraph, and look for thesecharacteristics.

Stress and a paragraph’s first sentenceWe’ve discussed how whatever appears at the end of a sentence will be heardwith special emphasis. This fact is particularly important in writing the firstsentence of a paragraph: the end of that introductory sentence often identifiesthe ideas that the rest of the paragraph will develop. Readers will be looking towhatever appears in that location for guidance on how to understand theparagraph as a whole.Which is the best opening sentence for the paragraph that follows?1. The next century the situation changed, because disputes over successionto the throne caused some sort of palace revolt or popular revolution inseven out of eight reigns of the Romanov line after Peter the Great.2. The next century the situation changed, because after Peter the Greatseven out of eight reigns of the Romanov line were plagued by turmoilover disputed succession to the throne.3. Because turmoil over disputed succession to the throne plagued seven outof eight reigns of the Romanov line after Peter the Great, the situationchanged in the next century.…The problems began in the year 1722, when Tsar Peter the Great passed alaw of succession to the throne that brought to an end the principle ofsuccession by heredity and required the sovereign on the throne to appointsomeone to succeed him when he died. But because many of the RussianTsars, including Peter, died before they were able to name successors, thosewho aspired to rule over Russia had no authority of legal power byappointment from the Tsar, and so their succession was often disputed by theboyars, who were lower level aristocrats in Russian society. There was turmoiland turbulence even when successors were appointed by Tsars, usually. In theyear 1740, Ivan VI was adopted by Czarina Anna Ivanovna and named as hersuccessor at two months of age, but his succession to the throne waschallenged by Elizabeth, who was daughter of Peter the Great. In the year1741, she defeated Anna and ascended to the throne herself instead. In theyear 1797 Paul tried to eliminate these disputes over succession to the throneby codifying and instituting a new law: it stated that the oldest born in themale line would succeed to the throne. But trouble and turmoil continued tooccur. Paul was strangled to death by conspirators, one of whom was probablyhis son, Alexander I.

The following paragraph probably includes a lot of unfamiliar terms. But eventhough it may be difficult to understand the substance of what it says, you canstill make it more readable. Revise the paragraph to give itssentences—especially the first—an appropriate topic at the beginning, anappropriate item to stress at the end, and better connections betweensentences:Mucosal and vascular permeability altered by a toxin elaborated by thevibrio is a current hypothesis to explain this kind of severe condition.Changes in small capillaries located near the basal surface of theepithelial cells, and the appearance of numerous microvesicles in thecytoplasm of the mucosal cells is evidence in favor of this hypothesis.Hydrodynamic transport of fluid into the interstitial tissue and thenthrough the mucosa into the lumen of the gut is believed to depend onaltered capillary permeability.One current hypothesis to explain this kind of severe condition is that atoxin elaborated by the vibrio alters mucosal and vascular permeability.In favor of this hypothesis are changes in small capillaries located nearthe basal surface of the epithelial cells and the appearance of numerousmicrovesicles in the cytoplasm of the mucosal cells. It is believed thatwhen capillaries become more permeable, fluid is hydrodynamicallytransported into the interstitial tissue and then through the mucosa intothe lumen of the gut.

For next time, revise the following paragraph for coherence (i.e., give it amore consistent set of topics across the sentences) and for stress (put items thatshould be emphasized at the end of clauses and sentences). I’ve marked thetopics in the initial version so you can see how inconsistent they are. Beforemaking your changes, decide who or what the main character of this storyshould be, so you can make it the topic of most sentences.Some potential threats exist in the modern mass communicationsmedia, though there are many significant advantages. If a powerfulminority should happen to control it, public opinion could bemanipulated through biased reporting. And while a wide knowledge ofpublic affairs is a great advantage that results from national coverage,divisiveness and factionalism can be accentuated by connectingotherwise isolated, local conflicts into a single larger conflict as a resultof showing that conflicts about the same issues are occurring in differentplaces. It will always be true, of course, that human nature producesdifferences of opinion, but the threat of faction and division may bereinforced when national coverage publicizes uninformed opinions.According to some, education can suppress faction when the true natureof conflicts reaches the public through the media, but history has shownthat as much coverage is given to people who encourage conflict as topeople who try to remove conflict.

For next week1) Read Williams, Lesson Six2) Rewrite the paragraph for coherence and stress.3) On the web site are links to three brief articles, two by me and one by ChrisBigum. For each, see if you can distill a one-sentence thesis statement andthen construct an outline, showing the structure of the argument (i.e., howeach portion of the article helps support the thesis statement).