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your partner to feel like she’s doing a good job fucking you,because you feel self-conscious about how closed off fromyour body you are and how hard it is for you to have a realorgasm. You pretend you’re into being choked becauseshe’s into it, and besides, four years ago you established aprecedent. And it seems like Steph is still into it. Who cantell?The short version is that Maria feels hopeless aboutherself and she’s trying to protect Steph from that. Mariacan’t get off with other people. The moment her pants comeoff, she stops being in her body, and when she’s off in theclouds desperately trying to make an emergency peace withher own junk, trying not to think about how bad her junkhas fucked up so much of her life and what can she doabout it. Plus, Maria likes Steph’s junk but on some levelshe kind of hates Steph for just automatically getting thatkind of junk just for free. How do you tell your girlfriendthat? How do you make that okay? More specifically, howdo you make that okay enough to calm down and get off?Maria doesn’t know, so she fakes it. She collapses, putson the relieved face. She says, Oh my god, baby.Steph smiles. Crawls up the bed to put her head in thecrook of Maria’s shoulder.You’re so fuckin’ hot, Steph says.Hold on, Maria says, trying to give the impression thatshe’s so far gone into the sublime that she can’t even talk.Ha.IMOGEN BINNIE 3