Subspace, Sub-drop and Aftercare - Different Strokes

through their bodies, could mean that submissivess could behurt or damaged during scenes. If, for example, a lessexperienced Top is dealing with a submissive who has gonedeeply into subspace, and doesn’t know what signals towatch for, that Top may take the physical aspect of the playtoo far, all the while waiting for s safe-word from thesubmissive that the submissive is incapable of giving.So, what do I look out for? What are the signs that asubmissive is in subspace?Just like anything else, signs of subspace can vary fromindividual to individual. The length of time taken to go intosubspace, and the types of activities that can take asubmissive into subspace are often specific to the individualsubmissive. For some, it takes a long time and quite a deal ofphysical stimulation, whereas for other submissves, merelyhearing their Tops’ voices or being touched by the Tops canhave them floating off.But there are a few tell-tale signs: The submissive maybecome less verbal in communication as he/she enters themore “feral” state of subspace. The Top may notice that thesubmissve’s ability to speak and to use words tocommunicate how he or she feels is reduced, and thesubmssive may only communicate in grunts or moans (which,let’s face it, are difficult to interpret). There are often changesin skin tone; eyes may roll back in the head. The body may golimp and floppy (which is at odds with the muscle tensing thatwould generally be expected with physical punishment).After a time with a submissive, the Top will come to recognisethe signs of that individual’s subspace.The endorphin-mixed-with-adrenaline high that isexperienced by the submissive is often compared to a druginducedhigh and can be addictive for the submissive. Thinkof it as something akin to “runner’s high.” Indeed, asubmissive in subspace can often beg for more of thephysical stimulation that he/she got and keeps him/her therewithout the knowledge that this could result in harm. This iswhere the Dominant needs to keep control of the situation,and bring the submissive safely down from the high.Now that I know what to look for, what should I do?It can be damaging for a submissive in subspace, to just beleft, cold-turkey as it were, without being brought safely“back down to earth.”A Dominant that is unaware of subspace and its physical andpsychological impact on his/her submissve, may just up andleave after a scene, with the submissive possibly still insubspace. It’s not good enough to just untie the binds, andleave. It is the Top’s responsibility to spend time bringing thesubmissive back down: gradually lessening the stimulation,talking the submissive back to earth, giving the submissiveaffection and reassurance, telling him that he’s done goodjob, and giving lots of hugs and kisses to accompany thesubmissive’s journey back down, for example.Exhaustion will often accompany the submissive comingdown from subspace. So the Dominant may have to providea safe environment for the submissive to sleep and regainstrength. Leaving a submissive in subspace, where he/she isstill flying and buzzing in an out-of-body experience, can bedangerous. For example, imagine a submissive, still insubspace trying to drive a car. He/ she doesn’t have therequisite concentration and ability to perform such acomplex task, and by not grounding the submissive beforeletting him or her leave, the top could be putting thesubmissive in danger.Now, you may be thinking, “Well I only interact with mysubmissive online, I don’t need to worry about this.”But that’s not necessarily true. Submissives in cyberrelationshipsenter subspace just as easily and fully as those inreal life situations. And as the Dominant in a cyber D/srelationship cannot often see his/ her submissive, he/sheneeds to rely on other methods to determine if the submissiveis brought down again after a scene. In this case, the voice isthe best tool available to the Dominant – he/she needs to getto know the submissive’s voice intonations and how theychange while in subspace, so that it can be safelydetermined when the sub is again grounded. Where a sceneis done in text alone, the communication that occurs in-sceneand following the scene, in aftercare, between submissiveand Dominant is similarly critical to the submissive’s wellbeing.Sub-dropEven after the most carefully applied aftercare, some residualeffects of the subspace experience can still remain with thesubmissive. The phenomenon of “sub-drop” is the name givento the drop or low that a submissive (or indeed a Dominant,but that’s another discussion) can experience in the hours oreven days after an intense BDSM scene. The term sub-drop isgenerally applied to the ”negative” effects or depressivestate that a submissive can experience after a scene. Thecauses are manifold; it can be a physical reaction to theadrenaline and endorphins leaving the body. It is typicallymore common with submissives in long term or committedrelationships than with casual partners.Most of what you read online is about the physical aspects;the fatigue, sadness, aches and pains and recovery frommarks. There is a more intense side of sub-drop that gets verylittle attention because for each person it is different anddescribing how to recover can take many forms.If not cared for, a submissive could go into depression justfrom one play session. The endorphins and other hormonesreleased during play leave their body in such a way that ittakes time to rebuild the balance of hormones in the system.A submissive could feel like they have a hang-over or partiedtoo hard the night before, they could feel lost and depressedfor hours or days. Some may just want to sleep it off. These arethe more extreme forms of drop. Some people recover in amatter of hours, but others could exhibit signs of sub-drop forweeks after an intense session.How this all works?Since the increase of hormones and chemicals has produceda trance-like state, as play ends the submissive may feel outof-body,detached from reality. As the submissive's systemstops producing morphine-like drugs, and as theparasympathetic nervous system kicks in again, thesubmissive may feel a deep exhaustion, a sharp drop intemperature, as well as incoherence and un-coordination.Drop is also experienced by athletes and adventurers. Drophappens to Tops and Dominants, (though this is often lesswell-recognized)for pretty much the same reasons asathletes and adventurers. It also happens to people afterhigh stress situations. After an emergency like a car accidentor a break-in, people often find that they go through dayswhere they have a feeling of being adrift, rather than howthey are used to feeling.Drop can also happen if play is stopped abruptly. BDSM playis a very vulnerable experience for people. It often involvesexposing one's inner-self in ways that one has never beforedone. Sometimes, inexperienced Tops will begin BDSM play,and then abruptly terminate a scene (perhaps because theyrudely decide that someone else would be "more interesting"to play with) and walk away. This can leave the abandonedsubmissive in a *very* down state -- feeling that theyengaged their sense of trust to allow a Top to play with them,and that the Top simply let them splatter on the ground.