Dream Weddings Magazine - Devon & Cornwall

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Planning Makes Perfect The Best Man If the bride is the star of the wedding show, the best man is the kingpin of a successful wedding day, so make sure your groom chooses him with care. However tempting it might be to choose the joker who’s the life and soul of every party, you’re far better off with someone who will take his responsibilities seriously, keep all the organisation under control and leave you to enjoy your day without any niggling worries about how many guests have been stranded at the church. The part that worries most best men is the speech, but that should be the least of their problems. The best man’s job, in a nutshell, is to support the groom both in the run-up to the wedding and on the day itself. Before the wedding, the best man should: • Make sure he keeps himself up to date with all the arrangements, liaising regularly with the groom and the bride’s family • Check the hiring, cleaning or collecting of suits for himself and the groom • Check the ordering of the flowers for the bride and her attendants, sprays for the two mothers and buttonholes for himself, the groom and other immediate members of the families • Check the printing and collection of order of service sheets and make sure that the ushers know what their duties are • Check arrangements for the first night and honeymoon are in place and that necessary passports and visas are in order • Organise the groom’s stag night - preferably some days in advance of the wedding - and make sure the groom gets home safely afterwards • Check the rings have been collected • Check the transport for the bridal party both to the ceremony and from there to the reception • Organise accommodation for the groom and himself the night before the wedding The chief bridesmaid • He might also be asked to help with accommodation for guests and to liaise with live musicians or disco both before and during the reception On the day • Take the groom’s going away clothes to the reception venue • Check the service sheets are delivered to the church for the ushers to hand out to guests as they arrive • Make sure the groom arrives for the ceremony in good time • Hold the ring(s) until the appropriate moment in the ceremony when they should be handed to the groom or the minister • Pay all the church fees on the groom’s behalf before the ceremony • Sign the register as a witness to the marriage • Get the bridal party together for photographs • Make sure the ushers arrange lifts to the reception for any guests who need them • Escort the bride and groom to the bridal car and then escort the bridesmaids to the reception The bride’s equivalent of a best man also needs to be chosen with care as it is she who will support the bride in the run-up to the ceremony and on the day itself. Though her duties aren’t as arduous as those of her male equivalent, they’re every bit as important in ensuring the bride has a worry-free day. THE CHIEF BRIDESMAID: • Arranges the hen night and make sure the bride gets home safely • Arranges for the bride’s going away outfit and honeymoon luggage to be taken to the reception venue • Helps the bride to dress for the ceremony • Makes sure the flowers and bouquets have arrived on schedule • Supervises the other bridesmaids and attendants and assembles them at the church ready for the arrival of the bride • Arranges the bride’s dress and veil before the procession down the aisle • Takes the bride’s bouquet at the start of the wedding service and carries it to the vestry ready to give back to the bride after the signing of the register • Keeps an eye on young attendants during the reception • Helps the bride change from her wedding dress into her going away outfit • Arranges for the wedding dress to be returned home PHOTO BY TWISTY FOCUS 4 2 • D R E A M W E D D I N G S I N D E V O N & C O R N W A L L PHOTO BY MAXI PHOTOGRAPHY • Liaise with the toastmaster or, if there isn’t one, assume those duties himself - these include announcing the speeches and the cutting of the cake • Reply to the groom’s toast to the bridesmaids with a brief, polite and - if possible - funny speech before reading out the cards and telegrams • Announce the newlyweds’ departure from the reception and ensure they have all their tickets and luggage • Make sure all the guests have transport to their accommodation • Arrange for any wedding presents taken to the reception to be taken home • Take the groom’s wedding clothes from the reception and, if necessary, return hired suits. The speech When it comes to the speech, all the advice is: Resist the temptation to tell any juicy stories whatsoever from the couple’s past. The escapades may have been hilarious, but now is not the time for embarrassing reminders about past romances or past quarrels between the happy pair. Because the best man’s speech is generally regarded as the prime entertainment at the reception, getting it together can be a daunting prospect - but don’t panic. If you can tell jokes - clean ones, please - that’s fine, but a short, polite and sincere speech wishing the couple every happiness will fit the bill just as well. Unless you’re experienced at this sort of thing, write down exactly what you want to say and practise it. Don’t be tempted to wing it onthe day. The three essential parts of the speech are to thank the groom on behalf of the bridesmaids for his kind words about them, to read the cards and telegrams that have arrived and to announce the cutting of the cake. THE USHERS Church weddings normally have three ushers who should arrive at the church about 40 minutes before the wedding is due to start. Their principal job is to hand out the order of service sheets to guests as they arrive and show them to their seats - friends and family of the bride on the left of the aisle, friends and family of the groom on the right. They should make sure one of them pays special attention to the groom’s parents and the bride’s mother as they arrive and escorts them to their places. They should also help the best man organise lifts to the reception for guests who may need them. cut out and keep
cut out and keep Who does what - and when... If you think military precision takes the fun out of a wedding, you’d be wrong. The essence of a trouble-free day is that everyone knows where they’re supposed to be and what they’re supposed to be doing. Your civil ceremony explained Gone are the days when a civil marriage was a hasty 15-minute affair, conducted in a small room at the register office. Nowadays many register offices have light, spacious ceremony rooms or suites accommodating reasonably large wedding parties and even a separate bride’s waiting room and garden for photographs. A large number of venues are now also licensed for civil ceremonies and the only major restriction is that no religious music or reading may be used. Otherwise, you may personalise your ceremony in terms of vows, readings, music, dedicating candles and lots more. The registrar will offer help and advice in planning your ceremony and will normally meet you a few weeks in advance to go over the format which could be: • Pre-arrival music • Entrance music • Welcome by the registrar • Reading • Legal declarations and vows • Promises and exchange of rings • Signing the register • Reading or music • Presentation of the certificate • Leaving music You can also have a ‘dual’ ceremony – after a short ceremony at the register office to fulfil the legal requirements, you can have a further ceremony of your choosing in front of family and friends on the beach or in a woodland glade, for instance. Most registrars will try to be as flexible as possible to accommodate individual requests and they will lead you through your declarations, vows and promises. The one thing you must do is agree all of your selections in advance to ensure they comply with the law. GOODBYE AND GOOD LUCK The bride and groom should always be the first to leave the reception. The best man announces their departure after they have changed into their going away clothes and, if the bride is going to throw her bouquet, she should do so just before she leaves for her honeymoon. At the Reception The formal receiving line at the reception should take the following order: Bride’s parents Groom’s parents Bride and Groom Chief bridesmaid and best man After the meal, the best man (or toastmaster, if you have one) introduces the speeches in the following order: The bride’s father (or an old family friend) always speaks first, welcoming the guests to the reception and his new son-in-law to the family. He will complement the bride and often PHOTO BY FOCUS WEDDINGS thanks her mother for their many happy years together. He ends by proposing the toast to the bride and groom. The groom replies to his father-in-law’s toast, thanking him and the bride’s mother for their daughter, for their welcome into the family and for the reception (the wording can be discreetly changed here if the newlyweds and/or the groom’s parents have contributed to the expense). He thanks the guests for coming to celebrate the day and for the presents they have given. He thanks his best man and the bride’s attendants for the help they have given to the bride. He then proposes the toast to the Order of service The order of service is variable and your minister or priest will advise you. Often a hymn is sung after the bride’s procession, followed by readings and an address by the minister. The marriage itself follows. The minister asks: “Who giveth this woman to be married to this man?” and the bride’s father silently gives his daughter’s right hand to the minister, who passes it to the groom. The bride’s father takes his seat beside the bride’s mother. The vows are made and the best man may either pass the ring(s) to the groom or they may be placed on the minister’s prayer book before he passes them to the groom. Arrival at the church The ushers should arrive about 40 minutes before the ceremony is due to begin The groom and best man should arrive about 15 minutes before the ceremony is due to begin The bridesmaids and attendants should arrive about five minutes before the ceremony is due to begin The bride’s mother should be the last to arrive before the bride - when she is shown to her seat that is a signal to the congregation that the wedding is about to start The bride will be met on her arrival at the church by the minister, who precedes the bride and her father down the aisle As the congregation rises, the groom and best man take their places at the chancel steps The order of the bride’s procession is: Minister, Bride on her father’s right arm, Attendants. bridesmaids. Now girl power is more firmly established, it is not uncommon now for the bride to say a few words and if she chooses to do so, she should speak after her new husband. This is a good opportunity for her to thank all the people who have helped her plan the big day, to thank her own parents for all their support and to thank the groom’s parents for welcoming her into their family. Last of the speeches is always the best man, who replies to the groom’s toast to the bridesmaids, wishes the happy couple well, read the cards and telegrams and announces the cutting of the cake. Many weddings now include an evening dance or disco. Before it begins, the best man should make sure the bride and groom are ready to take the floor first, followed by the bride’s parents, the groom’s parents, the best man and chief bridesmaid. The best man then returns to his seat. After the ceremony, the minister leads the couple to the altar for prayers, possibly a hymn or psalm and a final blessing. The minister then leads the couple to the vestry to sign the register and they are usually joined by their parents, the best man and the chief bridesmaid. The signing of the register must be witnessed by two adults and it is at this point that the bride raises her veil. While this is taking place, the choir may sing or the organist play a piece of music. The bridal procession then leaves the church in the following order: Bride and groom Young attendants Chief bridesmaid with the best man Bride’s mother with the groom’s father Groom’s mother with the bride’s father. If you are having bells, they will peal out at this point. D R E A M W E D D I N G S I N D E V O N & C O R N W A L L • 4 3 Planning Makes Perfect
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