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BUILDING CHARACTER
AND COMPASSION
Coaching children on kindness helps build
their character. Here are some tips on how to
nurture kindness in your child.
• Teach your child empathy, or how to put
themselves in another person’s shoes.
• Research shows that kids tend to show
concern for others if their parents help them
cope with negative emotions in a sympathetic,
problem-solving way.
• Create clear, objective expectations about what
it looks and sounds like to be kind to their
classmates.
• Be a model of respectful relationships.
Intentional or not, adults model social skills and
how they want their children to treat others.
• Make it a priority to spend one-on-one time with
your child without the distraction of cell phones,
games or computers.
• Reinforce positive behavior by complimenting
your child in an authentic way. Instead of saying
“good job,” say, “I noticed that you ...” It’s
objective, genuine and more specific.
“This person [the bully] is crying out for
help,” Sheroff says. The question she asks
herself as a counselor: What is happening
in this child’s life to cause them to mistreat
people? The reasons are usually murky.
The bully may be seeking control, power
or attention in a negative way, she says.
Or, maybe they’re the low man on the
totem pole at home or other places.
“You never know 100 percent about
a person,” Sheroff says. “There could be
things happening at home that we don’t
know about. It’s so important to build
those relationships at home. If they have
positive influence at home, they spread
that out there.”
If you think it’s time to approach
your child about being a bully, you’ll
need to back up your concerns with
evidence and treat both sides fairly and
equally, Sheroff says.
“Any parent would be defensive; This
is their baby,” she says. “But this is a
behavior that’s learned. These behaviors
can be unlearned.”
Bullying can be physical, verbal,
emotional or sexual. It can also take
the form of exclusion. Many years
ago, Sheroff became aware that a
child was intentionally being left
out of class activities by a classmate
who had more power. The target was
• Incorporate social emotional learning in all their
activities, such as looking each other in the
eye and using words rather than their body
when they’re frustrated.
• Teach children about being an “upstander” who
is not only aware of someone being mistreated
but takes action to help them.
“Any parent would be defensive, this is their
baby. But this is a behavior that’s learned.
These behaviors can be unlearned.”
— Amanda Sheroff
22 First Coast Health Source August 2016