Yeg Inspired, Baby Issue

DEVELOPMENT
“As a mother, raising an empathetic child is my
primary goal. More than anything, I want my son
to approach and engage others with sensitivity and
kindness.”
EMPATHY IS EVERYTHING
BY ATHENA RAYPOLD
Unlike sympathy or compassion, which inevitably
place distance between two people – you feel sorry for
her loss, you feel compassion for his pain – empathy
requires that you understand and share another’s
feelings and respond in kind. It compels us to disengage
from our own thoughts and feelings in order to
engage in another’s; which can be extremely difficult,
particularly during a disagreement. But when we
willingly enter another’s emotional space with empathy
– be it frustration, grief, or elation –we find genuine
connection.
As a mother, raising an empathetic child is my primary
goal. More than anything, I want my son to approach
and engage others with sensitivity and kindness. When
he sees someone struggling, I want him to respond
with empathy, to be supportive, helpful, genuine, and
gentle with others. Because when we allow ourselves to
view a situation from another’s perspective, we truly
hear them. And being heard, being understood, is
paramount to creating trusting relationships and happy
people. Empathy is healing. Empathy is understanding.
Empathy is everything.
John Medina, author of Brain Rules for Baby, dubs
empathy “the glue of relationships” because it binds us
to each other. Medina argues that the seeds of empathy
are planted in parenthood. Through parents’ conscious
choice to practice empathy with each other, they not
only mitigate and reduce marital conflict, but they
also positively affect their baby’s development. Medina
notes that “Infants younger than 6 months old can
usually detect that something is wrong [when parents
are in conflict]. They can experience physiological
changes – such as increases in blood pressure, heart
rate, and stress hormones – just like adults.”
Stress hormones are detrimental to babies and can
increase risk of anxiety disorders, depression, lower
the immune system, inhibit focus, decrease emotional
regulation, and lower IQs. However, this doesn’t
mean that we should avoid conflict at all costs because
conflict is inevitable. What’s important is how we
engage in conflict, how we fight with each other,
and especially, how we make up. In conflict, then,
we should refrain from abuse and name calling, stick
to the “When you..., I feel...” statements and if your
baby is present, resolve that conflict in front of her.
Babies absorb everything: tone, body language, facial
expressions, but if they witness conflict followed by
healthy resolution, they will internalize and grow up
understanding that disagreement is normal, but that
through empathizing as a way to resolve conflicts,
relationships are nurtured instead of injured. Thus,
raising an empathetic child starts with practicing
empathy ourselves – with our partners, our families,
and our children.
For anyone, but particularly babies, empathy has a
calming effect. When your baby is teething and in pain,
respond with affection and verbalize what you imagine
your baby is feeling, “I know, honey, your mouth is
hurting you.” Medina says, “Your ability to move from
you to them, which is what empathy forces anyone to
do, makes all the difference to your child’s brain.” As
hard as it is to catch yourself when you’re frustrated,
when your baby is forcibly squirming away mid diaper
change, or melting down in a store, the more you
vocalize what he’s feeling, name his emotions, and
empathize with him, the sooner your baby will calm
himself. And the more you practice empathy, the more
you model it for your child.
Even as young as six months old, babies look to their
parents for how to respond and interpret the world
around them. How we engage and speak to our babies
and children matters, we must empathize with them,
especially when we feel frustrated by their behavior; we
must talk about other people’s feelings (ours, theirs,
their friends, their siblings, and even their pets); we
must give them examples of how to show empathy (i.e.
Sarah’s upset, let’s offer her a hug); and we must model
empathy for them in our interactions with others. As
Medina says, “The more empathy your child sees, the
more socially competent he’ll become, and the happier
he’ll be.” And what parents universally want more than
anything is happy children.
References: Medina, John. Brain Rules for Baby.
Seattle: Pear Press, 2014. Print.
Volume 02 Fall 2016 Issue BABY