Hometown Madison - March & April 2016

Overcoming Anger
Do you ever get angry?
Feel your anger gets out of control?
Can anger even be controlled?
What if you were told you didn’t even
have to get angry?
In the following interview, anger is the topic of
discussion between Jim Thorn of 103.9 WYAB
Radio and Dr. Perry Sanderford, a licensed
professional counselor at Crossroads
Counseling Center.
Jim Perry, everyone has found himself or herself getting
angry. From your perspective, how is anger defined?
Perry Anger is an emotion of the body that is designed
to reach a goal. Anger has an objective, it wants to
accomplish something.
Jim Is anger natural?
Perry I would say, yes. It is instinctive. We begin in
early infancy to use our body to get what we want.
Jim Are there any times when it’s healthy to be angry?
Perry We want to think that anger is good. For example,
the recent act of terror in Paris. Anger was our initial
reaction–one that we may think should accompany
the response to such a horrible act. But the truth is that
anger, itself, is not necessarily the most effective tool for
responding. We can and should respond decisively to
such horrific acts of violence, but most of the time the
anger, in itself, doesn’t really accomplish all that much.
What you can do with anger, though, can be just as
effective, or perhaps even more so, in solving
problems–even very large ones.
Jim How can we suppress the anger emotion that
bubbles up so quickly? For example, when we are on the
road someone unexpectedly pulls out in front of us.
Perry I don’t believe it’s possible to suppress anger
surging in the moment–simply because anger is a
trained and instinctive reaction of our body. To not
instinctively react in anger, we have to have something
in place internally before the incident occurs. Again, I
want to make it clear I am not saying that we do not act.
I am simply saying using anger is not necessarily the
most effective problem solver.
46 • March/April 2016
Jim Are you saying we can eliminate anger altogether
from our lives?
Perry Pretty much. But to do so, one has to have
confidence they have the ability to think and the ability
to respond purposefully to solve the problem. Without
that kind of confidence, we instinctively resort to anger.
For example, a spouse who feels disrespected or
controlled by an angry spouse often responds, in return,
with anger. The problem here is that we now have two
angry people–which, more often than not, creates an
even greater explosive situation. On the flip-side, when a
spouse is confident they can think and act appropriately
to the reality of the situation, they then are in a position
to respond with greater clarity and decisiveness.
Jim From a Christian perspective you mentioned
replacing anger with something else. Talk about anger
from a Christian perspective.
Perry Therein lies the very essence of Christianity.
Christians have a great confidence in the sufficiency of
God to provide for our every need. Christianity is not just
a label, it is “trusting in God”. If Jesus can be crucified,
placed in a grave, and then come back to life, then
Jesus can certainly be trusted to protect us in any given
situation. Confidence in Christ is what keeps us from
being angry. And by the way, we don’t have to win every
disagreement. In fact, Jesus said we can lose and still
win. Now that’s powerful.
Jim Often anger comes up because we defend our
perspective and what we think is right. But are you
saying that sometimes it’s best to kind of back away
even if we stand firmly on our position?
Perry I’m saying we can be powerful in the story. We
don’t have to be a doormat. But we can be more powerful
if we remain calm. We can think, and then if necessary,
express ourselves with confident actions. We are not
asking people to be stupid. You can distance yourself
from someone that wants to harm you. Don’t make
yourself available to somebody who attacks you. But at
the same time, you don’t necessarily have to respond
immediately with a fight. For Christians, there is a
greater force within us and we can trust Him.
Jim I would imagine that someone who gets angry
fairly regularly would take a little more time to re-program
in order to get back to the position that you are talking
about.
Perry Getting angry regularly is a way of saying we
have programmed our body to use anger to problem-solve.
But we can ‘un-train’ ourselves, too. It requires confidence
and practice. It’s like jumping out of an airplane. You
believe the parachute is going to hold you up–but you
really don’t know until the ripcord is actually pulled.
You hope life will go better if you don’t respond in
anger, but you are not 100% sure until you try it. The
more you practice trusting God and not attempt to solve
problems with anger, the more confidence you build in
this process.
It’s a matter of learning how to do life in a way that works
better. But, you may insist you can do life better with
anger, and if so, then keep doing it. But my observance
in everyday life is that people not only accomplish very
little with anger, but they actually make the situation
worse.
Jim What would you recommend for someone that
struggles with anger?
Perry: Chronic anger means something in life is not
working. If something is not working, you don’t want to
keep doing it. A lot of people do, however. They go to
their grave using that same anger that has accomplished
very little. The definition of insanity is doing the same
thing over and over again expecting different results. If
anger is not working for you, consider doing something
different.
However, you may not know what to do. If I know where
I want to go but am not sure how to get there, I use a
map plotting the pathway to the desired destination.
If you want to overcome anger but don’t know how,
then find someone who knows, and ask. A good Christian
counselor is actually a life-coach who can teach you
how not to be angry. Remember, lots of people say they
know the pathway to living well, but they may only be
guessing. Guessing, when in error, has its own negative
consequences.
That’s why I think Christian counseling is the finest
source of information available to the world. Jesus was
the smartest human that ever lived. He knows how to
live well. This information has been proven reliable for
thousands of years or it would have died out by now.
A confident life in the pathway provided by Jesus Christ
is truly living well–even in overcoming anger.
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For more information, please contact Dr. Perry Sanderford at Crossroads Christian Marriage & Family Counseling. 601-939-6634.