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CANTA<br />
C E L B R A T I N G C A N T E R B U R Y S T U D E N T C U L T U R E<br />
HOW TO STUDENT | P G 1 2<br />
5 ANONYMOUS WOMEN TALK<br />
ABOUT: TINDER | PG 18<br />
DR ROD’S 90K | PG 174<br />
I S S U E O N E – 1 7 T H F E B 2 0 1 7<br />
THE<br />
WELCOME<br />
BACK ISSUE
02<br />
If your car<br />
or laptop got<br />
stolen, how<br />
would you<br />
pay <strong>for</strong> it?<br />
Start a crowdfunding campaign<br />
Become a free range<br />
chicken farmer<br />
Dig <strong>for</strong> treasure<br />
Beg your parents<br />
Sell protein powder<br />
Avoid all this with<br />
Young Drivers and<br />
Renters insurance,<br />
and save heaps.<br />
Win the lottery<br />
Find a pot of gold<br />
Call us on 0800 100 200 or visit<br />
ami.co.nz to find out about our<br />
student multisaver offer.<br />
Terms and Conditions apply<br />
COLENSO0287<br />
AMI0287_Student-MultiSaver_Canta_FP_180x248_V3.indd Issue 1.<br />
1<br />
2/02/17 9:47 AM
03<br />
CONTENTS<br />
06 NEWS<br />
You know, that stuff your grandparents read<br />
18 INVESTIGATIVE FEATURE<br />
Understanding Christchurch’s new Local Alcohol Ban<br />
08 WELCOME TO THE UCSA<br />
YOUR students’ association<br />
21 5 ANONYMOUS WOMEN<br />
T his issue’s topic: Tinder<br />
11 UC CLUB PROFILES<br />
Spotlighting some of UC’s most interesting clubs<br />
22 CANTA COLUMNS<br />
Thoughts and opinions from your fellow students<br />
12 HOW TO STUDENT<br />
Vital in<strong>for</strong>mation <strong>for</strong> freshers and seniors alike.<br />
24 ANTI-SOCIAL<br />
Your snaps & chats<br />
14 CRITICAL ANALYSIS<br />
A look into Vice Chancellor Rod Carr’s 90k payday<br />
26 RDU GIG-GUIDE<br />
All the info you need to plan your perfect week<br />
16 FLAT FAMOUS<br />
Featuring local bastions of student life<br />
29 LUCKY DIP<br />
We sent two single students on a blind-date. The<br />
results were... interesting<br />
Editor’s Note<br />
How do you do, fellow kids? If you’re new<br />
to UC and CANTA, this is how CANTA has<br />
always been. We’ve always been this good.<br />
If you know I am lying, you’ll notice a new<br />
look <strong>for</strong> CANTA with some new features.<br />
It’s a fancy new face on a very tight,<br />
sinewy, 87 year old body. Lets have<br />
a milkshake sometime, sonny.<br />
I’m new too - I like like long walks on the<br />
beach, being blocked by c-list celebs on<br />
Twitter and avoiding my voicemail. Hi!<br />
In summary CANTA is great. Everyone<br />
comments on how great our magazine is,<br />
and let me tell you, there’s no problem<br />
with our magazine. Everyone agrees we<br />
have a fantastic magazine. There’s no<br />
problem with our magazine, believe me...<br />
Send me emails, letters and comments.<br />
Also send chicken nuggets with ranch<br />
dressing because they’re on T-Pain’s rider<br />
<strong>for</strong> O-Week.<br />
Joshua<br />
Week 1
04<br />
Letters to the Editor<br />
EMAIL LETTERS@CANTA.CO.NZ |
This is <strong>for</strong> the writer who submitted the<br />
letter re: women’s fashion choices and a<br />
specific sex act. I’m not publishing you to<br />
give you a plat<strong>for</strong>m, but I will say...<br />
05<br />
You just hypersexualised a piece of<br />
jewelery. WELL DONE.<br />
Also, well done on showing<br />
everyone you are a misogynist who<br />
won’t let women exist without<br />
objectifying them. It’s an innocuous<br />
fashion choice...just like your pissy<br />
satin boxers. Calm down. – Editor<br />
Hi Canta<br />
Over the break I encountered what<br />
can only be described as a makeshift<br />
sleeping area on campus and I’m pretty<br />
sure someone was living there! There<br />
was a sleeping bag and stuff, some cans<br />
of food and a candle in a tin. Could you<br />
please print this letter so I can attempt to<br />
contact that person? I just want to offer a<br />
couch or hot shower or something.<br />
My email is . Can Canta<br />
act as a go between <strong>for</strong> communication<br />
<strong>for</strong> this?<br />
Thanks, Concerned Anon<br />
Hi Anon, we can do that <strong>for</strong> you.<br />
This is a timely reminder <strong>for</strong> our<br />
students. We have advocacy and<br />
welfare support in place – contact<br />
help@usca.org.nz or studentcare@<br />
canterbury.ac.nz.<br />
We’ve emailed Anon <strong>for</strong> more<br />
specific details and will make sure<br />
this situation is followed up.<br />
– CANTA<br />
At Eyes on the Road, our philosophy<br />
focuses on coaching our learner driver to<br />
become the best driver they can be. We<br />
achieve this by adapting our coaching style<br />
to suit each individual student.<br />
We train our students in a dual controlled<br />
automatic Suzuki Swift with a security<br />
camera installed.<br />
Dear CANTA,<br />
I hear that Rod Carr is now getting<br />
paid around $650,000 a year to run this<br />
university.<br />
This begs the question: how do you make<br />
someone your sugar daddy?<br />
XX Steve<br />
03 314 8247 | 027 247 0110 | info@eotr.co.nz<br />
Contact: Graeme Dalley<br />
Keep your hands off our Rod, Steve.<br />
– CANTA<br />
Week 1. 1
06<br />
LOCAL news<br />
BE THE CHANGE<br />
SVA’s ‘The Big Give’<br />
Student Volunteer Army was founded<br />
after the September 2010 Christchurch<br />
earthquake, when over 11000 UC<br />
students became involved in city wide<br />
clean-up and support. While this disaster<br />
period has now passed the SVA continues<br />
to play an important role within the<br />
community, providing assistance to those<br />
in need, supporting community groups<br />
and projects, and encouraging students<br />
to volunteer. CANTA caught up with Jared<br />
from SVA.<br />
Can you tell us what SVA is working<br />
on currently?<br />
At the moment the SVA is working on the<br />
biggest volunteering event we’ve held in<br />
the past 5 years, it’s called the Big Give<br />
and will involve taking 1000 students out<br />
to volunteer in Christchurch’s Eastern<br />
suburbs.<br />
That sounds like a lot of work!<br />
Yeah definitely, but it’s totally worth<br />
it. Southshore, our event location, was<br />
hit pretty hard during the earthquakes.<br />
Hundreds of houses had to be<br />
demolished and families that may have<br />
lived in the area <strong>for</strong> several generations<br />
were <strong>for</strong>ced from their homes. Adding<br />
insult to injury, the community there are<br />
now facing uncertainty over implications<br />
from rising sea levels. So we thought<br />
we’d get stuck in and give them a hand<br />
up, and have a bit of fun whilst doing it.<br />
Seems that Southshore could use a<br />
hand, what’s the plan?<br />
So on the 4th March the SVA is planning<br />
this massive volunteering day, called<br />
the Big Give. It will involve a range of<br />
activities from a coastal clean-up, to<br />
repairing several damaged beach access<br />
ways, restoring walking tracks and<br />
clearing away invasive plant species, as<br />
well as creating a brand new picnic area<br />
in the Southshore reserve<br />
Okay, so how would you convince a<br />
more reluctant volunteer?<br />
We’ve got some cool things planned,<br />
so you’ll get more out of it than just<br />
the warm fuzzies. We are setting up a<br />
stage out amongst the dunes and will be<br />
getting a few local bands to play during<br />
the afternoon, once the volunteering is<br />
done. The SVA is also providing a free<br />
BBQ lunch and you’ll even get an SVA<br />
T-shirt <strong>for</strong> your ef<strong>for</strong>ts. Plus, nothing<br />
makes a jug of Foundry Draught taste<br />
better than doing a few hours of<br />
volunteering.<br />
Looks like you’ve hit the nail on the<br />
head with this one, any last words?<br />
Jump on the old Facebook and track<br />
down our SVA Big Give event page if you<br />
need any more in<strong>for</strong>mation, then tell<br />
your mates about it and let them know<br />
what an absolute hoot of a day it will be.<br />
The SVA Exec and I can’t wait to see you<br />
there!<br />
UC Takes Top Spot in<br />
University Challenge<br />
The University of Canterbury (UC) team has won New Zealand<br />
academia’s top trivia quiz show, University Challenge <strong>for</strong> the<br />
second year since the show returned to New Zealand screens in<br />
2014.<br />
The UC team, team captain Stewart Alexander (PhD student<br />
in Chemistry), Liam Boardman (studying <strong>for</strong> a BA in History<br />
and Political Science), Catherine O’Donnell-Jackways (BA Law),<br />
Alexander Amies (PhD student in Mechanical Engineering) and<br />
Jack Hayes (studying <strong>for</strong> a BA in History and Japanese) won by a<br />
convincing 210 – 90 over the University of Waikato team in the<br />
final which aired on Prime on Saturday 21 January.<br />
Going into the final the UC team were cautious of their<br />
opponent, Mr Alexander says.<br />
“Waikato was strong all season and pulled off a huge comeback<br />
in their semi-final, so we knew we were never going to be in <strong>for</strong><br />
an easy game.”<br />
He attributes their final win to some “aggressive buzzing and a<br />
little bit of luck with the questions”, but it was their broad base<br />
of knowledge in areas of engineering, history, political science,<br />
geography, law, pop culture, sport, history of science and<br />
chemistry which helped the team to a number of convincing<br />
wins over the other seven New Zealand University teams<br />
(Otago, Lincoln, Victoria, Massey, Waikato, AUT and Auckland)<br />
throughout the series.<br />
UP<br />
DOWN<br />
Building a Tiny House to live in while<br />
you’re a student at UC- seriously, Google<br />
it! Kinda makes you wish you got out of<br />
bed be<strong>for</strong>e 3pm at least once over the<br />
holidays...<br />
www.myunidays.com - discounts off<br />
retailers like ASOS, Apple, The Iconic and<br />
GHD. Think of it as a GoldCard but you’re<br />
not 75 years old<br />
H&M and Zara opening in the CBD soon.<br />
Choice = good. Ethical product chain =<br />
bad bad bad<br />
Every single app having messaging<br />
...Snapchat is just a thread of me saying<br />
‘Wait, what did I say?’<br />
The music at Chiltons... every day is a TBT<br />
by the sounds of it<br />
Massive payrises (ahem)<br />
Leavers Jerseys. See this edition’s<br />
cartoon; no one cares.<br />
Being clamped on campus in January....<br />
someone out there needs a firm<br />
backhand
INTERNATIONAL news<br />
07<br />
BAD! Milo<br />
This story will totally surprise you; a<br />
college grant program <strong>for</strong> white males<br />
that is now taking applications is being<br />
blasted as fanning white nationalism<br />
Breitbart News senior editor and<br />
all round douchebag Twitter troll,<br />
Milo Yiannopoulos announced the<br />
‘Yiannopoulos Privilege Grant’. The<br />
program, which is funded by the<br />
right-wing provocateur and private<br />
donors, began taking applications on<br />
Tuesday, Breitbart reports.<br />
Princeton University professor Eddie<br />
Glaude Jr. said the program was part of<br />
“a white nationalist agenda clearly and<br />
unapologetically.”<br />
I can barely type the rest due to my<br />
Olympic level eye rolling, so Google it if<br />
you want to ruin your day a little more.<br />
Good luck Milo, you are better as a hot<br />
malty drink that puts me to sleep.<br />
Harvard’s Free Online<br />
12-Module Digital<br />
Photo Course<br />
Want to learn photography from<br />
Harvard? (Yes, that Harvard.) It turns out<br />
you can easily do so, even without being<br />
a student. The oldest institution of higher<br />
learning in the United States offers a free<br />
12-module online digital photography<br />
class as part of Harvard’s Open Learning<br />
Initiative.<br />
The 12 modules of the course will take an<br />
average student about 10 to 15 hours to<br />
complete, and they teach a wide range of<br />
topics in digital photography, including<br />
exposure settings, reading histograms,<br />
learning about light, how sensors and<br />
lenses work, and how to post-processing<br />
photos.<br />
All you need to know is on this<br />
very dodgy and not very<br />
Harvard sounding website:<br />
http://digitalphotography.exposed/<br />
GIANT CAT IS GOING<br />
TO KILL EVERYONE<br />
(maybe)<br />
Oaklands College in Britain potentially<br />
has a giant cat roaming around it’s<br />
campus, according to eyewitnesses. The<br />
animal was described as a large sandy<br />
coloured cat with a long tail, and it was<br />
seen between 8-9pm on January 25.<br />
One resident said she had spotted a<br />
‘huge cat’ in the area at the weekend,<br />
adding: ‘It was huge, with a big swishing<br />
tale. I got back in my car and drove off as<br />
fast as I could.’<br />
Oakland College is a rural campus, with<br />
a large animal section where students<br />
learn how to care <strong>for</strong> larger animals such<br />
as calves, pigs, goats and alpacas. There<br />
is also a working sheep farm there.<br />
Thomas Ellis, 32, said: ‘If I was a big cat,<br />
the animal pens at Oaklands would be<br />
top of my list - an easy meal.’<br />
Pigeons don’t look so bad now, do they,<br />
3 MARCH, 7PM | $15<br />
NZI Foyer, Christchurch Art Gallery<br />
Book now at christchurchartgallery.org.nz<br />
#chchartgallery<br />
Week 1
08<br />
WELCOME TO<br />
THE UCSA<br />
Kia Ora UC students, welcome to 2017 – it sure is going to be a<br />
blast.<br />
Your Exec are located right at the entrance to UCSA offices in the<br />
Undercroft. Come on in and say hi!<br />
“So what does the Exec actually do?” I hear you ask. In summary, it<br />
can be split into three parts.<br />
GOVERNANCE: The Executive (made up of 12-elected students)<br />
is the governing body of the association and the equivalent of a<br />
Board of Directors or Trustees. As President I am chairperson of<br />
the Executive/Board meetings. Governance is there to monitor<br />
per<strong>for</strong>mance, give direction, and to hold management to account<br />
- essentially to ensure that the UCSA is operating <strong>for</strong> students.<br />
Executive Committee Meetings occur every <strong>for</strong>tnight during termtime.<br />
REPRESENTATION: The second part of the role is being<br />
a student representative at a UC level. The Executive sit on a<br />
range of college and UC committee bodies. e.g. Jackson White<br />
(Engineering Rep) sits on Engineering Faculty; and Engineering<br />
sub-committees including Health & Safety, special matters, and<br />
Academic Reviews. All major college matters then go to Academic<br />
Board which Emily and I sit on. The Academic Board then reports<br />
to University Council (governing body of UC), of which I am<br />
member of.<br />
SPECIAL PROJECTS: The above results in a lot of talking on<br />
strategy and governance. While all exciting <strong>for</strong> a student that<br />
hasn’t been exposed to that be<strong>for</strong>e, it can sometimes feel like you<br />
aren’t getting your hands dirty, hence why we also have a special<br />
projects fund. The project fund is <strong>for</strong> Exec members who have an<br />
idea or project on campus that they are passionate about, and<br />
directly benefits students. The Exec member is provided resources<br />
and assistance from UCSA staff to implement the project. Stay<br />
tuned <strong>for</strong> what is in the pipeline <strong>for</strong> this year! The President’s<br />
role is full-time, VP and Finance are part-time (approx. 20 hours),<br />
and other Exec positions are part-time (approx. 10 hours during<br />
academic year). Hopefully that helps!<br />
James Addington<br />
President<br />
Harry Beaumont<br />
Law Rep<br />
Laura Robinson<br />
Education Rep<br />
Chanuka De Silva<br />
Commerce Rep<br />
Emily Barker<br />
Vice-President<br />
Hana Mereraiha<br />
Te Akatoki Rep<br />
Sam Brosnahan<br />
Equity & Wellbeing Rep<br />
Josh Proctor<br />
Finance Officer<br />
James Addington<br />
UCSA President<br />
Thomas Gillman<br />
Post-grad Rep<br />
Jackson White<br />
Engineering Rep<br />
Ron Park<br />
Arts Rep<br />
Riley Brosnahan<br />
Science Rep<br />
Issue 1.
09<br />
Get organised!<br />
Professional & af<strong>for</strong>dable<br />
document binding<br />
The Copy Centre<br />
Walk up printing and binding service<br />
Puaka-James Hight Library undercroft<br />
Monday to Friday 9am to 4pm<br />
copycentre@canterbury.ac.nz<br />
Week 1<br />
DMED5401
10<br />
Club Stuff<br />
club promoter<br />
All the best club events you’d be a fool to miss<br />
CLUB: Student Volunteer Army (SVA)<br />
EVENT: SVA Big Give<br />
DATE/TIME: Saturday 4 March,<br />
9am-4pm<br />
LOCATION: South New Brighton<br />
PRICE: Free!<br />
CLUB: CUBA<br />
EVENT: Lake Day<br />
DATE/TIME: Sunday 26 Feb,<br />
12pm-4pm<br />
LOCATION: Lake Rua<br />
PRICE: Free!<br />
CLUB: UC PSYC<br />
EVENT: Sex quiz<br />
DATE/TIME: Tuesday 21 February,<br />
7pm-late<br />
LOCATION: The Foundry<br />
PRICE: Free!<br />
CLUB: Backyard Cricket Society (BYCSOC)<br />
EVENT: Backyard Cricket Tournament and Afterparty<br />
DATE/TIME: Monday 20 February, 4pm-1am<br />
LOCATION: The Foundry<br />
PRICE: $12 tournament & Afterparty, $10 Afterparty<br />
This is sure to be the event of the year with the brilliant guys from the<br />
Alternative Commentary Collective, free snags and spot prizes to be won all<br />
afternoon.<br />
With the support of the Foundry providing you cheap beers and Thirstbat<br />
giving us the perfect BYC fusion vessel, we are going to provide you with your<br />
freshest day in O-Week! And once the cricket stops...the party starts!!!<br />
BYC have got you sorted <strong>for</strong> a wicket night of partying that’ll leave you<br />
stumped <strong>for</strong> days!<br />
Issue 1.
11<br />
CLUB PROmoter<br />
Profiling some of the newest, most mysterious and interesting clubs around<br />
Clubs Stuff<br />
CUTC<br />
Canterbury University<br />
Tramping Club<br />
Tramping (verb) - tramp-ing<br />
The art of walking carrying double<br />
the amount of gear necessary, half the<br />
distance planned in twice the time it<br />
should take.<br />
Whether you’re into tramping, easy<br />
mountaineering, rogaining, conservation,<br />
partying in the bush (or all of the above),<br />
CUTC is the club to join. We’re one of<br />
the largest sports clubs on campus with<br />
most members being students, staff,<br />
recent grads and other young outdoor<br />
enthusiasts.<br />
Joining the club has great benefits: regular<br />
meetings, instruction courses, discounts<br />
at outdoor stores, convenient gear hire,<br />
FMC membership and more.<br />
To join, visit our website cutc.org.nz<br />
or come see us at Clubs Day!<br />
Key Events:<br />
Bushcraft: The Bushcraft course is the<br />
perfect introduction to tramping skills,<br />
such as navigation and river crossings, <strong>for</strong><br />
those new(ish) to tramping and camping.<br />
TWA LK: An epic, 24 hour orienteering<br />
event celebrating its 50th birthday<br />
this year. It is split into five legs, each<br />
around 15-20 kilometres long. Each<br />
leg has around 10 - 20 controls, which<br />
competitors will have find with the help<br />
of cryptic clues. Expect to see elaborate<br />
costumes and shenanigans galore.<br />
Bush Ball: A ball in the bush! This is a<br />
fantastic tradition that is not to be missed!<br />
There will be music, drinks and general<br />
craziness. Will you volunteer to carry the<br />
keg?<br />
Snowcraft: These courses are by far one<br />
of biggest events on the CUTC instruction<br />
calendar. A basic knowledge of snow skills<br />
allows you to get into mountaineering<br />
and significantly improves your tramping<br />
opportunities.<br />
坎 特 伯 雷 大 学 中 国 学 生 学 者 联 谊 会 是 坎<br />
特 伯 雷 大 学 相 对 年 轻 的 一 个 国 际 社 团 。<br />
得 力 于 新 西 兰 当 地 对 文 化 多 样 性 的 重 视<br />
和 包 容 , 我 们 UCCSSS 能 够 通 过 开 展 一 系<br />
列 的 活 动 来 推 广 博 大 精 深 的 中 国 文 化 , 也<br />
使 得 更 多 的 国 际 友 人 了 解 当 代 中 国 的 真 实<br />
面 貌 。<br />
通 过 在 坎 特 伯 雷 大 学 组 织 策 划 活 动 的 各 种<br />
经 验 积 累 , 我 们 发 现 有 许 多 当 地 同 学 和 朋<br />
友 对 中 国 传 统 文 化 非 常 感 兴 趣 , 并 且 他 们<br />
渴 望 了 解 与 此 相 关 的 更 多 知 识 。 他 们 经 常<br />
自 愿 地 帮 助 我 们 , 还 会 介 绍 他 们 的 朋 友 来<br />
参 加 我 们 的 活 动 。 坎 特 伯 雷 大 学 是 一 个 拥<br />
有 多 元 文 化 背 景 的 学 校 , 它 提 供 了 一 个 很<br />
好 的 平 台 让 大 家 有 机 会 进 行 深 入 、 广 泛 地<br />
交 流 。 而 这 些 交 流 沟 通 不 仅 仅 能 帮 助 我 们<br />
推 广 中 国 文 化 , 还 促 使 各 国 同 学 加 深 对 彼<br />
此 的 了 解 。 我 们 非 常 荣 幸 能 成 为 坎 特 伯 雷<br />
大 学 国 际 社 团 中 的 一 员 。<br />
大 多 数 的 留 学 生 ( 特 别 是 母 语 非 英 语 的 同<br />
学 ) 在 来 到 国 外 后 通 常 需 要 一 定 的 时 间 去<br />
UCCSSS<br />
University of Canterbury<br />
Chinese Students &<br />
Scholars Society<br />
适 应 当 地 的 新 生 活 。 之 前 , 他 们 说 不 一 样<br />
的 语 言 , 拥 有 不 一 样 的 兴 趣 爱 好 , 成 长 于<br />
不 同 的 家 庭 教 育 环 境 。 对 于 初 次 离 开 祖 国<br />
的 他 们 来 说 , 难 免 会 在 生 活 方 面 感 受 到 种<br />
种 不 便 。 我 们 社 团 非 常 重 视 这 些 问 题 。 作<br />
为 坎 特 伯 雷 大 学 大 家 族 的 一 员 , 我 们 致 力<br />
于 帮 助 中 国 留 学 生 解 决 各 种 问 题 , 使 他 们<br />
能 尽 快 适 应 在 新 西 兰 的 学 习 生 活 。<br />
如 果 你 在 坎 特 伯 雷 大 学 就 读 并 注 册 成 为<br />
UCCSSS 的 会 员 , 就 能 在 我 们 举 办 的 中 秋<br />
晚 会 上 享 用 到 美 味 可 口 的 手 工 月 饼 , 还 可<br />
以 在 歌 唱 比 赛 中 一 展 歌 喉 。 希 望 你 能 通 过<br />
参 加 UCCSSS 组 织 的 诸 多 活 动 认 识 到 更<br />
多 的 朋 友 。 如 果 你 是 今 年 的 新 生 , 欢 迎 参<br />
加 UCCSSS 在 2 月 25 日 举 办 的 迎 新 派 对<br />
活 动 , 地 点 在 图 书 馆 James Height 底 层<br />
的 Undercroft 101 室 , 我 们 热 忱 期 待 你<br />
的 到 来 。<br />
Submit your club to be featured in CANTA | < 300 WORDS | 3x PICS |canta.editor@gmail.com<br />
Week 1
How to: poop<br />
There’s no denying that the Undercroft toilets are silent.This<br />
silence reaches peak morgue capacity. You can hear your hair<br />
and nails growing.<br />
This poses the question; how can I pinch off a loaf when I am<br />
presented with CIA grade torture level silence? What is there at<br />
my disposal, when I am at my most vulnerable; a human organic<br />
fax machine, spitting out lolly cake without the lollies<br />
CANTA has a few solutions. Consider these simple steps bandaids<br />
<strong>for</strong> your social anxiety. It’s a clear nail polish to gloss over the fact<br />
that EVERYBODY POOPS BUT NO ONE LIKES TO BE REMINDED OF<br />
IT.<br />
So here we go: the unofficial guide to Pooping Like No-One Is<br />
Listening.<br />
Step one. Pooping on a schedule like a guide dog.<br />
Plan your emissions. Survey toilet traffic. Avoid post-meal times.<br />
Think of your own body and it’s sluggish cogs... we all know you<br />
don’t eat enough fibre. You’re a student! You eat refined white<br />
things! Chances are most people around you are in the same<br />
boat. High traffic times are estimated at 1 hour post meal time.<br />
You’ve also got supplies to mop up any type of issue. Wet<br />
wipes, hand sanitiser, rosary beads, some tissues. I’d tell<br />
you to relax, but you’re reading an article on how to poop.<br />
Step two: choose your weapon.<br />
Your weapon = toilet stall. Surveys have indicated that the first stall<br />
you see as you walk in is the least used stall and there<strong>for</strong>e the least<br />
germ ridden, but fuck that. You need the furtherest stall from the<br />
door. I didn’t say you’d be clean, I said you’d be privately pooing.<br />
Step three: Push it. Push it real good.<br />
There’s no time <strong>for</strong> smartphones. Hang up your bag, and get to<br />
work. Lay a moderate amount of toilet paper down. It will be<br />
whatever your sweaty anxious hands can grasp. This layer avoids<br />
the ploink TM people KNOW the ploink, and they will IDENTIFY<br />
the ploink as a CODE BROWN.<br />
Step four: be at one with your surroundings<br />
Know this: the paper dispensers are out to get you. Accept this, as<br />
it’s never going to change. The Undercroft toilets have notoriously<br />
thin TP and you will not have any success in gaining anything<br />
larger than a sim card <strong>for</strong> cleaning up your balloon knot. But you<br />
thought of this, didn’t you?! See STEP ONE. Organisation. Being at<br />
one with your surroundings means listening <strong>for</strong> additions to your<br />
audience. You could end up in here <strong>for</strong> hours. Did you bring a book?<br />
Step five: Bravery in the face of poop-ocalypse<br />
You’re done. Poo-Elvis has left the butt-building. So far? No noise.<br />
Don’t cry at this point. Try not to have a victorious poo cackle.<br />
Bowel Buddy has hopefully moved on, and it’s your chance to be<br />
brave and show your filthy, disgusting face. Flush, pause, wait. GO.<br />
Step six: rinse your shame<br />
I don’t need to tell you what you’re doing here. More than 30 seconds<br />
on the wash AND the same <strong>for</strong> drying. You have a minute, so use<br />
it wisely. Keep your head down. You no longer own this space.<br />
Anyone can come in at any point, so avoid eyes. Avoid life basically.<br />
Step seven: follow through (no, not that kind)<br />
Leave with confidence and pace. People who left a cable the size<br />
of a doughy baguette do not follow this prescription. They skulk.<br />
Avoid the skulk. You are a sanitised, waste free member of UC.<br />
Walk fast, on the way anywhere but a loo. Eye contact can resume<br />
approx 25 minutes post incidence or 3.5km from said toilet.<br />
By Josh Brosnahan<br />
Use wet wipes sparingly. I know<br />
you’ve seen the video of the<br />
iceberg of shit laminated wetwipes<br />
bobbing around in an English<br />
sewer. Be somewhat mindful of<br />
this happening here at UC and<br />
it running as front page news on<br />
st**f.co.nz.<br />
TOP TIPS<br />
Apparently pooping with your knees<br />
up slightly works wonders. It aligns<br />
your unmentionable back passage to<br />
that of our savage ancestors.<br />
Check out ‘Just A Drop - Natural<br />
Toilet Odor Eliminator’ you put a<br />
drop (JUST A DROP) in the toilet<br />
be<strong>for</strong>e you drop a deuce. Apparently<br />
it masks all smells perfectly.<br />
15 valuable mls. Dr. Oz swears by it<br />
apparently... gross.<br />
Issue 1.
13<br />
How to: cure a hangover<br />
S<br />
pend the evening in charming<br />
company. Drink cheap beer and<br />
expensive whisky and cider from<br />
Sweden. Solve all the worlds problems.<br />
Dance in your chairs. Tell each other all<br />
your stories until you run out and have<br />
to tell all of your secrets. Laugh until you<br />
cry and leave be<strong>for</strong>e you get thrown out.<br />
The radio will play your songs all the way<br />
home.<br />
Fall into bed in your clothes. Sleep<br />
soundly <strong>for</strong> two hours and then fitfully<br />
<strong>for</strong> another two. Be unable to get back<br />
to sleep after 6am. Using only one eye,<br />
check your horoscope from your phone.<br />
Make sure to cross-reference it with<br />
the Person You Have a Crush On’s to<br />
see if today will bode well <strong>for</strong> positive<br />
vibrations between you. This will also<br />
enable you to feel closer to them in the<br />
likely event that you are not speaking/<br />
they do not know you exist. Feel free to<br />
assume a more preferable horoscope if<br />
yours is no good. It is important not to<br />
dwell on things when you are in your<br />
condition. Get the hell out of bed.<br />
It is critical that you ignore<br />
your hangover at this stage.<br />
Any attention given to it will<br />
only increase its power.<br />
This phase is called ‘Action’. Clean your<br />
kitchen with great focus. This will serve<br />
you later in the day when your hangover<br />
evolves. Only when your kitchen is<br />
spotless should you allow yourself pause,<br />
albeit briefly, to swear and hold your<br />
face in your hands and vow never again.<br />
Now snap out of it. Make an enormous<br />
cup of very sweet tea and wait until it is<br />
lukewarm be<strong>for</strong>e drinking it. Your body<br />
will be very sensitive to liquids at this<br />
stage, so you need something nonthreatening.<br />
DO NOT SIT DOWN. If you<br />
stop moving in these early stages you<br />
will never get up again. Think of your<br />
constant action as penance <strong>for</strong> poisoning<br />
your temple.<br />
It is now very important that you<br />
go and swim in a very cold ocean.<br />
Make it happen. March in with great<br />
determination. Do not pussyfoot around.<br />
The hardest part will be<br />
submerging your bits – this will<br />
be unpleasant but it will take<br />
your mind off your hangover.<br />
Get your head under. What you are<br />
doing here is confusing your body into<br />
not knowing which of the horrors it is<br />
experiencing is worse. The cold or the<br />
hangover. The cold will win, I promise.<br />
The longer you are able to stay in the<br />
freezing water, the less hungover you<br />
will feel. This is science. When your body<br />
is pleasantly numb exit the water. Again,<br />
it is important that you do not stop yet.<br />
Drink the entire bottle of water you have<br />
brought with you and drive directly to<br />
the supermarket in your togs.<br />
Do your grocery shopping. Productivity is<br />
the perfect thing <strong>for</strong> you in this state. The<br />
key to this, again, is DO NOT STOP.<br />
You are a perfect, unfeeling<br />
robot of efficiency right now.<br />
Keep it moving.<br />
The next phase is called ‘Peckish’. Once<br />
you have finished your grocery shopping,<br />
reward yourself with a very cold coke<br />
with lots of ice. It is important to keep<br />
your body thoroughly chilled. This will<br />
not only serve in assisting you to burn<br />
off all the calories of the alcohol you<br />
consumed, it will keep you at maximum<br />
freshness. By this stage of your hangover<br />
you will be ready to eat something. Keep<br />
in mind however, that once you begin<br />
eating today, you will not be able to stop.<br />
You will get stuck in that endless quest<br />
<strong>for</strong> the food item or product that will fix<br />
you. No such thing exists. Bake a cake.<br />
Eat a huge meal. Eat a tiny meal. Have a<br />
snack. Eat an orange. None of this will<br />
fulfil you. But it is part of the process.<br />
Now you are in the final phase; ‘Reward’.<br />
You got up…and cleaned your kitchen!<br />
You went swimming…in the ocean! You<br />
went and did the groceries…on a Sunday<br />
morning! All with a raging hangover!<br />
You are so good! Look at you! You are a<br />
saint. You are now In Credit. Send a few<br />
messages you’d usually regret…if you<br />
weren’t so virtuous! Eat the entire cake<br />
STUDENT HACKS<br />
• Buy tortillas. Use<br />
tortillas as plates. Eat<br />
plates. Wash nothing.<br />
• Strategically place<br />
single M&Ms on your<br />
textbook, at the end<br />
of each paragraph. Eat<br />
once you’ve read the<br />
paragraph as a reward.<br />
Addtional bonus: never<br />
sleep again!<br />
• Purchase a small McDs<br />
fries. Eat half and return<br />
them, stating they’re<br />
cold. You’ll gain a fresh,<br />
full bag of fries. They<br />
know what you’re doing<br />
but who cares.<br />
• Put a blue ink cartridge<br />
in a red pen. No one ever<br />
steals a red pen.<br />
• Microwave broken? Put<br />
your saveloys in the jug<br />
and boil it. You can use<br />
the sauce you pocketed<br />
from McDs, you fries<br />
fraudster.<br />
you baked…because you have exercised!<br />
Make an elaborate dinner…because you<br />
did the groceries! And finally collapse in<br />
a heap…because you haven’t stopped<br />
all day!<br />
Try it out and report back your findings.<br />
Good luck and good livers.<br />
By Alice Andersen<br />
www.ourtinylandscapes.com<br />
How to Student<br />
Week 1
14<br />
Dr. Rod' s 90k<br />
Canta’s look at the Vice-Chancellor’s big pay-day<br />
V<br />
ice Chancellor Dr Rod Carr has received a $90,001 pay<br />
increase <strong>for</strong> the 2016 financial year, according to the<br />
State Services Commission’s Senior Pay Report. With a<br />
portion of that increase - $31,000 - explained as a back payment<br />
<strong>for</strong> the 2014-15 financial year.<br />
Carr’s salary had a steady increase from between $550,000 and<br />
$559,999 in 2014-2015 to $650,000-$659,000 in the financial year<br />
to June 2016<br />
Carr is now the second-highest earning New Zealand Vice-<br />
Chancellor, second only to Auckland University’s Stuart<br />
McCutcheon who earned $719,999 in 2016.<br />
Who is Dr Rod Carr?<br />
His work within the community is prominent, particularly<br />
post-earthquakes with “building remediation and trans<strong>for</strong>mation<br />
which saw the University <strong>for</strong> a considerable period<br />
spending $2 million a week across more than 12 building sites,<br />
and substantially advancing a $1.2 billion Capital Works programme,”<br />
said Field.<br />
Due to the major damage to UC buildings, a huge marketing<br />
campaign was put in place to bring back enrolment numbers,<br />
which had plummeted after the quakes; the campaign resulted<br />
in near pre-earthquake numbers in 2016, that met agreed<br />
Government targets.<br />
What is a Vice Chancellor?<br />
The best way to describe the role would be similar to a CEO.<br />
According to Jeff Field UC Registrar, The Vice-Chancellor is<br />
the employer of all staff and is responsible <strong>for</strong> all aspects of<br />
management of the University. A Vice-Chancellor is in charge of<br />
reporting directly to the University Council, and the Chancellor.<br />
Typically the Vice-Chancellor would attend ceremonial<br />
procedures such as graduation. They often offer leadership,<br />
academic assistance, and ensure the financial base, aims and<br />
objectives of the university are carried out effectively. The role<br />
requires Dr Rod Carr to be on call at all times, except when on<br />
annual leave.<br />
UC’s Collective Employment<br />
Agreement document found that<br />
UC academic staff, received<br />
only a 1% increase each year<br />
from 2015-17. Whereas Carr’s<br />
increase was that of about 20%<br />
within those years.<br />
Issue 1.
15<br />
Dr. Rod’s CV<br />
– previously worked <strong>for</strong> Bank of New Zealand<br />
and National Australia Bank.<br />
– previously Managing Director of Jade<br />
Software Corporation Ltd<br />
– 5 years at the Reserve Bank as a Director<br />
and Deputy Governor<br />
– undergraduate honours degrees in Law<br />
and Economics from the University of Otago<br />
– MBA in Money and Financial Markets<br />
from Columbia University<br />
– MA in Applied Economics and Managerial<br />
Science<br />
– a PhD in Insurance and Risk Management<br />
from the Wharton School, University of<br />
Pennsylvania.<br />
– Trustee of the Christchurch Earthquake<br />
Appeal Trust<br />
Let’s spend<br />
$90,000:<br />
• 2 average NZ salaries<br />
• 14 years of study<br />
• 9TB of internet<br />
at the UC halls of<br />
residence<br />
• 257 student parking<br />
permits <strong>for</strong> 2016<br />
Critical Analysis<br />
The money:<br />
The commission justified the increase as reflecting Carr’s raised<br />
responsibilities since the 2011 Canterbury earthquake.<br />
Yet there were also nation-wide increases to other, similar roles<br />
within tertiary institutions. This increase and its reasoning were<br />
supported by a spokesperson <strong>for</strong> the academic institution.<br />
External individuals within the public, are sceptical in regarding<br />
the increase as justified.<br />
The raise sparked outrage among staff and students, with<br />
criticism in particular directed at the size of the increase – at<br />
$90,001, almost twice the median Kiwi income according to<br />
Statistic New Zealand data.<br />
• Over 35,000 bus<br />
rides<br />
• 514 weeks of student<br />
allowance<br />
• 45,000 $2 rice/<br />
noodles at the Hot<br />
Wok.<br />
Carr’s new salary pushes him more than $200,000 – or 4.5 median<br />
wage workers - above even the Prime Minister’s earnings. When<br />
John Key resigned in 2016 he was earning $448,569 including a<br />
4% pay rise.<br />
Carr’s remuneration on the other hand was set by the University<br />
Council’s Vice-Chancellor Employment Committee, to include<br />
employer superannuation contributions and an at-risk<br />
component based on per<strong>for</strong>mance.<br />
By Sarah Jadallah<br />
• Over 81,000 sheets<br />
of printing<br />
• 36,000 1KG bags of<br />
rice.<br />
• 180 years of<br />
textbooks (@ $500<br />
per year)<br />
Sources available – canta@canta.co.nz<br />
Week 1
16<br />
FLAT FAMOUS<br />
WHO’S WHO<br />
–<br />
C o u r t n e y : blonde and<br />
rambunctious, she’ll say yo ho ho to<br />
a bottle of rum every day, especially<br />
Tuesdays. She really is a Dancing<br />
Queen, as she is the current President<br />
of UCanDance 2017.<br />
A n g u s : AKA The Court Jester. At<br />
nearly 10 feet tall (6’9” ) he’s one of<br />
a kind, and keeps us laughing as he<br />
repeatedly knocks his head on the<br />
abnormally low doorways.<br />
M o r g a n : a tree hugger in the<br />
making who, after a few too many<br />
shots, often starts actually hugging<br />
the trees, and then peeing behind<br />
t hem.<br />
The first FLAT FAMOUS <strong>for</strong> 2017 has a 70s mansion in The<br />
Walking Dead kinda vibe, even with a zombie flatmate on the<br />
couch who literally didn’t move <strong>for</strong> the entire photoshoot.<br />
The highlights <strong>for</strong> us were Lunar the flat bunny, and the second<br />
story window ledge covered in hundreds of bottle tops.<br />
Here’s what Morgan had to say:<br />
‘Our flat is really more of a palace in the making than a student home. We<br />
all have been thinking about how lucky we are that we get to live like kings<br />
<strong>for</strong> the next year.<br />
Not only does our flat boast a leaky glass terrace, but it also can fit in 10<br />
people.<br />
The minuscule living room ensures that we will not freeze over winter,<br />
because we will all need to sit on top of each other to fit. Body heat will<br />
protect us against those harsh Christchurch winds. Of course, we have to<br />
choose between paying the rent or paying <strong>for</strong> power, and candles add<br />
ambiance to the chipped-paint walls.<br />
The best feature of our flat is the tub, which can seat up to 4 people.<br />
Perfect <strong>for</strong> those winter bromances’.<br />
To become FLAT FAMOUS, send your pitch to:<br />
canta.editor@gmail.com<br />
You could win heaps of free shit!<br />
Flat couple Kevin and S***a:<br />
the latter not wanting to be involved<br />
in the photoshoot because she has a<br />
‘reputation to uphold’. NO GROCERY<br />
VOUCHER FOR YOU!
18<br />
CANTA<br />
INVESTIGATES<br />
– THE LOCAL ALCOHOL POLICY –<br />
C<br />
hristchurch declared to the world that it had a bold<br />
new vision mid last year. It’s time to ‘trans<strong>for</strong>m<br />
Christchurch into an edgy 21st century city with a<br />
difference’. Edgy. That’ll be us moving <strong>for</strong>ward says the Council.<br />
Aside from the self-defeating nature of declaring yourself edgy,<br />
it was nice to see this. At least they were kind of doing something<br />
to temper the domination of the rebuild by pale male walking<br />
corpses.<br />
But this was in stark contrast to the proposals being made to<br />
adjust Christchurch’s alcohol legislation. Anyone outside a small<br />
inner-city area would be unable to sell alcohol after 1am. Edgy.<br />
The Final Provisional Local Alcohol Policy will introduce a<br />
range of other changes too. You won’t be able to buy booze at<br />
supermarkets or liquor stores after 10pm. One-way door policies<br />
will be imposed on a discretionary basis.<br />
The new policy will limit the hours of many current<br />
establishments outside 3am zone. It was venues in these areas<br />
that led the post-quake hospitality revival. The City Council<br />
applauds such establishments. In the same report that they<br />
announced their edge, they proudly noted that ‘vibrant nightlife<br />
precincts have emerged in Addington, Riccarton, Victoria Street<br />
and Merivale’. The new Policy will almost certainly lead to some<br />
of these venues closing, or at least becoming a little less vibrant.<br />
Making it impossible <strong>for</strong> anyone in Christchurch to get a drink at<br />
1:30am unless they mission it into the city is grievous in itself. A<br />
person living in Hornby or Lyttleton should be able to have a few<br />
late-night pints without incurring an offensively expensive taxi.<br />
So who is leading the charge against late closing times? The usual<br />
suspects feature—The Police and the CDHB are sure to submit<br />
vociferously in opposition to anything and everything. Another<br />
<strong>for</strong>ce is that there isn’t much overlap between people who like<br />
to be on the lash at 3am and people who vote in local body<br />
elections; Councillors want to please their voter base.<br />
Decrepit white retirees who have a fetish <strong>for</strong> seeing their names<br />
on page four of The Press also factor. Serial whingers Victoria<br />
Neighbourhood Association are especially noxious. Wowsersin-chief<br />
Bob and Marjorie Manthei have dedicated their golden<br />
years to furiously NIMBYing, trying to ensure that no fun is had<br />
past their bedtime in what has emerged as perhaps the only<br />
alternative to St Asaph.<br />
Thankfully the Council has chosen to largely ignore the<br />
Association’s death rattles, changing the proposed policy so that<br />
much of Victoria Street will be in Area A (3am closing) and giving<br />
the rest (including The Carlton) a three-year 3am grace period<br />
be<strong>for</strong>e the 1am limit kicks in. Long live The Bog.<br />
The Police, CDHB, and co. object on the usual grounds of<br />
reducing alcohol harm. We should, of course, expect these<br />
organisations to advocate <strong>for</strong> harm reduction. Alcohol-fuelled<br />
violence, crashes, and crime are a scourge. Likewise the pressure<br />
alcohol related medical incidents puts on the healthcare system.<br />
But I am not at all convinced that the changes put <strong>for</strong>ward in<br />
the Provisional Local Alcohol Policy will reduce alcohol related<br />
harm. New Zealand has a serious drinking culture, and it’s a little<br />
optimistic to think that making town a bit more shit will even<br />
make a dent.<br />
Young people tend to be the biggest drinkers and the biggest<br />
dickheads. We drink more, fight more, crash more, get<br />
hospitalised more. But, overwhelmingly, this harm does not<br />
happen in town. It happens at house parties. While it’s a bit of a<br />
charade—‘Yeah just a couple of beers tonight mate’—the reality<br />
is that it’s harder to get seriously, dangerously blitzed when<br />
Issue 1.
19<br />
you’re heading out to town. Having a taccy in the Empire loos<br />
isn’t by any means rare, but it’s less common and less harmful<br />
than conking out in a bush at a flat party where no one can see<br />
you.<br />
Establishments have their business on the line if they serve<br />
intoxicated people. Anyone approaching alcohol poisoning<br />
levels will be evicted and/or taken care of. Emergency services<br />
are nearby. Any fights in or near clubs will be dealt with quickly<br />
be<strong>for</strong>e they can escalate. Checkpoints abound, and taxis and<br />
Ubers are easier to get. Through bouncers, bartenders, and<br />
Police, town is a supervised place.<br />
None of this applies <strong>for</strong> flat parties.<br />
Young Cantabrians will drink—a lot—regardless of how<br />
good town is. What the quality and accessibility of late-night<br />
establishments does affect is whether people will get fairly<br />
fucked and go to town, or spend the night at flat parties and get<br />
dangerously fucked. Anyone serious about alcohol related harm<br />
reduction should be a strong advocate <strong>for</strong> vibrant, accessible,<br />
well-run, and fun nightlife. Providing an attractive alternative will<br />
reduce alcohol related harm.<br />
Slashing people’s nights short will have negative consequences<br />
too.<br />
is a statement that fun of that sort is not allowed. In many places<br />
around the world, nightlife is a central part of being a young<br />
person, and that’s something that the Council seems determined<br />
<strong>for</strong> us to miss out on.<br />
Letting residents have a good time is a mandate of all councils.<br />
It can often seem, however, that young people serve as second<br />
class citizens in this respect. Certain kinds of fun <strong>for</strong> certain kinds<br />
of people. Yes, we should have family friendly events all around<br />
the city. But a 2am pint in Addington? Outrageous. Glassy retail<br />
quadrants, not clubs. Vegetable markets, not raves.<br />
It makes sense that boring old white people’s interests are salient<br />
in the rebuild. These are the people that have the influence,<br />
the money, the power. Take a look at the people in charge of<br />
the rebuild, and you’ll see a trend. Politicians, public servants,<br />
investors, business leaders—all old, usually white and male too.<br />
This is justified—the old bit that is—we want people with<br />
experience in charge. But the unavoidable side effect of this<br />
is that young people’s interests will be overlooked. Stronger<br />
ef<strong>for</strong>ts must be made to enfranchise young people in the rebuild<br />
process, to hear and act on what they want. Restrictive alcohol<br />
policy is only one part of this lack of meaningful consultation. If<br />
the process isn’t fixed, then our city will be filled with sanitised<br />
street art and stale bars.<br />
Investigative Feature<br />
Wednesday night at The Craic. A few hundred drunk people<br />
having an arguably good time. Two endings:<br />
By Matt Amos<br />
Option A: Lights on, everyone out. Now there are a couple<br />
hundred drunk people on Riccarton Road who are a bit pissed off<br />
that their night was cut short.<br />
Option B: People keep singing and sifting until they want to<br />
leave. The crowd dribbles out and heads <strong>for</strong> Hunger Busters over<br />
a few hours.<br />
The Police and the CDHB seem convinced that Option A is the<br />
better one here. This will almost certainly become a reality later<br />
this year. To me it sounds like a great way to fuel trouble.<br />
From student and University perspectives, a quality and diverse<br />
nightlife is important. Not many of you reading this came to<br />
UC because of Christchurch’s renowned party scene. Being a<br />
more attractive student destination is incredibly beneficial <strong>for</strong> a<br />
university. If Christchurch was a more exciting place, then more<br />
people would want to study here.<br />
The same applies <strong>for</strong> young people in general. Being a place<br />
where young professionals want to be is a boon to any city.<br />
Currently there’s a definite flight of graduates to Wellington and<br />
Auckland. The Council needs to make this an attractive place to<br />
live as a young professional. Part of that is a flourishing nightlife.<br />
Everyone wins when there are educated, energetic people to fill<br />
and create jobs.<br />
There are plenty of other reasons to want a decent nightlife too.<br />
For one, it’s a hell of a lot of fun. A good night out on Courtenay<br />
or in the Octagon is fucking great, and restrictive alcohol policy<br />
Current<br />
regulations<br />
7am – 11pm off-license hours.<br />
–<br />
3am on-licenses available<br />
in many areas, including<br />
Riccarton.<br />
–<br />
Casino and hotels exempt.<br />
New<br />
regulations<br />
7am-10pm off-license hours.<br />
–<br />
3am licenses only available in<br />
certain areas of the<br />
central city.<br />
1am licenses available in all<br />
other areas of Christchurch.<br />
Victoria Street between<br />
Salisbury Street and Carlton<br />
Corner given a 3-year 3am<br />
grace period.<br />
–<br />
4am Night-club licenses<br />
available if venue opens after<br />
5pm and earns less than 70%<br />
of their revenue from food<br />
and booze.<br />
–<br />
Casino and hotels exempt.<br />
Week 1
20<br />
UC PGSA Research Spotlight<br />
Shining a light on the work of UC post-grads.<br />
This could be you one day!<br />
Sustainable<br />
Development<br />
in the Pacific<br />
This week we talked to Thomas Gillman, who you may recognise<br />
as your post graduate representative in the UCSA, about his<br />
PhD research on Sustainable Development Methodologies.<br />
Thomas’ research focuses on the gap between humanitarian and<br />
development aid in relation to climate change and how Smaller<br />
Island States in the Pacific are challenged by the fundamental<br />
issue of aid effectiveness; specifically capacity, coordination,<br />
monitoring and evaluation, leaving the question how can access<br />
to aid funding be expedited in the current volatile geopolitical<br />
environment?<br />
tackles a whole range of issues in developing countries, aiming to<br />
eradicate poverty, inequality and exclusion.<br />
After completing his PhD, he plans to take some time off while<br />
working on other projects “I would really like to write some<br />
poetry. A mate, who is a photographer, and I would like to put<br />
together a short book with pictures and poems talking about<br />
the PhD pathway and process. The first poem will be titled, “A<br />
balance between Do-Bro’s and scribbling, the perfect amount <strong>for</strong><br />
effective writing”. From here it would take a slightly more serious<br />
turn and explore how the research impacts the world which we<br />
are connected to and engage with, and the lives of those on both<br />
sides of the text. We are open <strong>for</strong> others to add to this book, so if<br />
you got some awesome texts let us know.“<br />
If you would like to learn more about Thomas’s research or the<br />
UNDP, email thomas.gillman@pg.canterbury.org.nz.<br />
.<br />
Confused? So was I. So we asked Thomas to simply the topic.<br />
“Broadly speaking this research explores the power dynamics<br />
that govern our current world system”. Thomas chuckles and<br />
adds, “Unsure how many people will stop reading now, but no<br />
stress”. He continues, “Our world is defined by the perceptions<br />
and demands of those with power and if we do not engage<br />
with this critically then it is very difficult <strong>for</strong> those who live on<br />
the margins of this power to have a strong input into the global<br />
agenda. Aid is often utilised as a <strong>for</strong>eign policy tool by countries<br />
and so it can also be understood as a tool of influence. Thus,<br />
there is a need to explore the way in which aid is implemented<br />
and dispersed in order to question the current power dynamics.”<br />
With an undergraduate background in a Bachelor of Arts in<br />
English and History (with some Philosophy thrown in), his<br />
research is based here at UC and will involve future field work in<br />
the Pacific Islands and Europe.<br />
“Those BA’s can get people places!”<br />
Thomas was inspired to undertake his PhD while living in Samoa,<br />
working <strong>for</strong> the United Nations Development Programme<br />
(UNDP). The UNDP is a division of the United Nations which<br />
Issue 1.<br />
Contact us – info@canterburypgsa.org.nz
21<br />
5 anonymous women<br />
CANTA randomly selected 5 women and gave them a<br />
topic, wine, food and a dictaphone, and slowly backed<br />
away... here’s an insight into the minds of 5 anonymous<br />
women and their thoughts on this issue’s topic: Tinder.<br />
Tinder horror stories:<br />
“My friend met her long term boyfriend on Tinder. After a year<br />
she found out he was hooking up with this really gross chick<br />
on Tinder. She lost her shit at him and their relationship went<br />
downhill from there.”<br />
“Wait, he was still on Tinder?”<br />
“Yeah.. apparently he was lonely, or something”<br />
*collective groan*<br />
“You get to try be<strong>for</strong>e you buy”<br />
“One night I was serving a family at a restaurant I worked at, and I<br />
matched with the son while they were sitting there”<br />
“Oh my god, and then what?”<br />
“ Surely he must have known!”<br />
“He did! I’m picturing him in the back of the family stationwagon<br />
furiously trying to find me be<strong>for</strong>e he got too far from the<br />
restaurant.”<br />
“I flat with a woman who lives vicariously though my Tinder. But<br />
here’s the thing; she’s a teacher. She makes me match with the<br />
old boys from her school that come up. She’s like, NO he’s a dick,<br />
YES, oooh he’s lovely”.<br />
“My friend met with this old guy and he paid her $600 just to<br />
have coffee with him.”<br />
“...That’s all?”<br />
“So, like a sugar daddy without the commitment, AND you get<br />
free coffee?”<br />
“Yep, pretty much”.<br />
“What’s in it <strong>for</strong> him?”<br />
“Company I guess.”<br />
“Expensive coffee” *laughs*<br />
“ I know a guy who does that. He just pays this girl to come have<br />
dinner with him because he has hardly any friends”<br />
“It’s so weirdly innocent but I’d still feel so guilty!”<br />
“If it was just conversation I would legitimately do that”<br />
“Google it then!” *laughs*<br />
“Guys clock Tinder like it’s a video game”<br />
“My friend soley uses Tinder <strong>for</strong> free dinners.”<br />
“WHAT? Seriously?!”<br />
“She even keeps a diary of all the dates she goes on”<br />
“How does she know the guy will pay though?”<br />
“I guess... she just... I dunno? She’d pay, but I guess it’s just the<br />
thrill of it”<br />
“That’s terrible!” *laughing*<br />
Mistakes people make on Tinder:<br />
“Photographs surrounded by the opposite sex – I’m like, ‘ I’m not<br />
competing with this bitch. Fuck that” laughs<br />
“Profiles that say ‘I love getting on the piss’. This says nothing<br />
about you. We want personal details!”<br />
“I looked at my boyfriend and thought, ‘ just<br />
based on his face... which way would I have<br />
swiped?’”<br />
“ Tinder parties where you invite everyone you’ve matched with”<br />
“That’s a thing?!”<br />
“Yep – but as a woman, would you turn up?”<br />
“NO!” *laughs*<br />
Tinder and age:<br />
“When you change your age range to 55 and you see all these old<br />
guys who have put their age range down to 20”.<br />
*collective AHHHH!*<br />
“There were like 45yos looking <strong>for</strong> 20yos on Tinder. It creeps me<br />
out. I couldn’t do it.”<br />
“I’ve never dated anyone younger than me apart from my current<br />
boyfriend. If my Tinder wasn’t set to a lower age, I never would<br />
have matched with him, so don’t discount the younger guys.”<br />
“That’s a good point – maybe you’d miss out on people that can<br />
be good matches <strong>for</strong> you.”<br />
Week 1
22<br />
CANTA COLUMNS<br />
Submit your column to canta.editor@gmail.com<br />
The F-word<br />
Episode 1<br />
Welcome to our column! In this space the<br />
FemSoc exec will write about all things<br />
feminist and what happens on campus<br />
here at UC.<br />
For this first one, we thought we’d start<br />
with the most basic -- and maybe also the<br />
hardest -- question about feminism:<br />
What is feminism?<br />
Feminism questions taken-<strong>for</strong>-granted<br />
social notions that affect men, women,<br />
trans-people, gay people, intersex<br />
individuals, asexual people, racial &<br />
religious groups etc. Feminism stands <strong>for</strong><br />
creating a more just society by critiquing<br />
existing social structures that benefit<br />
only a certain section of the society. For<br />
instance, why are the suicide rates of men<br />
so high? Why do young women fall into<br />
eating disorders more than men?<br />
Why do we need it at UC?<br />
At FemSoc, we believe that UC should<br />
be as equitable and safe a space as<br />
possible -- and we think most people will<br />
agree with us on that. Un<strong>for</strong>tunately like<br />
on other campuses around the world,<br />
sexism, racism, homophobia, transphobia<br />
and other <strong>for</strong>ms of oppression sometimes<br />
happen on our campus as well. We would<br />
like to open discussions on these issues<br />
rather than hush them down so that we<br />
can find solutions and work toward a<br />
better, safer campus <strong>for</strong> all.<br />
Cutting Out the<br />
Middle-Man<br />
By Ollie O’Connell<br />
One of the seven holy sacraments,<br />
reconciliation causes much discom<strong>for</strong>t<br />
<strong>for</strong> the increasingly individualistic<br />
Catholic youth of today. The concept<br />
of telling your sins to a much older<br />
man who you rarely know, is difficult<br />
<strong>for</strong> privacy obsessed teenagers already<br />
genetically determined to defy authority.<br />
Why can’t they repent directly to God?<br />
Throughout my Catholic education I was<br />
persuaded, by either social pressure or<br />
teacher’s encouragement, to partake in<br />
the honest exercise. With acoustic music<br />
playing in the background, and the smell<br />
of incense in the air, tense students<br />
one-by-one entered hidden rooms where<br />
priests they had never met waited. It was<br />
awkward. I didn’t want to do it.<br />
Why can’t I confess in my bedroom? God<br />
is omniscient; it is declared in both the<br />
Old <strong>Test</strong>ament – “Even be<strong>for</strong>e I speak,<br />
you already know what I will say” (Psalms<br />
139:4) – and the New <strong>Test</strong>ament – “God<br />
is greater than our conscience, and<br />
he knows everything” (1 John 3:20).<br />
There<strong>for</strong>e, whether or not I’m truly<br />
remorseful is already known by God,<br />
and if he is infinitely benevolent, he<br />
will <strong>for</strong>give me regardless of a priest’s<br />
participation in the process.<br />
Biblical evidence supporting<br />
reconciliation is weak. When James says,<br />
“confess your sins to each other” (5:16),<br />
the ‘other’ is never defined. Earlier in<br />
John, when Jesus tells his disciples that<br />
“If you <strong>for</strong>give people’s sins, they are<br />
<strong>for</strong>given” (20:23), he doesn’t specify that<br />
this truth refers to all following priests.<br />
The modern Catholic Church has a<br />
perception problem among youth;<br />
letting sinful children and blasphemous<br />
teenagers to connect personally with<br />
God at their own speed, during their own<br />
time, in their own space, consequently<br />
eliminating the middle-man, would help<br />
bridge that gap.<br />
Zimmer-frame<br />
By Anon<br />
I remember when I first arrived here and<br />
I felt very alien – it didn’t help that I was<br />
an older student, walking around with a<br />
zimmerframe at the ripe old age of 26.<br />
.The good thing is, no one cares. The bad<br />
thing is, no one cares.<br />
Sometimes this place is overwhelming.<br />
It can be a lonely existence, where you<br />
go through the motions, in and out of<br />
lecture theatres and eating lunch alone.<br />
In my opinion it’s nothing like any other<br />
social construct we’re fed throughout life.<br />
Uni really is a place where you need<br />
to step out a little and do something<br />
different.<br />
It really helped me joining a society in my<br />
first week in campus. To be honest, there<br />
were only a few people I felt were normal<br />
in my club but hey, I was out of my<br />
com<strong>for</strong>t zone and meeting new people.<br />
This might seem basic, but make sure you<br />
attend tutorials too – it’s a chance to get<br />
to a different level with other people.<br />
At the end of it all, we’re all here <strong>for</strong> a<br />
similar reason; higher level learning<br />
and an outcome that betters our life.<br />
That’s a good enough reason to make a<br />
connection with someone!<br />
Issue 1.
23<br />
Hard yards<br />
The UC Film Club put in the hours watching classic<br />
‘must watch films’ so that you can pretend you’re cultured.<br />
Movie details:<br />
Inception (2010) by Christopher Nolan<br />
Why should I pretend I’ve seen this film?<br />
Because after you see the movie you<br />
might question the validity of your<br />
existence and everything around you.<br />
What if life is a dream and reality is fake?<br />
What if Leonardo DiCaprio and Tom<br />
Hardy being in your wet dreams isn’t just<br />
your subconscious?<br />
One sentence sum up of the plot:<br />
A ‘dream’ thief is <strong>for</strong>ced to do the exact<br />
opposite of what he does best; insert<br />
dreams into Cillian Murphy’s perfectly<br />
quoifed head instead of stealing them.<br />
What makes this film a classic:<br />
It is considered by some to be one of<br />
the greatest neo noir films to have been<br />
released of late. It didn’t receive universal<br />
praise, because almost everyone doesn’t<br />
understand it on the first watch – but you<br />
still enjoy it. The concept of concentric<br />
dreams turned out to be very alluring.<br />
Give us some facts about this movie I can<br />
impress someone with:<br />
Christopher Nolan started writing the<br />
movie’s script 16 years ago in 2001, and<br />
sold it to Warner Brothers in 2009. If the<br />
first two Batman movies that he directed<br />
hadn’t been successful, this movie might<br />
have never seen the light of the day.<br />
Controversial or alternate theory on the<br />
storyline:<br />
Dom Cobb might have never woken up<br />
from his sleep. He might have not died<br />
either. This is actually a likelihood; Nolan<br />
has been fucking with our minds since<br />
2010. Some say that Dom Cobb from<br />
Inception is actually Jack from Titanic,<br />
thus the water motif. Those people are<br />
stupid.<br />
Upcoming TuneSoc Gigs<br />
Wednesday 15 March, The Foundry: TuneSoc opening night.<br />
See our Facebook page facebook.com/tunesoc/ <strong>for</strong> more details<br />
3 MARCH, 7PM | $15<br />
NZI Foyer, Christchurch Art Gallery<br />
Book now at christchurchartgallery.org.nz<br />
#chchartgallery<br />
Week 1
24<br />
ANTI SOCIAL<br />
Sh*ttest Summer Job Winner:<br />
Jimmy won with the below; a stirring poetic narrative about Santa on ice.<br />
Not that kind of ice, though. He won $100 to pad out his minimum wage!<br />
See the rest of his story on the CANTA Facebook page.<br />
Issue 1.
25<br />
If your car<br />
or laptop got<br />
stolen, how<br />
would you<br />
pay <strong>for</strong> it?<br />
Start a crowdfunding campaign<br />
Page Details<br />
Become a free range<br />
chicken farmer<br />
Dig <strong>for</strong> treasure<br />
Beg your parents<br />
Sell protein powder<br />
Avoid all this with<br />
Young Drivers and<br />
Renters insurance,<br />
and save heaps.<br />
Win the lottery<br />
Find a pot of gold<br />
Call us on 0800 100 200 or visit<br />
ami.co.nz to find out about our<br />
student multisaver offer.<br />
Terms and Conditions apply<br />
COLENSO0287<br />
AMI0287_Student-MultiSaver_Canta_FP_180x248_V3.indd 1<br />
2/02/17 9:47 AM<br />
Week 1
GIG GUIDE<br />
Wed 15th<br />
–<br />
Shannon<br />
Söderlund<br />
(Acoustic Show)<br />
Live @ Orange<br />
(1063c Ferry<br />
Rd, Ferrymead.<br />
Access via Kite<br />
Lane)<br />
Thu 16th<br />
–<br />
Nomad<br />
@ MONO<br />
–<br />
–<br />
The Restarts<br />
@ darkroom<br />
Fri 17th<br />
–<br />
Tan <strong>for</strong> Toga<br />
@ The Foundry<br />
–<br />
Fresher Friday<br />
@ The Foundry<br />
Sat 18th<br />
–<br />
TOGA PARTY<br />
–<br />
Old Skool<br />
@ Becks<br />
Southern Ale<br />
House<br />
Mon 20th<br />
–<br />
BYC CRICKET<br />
@ The Foundry<br />
Tue 21st<br />
–<br />
Quiz night<br />
@ The Foundry<br />
Thu 23rd<br />
–<br />
Uberjak’d<br />
@ The Cotton<br />
Club<br />
Fri 24th<br />
–<br />
Foam-Oh (All<br />
ages)<br />
@ The Foundry<br />
Sat 25th<br />
–<br />
Dark Disco @<br />
darkroom<br />
–<br />
Ultimate<br />
Champion<br />
Wrestling @<br />
Cowles Stadium<br />
Tue 2 8 th<br />
–<br />
Kid Ink<br />
@ The Foundry<br />
Wed 1st<br />
–<br />
Fresher Field<br />
Trip<br />
@ The Foundry<br />
–<br />
Engineers<br />
without borders<br />
Thu 2nd<br />
–<br />
Savage<br />
@ MONO<br />
Fri 3rd<br />
–<br />
Fresher Friday<br />
@ The Foundry<br />
This year TuneSoc (<strong>for</strong>merly the UC Music Club) is partnering with CANTA to bring<br />
you Gig Reviews in CANTA. Across 2017 we’ll be bringing you reviews of albums,<br />
gigs and university events. You’ll also get to learn more about what TuneSoc is up to.<br />
Fat Freddy’s Drop – Queenstown:<br />
Campbell Lauder, TuneSoc’s Vice President was down in<br />
Queenstown early Feb <strong>for</strong> Fat Freddy’s Drop’s outdoor gig.<br />
As we reach the grassy ridges of the Queenstown Cricket Oval,<br />
the grounds are encompassed by the mountainous landscape<br />
surrounding it – providing the most idyllic setting <strong>for</strong> an outdoor<br />
concert. As the warmup acts finish up, Fat Freddy’s Drop begin to<br />
play, with the seven-piece band providing a melodic symphony<br />
of dub, funk and reggae, all culminating in a somewhat euphoric<br />
trance where you just can’t stop dancing and skanking along.<br />
Crowd favourites such as Blackbird and Roady are belted out by<br />
the fan faithful, while new tunes such as Razor are mixed with dark,<br />
and equally airy, clouds <strong>for</strong>ming above to create an incredibly<br />
surreal atmosphere <strong>for</strong> the remainder of the show. The family<br />
friendly vibe which FFD possess is something to behold, with<br />
young children being piggy-backed on their parents’ shoulders or<br />
merely just sitting on a rug on the hillside listening to Joe Dukie’s<br />
soulful voice echo out to The Remarkables. If you ever get the<br />
chance to see FFD live in concert, then take the opportunity to do<br />
so because they never disappoint #doit<strong>for</strong>theloveofmusic<br />
The Bats – Space Academy, Christchurch<br />
Tom Dench, TuneSoc’s Secretary checked out The Bats gig in late<br />
Jan.<br />
When I heard that The Bats were playing a gig in Christchurch,<br />
I was super excited on my parents’ behalf. One of the bands on<br />
Flying Nun’s original roster, The Bats, along with label mates such<br />
as Sneaky Feelings and The Chills, had dominated indie rock<br />
playlists in the 1980s.<br />
When the music started, it was pretty clear that a much of the<br />
crowd were being taken back thirty years. The venue is a café<br />
during the day, and in lieu of a stage, the band set up on the floor<br />
in the corner in a way reminiscent of the DIY gigs of the past.<br />
The image was finished perfectly with a curly haired bloke in<br />
a windbreaker jacket dancing animatedly trying to impress his<br />
date, in a way that reminded me of every NZ 80s music video,<br />
albeit clutching a can of craft beer rather than draft ale. A groovy<br />
throwback in a modern, trendy venue.<br />
Upcoming TuneSoc Gigs<br />
Wednesday 15 March, The Foundry: TuneSoc opening night.<br />
See our Facebook page facebook.com/tunesoc/ <strong>for</strong> more details
27<br />
The Foundry is<br />
now open <strong>for</strong> 2017<br />
and we have some<br />
fantastic events<br />
lined up <strong>for</strong> you<br />
to kick off your<br />
year at UC.<br />
Tuesday night is QUIZ NIGHT at The Foundry. Get your team together<br />
and come down <strong>for</strong> the best pub quiz in town. There are bar tabs to be won!<br />
Wednesday is the night we call…. CHEESE NIGHT. Get in touch with your<br />
inner cheeseball by singing a little karaoke, or having a go on the open mic.<br />
Bad dress sense encouraged. Cheap drinks and free pool all night!<br />
Every Thursday we have MONO NIGHTS at The Foundry. Come see Nomad<br />
on the 16th of February <strong>for</strong> our first MONO of the year. Check out the MONO<br />
Facebook page <strong>for</strong> more info.<br />
In case you didn’t know, have some super sweet student only Foundry deals<br />
if you use your V-Plate discount card. Pick a V-Plate up from any UCSA café or<br />
bar, from our office, or in the O-bag. Register it online and let the deals roll in!<br />
If you don’t want to bring your card to the pub, you download the UCSA<br />
app and save your barcode to your phone.<br />
See you soon!<br />
Toby @ The Foundry<br />
3 MARCH, 7PM | $15<br />
NZI Foyer, Christchurch Art Gallery<br />
Book now at christchurchartgallery.org.nz<br />
#chchartgallery<br />
Image: Henrietta Harris<br />
Week 1
28<br />
Page Details<br />
If your car<br />
or laptop got<br />
stolen, how<br />
would you<br />
pay <strong>for</strong> it?<br />
Start a crowdfunding campaign<br />
Become a free range<br />
chicken farmer<br />
Dig <strong>for</strong> treasure<br />
Beg your parents<br />
Sell protein powder<br />
Avoid all this with<br />
Young Drivers and<br />
Renters insurance,<br />
and save heaps.<br />
Win the lottery<br />
Find a pot of gold<br />
Call us on 0800 100 200 or visit<br />
ami.co.nz to find out about our<br />
student multisaver offer.<br />
Terms and Conditions apply<br />
COLENSO0287<br />
Issue 1.<br />
AMI0287_Student-MultiSaver_Canta_FP_180x248_V3.indd 1 2/02/17 9:47
LUCKY DIp<br />
29<br />
LUCKY DIP is CANTA’s brand new, totally not stolen blind date feature.<br />
This is a chance <strong>for</strong> UC students to find love, lust, and more importantly free Italian food.<br />
HOW IT WORKS: Two strangers, free dinner and drinks at Spags, and a written summary<br />
from each person that we broadcast to the world.<br />
ONE SIDE<br />
The evening began with a few cheeky wines out on the<br />
front deck with the gals, I knew it was a bit of a stitch up but<br />
sometimes you’ve just got to put yourself out there.<br />
Being the only single member of the family mum was thrilled<br />
that her eldest daughter was finally now on the quest <strong>for</strong> love,<br />
but if she had seen the drunken mess I was tripping out of<br />
the car and arriving fifteen minutes late to the restaurant she<br />
would not have been a happy lady.<br />
My date screamed ‘lad’ from the get go, ordering the spiciest<br />
food on the menu like he had a point to prove whilst spinning<br />
some ridiculous yarn about how he only likes red wine, he was<br />
oh so cultured. His ef<strong>for</strong>t at playing catch up was incredibly<br />
subpar on the alcohol front and on hearing that<br />
he was part of the intimate College House circle,<br />
this did not surprise me at all. He managed<br />
to slip in the conversation that he was 6 ft. 2<br />
which not going to lie is a big point scorer <strong>for</strong><br />
me, however because words such as lit, fam,<br />
breather and the phrase “stay scarfie” were<br />
tossed around so much it almost wiped half a<br />
foot off of his height.<br />
There wasn’t a quiet moment as it seemed we were both<br />
gifted with the ability to talk a ridiculous amount of shit,<br />
and I was extremely impressed as it’s not often I come across<br />
someone who talks more than I do. But then again, fuckboiz are<br />
generally blessed with the gift of the gab. All in all was a laugh,<br />
even though there are some patches I struggle to remember.<br />
Just some sneaky parting words to the man of the evening.<br />
Stay Humble x Cheers Canta!<br />
THE OTHER SIDE<br />
After a long hard day of getting swoll in the gym and tanning<br />
my rig to perfection, I chucked on my best pair of stubbies to<br />
see what this lovely broad had in store <strong>for</strong> me. After deleting a<br />
significant amount of piss pre-date, I was sufficiently lubricated<br />
and ready to give this a go.<br />
Like the gentleman I am, I delivered myself to the restaurant<br />
15 minutes early, just to make sure she wouldn’t have to wait<br />
on her own (boyfriend material). The lass turned up around<br />
10 minutes later, moist and ready <strong>for</strong> a night of activities. We<br />
ordered a great feed, and I was thoroughly impressed by the<br />
sheer amount of food she could consume, I was really starting<br />
to get into this girl. However she wouldn’t budge. I used all my<br />
best one liners including “you don’t look too shit tonight” and<br />
“you can fit a lot in that mouth can’t you”, but<br />
none of them helped me get to the next base.<br />
In a moment of desperateness, I went to the<br />
bathroom,<br />
quickly got on tinder, swiped right to every<br />
man and his dog, and effectively chatted some<br />
fresher-to-be to pick me up. In a swift attempt<br />
to avoid being seen, I popped out the back door,<br />
left her the bill and continued to top the night off how every<br />
lad dreams off - vomiting in the car and being told to piss off<br />
you pervert. They say chivalry is dead, but I just think girls<br />
need to lower their standards.<br />
Submit yourself,<br />
your sad flatmate<br />
or some other<br />
obsessive Tinderer<br />
to The Gentlemen’s<br />
Club<br />
www.facebook.com/thegc.canterbury<br />
CANTA CUPID SAYS:<br />
Yeah, something isn’t adding up here. We<br />
know <strong>for</strong> a fact the date was paid <strong>for</strong>, and<br />
the guy was pushing 5’8 on a good day...<br />
Maybe we’ll leave these two on their own<br />
path to love, pre-loading and Italian food.<br />
Keep swiping right, I guess!<br />
Spagalimi’s UC special:<br />
Eight sliced pizza <strong>for</strong> $8 <strong>for</strong><br />
takeaway or dine in.<br />
374 Riccarton Rd, Upper Riccarton<br />
Phone: 0800 113 113<br />
AM
30<br />
Page Details<br />
UBS is one of NZ's<br />
largest independent<br />
bookstores, right<br />
here on your campus<br />
& WE ARE STUDENT<br />
OWNED!<br />
Visit UBS instore or online <strong>for</strong>...<br />
• Text books (new & used) • Stationery<br />
• General books • Metro Cards<br />
• UC Branded Clothing & Stationery<br />
• Gifts • Vouchers • Cards<br />
PHONE<br />
(03) 364 2043<br />
EMAIL<br />
ubs@ubscan.co.nz<br />
www.ubscan.co.nz<br />
To Ilam Rd<br />
University Drive<br />
Matariki<br />
WE ARE HERE!<br />
(COME & SAY HI)<br />
James Hight<br />
(Central<br />
Library)<br />
UBS is one of NZ's<br />
largest independent<br />
bookstores, right<br />
here on your campus<br />
& WE ARE STUDENT<br />
OWNED!<br />
Visit UBS instore or online <strong>for</strong>...<br />
• Text books (new & used) • Stationery<br />
• General books • Metro Cards<br />
• UC Branded Clothing & Stationery<br />
• Gifts • Vouchers • Cards<br />
PHONE<br />
(03) 364 2043<br />
EMAIL<br />
ubs@ubscan.co.nz<br />
www.ubscan.co.nz<br />
To Ilam Rd<br />
University Drive<br />
Matariki<br />
WE ARE HERE!<br />
(COME & SAY HI)<br />
James Hight<br />
(Central<br />
Library)<br />
Issue 1.
Procrastination<br />
31<br />
SUDOKU<br />
420 THOUGHT OF THE DAY<br />
W r e s t l i n g<br />
is where<br />
two people<br />
w i t h n o<br />
pants fight<br />
over a belt<br />
COLOUR ME IN<br />
MEMORY LAME<br />
Hi-5 were a notorious Australian drug cartel who held<br />
inner Adelaide captive <strong>for</strong> nearly a decade. Hi-5 were easily<br />
identified by their strong gang aesthetic and penchant <strong>for</strong><br />
pastel coloured assault rifles.<br />
Their reign came to an abrupt end in 2009 when founding<br />
member Candy-G turned her weapon on police during a<br />
routine caravan check. This resulted in the deaths of all Hi-5<br />
members and several of Adelaide’s carnival community.<br />
Adelaide’s ban on pastels is still current to this day.<br />
Week 1
032<br />
Page Details<br />
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