Ink Drift August

Issue 12 - Confessions
The Confession
The Confession
Viniti Rajwani
Have you ever read a common word that suddenly starts to lose its meaning,
just when you need it to strike a note within or inspire a flame of
thought? As I start to write this piece I feel like I’m already running
out of words or perhaps there are just way too many of them swarming in my
head that I’m just unable to find the perfect combination to string along and
adequately express my thoughts.
Why are people so afraid of confessions? Is embarrassment the worst thing
you can feel towards yourself? As an infant we all were able to express a range
of emotions without being timid, so why do we lose the capability to openly
practice the same set of emotions when we have grown past about twenty odd
years? Emotions that were naturally ingrained in us- with brutal honesty as
adults? Why do we hide behind lies and secrets fuelled by insecurities?
In am an attempt to contemplate the answers to these odd but important questions,
I realized that this is a generic flaw in us all. Everyone has at some time
in their life fallen short of their own standards and judged themselves way
too aggressively for it. I too have monsters under my bed, monsters I created,
monsters I aggravated and monsters I had sown in my heart. Even so, I’ve paid
my dues, the ugly ones too.
I let my bully turn me into a bully, and at the time I believed I was doing the
right thing, standing up and fighting for myself after spending way too much
time feeling helpless and self-pity. I felt a sense of empowerment in sabotaging
her for ill-treating me for what was a majority of my school life.
She was my classmate and we would spend a lot of fun filled bus rides home
from school, sleepovers; and I always found myself connecting amicably with
her, although only as long as we were not around a group of our close friends.
I could never understand why she had developed such a distaste for me in a
public setting when we got along so well while we were together. She began to
dominate and somehow always managed to exclude me from all activities as a
group.
It had gone one for too long, in all this time I couldn’t ever figure out why things
had to change so much. Then one day out of nowhere I got an opportunity to
learn why she felt that way about me. In hindsight, I could’ve just called her
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