Loot+Crate+Magazine+January+2016
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During cataclysmic events, everything<br />
happens for a reason. It is unclear why<br />
this is the case, but our skepticism may<br />
serve some larger purpose anyway.<br />
Despite their far superior technology,<br />
alien invaders are hilariously inept when<br />
faced with very simple things like glasses<br />
of water, birds and music appreciated<br />
only by the elderly or infirm. If you<br />
find yourself surrounded by something<br />
seemingly insignificant, it can be used as<br />
a weapon.<br />
NOTE: Incompetent allies or sidekicks<br />
cannot be used as weapons. They will<br />
just return, more annoying than ever.<br />
EXPLORE EVERY<br />
COINCIDENCE<br />
AS A FINAL RULE: When in<br />
doubt, surround yourself<br />
with furry animals and make<br />
sarcastic comments. Aliens<br />
tend to avoid destroying “cute”<br />
lifeforms and “plucky” hero<br />
types.<br />
THIS MESSAGE BROUGHT TO YOU<br />
BY THE LOOT DEFENSE FORCE OF<br />
THE GREATER LOS ANGELES AREA.<br />
7<br />
LOOT CRATE MAGAZINE
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