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SEINFELD EPISODE GUIDE
THE RYE
Season 7
Actually, maybe this is the worst
thing Jerry does during the course
of Seinfeld. George pulling the
marble rye through the window
on a fishing hook cements the
episode’s canon-level status,
but Elaine’s oral-sex-focused
subplot is curiously undersung —
especially since a poorly played
saxophone is always funny.
THE DEAL
Season 2
Larry David specifically wrote this
episode to satisfy NBC brass’s
continued demands to get Jerry
and Elaine back together, and it’s
easy to see why they were eager
to split them up shortly thereafter.
The highlights of this episode
include Jerry’s birthday gift to
Elaine of $182 cash, George’s
outburst in the coffee shop, and
the intense back-and-forth discussion
between Jerry and Elaine
deciding on rules for this..uhm,
arrangement.
"You have nothing better to do
at three o' clock in the afternoon?
I go out for a quart of
milk, I come home, and find my
son treating his body like it was
an amusement park!"
The Contest, Season 4
THE PUFFY SHIRT
Season 5
Larry David has described this
episode, centered around a “low
talker” who accidentally convinces
Jerry to model the titular shirt
on the Today show, as one of his
favorites of the series. George
suffers living with his parents, and
his insults towards Jerry’s shirt
end up costing him his new hand
modeling career.
THE CONTEST
Season 4
Even today it’s easy to marvel
at how much comedy is packed
into these 22 minutes without
feeling like overkill: George’s odd
choices for masturbation material
(“Glamour?!”), Estelle Costanza
yelling at him in the hospital
room, the sponge bath, “I’m out!”
Elaine’s JFK Jr. obsession, and
the episode ending with the gang
ostensibly watching Kramer have
sex with the naked woman in the
apartment across the street.
At this point in the show’s run,
Seinfeld had already incorporated
several clever masturbation jokes
into episodes. But here, they
created an entire episode about
it without once saying the word.
Peerless TV, no question.
THE STALL
Season 5
Kramer's phone-sex plotline
feels ripped from Seinfeld's more
sex-obsessed early seasons, but
what redeems the episode is
George's failed bromance with
Tony — including quite possibly
the only worthwhile acting performance
from Dan Cortese. Elaine
and Jerry's new girlfriend have
an awkward and tragic meeting
in the washroom that neither of
them know about until later in the
episode. "I don't have a square to
spare".
THE INVITATIONS
Season 9
Even if George didn’t directly kill
Susan, the way he deals with what
should be a tragic moment is so
brutally, uncomfortably funny
that it hurts almost as much as
actual grief.
THE MANGO
Season 5
Talk of faking orgasms on a single
episode of network TV that aired
in 1993 is groundbreaking stuff.
Elaine admits to “faking it” during
her relationship with Jerry. Meanwhile,
Kramer’s fruit-obsessed
subplot helps George get his sex
life back.
THE OPPOSITE
Season 5
What if doing the exact opposite of
what you would typically do could
improve your life? Taking a hard
look at the show’s power dynamic,
treating George and Elaine like elevators:
One goes up and the other
goes down, while Jerry remains
neutral.
THE HAMPTONS
Season 5
SHRINKAGE! A brilliantly
constructed episode in which
George is the victim of a series of
misfortunes, then seems to get
the satisfying revenge he seeks —
before getting a tomato slammed
in his face.
THE CHAPERONE
Season 6
Jerry accidentally kills his
girlfriend's doves before she
competes in the Miss America
pageant — but he doesn't seem to
care. George switches the Yankee
uniforms from polyester to cotton,
and it goes horribly — yet Jerry
has no sympathy. George may
be the more obvious jerk, but
"The Chaperone" is an important
episode because it serves as a
reminder that Jerry is a pretty big
dick, too.
THE SECRET CODE
Season 7
If you don’t pour out an entire
container of Bosco after this episode,
you clearly have no respect
for the dead.
THE FUSILI JERRY
Season 6
One word: "ASSMAN." It was a
million-to-one shot, doc! The
impending divorce of George's
parents comes to a head here,
and it's defused in a brilliant
way when Kramer accidentally
uses the same "stopping short"
move on Estelle that Frank once
employed to jump-start their romance
many years ago. Also, the
introduction of Elaine's recurring
boyfriend Puddy, played with
aplomb by Patrick Warburton.
THE NOSE JOB
Season 3
George’s horrified reaction to his
girlfriend Audrey’s plastic surgery
— which he talked her into —
speaks to his despicable core,
but there’s something ultimately
dissatisfying about seeing Kramer
10 TIMEMACHINE June 1993