magazinetest

SEINFELD EPISODE GUIDE
THE RED DOT
Season 3
Jerry accidentally sends Elaine’s
boyfriend back “on the wagon”,
and George invests in a bargain
cashmere cardigan for Elaine as
a thank-you gift for his new job.
This sweater soon becomes the
bane of George’s existence as nobody
has any interest in a sweater
with a red dot on it. George’s sexual
indiscretion during his tenure
at Pendant Publishing (“Was that
wrong?”) is one for the ages.
THE FIRE
Season 5
Annnnnnd, this might be the worst
thing George does in the entire nine
seasons of the show. The police officer
asking him how, exactly, he lives with
himself is a proxy for all of us. Props to
the writers for plotting a complicated
but totally sound “No bad deed goes
unpunished” story involving Jerry and
Elaine, where the former’s fulfillment
of every comedian’s revenge fantasy
results in the latter losing a promotion.
THE GLASSES
Season 5
Elaine getting rabies and foaming at
the mouth is one of “those moments”
that makes this episode stand above
many others despite its relatively weak
plot. (Another is George showing off
the glasses that gave the episode its
name.)
THE
BUTTER SHAVE
Season 9
Another patently ridiculous episode,
à la “The Frogger.” Kramer’s lotion
becomes appealingly aromatic
after he bakes in the sun too long,
causing Newman to have cannibalistic
thoughts. The montage of George
pretending to be handicapped at Play
Now! set to Sheena Easton’s “Morning
Train” is its own highlight reel.
THE MAID
Season 9
It’s Elaine’s turn to sink to a new, horrifying
low — in this case, by pretending
to die over the phone when a persistent
child keeps dialing her number
thinking that he’s calling his deceased
nana. (Blame the change of New York
City area codes, or don’t.) Possibly the
best Kruger-era episode for George (er,
“T-Bone”), too.
THE FIX UP
Season 3
"She doesn't even
REACH for the check.
All I'm asking for is
a reach. Is that so
much to ask?
The Airport, Season 4
A lot of exposition around a broken
condom and a possible pregnancy
builds to one of the best endings of
the entire series, as George repulses
his girlfriend Cynthia with his slovenly
eating habits. Also, the woman playing
Cynthia? A pre-Janice-from-Friends
THE PEN
Season 3
The only episode that doesn’t feature
George, which made Alexander so mad
that he threatened to leave the show
if the writers ever turned in another
script that excluded his character. This
episode is marvelous — a headfirst
dive into the world of Del Boca Vista,
where we’re introduced to Jack Klompus
and see the infamous astronaut
pen. A muscle-relaxant-fueled Elaine
hollering “STELLA!!!!” at the end earns
Louis-Dreyfus a million trillion Emmys.
THE IMPLANT
Season 4
Despite this episode’s potent quotable
(“They’re real, and they’re spectacular”),
the plot concerning whether
“they’re” real or not isn’t actually all
that funny. You know what is funny?
George trying to get discounted airfare
while traveling to a girlfriend’s family
member’s funeral — and getting into
a fight with one of her relatives over
double-dipping a chip.
THE LITTLE KICKS
Season 9
Any time you feel uneasy about attending
an office party, remember Elaine.
THE SPONGE
Season 7
When it comes to vanity on Seinfeld,
does any infraction come close to Jerry
adjusting the size number on his jeans
from a 32 to a 31? The episode also
features the classic Elaine contraceptive
plotline that gives the episode
its name and coins the pop-cultural
catchphrase spongeworthy.
"Look at this picture
carefully. Because, I'm
not sure..and correct me
if I'm wrong, but I think I
see a nipple"
The Pick, Season 4
THE
SOUP NAZI
Season 7
One of many episodes where the
cultural resonance (“No soup for you!”)
overshadows the episode’s comedic
material — George’s annoyance at Jerry
and his girlfriend Sheila calling each
other “schmoopie” is funny, and Elaine
and Kramer try (and fail) to move
armoire into the former’s apartment.
THE LIP READER
Season 5
There are many episodes of Seinfeld
where single big moments — quotes,
images, actions — compensate for an
underwhelming plot. While Marlee
Matlin’s turn as a lip-reader who helps
George learn why an ex-girlfriend
dumped him is a decent arc, it’s the
image of George sloppily eating an icecream
sundae at the U.S. Open that’s
almost as unforgettable as Kramer’s
ball-boy mishaps.
THE BABY SHOWER
Season 2
One of George’s pettiest moments in
the series, plus the introduction of
Elaine’s on-again, off-again Kennedy
obsession. Kramer has the best line
in this one during a bizarro dream
sequence that shouldn’t work but does
anyway: “Cable boy … what have you
done to my cable boy?”
10 TIMEMACHINE June 1993