Typewriter Emergencies May 2017

Fox in Starbucks
Daniel Lowd
15
Once upon a time there was a fox. He
was in Starbucks. What a scoundrel! He
was in Starbucks because Tully's was on
the other side of the street, and he did
not want to get hit by a car. Also, the
fox really liked frappuccinos. He called
them foxaccinos. Because he was a fox.
And had questionable taste in nomenclature.
Anyway, the fox was in Starbucks
trying to get a frappuccino, but he
didn't have any money. Since he didn't
have any money, no one would give him
even a taste of frappuccino. How sad.
He thought about baring his teeth and
trying to scare the baristas into making
him a frappuccino, but that wouldn't be
very nice. Also, the baristas were larger
and outnumbered him by a lot. He could
maybe take on a baby barista— lunge
for the throat, crush the windpipe, let it
bleed out, and feast on the corpse— but
not a group of adults. Besides, he would
rather have a frappuccino. And maybe a
muffin.
Since he had no money and did not
want to resort to violence, he decided
he needed a job. So he looked around for
a place to work. Well, he was already
in Starbucks, so he tried to get a job
in Starbucks. Unfortunately, he didn't
speak English. And his resume was out
of date. Actually, he didn't have a resume.
Or a briefcase to carry it in. Or a
nice suit. Or any qualifications for being
a barista, like the ability to operate an
espresso machine, or the ability to count
money, or opposable thumbs.
Disheartened, he left Starbucks and
went to Hollywood, in hopes of making
it big as a movie star. At least, big
enough to afford a frappuccino. It was a
long, long walk to Hollywood. He kept
walking and walking and walking. He
didn't even know what direction it was
in. But he kept walking. Because he had
a dream, a dream of being a famous movie
star that could drink frappuccinos,
and he couldn't give up on his dream.
After walking for many hours, the sun
began to set. Soon it was dark. And he
was hungry. So he gave up on his dream
and ate some garbage out of a dumpster.