March/April 2018

Avoiding the
Avoidance Trap
Ginger Kolbaba
I’ve struggled most of my life with weight. At birth I was a mere 5 pounds, and from the
moment I took my first breath, I decided to make up for it and never be underweight again.
The problem is that as I became chunkier, I let it affect who I was. I began to avoid little
things like having my photo taken. Then worse, I began to avoid people.
Friends and family I hadn’t seen in years had to wait even longer because I didn’t want them
to see me and think, My, how hefty she’s gotten.
A few years ago, when I received an invitation to attend an event I knew was going to be fun,
I panicked. How could I go looking like . . . this?
I started on a crash diet, but that only made me yearn for pizza. When the event came
closer, and I was no thinner, I decided my best option was to avoid going. I chose to miss out
on life and relationships because I feared I didn’t look good in a dress. I avoided because I
was ashamed of myself.
John Stott said, “True freedom is to be who God created you to be.” I’d lived enslaved to fear
and worry. It was time to be free.
The truth is that I was putting more judgment on me than anybody else was. And if some
folks did judge me by my thunder thighs, then how sad for them. So when another invitation
came, I decided to attend.
Oh, I still dieted! But when I didn’t lose the weight, I refused to let that hold me back. I looked
in the mirror and said, “This is who I am. My weight doesn’t always have to be this way. But I
won’t let it keep me from being who God created me to be.”
I may have gone to the event as a chunky gal, but at least I went. And that gave me an
amazing gift of freedom and joy. I was me—all of me. And I was okay.
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