final_thp_5thedition

THE
HEALING
PROCESS
Getting at the heart of medicine
5 th Edition

A Letter from the Editors…
Dear Readers,
Thank you for picking up the fifth edition of
The Healing Process! It’s been a long year
and a half since we released our last edition,
but we hope you might see the breadth and
depth of creative energy, emotion, and
intellect that we have the privilege of
presenting to you now.
If this is your first time seeing The Healing
Process, we hope you might be as
captivated as we were when we first
encountered it. Since 2012, this special
magazine has uncovered the intricate link
between medicine and humanity, art and
science. The infinitely talented artists and
writers who contribute to our publication
explore how humans occupy and
understand their space in a world of
constant scientific and medical discovery,
redefining what we might consider science,
disease, art, or healing.
The cover for this edition is a submission
from Alana Barrett. The artist used a
microscope and camera to display the
appearance of food items from a new
perspective. These photographs were then
used as models to create abstract
representations of the food items in a
collection of works entitled “Micro Lab.”
The cover photo is entitled “Yogurt and
Granola,” made from pins, thread,
embroidery floss, quilled paper rolls, spray
paint, and resin. The intricacy of this piece
inspires a sort of wonder: what else do we
not always see? How else might science and
its tools help us transcend the ordinary to
reveal the extraordinary?
We hope you keep this spirit of curiosity as
you flip through these pages, going beyond
ordinary definitions to create a deeper,
more holistic understanding of human life
and its accompanying challenges. We
encourage you to employ the lens of
scientific analysis, an artistic eye, and an
empathetic heart to understand the stories
we’ve chosen to share here.
Finally, we would like to thank the entities
who have supported us in creating this
edition: the USC Levan Institute; USC’s
Academic Culture Assembly; our advisor,
Dr. Atia Sattar; editorial teams past and
present; and, most importantly, the artists
and writers who’ve shared their work with
us. We hope as you read that you might
find for yourself the meaning of art, science,
and their relationship to one another.
Sincerely,
Megha Gupta and Kelsi Yu

Table of Contents
3 Spinal Tap
Alana Barrett
4 Cardium
Desmond Chin
5 Premed Struggles
Bonnie Park
7 The Future of Medicine
Rachel Polcyn
8 Defining the Modern Intellect Megha Gupta
12 Meditation and Prayer
Austin Dalgleish
13 It’s Kind of a Funny Story Mahima Shah Verma
15 If Anyone Asks
Amy Hutto
17 Ardent Son
William Brochinsky
19 Mind Body Health
Jean Wu
23 Year of the Fish
Camilla Teng
25 A Solitary Light
Amy Hutto
27 Hope
Helen Jin
29 Secret of Healing
Lisa Kam
31 Books We Recommend
Cover Art: Yogurt and Granola Alana Barrett

SPINAL TAP
Alana Barrett

. . . . . .
PAGE | 4

FOR&TOO&MANY&NIGHTS&I&WOULD&WATCH&THE&SUN&RISE
STUDYING,&HOPING&THAT&MY&DREAMS&DON’T&DEMISE
STUCK&IN&BETWEEN&MY&IDEALS&AND&REALITY
I&WAS&REEXAMINING&MY&PREMED&MENTALITY
THE&COMPETITION&FOR&MED&SCHOOL&IS&TOO&INSANE
2%&ACCEPTANCE&FOR&THOSE&PEOPLE&WITH&BIG&BRAIN
I&THINK&I’M&TOO&PLAIN&FOR&THE&DOCTORAL&DOMAIN
OR&WILL&I&GET&TO&POP&THE&CHAMPAGNE&ONE&DAY?
WHITE&GOWN,&STETHOSCOPE&AND&BLUE&SCRUBS
TURNING&UP&BOOKS&INSTEAD&OF&AT&THE&CLUBS
I&WONDER&IF&ALL&THESE&EFFORTS&NOW&WILL&LATER&PAY&OFF
IS&IT&REALLY&WORTH&NOT&HAVING&MY&DAY&OFF?
BLOOD,&NEEDLES,&SURGERIES,&LIFE&AND&DEATH
AGAIN&I&WONDER&IF&THIS&IS&THE&WORTHY&PAIN
SOON&I&WILL&HAVE&TO&MAKE&GOOD&DECISIONS
HOPEFULLY&I&CAN&SEE&MYSELF&THROUGH&BRIGHT&VISIONS
PREMED&
I&DON’T&KNOW&WHY,&BUT&I&CAN’T&STOP&THINKING&ABOUT&IT
THE&ART&OF&MEDICINE,&AND&DRAWING&THE&LINE&OF&COMPARISON
OF&LIFE&AND&DEATH&MAKES&ME&FEEL&COMPLETE
IN&THOUGHT&OF&IT,&MY&HEART&JOYFULLY&BEATS
I’LL&PROBABLY&HAVE&TO&SURVIVE&THE&TEST&OF&TIME
AND&MAKE&SURE&MY&SOLID&DREAM&DOESN’T&SUBLIME
STRUGGLES
IF&TODAY’S&A&HILL,&I&HAVE&A&DOZEN&MOUNTAINS&TO&CLIMB
MY&LIFE&IS&LIKE&A&COIN,&TWO&SIDES&OF&A&DIME
BUT&AT&THIS&POINT,&I’M&SURE&MEDICINE&IS&MINE
STAYING&UP&ALL&NIGHT&HEALING&PEOPLE’S&BODIES&AND&MINDS
WELCOMING&YOUNG&AND&OLD&FROM&ALL&RACES&AND&KINDS
TAKING&VITALS&AND&READING&EKG&LINES
THOUGH&YOUNG&AND&RECKLESS,&I’M&LIKE&A&HOSPITAL@ FULL&OF&PATIENCE
HOPEFULLY&SOON&I’LL&REMEMBER&TODAY&AS&OF&ANCIENT
AS&I&REACH&THE&TOP&OF&MY&OWN&PYRAMID,&AND&BECOME&THAT&ONE&PERSON&TO&LEAD
I&SHALL&LOOK&BACK&AND&REMEMBER&I&TOO&WAS&ONCE&A&KID
BY:&BONNIE&PARK
PAGE | 5

FOR&TOO&MANY&NIGHTS&I&WOULD&WATCH&THE&SUN&RISE
STUDYING,&HOPING&THAT&MY&DREAMS&DON’T&DEMISE
STUCK&IN&BETWEEN&MY&IDEALS&AND&REALITY
I&WAS&REEXAMINING&MY&PREMED&MENTALITY
THE&COMPETITION&FOR&MED&SCHOOL&IS&TOO&INSANE
2%&ACCEPTANCE&FOR&THOSE&PEOPLE&WITH&BIG&BRAIN
I&THINK&I’M&TOO&PLAIN&FOR&THE&DOCTORAL&DOMAIN
OR&WILL&I&GET&TO&POP&THE&CHAMPAGNE&ONE&DAY?
WHITE&GOWN,&STETHOSCOPE&AND&BLUE&SCRUBS
TURNING&UP&BOOKS&INSTEAD&OF&AT&THE&CLUBS
I&WONDER&IF&ALL&THESE&EFFORTS&NOW&WILL&LATER&PAY&OFF
IS&IT&REALLY&WORTH&NOT&HAVING&MY&DAY&OFF?
BLOOD,&NEEDLES,&SURGERIES,&LIFE&AND&DEATH
AGAIN&I&WONDER&IF&THIS&IS&THE&WORTHY&PAIN
SOON&I&WILL&HAVE&TO&MAKE&GOOD&DECISIONS
HOPEFULLY&I&CAN&SEE&MYSELF&THROUGH&BRIGHT&VISIONS
I&DON’T&KNOW&WHY,&BUT&I&CAN’T&STOP&THINKING&ABOUT&IT
THE&ART&OF&MEDICINE,&AND&DRAWING&THE&LINE&OF&COMPARISON
OF&LIFE&AND&DEATH&MAKES&ME&FEEL&COMPLETE
IN&THOUGHT&OF&IT,&MY&HEART&JOYFULLY&BEATS
I’LL&PROBABLY&HAVE&TO&SURVIVE&THE&TEST&OF&TIME
AND&MAKE&SURE&MY&SOLID&DREAM&DOESN’T&SUBLIME
IF&TODAY’S&A&HILL,&I&HAVE&A&DOZEN&MOUNTAINS&TO&CLIMB
MY&LIFE&IS&LIKE&A&COIN,&TWO&SIDES&OF&A&DIME
BUT&AT&THIS&POINT,&I’M&SURE&MEDICINE&IS&MINE
STAYING&UP&ALL&NIGHT&HEALING&PEOPLE’S&BODIES&AND&MINDS
WELCOMING&YOUNG&AND&OLD&FROM&ALL&RACES&AND&KINDS
TAKING&VITALS&AND&READING&EKG&LINES
THOUGH&YOUNG&AND&RECKLESS,&I’M&LIKE&A&HOSPITAL@ FULL&OF&PATIENCE
HOPEFULLY&SOON&I’LL&REMEMBER&TODAY&AS&OF&ANCIENT
AS&I&REACH&THE&TOP&OF&MY&OWN&PYRAMID,&AND&BECOME&THAT&ONE&PERSON&TO&LEAD
I&SHALL&LOOK&BACK&AND&REMEMBER&I&TOO&WAS&ONCE&A&KID
BY:&BONNIE&PARK
PAGE | 6

HEART BOT
PAGE | 7
The Future of Medicine
Rachel Polcyn
12x12 linocut

Brān/:
defining the modern intellect
by: Megha Gupta
sen•sa•tion•al•ism
The day nears 7 o’clock on a weeknight. I relax on my rock-hard
futon, and I do my pre-dinner-post-studying-absent-minded Facebook
scroll. A typical college-kid scene. While sliding through my
newsfeed, I come across a Newsweek cover story that catches my
attention. The story features my principal investigator. I had just
started work in Mary Helen Immordino-Yang’s research lab at the
University of Southern California’s Brain and Creativity Institute,
and there she was, featured on Facebook.
As I voraciously clicked on the article to read, I saw her sharing
what we’ve learned from personal interviews and fMRI scans of
adolescents from low-income neighborhoods: exposure to
violence in adolescents correlates with decreased complexity of
thought and altered neural activity.
One of the Facebook comments on the post stood out, claiming
“This seems to imply that urban kids can’t learn.”
I scroll down and another commenter said, “Everyone has hurdles
to overcome … but redistribution of wealth (socialism) is not the
answer, if that’s what the study is trying to show.”
With the same misinterpretations of the article being repeated,
the last comment I read was the most telling: “ ... this is sad.”
Years’ worth of research and analyses were being reduced to palatable
sound bites for public consumption in this well-circulated
magazine, and I felt disconcerted: while my principal investigator
and our research team garnered public, international recognition
for our work with brain development in adolescents, this exposure
involved distorted research, work, and understanding of
neuroscience and its implications for humanity—all in favor of
simpler, more attention-grabbing presentation of the pertinent
research questions at hand.
Brain•ism
Davi Johnson Thornton did some musing back in 2011 on the
commodification of neuroscience for public consumption in her
book, Brain Culture: Neuroscience and Popular Media. Society,
Thornton argues, is rather obsessed with the brain and its neuroplasticity.
Christopher Shaw et al. in Brain Research Reviews in
1994 defined “neuroplasticity” as the neuron’s capacity to
change in response to changes in its environment. This plastic
quality of the brain heavily contributed to its rise into pop
culture stardom, as Maria Popova of The Atlantic writes. However,
such a claim begs the question: what does “brain culture,” the
term coined by Thornton to describe this phenomenon, mean
anyways? How does this term exactly relate to the public perceptions
of the brain and the average person’s interactions with this
mysterious and relatively unknown organ?
The word “culture” derives from the Latin root “colere,” which
means to inhabit, cultivate, or worship. Therefore, in elevating
the brain into a cultural symbol, the way we treat this logic-defying
fleshy organ can instead be likened to sort of religion. A
brain Jainism—“Brainism,” if you will. Like Jainism, Brainism is
dedicated to cultivating good thoughts, manners, and habits
while conquering counterproductive thoughts and impulses. In
Brainism, the skull is the temple and the brain the deity. The
almighty brain smiles favorably upon meditation and mindfulness,
while it punishes drug use, alcohol abuse, and other
unhealthy behaviors.
According to what Popova writes in her article about Thornton’s
work, society reveres the brain too much, believing that simply
thinking about the brain can change the brain, but also that
neuronal connectivity is directly linked to intelligence or performance.
This phenomenon is evidenced especially by the Facebook
comments, where people claimed that correlational
research exploring violence exposure and differential neuronal
PAGE | 8

activity indicated that low-income students would be
unable to learn as efficiently as their high-income
counterparts. If people continue to draw erroneous,
unsubstantiated conclusions from this type of misrepresented,
media-blasted science, the general populace
will ignore the golden rule of observational sciences:
correlation is not causation. This core message loses
its way to the general media-consuming public in light
of dramatic, sensationalist headlines.
mis•com•mu•ni•ca•tion
During the transition from scientific discovery to
public dissemination, when did people forget to mention
that correlation does not mean causation in
science? Regarded as one of the most important points
of research dissemination, this reminder is repeatedly
ignored in media portrayal of headline-worthy scientific
discoveries. The Erika Hayasaki article featuring my
principal investigator’s research even discussed such
headlines, including “Poverty Shrinks Brains from
Birth” and “Why Poor People Seem to Make Bad Decisions.”
Interestingly, in his Atlantic article “The Point
When Science Becomes Publicity,” James Hamblin
writes that this responsibility lies with the original
researchers themselves, rather than reporters and
news outlets sharing the information.
Hamblin interviews Petroc Sumner, a psychology
professor at Cardiff University in Wales and the lead
investigator of the concerned study. Sumner discusses
the correlations (and does not imply causation) of
well-conducted research being poorly represented in
the media and exaggeration in press releases issued by
researchers and universities. Researchers, Sumner told
The Atlantic, have a responsibility to not sensationalize
their own research in order to make it more consumer-friendly,
but rather to present the research and its
implications as faithfully as possible. Misinterpretations
of correlation-based research implying causation
not only distorts implications of observational
research, but often leads to questionable medical
advice or seemingly scientifically supported falsehoods
PAGE | 9
—things like “Sleeping on your stomach will litter your
visage with angry red pustules” or “People are choosing
marijuana over OxyContin for their recreational -
high.”
While intriguing, the idea that scientists sensationalize
their own work and purposefully cause public misunderstanding
is particularly disturbing. This is
because once we claim things
.
like “Poor brains are not
as smart,” we are paving the way for a “nouveau eugenics,”
a term used by Matthew Hughey, a University of
Connecticut professor of sociology, in Hayasaki’s cover
story. Social neuroscience is the field of study dedicated
to understanding the intersectionality between the
brain and human social interaction. The implications
of a misinformed social neuroscience nouveau eugenics
movement are grand: they potentially support
discrimination against already disadvantaged people,
and they do so with an arsenal of scientific research
which, to the layperson, could be misconstrued as
evidence for their claims about inferiority of said
disadvantaged people‘s brains.
neu•ral dis•crim•i•na•tion
In neuroscience, the “wiring” of the brain is a rather
finicky process. Many analyses are made through the
use of functional magnetic resonance images (fMRIs)
which essentially highlight areas of higher blood flow
in the brain, and consequently brain activity, of someone
in a large brain scanner. This activity can be analyzed
in real time and provides a visual approximation
of participants’ brain activity.
Neuroscientists believe synaptic connections are
forged, pruned, and weeded over long-term exposure
to certain people, places, and situations. In Immordino-Yang’s
research, for example, fMRIs of younger adolescents’
brains appear different from their own brains
two years later, but in minutiae. Potentially significant
minutiae—minutiae my lab certainly finds worth
exploring, but minutiae nonetheless.
When researchers’ press releases and media outlets

make broad, sensational headlines like “How Poverty
Affects Your Brain,” the public naturally believes individuals
exposed to poverty will somehow have affected
brains, brains perhaps incapable of thought as intelligent
or meaningful as brains unexposed to poverty. In
subscribing to such thoughts and beliefs about the
brain and its plasticity, society develops a new form of
discrimination—neural discrimination. Some people
may recognize systems of oppression such as housing
discrimination, inadequate nutrition, implicit biases in
the education and legal systems, etc. as the source of
potential difference in hardwiring of neural circuits.
However, other people who may already be more likely
to discriminate based on race, neighborhood, or
income level may now also have fuel for discrimination
at the level of the brain, a discussion science has now
substantiated with its presentation of this up-and-coming
body of work.
The question remains: what are the implications of this
sort of unyielding belief in Brainism? Are we moving in
a healthy direction by paying attention to that enigmatic
mass of tissue housed in our head and paying due
respects to its awesome powers? Or are we burdening
guiltless, comparatively disadvantaged youth with
another nearly insurmountable barrier to educational
and social equality?
co•ex•ist
The treatment of social and affective neuroscience in
popular culture and media is a very delicate matter and
should be treated as such. Correlational research is
released as it is because why would people publish
correlational research if there were no implication of
one variable with the other? On the other hand, by continually
supporting implications of causality, especially
in the realm of social or cultural neuroscience, we may
witness a social rewinding, allowing relatively well-educated
and informed people to revert back to archaic
ideas of centuries past—a neurologically based Aryanism
or melanin theory, skin color replaced with adolescents’
exposure to violence, a variable regrettably
related to income, education, and race.
Perhaps a better approach is to emphasize that brains
being different between two groups of people may not
mean better or worse, but that different may just mean
different. And coping with these differences is what
generates unique, human experiences for each of us,
down to the level of our cellular biology. The dictation
of social standing is a realm of society that should
remain separated from the realm of neural connectivity,
as the former deals with relatives whereas the latter
deals with absolutes. Such definitions cannot possibly
accommodate each other, at least, not as they stand.
What they require is a new understanding, one where
society recognizes the limits and extents of what good
scientific research explains about the intricate workings
of our world. This was rather well-embodied in one
of the final Facebook comments from the original post
by the University of Southern California sharing the
Newsweek article.
Dr. Daphna Oyserman, one of the researchers and partners
at the Brain and Creativity Institute, stepped into
the virtual conversation for a didactic moment, commenting,
“This is correlational data, showing average
associations. Nothing is presented as causal and
nowhere does it state what all infer, that [more] means
better.”
Science and society should coexist and inform one
another. In this modern world, there are no shortage of
platforms and mediums on which to conduct such an
exchange. Not only does such an association produce a
more educated and informed populace, but also a better
understood and shared human experience.
Who knows? Maybe that undertaking begins with a
well-placed Facebook comment.
PAGE | 10

Works Cited
D'Angelo, Chris. “Marijuana May Alleviate America’s
Opioid Crisis, New Study Suggests.” The Huffington
Post, The Huffington Post, 17 Sept. 2016, http://ww
w.huffingtonpost.com/entry/medical-marijuanacurb-opoid-use_us_57dc610ce4b0071a6e0799f8.
DiGiulio, Sarah. “This Sleeping Position Can Cause
Acne And Back Problems.” The Huffington Post, The
Huffington Post, 13 Sept. 2016, http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/sleep
ing-this-way-might-causeearly-onset-wrin-kles_us_57d178e4e4b06a74c9f301b
c?section=§ion=us_healthy-living.
Hamblin, James. “The Point When Science Becomes
Publicity.” The Atlantic, Atlantic Media Company, 10
Dec. 2014, http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2014/12/as-academia-melts/383570/.
Reardon, Sara. “Poverty Shrinks Brains from Birth.”
Nature.com, Nature Publishing Group, 20 Mar. 2015,
http://www.nature.com/news/pover-ty-shrinks-bra
ins-from-birth-1.17227.
Shaw, Christopher A. et al. “Result Filters.” National
Center for Biotechnology Information, U.S. National
Library of Medicine, 19 Aug. 1994, http://www.nc
bi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/7820132.
Thompson, Derek. “Your Brain on Poverty: Why Poor
People Seem to Make Bad Decisions.” The Atlantic,
Atlantic Media Company, 22 Nov. 2013, http://ww
w.theatlantic.com/business/ar-chive/2013/11/yourbrain-on-poverty-why-poor-peo-ple-seem-to-makebad-decisions/281780/.
Hayasaki, Erika. “Growing up Poor Is so Stressful, It
Can Affect Brain Development.” Newsweek, 30 Aug.
2016, http://www.news-week.com/2016/09/02/how
-poverty-affects-brains-493239.html.
Mak, Trevor, and Catalina Olivo-Segulyev. “Places.”
University of Southern California, 31 Aug. 2016, https://
www.facebook.com/usc/posts/1280748901949559?p
nref=story.
Petroc, Sumner et al. “The Association between Exaggeration
in Health Related Science News and Academic
Press Releases: Retrospective Observational
Study.” BMJ, British Medical Journal, 10 Dec. 2014,
http://www.bmj.com/content/349/bmj.g7015.
Popova, Maria. “'Brain Culture': How Neuroscience
Became a Pop Culture Fixation.” The Atlantic, Atlantic
Media Company, 18 Aug. 2011, http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2011/08/brain-cul-turehow-neuroscience-became-a-pop-culture-fixation/
243810/.
PAGE | 11

mental growth through
meditation and prayer
-Austin Dalgleish

It’s Tuesday
There was this one day
back in eighth grade.
It wasn’t that long ago,
but time felt different back then.
Like there was more of it.
An October ago,
on a driveway,
I saw a trash bin
I didn’t not know where to sit.
It’s Kind of a Funny
Story
By Mahima Shah
Verma
It’s Monday
I shouldn’t be here.
I should be in school.
But I guess that’s what got me here
in the first place.
I’m 21
a first generation American
graduated
to find sanity
in the most unlikely of places—
me.
I can’t have them finding out
I’m in a place like this.
It can really damage my future.
A bridge between HSC and UPC,
I say thank you to
sleepless doctors-to-be
and faculty
for your compassion
and its fatigue.
Looking perfect on paper and dying
inside,
Anorexia, bulimia, night-eating and
post-traumatic
A demon somehow became a voice
thousands found healing in
Craig, there is a saying that goes,
Lord grant me the wisdom
to know the difference.
Sympathy or empathy?
Compassion or self-care?
Veterans, homeless, refugees,
immigrants, low-income
My campus community.
It’s Wednesday
I’ve never thought about it like this.
It’s never been so real.
“How often you think about ending
your life?”
the screen asks few minutes after I
swipe in my Trojan ID.
You see that’s what I don’t get, he says,
you have a family that loves you.
25 g to breathe when sirens and
copters
race in downtown,
Holding my head and legs in the hall,
I said “no” in tears as I ran out,
Holding onto the door,
I threw away my timesheet.
Zoloft
I checked myself into advocacy,
kind of by accident,
10 months ago.
I kind of wanted to kill myself
I kind of didn’t
Does that make any sense?
PAGE | 13

It’s Thursday
Why didn’t you make it to the bridge?
A student killed a professor on
the other side of the building,
A chill inside as I walked across Expo Line.
When the music lifted,
he held my waist,
I started crying.
I now know why
I said his hands entered me
No one called DPS
when I ran that night
The man could stay.
I didn’t make it to the bridge.
This case helps the
community,
RSVP told me
The next day
when I ran in
face frozen with
symptoms
of violation—
masking
the truth of
being witness
to assault
months earlier
So I said “yes,”
Title 9,
I can help
This is my duty
as an advocate
Investigate
my health in a
culture of silence—
patient-provider
confidentiality
cannot prove
nor rationalize
the unethical act of
self-preservation
So I said to the officer,
“Stop this, I’m lying”
the semester ended,
so did friendships.
It’s Friday
I reached downtown
holding numbers and my name in
AETNA,
one semester limit of care
means running back and forth
from a bus stop to chair,
watching hands take my cash before
my pulse
“Where’s the doctor’s note?”
professors asked,
mental health
is not an approved excuse, I know.
It’s Monday again
the note
I’ve carried
here today
is the voice
the 13-year old in me
that says
The mind is equal
to the body
Wellbeing is
not a
waitlist
nor a price of
success
Sometimes what’s in our heads is not as
crazy as we think
ambitious, skillful, courageous, faithful,
and scholarly
It’s kind of a funny story
Two months to withdraw
Two more to find
help again.
PAGE | 14

It’s Kind of a Funny
Story
PAGE | 713
15
By Mahima Shah
Verma
HEART BOT
It’s Tuesday
It’s Monday
I shouldn’t be here.
I should be in school.
But I guess that’s what got me here
in the first place.
I’m 21
a first generation American
graduated
to find sanity
in the most unlikely of places—
me.
I can’t have them finding out
I’m in a place like this.
It can really damage my future.
A bridge between HSC and UPC,
I say thank you to
sleepless doctors-to- be
and faculty
for your compassion
and its fatigue.
I checked myself into advocacy,
kind of by accident,
10 months ago.
I kind of wanted to kill myself
I kind of didn’t
Does that make any sense?
If Anyone Asks
There was this one day
back in eighth grade.
It wasn’t that long ago,
but time felt different back then.
Like there was more of it.
An October ago,
on a driveway,
I saw a trash bin
I didn’t not know where to sit.
Looking perfect on paper and dying
inside,
Anorexia, bulimia, night-eating and
post-traumatic
by Amy Hutto
The Future of Medicine
Rachel Polcyn
12x12 linocut
It’s Wednesday
I’ve never thought about it like this.
It’s never been so real.
“How often you think about ending
your life?”
the screen asks few minutes after I
swipe in my Trojan ID.
Her hand was often placed
protectively on her stomach.
A demon somehow became a voice
After the miscarriage, she found
thousands found healing in
herself resting her hand on a flat
Craig, there is a saying that goes,
stomach. Lord grant me Each the wisdom time she realized, the
to know the difference.
Sympathy façade or empathy? so carefully built would
Compassion or self-care?
crumble, Veterans, destroyed homeless, refugees, by saltwater. When
immigrants, low-income
the doctor’s words echoed round and
My campus
hollow
community.
– she would only say
You see that’s what I don’t get, he says,
you have a family that loves you.
25 g to breathe when sirens and
copters
race in downtown,
Holding my head and legs in the hall,
I said “no” in tears as I ran out,
Holding onto the door,
I threw away my timesheet.
Zoloft
“If anyone asks…

He did his best on
those days – when he
would find her cradling infant
shoes their ghost child would
never get to wear as if they were
that precious life she so
desperately craved. When she held
fragile ultrasound photos to the
light – she would only say
tell them we’re
fine.”
PAGE | 16

Ardent Son
by William Brochinsky
This ardent son was born
To awake each day
To sleep each night
Uncertain findings in morning’s light
If present, what remains today?
Will she be lost, what can she say?
Six years slipped by us,
In, alternating speeds.
Time, progressively
Increases her daily needs.
Today, she may cry
Today, she will laugh
So much uncertainty
Along life’s final... Path.
To always care for you.
My intentions were clearly
expressed to you.
Who knew, it could take
30 minutes to drink your
cup of thickened Joe.
Time invested patiently
Before, I have to go.
I watch you slip in and out
Of an unsettling dementia stare.
Time spent in reality
So, precious, so dear.
I see you drifting further
Isolation from fear.
I try to keep life current
And hold you ever near.
PAGE | 17

This ardent son has sacrificed,
In ways you need not know.
Patience is my virtue.
While waiting for her to go.
I know someday I’ll miss you
That day will come too soon.
I witness your subtle starvation
To enter, into that room.
So, when I enter slumber
and eventually awake.
I take a second look some days
to see if God doth take.
It can't be easy, being 90
Soon to be 91
You have often told me
This isn't any fun.
A prisoner to your body
Confined to bed and chair
At least you still have money
To pay for special care.
I wish you best as always
I wish you peace my dear.
An ever loving ardent son,
Always present, always here.
To leave this world, is up to you
Your maker may have say.
My job, to guide your journey
With integrity, sans fear.
We laugh, we smile, and we’re goofy.
Seems to work for us.
The simplicity of family
Simplicity of trust.
PAGE | 18

B Y J E A N W U
eating disorders
PAGE | 19
Come home, fry tater tots and then binge watch Netflix with my
little sister—years ago, this was my ideal afternoon. There
was nothing wrong with indulging in life. I ate what I wanted.
There were no rules. No guilt. I loved myself and was as confident
as any naive child yet to be exposed to the realities of the world.
It’s hard to pinpoint exactly when and how anorexia took over, but
perhaps I was drawn to the artificial sense of control numbers
provided when nothing else seemed in control.
It started off like any innocent diet. Replace the fried potatoes with
peanut butter sandwiches and the chocolate with strawberry
yogurt. Bike 3 times around the block. Slowly, the pounds fell. I
journaled and recorded the dropping numbers, even announcing to
my mom my “accomplishments.” Through no fault of her own, she
urged me on. After all it just seemed like a healthy lifestyle change.
But eating disorders creep into families like deadly gaseous vapors,
innocent and invisible, with the capacity for full destruction.
Jean Wu is a sophomore studying Health Promotion
and Disease Prevention with a minor in Education
and Society. She hopes to one day study medicine
and bring greater attention to the power of education
to advance healthcare. Jean has a passion for
sustainability, enjoys creating vegan ice-cream,
farmers markets, and mountain hikes.
SEEKING
HELP
DOES
NOT
MAKE
YOU WEAK.
Please, please, please
do not wait until you
hit rock bottom. You
are loved and you are
worthy.

Rock Bottom
I was hooked on the emptiness and feeling
of control. Brimming with pride at my
ability to “control myself,” I felt a rush of
dopamine with each pound I dropped. The
habits became more extreme. No meat. No
carbs. No dairy. No sugar. No dense fruits
or vegetables. No oils. No resting. No
sitting. Run at 3AM everyday. Weigh
yourself 5 times a day. Run. Jump. Move.
No relaxing. No lotion or self-care. You
don’t deserve it. You don’t deserve it.... Only
work, work and WORK. I thought I found
“control.” In reality, I was confined by the
barricades of my own mind. A fight against
myself to which I was futilely losing. My
world became significantly smaller. My
friends vanished as social events became
fears. One day, my dance teacher pulled
me aside. She threatened that if I didn’t
bring my weight up and eat more, I would
have to leave school. She treated my illness
as something physical that could be treated
by just eating more.
But my eating disorder was never about
appearances. I hated the way I looked
with each pound I lost. I hated the way
my green, sallow skin sagged around my
bones from malnutrition. How my hair
fell out in large clumps, dry and damaged
and the lanugo that covered my body. The
blood tests that indicated failing liver
functioning at age 14. The period that
never came. The edema in my feet and
legs due to electrolyte imbalance. The
varicose veins and callouses I developed
from long hours of forced standing
because I didn’t allow myself to sit.
There is nothing beautiful or glamorous
about an eating disorder. Eating disorders
kill. But I was trapped in the alluring
facade of control. My weight continued to
drop, and I was forced to drop out of my
physical education class. I either had to
get better or drop out of high school.
Everything I worked for.....
gone?
PAGE | 20

The turning point
During summertime, I took an accelerated chemistry class,
and I fell in love with the subject. All that
was unseen, the molecular complexity of the world,
fascinated me. The cell—the building block of life! DNA,
epigenetics, organic chemistry—I wanted to learn it all. I
was imbued with a sense of purpose: a desire to understand
the complex workings of the physical world. Taking AP
Biology captured my heart even more, kindling in me a
fascination that further solidified my sense of
purpose. After learning about the molecular pathways of
ATP synthesis and the importance of macromolecules such
as lipids, proteins, carbohydrates, I realized the necessity
of proper nutrition.
Slowly, but surely, I recovered. There were still
restrictions and rules, but they eased slightly. I allowed
myself to indulge in an oatmeal cookie and strawberry icecream
after a long day of learning the molecular pathways
of aerobic respiration. At the same time, I found joy in my
past hobbies, creating art and gaining the energy to go
on long bike rides.
PAGE | 21

PAGE | 22

Year of the Fish
More often than not, zebrafish are regarded as aquarium pets with exotically colored fins to decorate
your home. But in the science community, zebrafish are considered a unique and highly regenerative
animal model that can regenerate their own fins, skin, heart, bone, and even neurons. In Dr. Gage
Crump’s lab, I study the zebrafish model to explore possible regenerative solutions to cranial synostosis
and other birth defects. Part of our experimental procedures include fluorescent imaging, and here
is an image of a zebrafish fluorescently tagged for a gene encoding bone formation. I formatted the
fluorescent colors to USC colors to highlight all the amazing research our university is pioneering.
- Camilla Teng

PAGE | 24

A R
y
PAGE | 25

It presses in around her. She should have told
the doctors that she is claustrophobic. The
emergency button is hot in her hand, a balloon
slowly losing air, she should squeeze it before it
deflates entirely. Her hands shake and over the
intercom they ask her to lie as still as possible.
Her lungs fill and empty with each deep breath.
She tries to focus on her diaphragm.
Still, the walls of the MRI
press close to her, and even
under the soft fleece
blanket, she feels freezing.
There is buzzing on her
back, from her bra, as they
told her there would be.
“It becomes
cooler and cooler,
until she feels like
she is holding
nothing at all.”
Like it’s trying to undo itself, to escape. She wants
to escape. The emergency button glows in her
hand, hot, hot, urging her to squeeze.
In the observation room, a spot in her throat
lights up, a solitary lighthouse beam in the
darkening sea of her body.
She is still being squeezed. She remembers a
medical show she watched, where the extremely
fat guy had to be taken to the zoo to get his
MRI taken. She wishes she could have gone to
the zoo, imagining the walls of that overlarge
MRI machine looking like the scooped insides
of a white shell.
The battering sounds of the magnets
spinning around her rattle her heart inside
its cage.
The magnets spin and spin, and she can’t
take it anymore. But her throat aches, and
so she closes her eyes and thinks of better
things.
The purple morning smell
of the lilac bushes outside
her apartment building.
The soft silk sheets of her
bed enveloping her tired
body like cool air. The icy
taste of a mint leaf that she
eats every morning
just to feel the menthol melt on her tongue.
Her grip on the button softens. It becomes
cooler and cooler, until she feels like she is
holding nothing at all. There is an emptiness
in the tube when the deafening roar of the
magnets stop. Slowly, the bed slides out of the
MRI, and the tech removes the earplugs, the
buttons, the head brace. He helps her to her
unbalanced feet, and she wobbles out of the
room.
The doctor smiles at her, and tells her that her
results will be in soon, and she’ll be hearing
from him shortly.
PAGE | 26

H
O
P
E
PAGE | 27

aaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Artwork by Helen Jin...
“I made this piece as part of my ‘Personifying
Emotion’ series, but its significance is much more
meaningful to me. I created this particular piece of
artwork when I was coming out of a dark period of
depression in my life. This piece is chock full of
contrasts, paralleling to how I felt during that time.
There’s vivid red against bleak surroundings. Then
juiciness of the fruit against the dry, desiccated
person. They symbolize how powerful and refreshing
hope can be, even when all seems lost.”
PAGE | 28

PAGE | 30

BOOKS WE
Cutting for Stone Being Mortal
Abraham Verghese
Atul Gawande
PAGE | 31

RECOMMEND
When Breath Becomes Air
Paul Kalinithi
The Soul of Medicine:
Tales from the Bedside
Sherwin Nuland
PAGE | 32

2016-2017 Team
Doshi
Pratik
Natarajan
Natasha
Malaska
Colin
Nathania
Jessica
Polcyn
Rachel
Zhang
Mary
Yu Kelsi
Gupta
Megha
Co-Editors in Chief
Layout
Yasmin Davis
Marketing
Copy and
Acquisitions
Kate Franklin

Gupta
Megha
Yu Kelsi
Hokan
Albert
Lee Rachel
Jin Helen
Sumrow
Lily
Lester
Jacob
Schlacter
Jamie
Wu Jean
Davidson
Nick
2017-2018 Team
Co-Editors in Chief
Layout
Kimia Zahedi
Marketing
Copy and
Acquisitions

USC Dornsife
Produced with support from :
Levan Institute for
Humanities and Ethics
|USG
www.uschealingprocess.com