Surrey Homes | SH42 | April 2018 | Garden supplement inside

Education
Let the children speak
Listening to school age kids is vital – but first you have to get them to talk says Hilary Wilce
All the research shows that children whose parents
support them at school and show an interest in what
they’re learning do better than those children whose
parents don’t. And all parents know that while that sounds
simple, it’s actually really hard. “What did you do today?”
“Nothing.” “Who did you play with?” “Don’t remember.”
Little wonder that, as a survey of 2,000 parents shows,
we only spend about 14 minutes trying to have after-school
conversations with our children. But some schools are finding
imaginative, new ways to foster home-school links, like the
primary school in Somerset that sends its youngest pupils
home with a bag of three pebbles, one shiny, one dull, and
one pointy. These represent one special thing that happened
in the day, one dull thing, and one difficult thing, and both
parents and children are encouraged to use them as ways to get
a conversation going.
However, there are many useful things you can do to
encourage post-school chats. Don’t come on too strong.
Children need time to transition from school and hate being
put on the spot. Be warm and welcoming when you pick your
child up, say you hope they had a good day, and leave it at that.
Learn patience. Many children like to chat about school
just before bed. (A good delaying tactic. Children are brilliant
strategists.) Chat about things from your day, to encourage
your child to respond. “A really funny thing happened to me at
lunchtime…”
Ask open questions. “What was the best part of your day?” not
“Was it music today?” (Open questions can’t be answered with a
yes or no.)
Learn as much as you can about your child’s routine, teachers
and friendships. Then you can ask what happened at whole-school
assembly, or about Harry’s poorly kitten.
Don’t feel you have to solve every problem that comes up, or
always quiz your child about tests and homework. But when you
do need information, don’t fish, simply ask.
Seize useful moments. Many parents find that talking in the
car is a brilliant time to have a conversation – no awkward eye
contact! Always be alert to times when you might get a chance to
talk with your child.
Aim to be as relaxed and natural as you can, children will close
up like clams if they feel information is being prised out of them.
But my top tip by a mile would be the old adage ‘two ears, one
mouth’. So always listen twice as much as talking.
Type it out and stick it on the fridge.
145 surrey-homes.co.uk
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