White Light Magazine - Autumn 2018

Tarnia's
Musings
I
remember exactly where I was when I received the call that
was to change my life forever. “Your brothers had a motorcycle
accident and is on life support, they don’t expect him to live.”
I had been sitting down calmly in a waiting room with one other
lady when my Dad called to tell me those fateful words. I got
up pacing, talking in an agitated high-pitched voice, my poor
mind trying desperately to get my head around the information
and process it. I remember squatting down on the floor crying
as the other lady in the waiting room pretended she couldn’t
see me and I was finally called for my appointment. I remember
they told me to reschedule as they gently ushered me out of
the door.
As a Psychic Medium I have counselled and bought through
many deceased loved ones. The death and passing of someone
close to you can bring up emotions and wounds you never
knew you had. Some of the most heart wrenching Mediumship
Readings that have had a profound impact on me are when a
Mother loses a child, regardless if the child is 3 years or 30,
it’s a devastating event that shatters the heart and mind and
leaves a profound scar. My Mother still cries at Christmas and
especially family gatherings, it catches her unawares, it’s only
been just over three years.
From my own experience of grief with my brothers passing; we
held his hand in hospital, hooked up to life support as the very
experienced male nurse told us he was already dead, he was
just being kept artificially alive to wait for the retrieval team to
fly in from interstate whilst they worked out the most favourable
matches for his organs. It was his desire to be an organ donor,
so we waited and waited for what seemed like an eternity for
the process to unfold as we took turns to visit the hospital and
share our thoughts with each other. I saw my deceased Nana
sitting with him at one stage and I felt in my own heart his soul
hadn’t completely left his body, he looked uncomfortable to
me. Finally, the time came when they harvested his organs
and turned off life support, it had only been about 48hrs, but
it felt like a week. I got my turn to visit my brothers body and
say goodbye, they had moved him to a different room. It was
quiet, peaceful, no monitors, no wires or cords plugging him
into machines just a single bed in a stark room, the only sound
was my sobs as I cried my heart out for the brother I lost. He
had his cheeky smile back on his face as if he would wake up
at any moment and say “haha sucked in”, as if it was one of his
pranks.
We all react to grief differently, my health took a turn for the
worse, they kept finding lumps in my ovaries and breasts, I
really didn’t care if I lived or died. I sat on my couch eating
bags of potato chips, put on a huge amount of weight, watched
numerous DVD Videos, my relationship with my partner ended,
I found out who my true friends were, it was a lonely, confusing
time. I shut myself away, I became antisocial, I was lost.
Logically I knew what I needed to do, to get myself out of my
funk but I just couldn’t do it. Not only was I dealing with the loss
of my brother but the loss of so many dreams and aspirations
that coincided from that one fateful moment. I have to say three
years on, my life has moved forward slowly from that moment
I became stuck, it gradually improved but I learnt you can’t fast
track your healing. It will take as much time as it needs to, so
you may as well let it. I fought the process and pushed myself
too early and in hindsight I wish I had of had someone to tell me
to rest. I miss the person I was before my brothers passing, she
was a great chick, fun, spontaneous, energetic and took leaps
of faith that made Angels hold their breath.
What helped and assisted in my healing was adopting two
rescue cats, a ten year old little man fur baby and a 1year old 3
legged girl that had been shot and abused, by me taking care
of those frightened little fur babies they helped heal my broken
heart and they in-turn saved me.
Written by Tarnia Lee Sayer
Psychic Medium M: 0407 611 372 tarniapsychic@outlook.com
White Light Magazine
11