CCChat-Magazine_8-The-Conference-Edition

More documents

Recommendations

Info

Steve is a former perpetrator of domestic abuse. He now campaigns to end abuse against women. Founder and Editor: @StopDVaWomen #StopDVaWomen 2018 is the Year For Making The Invisible Visible
"I always said I’d never hit a woman, and then I did." Steve, a former perpetrator tells his story. “I told him I wanted to change from the person I’d become.” Steve I always said I’d never hit a woman, and then I did. I assaulted, kicked, my wife one day in June 2014. We were out at a day Conference in Lancaster. I won’t make excuses, I won’t try to dress it up as anything other than assault. My wife asked me to leave the marital home, after struggling to find somewhere, I eventually left in July 2014. Friends, saying I needed to sort my head out, drove me to an Order of nuns on the Wirral. I stayed on and off for many weeks. It was during one of these stays that I read a pamphlet about domestic abuse. On the back, it had one sentence… ‘’Do you feel you are a perpetrator?’’ It was then it dawned on me, yes I am. When I left, I called Respect Phoneline, the people who put together the pamphlet. After being on the phone for over an hour, the guy asked me… ‘’What do you want?’’ I told him I wanted to change from the person I’d become. He gave me contact details of Relate GMS, who run a Domestic Violence Prevention Programme for male perpetrators. I called and was advised there was a six week waiting list, if I fulfilled the criteria. I was accepted onto the Programme and waited. I phoned three times…I asked if there was a space yet for me? Not yet… On week six of waiting I arrived for my first One-to-One with one of the Facilitators. I later referred to her as a cross between Driving Miss Daisy, and the Terminator. She was lovely, but very thorough. On week 1 I was asked…why did I assault my wife? The same on week 2, 3, 4…week 5 I was arrested. I was called by a PC from my local Police. Can I come in tomorrow to have a chat? Yes sure I said. I arrived at 3.30pm the following day and was arrested. Harassment the initial complaint, he dealt with the assault as well. The PC kept me in custody for six hours. He interviewed me and asked did I do it? Yes I replied. Did you? He asked again. Yes I said. Were there any witnesses? No. Any CCTV? No. So no one saw you? No I replied. I accepted a Police Caution, but was told do it again and you will go to prison. Later that week I had my one to one with my Facilitator, ‘’How’s your week been?’’ she asked, I told her of my arrest. On starting the Programme you have to sign a contract: *You turn up on time *Not be rude, speak over others *Be respectful of others *Take an active part on the Programme, not just turn up *Not have ongoing Police involvement etc… It was a difficult few weeks for me, I considered quitting a few times. Why? I was continually looking at my abuse, each week, over and over, and over. It was very painful, some may say good! But to connect with your abuse it has to be painful. The Group consists of a maximum of nine guys, it becomes a band of brothers, so to speak. You support each other, but also hold each other to account. You can’t pull the wool over the eyes of guys who’ve been abusive. They’ll see straight through it. We’re all there to change, that’s it. No timewasters, you’re taking up a valuable place from someone who wants to change. By week 16 / 17 I was getting to grips with what I was learning and the penny dropped so to speak. 2018 is the Year For Making The Invisible Visible
Page 1: CCChat April 2018 Issue 8 The Magaz
Page 5 and 6: Editor's Notes ABOUT THE EDITOR: Mi
Page 8: Jennifer Gilmour Advocate for women
Page 12 and 13: Abuse Talk & Book Club by Jennifer
Page 18 and 19: It was still tough, but I was learn
Page 20: Currently Reading: Look What You Ma
Page 23: Conference on Coercive Control 2018
Page 27: #CCCBristol18 Alison Boydell Alison
Page 31 and 32: #CCCBristol18 Dr Karen Morgan Resea
Page 34: #CCCBristol18 Rachel Williams Rache
Page 38 and 39: #CCCBristol18 Rosa de Guero Survivo
Page 41 and 42: Research Highlights Need For Police
Page 43: The Freedom Programme Founded by Pa

CCChat-Magazine_8-The-Conference-Edition

Create successful ePaper yourself

Delete template?

Save as template?