January 2018

FastForward
Fantasies of A
Techie Bachelor
What’s the future of tech? How would life look like in the next 10 to 15 years
if the new inventions we see today become everyday gadgets? Well, here’s
an example.
- By Segun Adekoye
It’s 5:30am, yet your room takes on the gradual amber glow of
a rising sun. As you approach the window, your venetian blinds
feel your presence and part to reveal a deep-blue starry sky.
You know it’s the crimson glow of your intelligent bulb that has
simulated an artificial sunrise to help your body respond better
to your morning alarm.
“It’s not even 6am yet”. You fall back on the bed, crawling under
your duvet. 15 minutes later, your Amazon Echo makes a whirring
sound, followed by a 5:45am ding. You snooze, muttering
to yourself how deserving you were of more sleep, because
the Bank’s website you updated ate into your bedtime. You’re
half-thinking about that, half asleep and then you feel a shortvibration
on your wrist followed by a mild electrocution.
“Damn you this wretched wrist-band!” you curse out, yanking off
your Pavlok Shock wristband from your wrist, before throwing
it into the waste bin. You get up, dragging yourself slowly to
the waste bin to pick up your Pavlock because it has saved you
several times from oversleeping.
“Sisi” you mutter, looking over at your Amazon Echo. “Sisi, turn
on the water heater. Thirty-five degrees”.
As you approach the bathroom, Sisi switches on the light, turns
off the Air-conditioning unit in your room and activates the
bathtub speakers.
‘So make I dey your body like skin tight
Wey I go dey by your side’
It’s 7:15am now and you rush out of the house. Your garage
opens as you press hard on your car key, while your 2017 BMW
750i drives itself outside the garage and unlocks the rear door
for you. ‘999c Danmole’
“Express or Beach road sir?”
“Beach road, Romanus”, you respond to the car without looking
up.
Ping! You receive a notification from your doorknob, Sesame.
“Hey! You forgot to lock the entrance door. Are you expecting
someone or do I activate soft lock?”
“Hard-lock Sesame. Thanks.”
Your car makes an abrupt stop, avoiding a collision with a danfo
bus that just veered into your lane without warning.
“You dey mad abi? You dey drive this kain car wey no get driver?”
The bus driver yells as he speeds past.
These types of cars cannot survive this city, people say. Your car
is close to your office but has been indicating a left turn for some
minutes, no one is willing to give you a chance. You pull out your
phone, typing a message that pops out on your car’s rear glass.
You had installed Ototok a few days ago to communicate with
other motorists like yourself.
‘Abeg, make I pass’, your Ototok’s led light flashes across the
screen. Romanus, your self-driving car makes its way finally to
your office car park.
You’re so attached to your devices that you have given all of
them unique names. Sisi handles the home affairs. Romanus
takes care of you on the road, while Kike, your Google assistant
handles your schedule at the office and quick errands such as
meal orderings, soccer score updates and more.
You settle down, googling ‘errand robots in China’. Your day
begins.