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JAVA July:Aug 2018

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GIRL ON FARMER<br />

The Smell of Romance<br />

BY CELIA BERESFORD<br />

At what age did my armpits start to smell? I’m not<br />

sure, but I’d have to guess it was later than everyone<br />

else’s and I was jealous about it. I can safely say that<br />

whenever I did notice I was starting to smell, I did<br />

everything in my power to hide it from my mother, not<br />

because she was a shamer, but because the thought<br />

of discussing any sort of body issues mortified me.<br />

This mortification led to me inventing the double<br />

tank-top look during one summer when I was in<br />

middle school. Instead of telling my mom I needed a<br />

bra, I would double up tank tops in hopes that no one<br />

would notice that my boobs were actually just pointy<br />

nipples. This was the same summer that I enviously<br />

noticed Jan Brimmer’s armpit hair at a pool party. I<br />

assume her pits had already started to smell.<br />

For me, most puberty-related things come with some<br />

dose of shame, or at the very least, secrecy. I never<br />

felt bad or dirty about what was happening to my<br />

body, but I definitely planned to hide it from my family<br />

and flaunt it to my girlfriends. And by flaunt, of course<br />

I mean let them know that I was also experiencing<br />

what they were. But I probably wasn’t, because, as I<br />

mentioned, I was a late bloomer. This led to a lot of<br />

making things up. It was handy that I had a variety of<br />

friend groups. I could take one girl’s period story and<br />

retell it as if it were my own, in the meantime cursing<br />

my own stubborn ovaries for holding out on me. But<br />

something like smelly armpits isn’t something you<br />

can manufacture. It starts and then there it is. I bet<br />

that most girls, eager to be older, start deodorant-ing<br />

before it is truly necessary.<br />

When I noticed that my friend Susan Waitt had<br />

deodorant on her dresser, I naturally decided I needed<br />

some. But I didn’t want to ask my mom, so I did the<br />

obvious, which was to steal hers. I didn’t have smelly<br />

pits yet, but the deodorant was more like a showpiece<br />

I would put on display when a friend came over.<br />

Other times it was hidden deep in my sock drawer so<br />

my brother wouldn’t see it and make fun of me. The<br />

deodorant was called Ban – just in case you didn’t<br />

get the message that you smell and it should be<br />

outlawed, this not-so-subtle name would leave you<br />

with no doubt. This was in the roll-on era, where you<br />

would roll a small, wet round ball all around under<br />

your armpit. It felt gross.<br />

38 <strong>JAVA</strong><br />

MAGAZINE

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