Java-Sept-Pages-2018

GIRL ON FARMER
FLY BABY
BY CELIA BERESFORD
Flying brings out a wide range of different emotions
in people. While some travelers are mellow and calm,
others break out in a sweat the moment they get to
the airport. There are so many things to consider:
Where is the gate, how long is the security line, will
my fl ight take off on time, and most importantly,
will there be room in the overhead compartments?
None, some or, unfortunately, all of these things may
bother you. Then, you have to get on the plane and
engage in actual travel. That’s what you’re there for,
after all. And, in the same way that people respond
differently to travel, there are also several different
types of characters to encounter on the plane. Let me
introduce you to some of your travel companions and,
even more fun, the people you may sit next to.
First, you have your flight attendants. They fall into
the following categories: Sassy & Spunky, Rude, and
Funny Guy. You can spot the SS type right away when
you board. They will call you “hun,” maybe lightly
brush your arm when you get on the plane and seem
genuinely happy you are there. I’ve noticed a trend of
sparkly blue or purple eyeshadow that covers not just
the eyelid, but also around the sides and underneath
the eye. It’s an interesting look, but they can certainly
pull it off. When they come around the aisles with
the food and drink service, they are eager to take
your order and to give you both the cookie biscuit
and the mini pretzels if you ask. Now imagine the
opposite of the sparkle and kindness I just described.
Replace the eyeshadow glitter with a striped scarf
tied firmly around the neck. That is the Rude type.
The Funny Guy: He or she is a real joker over the
intercom. When it’s time for the safety demo, Funny
Guy likes to make silly faces while showing you how
to blow up your inflatable life vest. FG keeps things
light, bringing levity to such tragic possibilities as a
water landing. I was recently on a flight to Chicago
and over the intercom FG told us about a credit card
offer where you could earn triple miles. He joked
about ways you could use the miles, such as sending
a teenager on a one-way trip or a mother-in-law to
somewhere cold. He got an audible chuckle from the
passengers, including myself. Three days later, I flew
back home and there he was again, making the same
joke. I felt betrayed. I thought it was off the cuff. But
no, it was just his Funny Guy shtick.
As far as your seatmates, here’s what you have to
look forward to:
The Cougher: This travel mate insists on traveling
even with a case of whooping cough. Instead of
38 JAVA
MAGAZINE