The Voice of Southwest Louisiana March 2019 Issue

Peace from Pieces
By Carra Sergeant, Ph. D.; LPC-S
Licensed Professional Counselor
LADIES: Is He Mr. Right
or Mr. Right NOW?
I am not single. I am not taken. I am simply on
reserve for the one who deserves my heart.
--ANON
OK, so you are officially in the
dating game, either as a firsttimer,
or as a returnee. It feels
both thrilling and terrifying at the same
time, doesn’t it? If you are dipping your
toe into the dating pool as a first timer,
you probably have NO CLUE what to
run towards and what to run from. If,
however, you are just out of a marriage/
relationship, you probably have a more
clear view of what you are looking for in
a partner. You have been hurt, though,
so it is likely that you no longer trust your
intuition. Either way, you have decided
to send out the casting call for “Mr. Right.”
At worst, you get a sense of what “not my
type” looks like, in the middle, you make
a few good friends, and at best, you find
the partner you have been looking for.
BRACE YOURSELF… I promise you that
this will be a total emotional roller
coaster ride, complete with exhilarating
hair-raising highs and painful stomachchurning
lows. Is it worth all that? Well,
since highs and lows are all part of
tapestry of day-to-day existence anyway,
wouldn’t it be awesome to have someone
to partner with you through that
amusement park ride called life?
For a while, I recommend that you just
jump in and enjoy the ride. Relax, have
fun and savor every moment of the
dating process until you finally meet
someone that you enjoy being with. Over
time, you go on dates, sit close, kiss, hold
hands and one day it hits you: it’s time to
decide whether this is someone that you
want to have in your life over the longhaul,
or whether this is just a time-filler.
Remembering that the operative phrase
here is “OVER TIME,” what is your answer
to the question: Is he Mr. Right or Mr.
Right NOW?
ONE
Mr. Right makes you feel indescribably
giddy, fluttery and happy when you have
contact with him. You miss him when you
are not together, but still feel connected
to him. You feel emotionally safe, even
when he is not in your presence.
Mr. Right Now makes you feel
indescribably giddy, fluttery and happy
when you have contact with him. You
miss him when you are not together, but
his absence makes you nervous. What is
he doing? Who is he with? You do not feel
emotionally safe.
TWO
Mr. Right hangs on to your every
word. He remembers things that are
important to you, your birthday, favorite
movie, favorite food, etc. He is eager to
learn more about you and what your
life experiences have been. Likewise,
he shares these same things with you,
because he is equally eager for you to get
to know him.
Mr. Right Now hangs on to HIS every
word. He wants to be sure that you
remember HIS birthday, HIS favorite
movie, HIS favorite food, etc. He is eager
for you to hear about his life experiences.
Does he ever ask you about your life, your
interests, your passions and then LISTENS
when you respond?
THREE
Mr. Right freely shares his future hopes
and dreams with you. By doing that,
he opens himself up to criticism and
scrutiny but feels safe enough with you
to do just that. In the same vein, he
encourages you to share your hopes
and dreams and sincerely cares about
challenging you and supporting you in
pursuing those dreams.
Mr. Right Now does not even pursue any
discussion of “future” with you. You have
no real idea what direction he is heading
in and likewise, he does not know where
you are headed – because he has not
asked. Is it possible to have a future with
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March 2019 WWW.THEVOICEOFSOUTHWESTLA.COM Volume 6 • Number 8