MSN_032119

think that most everyone
should have a therapist.”
If we want to work to cure
mental illness, society needs
to prioritize mental issues
like it would a physical ill-
4 | March 21, 2019 | Malibu surfside news news
malibusurfsidenews.com
Young Malibu resident teaches the art of talking to teenagers
Barbara Burke
Freelance Reporter
In an age of digital natives
and incessant social
media, wherein preteens
and teens are bombarded
with large quantities of information,
some of it unhealthy,
there are increasing
challenges regarding
how youth and their parents
communicate during the
formative years.
The perennial “generation
gap” is not merely
the phenomenon that was
sometimes humorously
dealt with.
The stakes are high, with
pervasive cyber bullying
affecting adolescent suicide
rate. According to the
Centers for Disease Control
and Prevention, more
than a third of high school
students at least considered
suicide. Each year, approximately
157,000 youth
between the ages of 10 and
24 are treated at emergency
departments across the
country for self-inflicted
injuries.
And there are more common
issues, like youth who
feel their parents can’t and
don’t understand them and
parents who feel frustrated
as they try to do so.
Those realities led a
group of local parents to
gather round 17-year-old
Daisy Johnston March 13 at
Glamifornia Style Lounge
as she shared insights regarding
how parents can
engage in “active listening,”
how they can show
their children how deeply
they care, and how they can
do so in a manner allowing
their children to feel in control
of their emotions.
At Johnston’s presentation,
there were only adults
Daisy Johnston speaks to parents during the
presentation.
in the room because Johnston
focused on how parents
can communicate with
their children.
“The inspiration for my
class was my passion for
the mental illness community,”
Johnston said.
“Studies from 2018 show
that suicide is the second
leading cause of death for
people ages 15 to 24 and it
is underway to become the
number one cause.”
One mother shared that
her 10-year-old daughter
had threatened to commit
suicide.
“When my generation got
really frustrated, we used to
threaten to run away,” said
the mother, who wished to
remain anonymous. “I get
that it is their form of running
away, but I also know
that it is a serious cry for
help.”
She and all attendees
leaning in rapt with attention,
asked Johnston,
“What can we do? ”
Johnston paused, reflecting,
modeling the active listening
that she advocates.
“First, you have to assess
for safety and ensure that
a youth doesn’t have the
means to harm herself,” she
said. “Obviously, it’s a delicate
situation; it’s tender.
It essentially comes down
to a young person asking,
“Have I been listened to?”
There are critical steps to
successfully communicating
with a young person,
Johnston said.
“First, your child needs
to feel safe opening up to
you,” she said. “Believe it
or not, your child wants to
be listened to. So, why are
you often telling him what
to do – you have to listen.”
“LEAP,” Johnston added.
“Listen, Empathize,
Ask questions and Paraphrase.”
The listening part takes
practice, she added, “but
it does make for progress.”
The message is clear –
to communicate, an adult
should listen attentively
and ensure that a young
person understands that
the adult is really hearing
what the youth is saying.
The parent should do so,
Johnston said, while ensuring
she doesn’t preach to
the child.
“Avoid giving advice,
such as saying, ‘When I was
your age,’ or ‘Why don’t
you just ... ’” Johnston said.
Daisy Johnston (second from left) along with her family (left to right) Diane Prince, Matt
Johnston and Lucy Johnston. photos by Suzy Demeter/22nd Century Media
Daisy Johnston teaches parents how to talk to their teenagers.
“Instead, use phrases such
as ‘OK, so what happened
next?’ Or ‘Go on.’
An occasional empathetic
observation, Johnston
said, such as “Wow, that
must really suck,” also is
warranted when a young
person is overwhelmed by
enormous loads of homework,
challenges with
friendship circles, or, as is
often the case, by both.
“Make sure to get a challenged
child to a therapist,”
Johnston said. “I personally
Please see teenagers, 14