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44<strong>—</strong>Vanguard, WEDNESDAY, APRIL 10, 2019<br />
Could she really love me as she<br />
claims?<br />
Dear Bunmi,<br />
I’m 18 and I’m troubled by<br />
a girl who’s the same age.<br />
We’re both waiting to go into<br />
the university. Two years ago,<br />
when we went on a school<br />
trip to a neighbouring<br />
country, she told me she<br />
fancied me. A few months<br />
later, she repeated it.<br />
She began to spank my<br />
bottom then laugh with her<br />
friends. I felt so embarrassed<br />
that I told her I didn’t fancy<br />
her. She finally gave up and<br />
said she had never really<br />
fancied me either.<br />
A few months ago, my dad<br />
gave me my mobile phone<br />
and I gave her the number.<br />
She started sending messages<br />
saying: “I can’t stop thinking<br />
about you" and "I love you.”<br />
Now, I’m beginning to feel<br />
the same way about her. I want<br />
to kiss this girl and hold her<br />
in my arms. When I come<br />
close to telling her how I feel,<br />
I would back away.<br />
But whenever I see her<br />
again, the feeling comes<br />
flooding back. I think she<br />
must be having me on. I wear<br />
glasses though people say I<br />
look like a popular home<br />
movie star. But this girl<br />
spends most of her time with<br />
me now. She says she’s fallen<br />
out with some of her friends.<br />
What should be my next<br />
move?<br />
Abu, by e-mail.<br />
Dear Abu,<br />
I give this girl of yours full<br />
marks for persistence in the<br />
face of your apparent<br />
unwillingness to become her<br />
boyfriend. Girls are often<br />
more confident about their<br />
romantic feelings than boys of<br />
the same age.<br />
You are gripped by shyness<br />
and fear of rejection, which is<br />
very common during<br />
adolescence. Well, here is a<br />
tip - boys who dare to kiss the<br />
girls have more fun!<br />
The star you see in your<br />
home movies are very<br />
attractive to girls and have a<br />
huge number of female fans.<br />
If a girl tells you she fancies<br />
you, don’t question why.<br />
As you grow older, you’ll<br />
soon discover that girls want<br />
kisses, cuddles and love just<br />
as boys do. Dilly-dally no<br />
longer! Ask this girl to become<br />
your girlfriend, then seal the<br />
deal with the kisses that<br />
you’ve long been aching for.<br />
I thought he was still a gentleman<br />
Dear Bunmi,<br />
For 18 months, Greg and I<br />
had a very strong relationship<br />
and the love-making was<br />
great. Unfortunately, and for<br />
no reason, I fell out of love<br />
with him and had to break<br />
things off.<br />
He was really devastated in<br />
spite of the fact that I let him<br />
down as gently as I could<br />
because he was very nice to<br />
me.<br />
I’m now in another<br />
relationship and happy. Some<br />
few weeks ago, I met Greg at<br />
a lecture and he invited me<br />
to his flat for a drink. Since<br />
we both remained good<br />
friends, I went with him.<br />
He told me he had a few<br />
girlfriends and I was<br />
genuinely happy for him. I’d<br />
scarcely touched my drink<br />
when he was all over me. I<br />
was shocked.<br />
He pinned me to the couch<br />
and started having sex with<br />
me and hurting me in the<br />
process. I asked him to stop<br />
several times, but he didn’t<br />
until I was able to free my<br />
hands and grab him round the<br />
throat to get him off.<br />
He showed no remorse<br />
whatsoever and had the guts<br />
As you grow older, you’ll<br />
soon discover that girls<br />
want kisses, cuddles and<br />
love just as boys do. Dillydally<br />
no longer! Ask this<br />
girl to become your<br />
girlfriend, then seal the<br />
deal with the kisses that<br />
you’ve long been aching for.<br />
to tell me I shouldn’t find<br />
love-making with him so<br />
repulsive since we were once<br />
lovers.<br />
He still wants us to be<br />
friends. What I can’t<br />
understand is why a man,<br />
who was once a gentleman,<br />
could turn into a brute.<br />
Taiye, by e-mail.<br />
Dear Taiye,<br />
By going with your ex to his<br />
flat knowing both of you<br />
would be alone must have<br />
sent the wrong signal to him.<br />
You did the dumping and he<br />
obviously hasn’t forgiven you<br />
for that.<br />
It is important that you get<br />
this emotional trauma behind<br />
you and be wary next time you<br />
decide to go to any single<br />
man’s apartment alone<strong>—</strong><br />
especially if sex might be on<br />
the cards.<br />
What happened to you is not<br />
uncommon, but that doesn’t<br />
make it right. Your ex<br />
obviously wanted to hurt you<br />
as much as he was hurt when<br />
you dumped him. But he went<br />
about things the wrong way.<br />
He’s the brute, not you and<br />
you should put a lot of<br />
distance between you.<br />
How do I keep these toys from my kids?<br />
Dear Bunmi,<br />
I consider myself lucky to<br />
find a man who loves me after<br />
my marriage broke up some<br />
years back. I love him and my<br />
teenage kids like him a lot.<br />
But recently, he turned up<br />
at the flat with a ‘present’ <strong>—</strong><br />
a bag of sex toys! Now I’m<br />
stuck. If I keep them, I’m<br />
worried my kids will find<br />
them. But if I don’t, my lover<br />
will be hurt. What’s a girl to<br />
do?<br />
Alero, by e-mail.<br />
Dear Alero,<br />
I’m sure it’s not just the sex<br />
toys that are freaking you out,<br />
it’s the fact that you feel<br />
uncomfortable doing wild and<br />
passionate things while your<br />
teenage kids are around. Yes,<br />
they would be embarrassed,<br />
but then probably know a lot<br />
more about sex and sex toys<br />
than you think.<br />
So, give the toys back to<br />
Is this all there is to<br />
marriage?<br />
Dear Bunmi,<br />
I got married early last year<br />
because I was pregnant. I love<br />
my husband and daughter but<br />
marriage is not as interesting<br />
as I thought it would be.<br />
We both have good jobs and<br />
my mum helps in looking<br />
after the child when I’m away<br />
in the office. I also have a<br />
fairly well behaved maid.<br />
Yet, I’m not happy. I see the<br />
years ahead stretching out<br />
like this and I feel<br />
disillusioned.<br />
I don’t even know if my<br />
husband feels the same way<br />
as I haven’t discussed it with<br />
him in case he feels hurt.<br />
Please help.<br />
Omorode, by e-mail.<br />
Dear Omorode,<br />
Don’t panic. A lot of new<br />
brides experience doubts<br />
similar to yours, not about<br />
your man and tell him either<br />
to keep them at his place or<br />
bring them around when he<br />
visits you. And use them only<br />
when the kids are out of the<br />
house.<br />
their husband but about being<br />
married. Here are some top<br />
tips for new brides, who are<br />
wondering if they did the<br />
right thing.<br />
Don’t expect your wedding<br />
day to make life perfect; it’s<br />
just the beginning of a new<br />
phase, not a guarantee for<br />
happiness. Give yourself a<br />
realistic period to work out<br />
how to live together. You<br />
should then stick with this for<br />
at least a year.<br />
Swap notes with your<br />
spouse on how you see your<br />
relationship; compare<br />
expectations and make sure<br />
you’re in sync.<br />
Take time to be individuals,<br />
keep up with friends, follow<br />
your interests, so you feel<br />
you’re in control of life.<br />
Remember, you don’t have<br />
to be married in the same way<br />
as your mum and dad were.<br />
Checkmate the marriage you<br />
want, in your own style.<br />
My friend always makes bad<br />
choices<br />
Dear Bunmi,<br />
I have this best friend who<br />
believes she’s unlucky in<br />
love. The problem is, she’s<br />
always falling for the wrong<br />
type of men. I always see<br />
through all these<br />
opportunistic boyfriends she<br />
introduces to me, but<br />
whenever I advise her, she<br />
goes off in a huff and tries to<br />
sever relationship with me.<br />
When they eventually let her<br />
down, she comes running to<br />
me and pretends we’re still<br />
the best of friends. I like her<br />
a lot and I feel bad whenever<br />
she belittles herself with these<br />
men. What can I do to make<br />
her ‘see’ through men that are<br />
bad for her?<br />
Tomi, by e-mail.<br />
Dear Tomi,<br />
Is it possible to ever try to<br />
talk anyone out of love? Even<br />
out of an ill-considered, illfated<br />
love? I used to try pretty<br />
regularly to discourage<br />
unwise lovers, and believe<br />
me, it can’t be done.<br />
Once the head-strong heart<br />
is up and running, the best a<br />
friend can do for a friend is<br />
be there when she falls out of<br />
love, so she can lean on you,<br />
but only until such time as she<br />
can stand on her own two feet.<br />
I get the impression your<br />
friend could be so dependent<br />
on your help that she will<br />
keep getting into romantic<br />
scrapes in order to bind you<br />
to her!<br />
By going with your ex to his<br />
flat knowing both of you<br />
would be alone must have<br />
sent the wrong signal to him;<br />
you did the dumping and he<br />
obviously hasn’t forgiven you<br />
for that<br />
Above all, enjoy the<br />
experience <strong>—</strong> you can’t hold<br />
back entirely on your sex life<br />
with your lovely man until<br />
your kids leave home, can<br />
you?<br />
Share your problems and release your<br />
burden. Write now to Dear Bunmi,<br />
Vanguard Newspapers, P.M.B 1007,<br />
Apapa, Lagos, or bunmsof@yahoo.co.uk
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