CM magazine May 2019

OPINION
BOY BURGLAR
A tale of a young lad’s first job,
a misplaced set of keys and the
King’s funeral.
AUTHOR – Derek Scott FCICM
MANY moons ago I wrote
an article in Credit
Management entitled
The Office Boy from Hell,
which described my first
job as an office boy in
a chartered accountants. I was just over 15
years old and without any qualifications, but
at least numerate and reasonably literate.
Unfortunately, I was not yet in working mode
and lived up to the title of the article.
The senior partner when he offered me
the position said I was lucky to be earning 35
shillings a week and should begin paying him
back for the opportunity by learning double
entry book keeping and basic accounting.
My basic tasks also included making the tea,
sorting the post and running errands including
lighting his fire in the winter.
The latter job was early each morning
starting with old newspapers, kindling, and
coal. This was stored in the basement and had to
be carried up four floors. In a way the basement
was my kingdom, as no one else ever went down
there. It had several rooms used previously for
storage and I found some interesting bits down
there. I remember a large pile of letters which
seemed to relate to a ‘breach of promise’ case
at the time of King George V (all the envelopes
had his stamps on them). It was a Georgian
house in what was known as Solicitor’s Row.
In fact, we coincidentally shared the premises
with a solicitor.
FUNERAL FIGURES
I had been with the practice about two years
when I lost the key to the back door. At that
time I found myself in the senior partner’s
bad books as I had missed a nought in a set of
accounts, so one important figure read £4,000
instead of £40,000! As it happened it was a
funeral director’s and when these incorrect
details were read out by my boss, the director’s
nearly became their own clients! I dare not
tell anyone about the key, but I was fortunate
the solicitor was always an early bird so I was
still able to get in. The real problem was yet to
come.
In 1952 King George VI passed away and as a
mark of respect on the day of the funeral both
the solicitor and ourselves decided to close, so
luck was with me. However, I still had not found
the key. Two years later, a second funeral was to
prove my Achilles heel. In 1954, the late Prime
Minister Winston Churchill died, the solicitors
again decided to close, but we did not.
I now had a real problem but as they say
‘necessity is the mother of invention’, so there
must surely be a solution to this situation. The
one part of the building which was my domain
was the offices basement. Apart from the coal
bunker there were two more rooms. It had
presumably been used as storage from before
the second world war. The neglect showed
it was damp, there was mildew everywhere,
the paint had peeled off, and any wood was
crumbling thanks to dry rot. The largest room
was at the front which had an alcove under the
front steps to the building.
WINDOW OF OPPORTUNITY
In the alcove was a small window which looked
out on a little yard with railings topping a low
wall. To my surprise the window opened and
closed without any difficulty. One important
draw back was that there were two bars. I found
the wood around the bars also had dry rot,
and as in those days I was still of slim stature
removing a single bar would be enough to allow
me to squeeze though. One bar was reasonably
firm, but the other with a bit of coaxing came
out. I left the window off the latch, and very
early the next morning, making sure the coast
was clear, I got over the railings, opened the
window, and climbed in. Then latched the
window and replaced the bar, I was jubilant.
I collected a scuttle of coal and went up to
light the senior partners fire. As I was putting
the coal on ready to light it, there amongst it
was the missing key! To this day I still find it
hard to believe. However, through life you soon
learn kismet will play many tricks on you, some
good, some bad!
In credit management you will face
situations which cannot be solved by normal
actions. You will not find the answer in text
books, or any solution based on some sort of
statistical theory, in real life it never works. You
will need to think way outside the parochial
credit management box. I have experienced
many situations in my lengthy period in the
profession, and at times the solutions as they
say in Star Trek ‘were to go where no credit
manager has gone before’, but as someone
once said ‘problems are opportunities wearing
cloaks’.
Derek Scott FCICM is a freelance writer.
In 1954, the late Prime Minister
Winston Churchill died, the
solicitors again decided to
close, but we did not.
I now had a real problem but
as they say ‘necessity is the
mother of invention’, so there
must surely be a solution to this
situation.
The Recognised Standard / www.cicm.com / May 2019 / PAGE 52 The Recognised Standard / www.cicm.com / May 2019 / PAGE 53