Create successful ePaper yourself
Turn your PDF publications into a flip-book with our unique Google optimized e-Paper software.
SATURDAY Vanguard, JULY 13, 2019—27<br />
*Darey Art-Alade and Deola Ayeni<br />
C<strong>on</strong>tinues from page 26<br />
would have lost out of<br />
happiness.<br />
“He understands my<br />
biological clock very well and<br />
tries his best not to stress me<br />
out too much. I also take<br />
very good care of him more<br />
than a younger woman would<br />
have d<strong>on</strong>e. Therefore, I will<br />
say people should follow their<br />
heart and the leading of the<br />
Holy Spirit if you are a<br />
Christian.<br />
Celebrities with<br />
older wives<br />
Peter Okoye is married to<br />
Lola Omotayo who is said to<br />
be 6 years older than Peter.<br />
Peter and his twin brother<br />
Paul were born <strong>on</strong> the 18th of<br />
November 1981.<br />
In an earlier interview years<br />
back, Lola addressed the<br />
age gap between them<br />
thus: “Like I said, Peter is an<br />
old soul and he always tells<br />
me that I’m like a 23-yearold.<br />
Age is just a number.<br />
Right now, you can see it<br />
around the world: Demi<br />
Moore, Usher and some<br />
known people. Even in<br />
Nigeria here, they are dating<br />
people far older than their<br />
age. So, we shouldn’t base it<br />
<strong>on</strong> the age factor. He<br />
doesn’t make me feel like he’s<br />
younger than me.”<br />
Darey Art-Alade and his<br />
wife Deola Ayeni have been<br />
married for about 10 years<br />
now. Deola is said to be 8<br />
years older than Darey yet<br />
they’ve been married for<br />
years with lovely kids. Darey<br />
<strong>on</strong>ce resp<strong>on</strong>ded thus in an<br />
interview about their age<br />
gap: Do you not feel any<br />
pressure of any sort being<br />
married to somebody older<br />
than you are?” No pressures<br />
at all! Everybody at some<br />
time finds what works for him<br />
or her. I am perfectly happy<br />
with my marriage to my wife<br />
and I absolutely have no<br />
problems or pressures of any<br />
sort”.<br />
Dr. Timi Oyebode, Professi<strong>on</strong>al Marriage<br />
Counselor<br />
Kafayat Sharafat popularly<br />
known as Kaffy is a dancer<br />
and a mother of two, she got<br />
married to Joseph Ameh who<br />
happens to be popular<br />
singers, Psquare’s drummer.<br />
Kaffy is eight years older than<br />
Pappy J as he is popularly<br />
called. They got married in<br />
2012 and they have two<br />
children Eliana Ameh, their<br />
daughter and Sean Ameh,<br />
their s<strong>on</strong>.<br />
Nollywood actress, Ann<br />
Njemanze was a movie<br />
sensati<strong>on</strong> in the 90s while she<br />
was married to popular actor,<br />
Segun Arinze. After their<br />
divorce, Njemanze went<br />
under the radar but surfaced<br />
<strong>again</strong> a few years ago. She<br />
got married to her <strong>new</strong><br />
husband, Silver Ojies<strong>on</strong>, in<br />
2013 and she admitted to<br />
journalist that he’s five years<br />
younger than her. The<br />
actress has a teenage<br />
daughter from her previous<br />
marriage to Arinze.<br />
Expert’s angle<br />
Reacting to this issue<br />
professi<strong>on</strong>ally, Dr. Timi<br />
Oyebode- Professi<strong>on</strong>al<br />
Counselor, Founder& Head<br />
Counselor, Attitude<br />
Development Internati<strong>on</strong>al,<br />
said, “First of all, age is not<br />
really a factor when it comes<br />
•Kafayat Sharafat and Joseph Ameh<br />
•Regina Daniels<br />
to love and relati<strong>on</strong>ship.<br />
However, age is a factor when<br />
it comes to marriage.<br />
“Experts tell you that with<br />
age bracket that goes bey<strong>on</strong>d<br />
a decade, 10 years, might<br />
have generati<strong>on</strong>al gap<br />
between the couple. Most of<br />
the time, the reality is that the<br />
couple determines whether or<br />
not age would influence their<br />
uni<strong>on</strong>. Another thing is that<br />
African peculiarity with age<br />
and respect is a big factor.<br />
Age is not<br />
anything<br />
when it<br />
comes to<br />
issues of the<br />
heart but<br />
not at the<br />
detriment<br />
of your life<br />
“You have couples who have<br />
a wide age-gap or otherwise<br />
and they are living very well<br />
with themselves. So, I would<br />
say that age is not a factor and<br />
it is also a factor depending<br />
<strong>on</strong> which part of the world the<br />
couples are coming from.<br />
“As counselors, we do not<br />
decide for our clients or give<br />
specific advice when it comes<br />
to situati<strong>on</strong>s like this. Rather,<br />
we explore each couple and<br />
advise them to check their<br />
background, lifestyle and/or<br />
reas<strong>on</strong> why they want to<br />
marry each other and if they<br />
can go through those<br />
processes, why not?<br />
“By the time they pay<br />
attenti<strong>on</strong> to those processes,<br />
they might realise that it<br />
might not work for them and<br />
then pull out of it. So, what is<br />
important is to check out<br />
what the couple wants, to be<br />
able to give necessary<br />
guidelines.<br />
“It is very necessary for<br />
any<strong>on</strong>e who is going into<br />
marriage to go for counseling.<br />
Even if there is wide age gap<br />
or narrow age gap, it is better<br />
to go for proper counseling.<br />
“We have g<strong>on</strong>e past the era<br />
of fear of third party<br />
interventi<strong>on</strong> in marriage.<br />
Third party interventi<strong>on</strong> is<br />
sometimes needed but<br />
however should not include<br />
the relatives or friends but<br />
couples in need of this<br />
interventi<strong>on</strong> can meet with<br />
professi<strong>on</strong>al marriage<br />
counselors.<br />
“People should explore the<br />
opportunities before and after<br />
marriage. They should go for<br />
both Pre and Post-marital<br />
counseling. Periodic marital<br />
check-up is important after<br />
marriage to get them going<br />
and ensure that they keep<br />
oiling the grease of their<br />
marriage vehicles. People<br />
often service their cars but<br />
they do not remember to<br />
service their marriages. It is<br />
always good to encourage<br />
couples irrespective of their<br />
age or differences to go for<br />
counseling.<br />
In his resp<strong>on</strong>se, Pastor<br />
Olowoleye Om<strong>on</strong>iyi, a<br />
marriage counselor, at<br />
Foursquare Gospel Church,<br />
Jakande<br />
District<br />
Headquarters, said that, “It is<br />
not a sin if there is a wide<br />
age gap between man and<br />
a woman who want to marry<br />
each other, but noted that<br />
different factors including<br />
attracti<strong>on</strong>, sexual intercourse,<br />
decisi<strong>on</strong> making, goals and<br />
aspirati<strong>on</strong> in life might<br />
militate <strong>again</strong>st such.<br />
According to him, “The law<br />
of the land gives the privilege<br />
as far as you are eighteen<br />
years old to make a decisi<strong>on</strong>.<br />
But, <strong>on</strong>e thing, I have<br />
gathered from experience is<br />
that <strong>on</strong>ce there is a wide age<br />
gap, the man and the women<br />
do not bel<strong>on</strong>g to the same<br />
generati<strong>on</strong>.<br />
“Their reas<strong>on</strong>ing,<br />
attracti<strong>on</strong>s will be different.<br />
The man, if he is too old would<br />
bel<strong>on</strong>g to the analogue age<br />
while the younger women will<br />
be digital age. So, there will<br />
be interest gap and it will<br />
affect the b<strong>on</strong>d in the<br />
marriage.<br />
“Sec<strong>on</strong>dly, they will not be<br />
compatible, even in<br />
interacti<strong>on</strong> because their<br />
worlds are different. Another<br />
thing is that there will be<br />
challenge in sexual<br />
satisfacti<strong>on</strong>. Sexually, ladies<br />
and men are active between<br />
ages 18 and 35, therefore,<br />
both of them might not be<br />
compatible sexually and those<br />
are factors that would cause<br />
problems in the home.<br />
“Attracti<strong>on</strong> is another factor.<br />
If <strong>on</strong>e grows older than the<br />
other, they might not attract<br />
themselves anymore. Their<br />
focus might be different in life.<br />
The man is old and he is slow<br />
in doing things while the lady<br />
might want things to happen<br />
fast. All of these factors might<br />
affect marriage negatively.<br />
“Even the relatives will not<br />
be relating with either of them<br />
very well. Husband and wife<br />
should be able to relate as<br />
friends but when there is<br />
wide age gap, it will be<br />
difficult to relate with each<br />
other as friends”, he said.