13112019 - Protesters storm DSS Hq, want Sowore, Bakare freed

C
M
Y
K
38 — Vanguard, WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 13, 2019
Should I show this video to
his wife?
Dear Bunmi,
I am fed up with my
boyfriend’s unreasonable
behaviour. I knew he was
married when we met and all
I wanted was a fair share of
his time, not marriage.
Instead, all I get are snatched
moments with him; all the
time telling me he had to lie
to his wife to be with me. This
has really pissed me off. He
always tells me he loves me,
but I suspect he tells me that
My 'lost' father wants to be part
of my wedding
Dear Bunmi,
My mother and I returned
to Nigeria when I was five,
after a bitter divorce. My dad
remained abroad and we
rarely heard from him. Mum
later met and married another
man who raised me and my
brother as his own. We have
two half siblings.
Growing up, I always
dreamt of this society
wedding I often read about in
the soft sell. Late last year, my
boyfriend of four years
proposed to me and we’ve
planned a December
wedding. My parents have
offered to pay for part of the
wedding, but as none of us
has much money in savings,
we had settled for a small
wedding and reception.
Then out of the blues, my
real father got in touch. He
said he’d heard I was getting
married and wanted to help.
He’s offered to pay for the
whole wedding, and said
money was no problem. I
talked to my mum, who said
we could accept the offer if we
wanted to. My fiance and I
don’t know what to do. The
money would certainly give
us the wedding of our
so as to get me into bed.
Unknown to him, I once
used my phone to record us
having sex. If I forward this
to his wife, she probably
would end the marriage. This
way, he would have more time
for me, or what do you think?
Anna, by e-mail.
Dear Anna,
Even if your man’s wife ends
her marriage because of this
nasty video of yours, it doesn’t
mean he’s going to come
running to you. He is likely
to be so angry that he could
end your relationship.
Besides, wives seldom pack
their bags these days just
because of an affair. They
prefer to give their marriage
all the chances it deserves.
If your lover were to leave
his wife, he would have done
that without your help. So,
the chances are he is only
interested in you as a bit on
the side.
Seriously though, why
would you want to be with a
man who lies and deceives
his wife? He could easily lie
and deceive you too. Don’t
waste any more time on him.
Instead, look for a decent man
to share your life with.
Your real father has played no
part in your upbringing. Why
should he be given the chance to
steal all the glory? The best
weddings are the ones where the
bride and groom are so filled
with love that it is infections.
Your mum and step dad are the
ones who have been there for
you throughout your life, not
your dad.
Would she return to her ex-husband?
Dear Bunmi,
I met my current girlfriend
three years ago, after she’d
been let down by her exhusband.
She said he told her that
their marriage was a mistake,
and just took off. For two years
she didn’t even know where
he was. Now he’s shown up
again. Since then, she’s been
distant and less keen on our
relationship.
A few nights ago, she went
out and came home at 3a.m.
She said she was with friends,
but I’m sure she was with
dreams, but I know that my
mum and stepfather would be
hurt. Do you think I should
take the money?
Anita, by e-mail.
Dear Anita,
Any dark clouds on the day
you get married should be
avoided. Your real father has
played no part in your
upbringing. Why should he
be given the chance to steal
all the glory and have
everyone thanking him for a
great party? The best
weddings are often not in
posh event-centres with fancy
food and free booze. They’re
the ones where the bride and
him. Does our relationship
stand a chance? I’m really
upset by this development.
Michael, by e-mail.
Dear Michael,
It is often very difficult to get
over your first love and, right
now, your girlfriend is
confused. Her behaviour
might look suspicious but you
need to trust her. Give her
space, but let her know you’re
willing to listen whenever she
feels like talking. If she keeps
on giving you the cold
shoulder, try initiating the talk
groom are so filled with love
that it is infections.
You’ve already had a word
with your mum and drawn the
conclusion that she would be
unhappy if you went for the
money. Your mum and step
dad are the ones who have
been there for you throughout
your life, not your dad. Have
the small wedding you’ve
planned, with the people you
love around you.
If your real dad has money
to throw around, let him know
it wouldn’t be used for the
wedding. That way, he might
stay back and not steal your
step dad’s 'thunder' on your
wedding day.
and let her know you
understand why she’s
confused.
Just bear in mind that no
matter how much you hate
this man, you should try to
avoid being too critical or
angry with him, or your
girlfriend won’t feel she can
open up to you. The man
broke her heart once and left
her in the lurch. Trusting that
kind of man again takes a lot
of courage. Be patient and,
with time, your girl might get
over her confusion.
I need to get my boobs
back in shape
Dear Bunmi,
I am 28, and just had my
first child. To my horror, I
discovered my boobs have
sagged since I gave birth.
My husband has even
noticed this and I am
desperate to get them back in
shape.
Is there anything I can do,
or should I consider plastic
surgery?
Franka, by e-mail.
Dear Franka,
Breasts are fat and milk
producing gland tissues.
They are held up by ligaments
that stretch as your breasts
grow during pregnancy. They
rarely return to their previous
sizes, afterwards. Exercise,
such as swimming, can help.
You will do well to invest in
some confidence-boosting
bras. Plastic surgery is a bit
drastic and very expensive.
Also, there is no guarantee
that in a few years you might
not need another.
My girl is a chain-smoker!
Dear Bunmi,
My girlfriend of two years
smokes like the proverbial
chimney. She was a smoker
when I met her, a habit she
picked up abroad when she
was a student. I hate her
smoking, as I’ve never
touched the stuff. Not only
does the smell put me off,
she’s so addicted that it
interferes with our
relationship.
Immediately sex is over, she
lights up instead of cuddling
up to me. Even when we’re
relaxing in front of the telly,
she’s always getting up to go
outside and smoke. As a
result, we seldom snuggle up
to each other on the sofa.
Apart from this irritation, I
also worry about her health.
She’s the type of girl I would
like to get married to, but I
don’t want to spend my life
surrounded by smoke, or
marry someone who's likely to
get sick from too much
smoking. I’ve asked her to
stop, but she won’t. She.
instead, reminds me that she
was a smoker when we met.
Anything else I can do?
Goriola, by e-mail.
Dear Goriola,
When you asked her to stop,
how did you put it? There’s
an enormous difference
between being really
concerned and being irritated.
Telling her how much you
hate smoking is just going to
make her stressed which, in
turn, will make her want to
smoke even more. If, however,
you sat down with her and
said you want to spend the
rest of your life with her, but
desperately worried about her
health, you might get through
to her.
A lot of smokers are aware
it’s bad for them and
repulsive to those around
them. They would really love
to stop smoking, but are
caught up in a powerful
addiction and feel powerless
to even try.
Let her be aware of the
practical things she can do to
make giving up the habit less
scary than she thinks. Some
reputable chemists have very
effective drugs to suppress
the urge to smoke, amongst
which are nicotine
replacement aids like patches.
You need to work with your
partner to beat this habit.
Giving her encouragement for
cutting down or quitting,
rather than grieve when or if
she fails...you may gef
somewhere.
Very few smokers are more
committed to the cigarettes
than someone they love
dearly. So, if you’re patient
and work together towards a
quitting plan she’s
comfortable with, she may
give up smoking altogether.
Shouldn’t my siblings
do more for our parents?
Dear Bunmi,
I am the eldest of three
children, with a brother and
a much younger sister. Our
parents are in their early 70’s
and it seems whenever they
need something sorted out in
their homes, whether it is
health scare or a faulty
electricity connection,
everyone assumes I should do
it, even though I have young
children of my own, and both
my siblings live closer to our
parents than I do.
Even at landmark birthdays,
I’m expected to play the
leading role. How can I get
them to take more
responsibility?
Adesuwa, by e-mail.
Dear Adesuwa,
Traditionally, the eldest child
is often expected to look after
everyone else. Your siblings
might not necessarily be
selfish and demanding.
You’re all obviously falling
into patterns and expectations
set by the past. Your brother
probably got away with not
doing his share because he’s
male and, maybe, it’s now up
to you to change things.
Tell your parents and your
siblings that, from now on,
your own family’s needs come
first. The calmer and more
straight forward you are, the
more likely it is that your
decision will be accepted
without a fuss, once they get
used to the idea.
Share your problems and release
your burden. Write now to
Dear Bunmi,
Vanguard Newspapers,
P.M.B 1007, Apapa, Lagos, or
bunmsof@yahoo.co.uk