12012020 - Northern youths disown critics of Amotekun S/W security outfit

PAGE 20 — SUNDAY Vanguard, JANUARY 12, 2020
Does your foreplay turn your wife off?
Ike was feeling damned
pleased with himself. As he
parked the car, he whistled
a cheerful tune, gathered the
‘treat’ he’d bought for his family
and trotted to his flat. Amidst
squeals of welcome from his kids,
he dolled out his presents, meat
pies and doughnuts for the kids,
a peppered quarter chicken for
his wife, Remi, and of course, the
same piece of chicken for himself
too. Remi sighed. She knew what
would follow. She would be expected
to fry chips to go along
with the ‘treats’so that she would
spend less time on the family dinner.
Her husband would then
wash his chicken and chips down
with a big bottle of stout and she
would be expected to do the same
with a small stout of her own.
The next stage would be the
bedroom. Naturally, Ike would
have had a shower and as soon
as Remi got into bed he would
pounce on her. “It is nice to feel
wanted by your husnand but sex
should not be a routine,”Remi
sighed. “Ike would deftly put out
the light, reach for my nipples and
kneed them in turn and expect
me to be instantly aroused. But it
is always irritating. I hate my nipples
to be twiddled and if my
husband wants sex, I want to be
flattered by being asked.
“On days when I’m not in the
mood and I tell him so, he looks
so wounded that I feel guilty. Unfortunately,
I seldom initiate sex.
When I do, it is the same hasty
preamble before he goes into the
real thing. After doing it the predictable
way all these years, sex
with my husband has become a
necessary evil. I have to grimace
and bear it.”
Unfortunately, a lot of men believe
that as long as you can make
a go of love-making for sway 10
to 15 minutes non-stop, you are
a super stud. Recounting a recent
experience when he met a married
legal practitioner, at a conference,
Bernard, another lawyer
who delivered a paper said.
“Don’t let me bore you with details.
The chemistry when we met,
was right and we both found ourselves
in bed in her hotel room
on her own turf so to speak. She
was the most liberated woman I’d
ever seen. I switched off the bed
side light so that only the TV light
was on and we made what I
thought was beautiful love.”
“You make love beautifully,”she
said and I glowed only for her to
crash my ego by adding “for yourself.
Now make love for me. “I
looked at her a bit puzzled. “You
did not say a word about how beautiful
you thought my body was or
how tantalising you found parts of
my body. Do you read the Bible
often? You’ve read the Songs of
Solomon and the bit about ‘How
beautiful are thy breasts, like twin
doves?”If a man could be as romantic
as that all those centuries
back, then why are you making
love mechanically? Is that how you
make love to your wife?” ”Leave
my wife out of this,”I spat at her. I
was enraged. But she assured me
she meant no harm. She was happily
married to a sexually adventurous
man but their works kept
them apart for long periods and
she was sure her husband too took
his pleasures wherever he could
find them. “And he doesn’t mind
the possibility of your sleeping
around, “ I was a bit curious but
she flarred up: ‘So it is alright for
him and not for me?
“That’s what all husbands want
to believe. Even so, I act with discretion
and I have never endangered
his good name. In public, I
am a loving and devoted wife.
Take the two of us as being together
now, for instance. It is no
more than a diversion as far as I
am concerned. You live in Lagos,
I am based in Benin, we
might never meet again. So
you’d better make the most of
this opportunity so you could go
back to your wife and show her
what real love-making is all
about. I mean if your performance
now is what you’d been offering
her all your married life,
I bet she must be feeling sexually
frustrated by now.”
“I was far from feeling humiliated.
I wanted to learn if she was
willing to teach me. For the remaining
days of the conference,
we were almost inseparable.
Every time we tried anything
new, I would think how my wife
would feel if I tried it on her. The
last night of the conference, on
our way to the end of conference
banquet, she dragged me to one
of the hotel shops and asked me
to buy a present for my wife. I
looked around the shop, lost.
The items were ridiculously expensive,
I made to pick a nice
looking inexpensive scarf but she
steered me away from that and
picked a bottle of perfume that cost
over N10,000. I looked alarmed
but she said I should trust her, it
would be worth it. Women like to
be surprised by very feminine
gifts. Our last night was a memorable
experience and as she left
my room, she said I shouldn’t
bother to see her in the morning
as her husband would be sending
a driver. So that was it. But
she was worth my meeting her.
To me, it was an honour.
“My wife’s eyes nearly dropped
off when I gave her the present
when I got back home. She
thanked me with my favourite
meal and when we got to the bedroom,
I didn’t switch off the lights
or anything of the sort. Of course,
I wasn’t as crazy as to put her
through all the things I had learnt
about sex from my trip, but over
the next few weeks I did. In the
end, she told me she was sure I
had a bit on the side when I went
away for the conference but that
she didn’t mind. It was a small
price to pay for the sexual pleasures
we now enjoy. A small miracle
don’t you think? What married
couples should realize, however,
is that erotic life of people
who have been married for years
is bound to be a bit humdrum.
“After all,” said a “happily married”
lady, “it’s been sealed off
from outside influence for too
long.”
Sometimes it seems to me that
a long-standing sexual relationship
becomes like a diplomatic
treaty between two hostile countries,
the boundaries get frought
over and marked out – no French
kissing in the morning, no nudity
except in semi-darkness, no
excessive fondling of breasts and
once these terms have been laid
down, it’s impossible to renegotiate
them. At least, not without a
violent struggle. Happily, a lot of
couples make the effort of bringing
romance back to their marriage,
an almost impossible feat
after the trauma of raising kids
and holding down jobs. But if you
don’t make time for love, come
retirement age when you finally
have time, the magic would have
been gone.
Love Conquers All?!
(Humour)
One cold evening, an elderly
couple wander into a fast-food restaurant.
As the young families
look on, the old gent walks up to
the counter, orders a meal and
then pays. Taking a seat next to
his wife, he slowly unwraps the
plain burger and cuts it into two
– placing one half in front of his
beloved. Then he carefully divides
the fries into two piles – one
for him, one for her. As the man
takes a few bites of hamburger,
the crowd began to get restless –
this is obviously a couple who’ve
been together for decades, and
all they can afford is a single
meal.
Eventually, a young on-looker
walks over and offers to buy another
meal.’’ We’re just fine,
thanks’’ says the pensioenr. ‘’ After
50 years, we’re used to sharing
everything.’’ Then the young
man notices that the little old lady
hasn’t eaten a bite of her portion.
Instead, while her husband wolfs
down his half, she sits and occasionally
sips the drink. ‘’Ma’am,’’
says the young chap,. ‘’Why
aren’t you eating? Your husband
says you share everything. What
are you waiting for?’’ Over hornrimmed
glasses, she looks back
at him. ‘’ The teeth,’’ she says.
Y
OUR column to express your loving
thoughts in words to your
sweetheart. Don’t be shy. Let it flow
and let him or her know how dearly you feel.
Write now in not more than 75 words to: The
Editor, Sunday Vanguard, P.M.B. 1007,
Apapa, Lagos. E.mail:
sundaylovenotes@yahoo.com Please mark
your envelope: “LOVE NOTES"
Butterflies
He assaults my senses all day long,
Sometimes i feel like I'm insane,
I can no longer keep control of me,
My restless soul can no longer keep
calm,
My nervous heart is almost breaking
down,
Feelings for you summersaults in me all
day long,
My body longs for your touch,
I no longer feel like myself,
I'm screaming in my head i Want out,
I want control of myself,
I want out from these crazy feelings,
I want out from these crazy feelings of
you.
Omokeni Gold
mizjin.samson@gmail.com
Resolutions
I wonder if time moves like you move
I move in you and see all days and seasons
How young and old and same I have become
Many pleasant times in depressing times
In incontinences, in memories, in nostalgia…
I live through you till I go to my sober place
And I will meet you again and again
In the same day and season and time
What has changed? What have I become?
Kingsley Alumona
kingsley.alumona@yahoo.com