Jan 23, 2020 When I Became Free

When I Became Free
You Matter!
“Leading the way with weekly news and information
empowering survivors of abuse!“
VOL 1, NO. 13 THURSDAY, JANUARY 23, 2020
Woman to Woman
You Can’t Do It Alone
Page 3
When I didn’t give up is
#WhenIBecameFree
I Remember
Child Sexual Assault
Starting on Page 4

Page 2 When I Became Free January 23, 2020
When I Became Free
Published online each Thursday (sometimes Friday )and delivered
via email to sponsors, When I Became Free is an independent freelance
project/publication with a mission to bring awareness to issues
around abuse (child abuse, domestic violence, and sexual assault).
The goal of the project is to be a vehicle of inspiration and empowerment
for survivors. Sponsors of this publication help to support
services, support groups, and workshops freely provided to survivors
of abuse. All of our freelance writers are survivors of abuse.
The When I Became Free Project
was created and is managed by:
Eva Marie Woywod
Freelance Writers:
Kelli Bungert
Mechelle Cichy
Savannah May
Proofing:
April Fichthorn
Bethany Fichthorn
Gabriel Brown
Kyle Roberts
Phone Number 901 949-2226
Email: WhenIBecameFree@gmail.com
Website: whenibecamefree.com
ISELA MAURICIO-SANCHEZ
27-YEARS OLD
Advertising: advertising helps the When I Became Free Project to
provide free workshops, support groups and more to survivors of
abuse on their healing journey.
According to news reports an arrest warrant for
first-degree murder was issued for the father of a
boy who is the subject of an Amber Alert (see
below).
Three-year-old Osiel Ernesto Rico is believed to
with Jorge Rico-Ruvira.
Osiel’s mother, Isela Mauricio-Sanchez, was
found dead at her home in Roswell.
Police reported, Rico-Ruvira was arrested in October
for battery on a household member. Law enforcement
have stated that he choked Isela while she
was in her bed with her child.
“We believe there is a strong possibility he left
the state,” said Roswell police spokesperson Todd
Wildermuth. “Because of that potentially crossing
state lines, we have the assistance of the FBI also."
Anyone with information about the case is encouraged
to call authorities at 1-800-457-3463 or
dial 911.
At the time When I Became Free Weekly News
published our digital paper, the father and child
were still missing.
Amber Alert Issued After
Mother Found Dead

January 23, 2020 WHEN I BECAME FREE Page 3
Woman to Woman
You Can’t Do It Alone
MECHELLE CICHY
THEWRITEEMPATH@GMAIL.COM
People! Who needs them? Right? They can be nosy,
overbearing, bossy, inconsiderate,
rude and downright
hateful. People can pass
judgment on us for minuscule
infractions we may not
even be aware of. Sometimes
they can be impatient
despite the fact we are doing
the best we can. People are
backstabbers, liars, abusers
and psychopaths.
However, humans are social
animals and as such, we
need our people. We are not
meant to be alone. But, after
suffering from abuse, survivors
have a difficult time
feeling comfortable around
other people, no matter who
they may be.
First of all, there are trust
issues. They once trusted the
abuser to love and care for them. That trust was disrespected
and stomped on over and over again. How can they
trust someone else not to repeat the same bad behavior?
Whether it was a parent, a lover, a coach or a member of the
clergy, or someone else, the victim trusted that he or she
was safe in their care.
Then there are the self-esteem issues. Survivors of abuse
have a horribly low sense of self-esteem thanks to the
abuser. In order to keep the victims in line, it's necessary to
break their spirit and sense of self. Leaving the abuser behind
does not automatically restore that self-esteem. It
takes years of conscious hard work to bring back a healthy
love of self.
It's tempting to try to live independently of anyone. How
many of us have thought we would love to live on our own
deserted island with supplies mysteriously dropped during
our sleeping hours so we never have to see another person
again? No more traffic jams during rush hour. Rude salesclerks
after a hard day's work? Nope! No keyboard warriors
to ruin our quiet time online.
The fantasy sounds wonderful when people are annoying
and rude. However, we seldom think so much of that
dream at night when the curtains are closed, the bed is
empty and supper is a microwave meal because it's too
much trouble to cook for one. We are alone with our
thoughts and insecurities.
As I mentioned earlier, we were not meant to live in
solitude. As much as other humans drive us insane, we need
them sometimes. As survivors, we probably need them
more than other people do.
Survivors need a support system. We would love to be
able to heal on our own without help from anyone else. It
would eliminate the issues we have with trusting others.
But, our brains have been incorrectly programmed by the
abuse we suffered.
Our emotions, memory, thinking and sense of self have
all taken hits. We have a bad baseline to build on.
You might liken building a new life and new self to a carpenter
building a house. If the ground he builds on is unstable
or uneven, the house will ultimately collapse. The
same happens if you try to rebuild your life with the faulty
thought processes the abuse programmed into the brain.
Unhealthy coping mechanisms such as substance addictions
or self-harm are hardly the things to build a new life
upon.
Survivors are plagued with self-doubt and criticism
which hinders the confidence needed to make necessary
changes to rebuild. “I'm not good enough” and “I can't do
that” come from the abuse programming. Without the support
of other caring individuals, it's difficult to impossible
for the survivor to push through the fear to find success. A
woman I know is a good example of this. She had seldom
driven a car for any distance, or in a larger city. If she wasn't
being made to tag along with her husband, there was always
someone else who could and would drive her where
she needed to go. After leaving her abuser, she had to make
weekly trips to a city quite a distance away.
The initial fear was almost debilitating. After she successfully
made the trip herself a couple times, the fear was
gone and she had gained a new level of confidence. But, it
took not a little prodding from those of us who were her
support people to convince her she could do it.
Some of the things abusers tell their victims is that they
are worthless or stupid or ugly, or incompetent. Being told
this over and over rewires the brain into believing it's true.
To reverse the programming, it may take someone else saying
over and over “you are good enough”, “you are worthy”,
“you can do it”, “I have confidence in you” and
whatever else counteracts the hateful things that had been
said.
While it's understandable for survivors to be afraid to
ever trust another person again, it's imperative that they do
for their support system. However, it's also important that
they find someone who is worthy of their trust, or they may
fall for the same abuse from a different abuser. Where they
find the trustworthy people may depend upon their life situation.
Most abuse organizations have advocates who can work
with survivors. A therapist may suggest a few local organizations
from the area. Online support groups exist as well.
In fact, I am one of the moderators of a Facebook group
dedicated to helping victims and survivors of abuse. You
can find it by searching for “When I Became Free Support
Group”. Someone is usually always available for support,
help or to just listen.
So, as much as we might wish sometimes for everyone
else on the planet to disappear, there are times when we
need them around. If we want to heal, we can't do it alone.

Page 4 When I Became Free January 23, 2020
BY EVA MARIE WOYWOD
WHENIBECAMEFREE@GMAIL.COM
"Shhh...Be a good little girl, don't tell."
"If you tell, you will be punished, they will not believe you."
"I will kill your family if you tell."
That is what I remember.
I remember their hands on my young skin.
I remember time standing still.
I remember holding my breath, being frozen in place.
I remember being sexually assaulted at the age of 5, at the age of 8, at the age of 9, at the
age of 13...maybe I was 14, and then also as an adult.
I remember each one of my predators.
I remember holding on to the secrets so tightly that my entire being became those secrets I
was hiding, I lost touch with myself.
I remember wanting to die, many times over.
I remember fearing what people would think of me if they knew my truths.
I remember not even knowing how to start telling those secrets.
I remember telling my cat about my secrets.
I remember after attempting suicide as a teen and telling my mother about some of those
secrets, how she rejected me and told me never to talk about them again - it was disgusting.
I remember how that rejection felt like a kick to my soul and feeling like I was falling off a
cliff.
I remember the nightmares I have had over the years, running away from a dark figure
chasing me.
I remember the panic attacks, the PTSD I have being triggered by simple things, like the
smell of alcohol on someone's breath or having my mouth covered.
I remember so many small details like the rain falling outside, the odor of the wet leather
jacket sitting next to the couch when I was being molested. I remember crawling down a hallway
and hiding in a closet until one of my predators stopped knocking on the back door to our
apartment. He knew I was home alone. I was 8-years old. He was an adult, a veteran who just
years before came home from the Vietnam War.
I remember that right before one of the attacks from yet another predator, that I had just
purchased an old Elvis Presley album from a thrift store and the week after the that Elvis died.
I remember little things from all of the assaults: like the crack in the ceiling, the sound of
a fan, the foyer to the apartment building and the dust in the corners and under the mailboxes.
I remember that after each attack I felt emptier than before - each one taking more and more
from me.
I remember the night I finally wrote out my truths and started sharing them on a blog I
publish that I was terrified of what the world would think of me but at the same time I started
knowing what the feeling of freedom actually felt like. I remember when I first spoke up and
out and how that is #WhenIBecameFree. That was when I finally started realizing that the little
girl I once thought was lost forever, was always within me. She was never lost.
Little girl -please don't worry.. don't you cry
Your heart on that night it didn't die
Little girl- please don't worry, don't you cry
One day dreams will soar...and above this you will fly
THE COMFORT OF A CHILD'S IMAGINATION
When I was a little girl nightmares would invade my sleep. In them I was always being
chased by men in a black car. I would run into a building, dash up the stairs and they would
follow. I could never make out their faces, they were just shapes. Somehow I would dodge
them once on the top floor - on the landing, and then I would descend down the stairs but I wasn't
running, I was floating as I dove down the flight.
It seemed like the nightmare would replay itself over and over until I woke up shivering
in fear and trembling with exhaustion. Waking up I would need to catch my breath. For as long
as I can remember this nightmare reoccurred throughout my childhood, and even at times when
I turned into an adult woman.
I learned at a very young age how to avoid sleep. A reaction that turned into a habit which
also followed me into adulthood. Anyone who knows me well knows that when I am feeling
overwhelmed and stressed I will be up during the wee hours of the night attempting to keep my
mind busy with whatever it is I can find.
When I was a child I did this by creating stories in my head. Ones that allowed me an escape
from the pain I really didn't understand that I was experiencing.
My favorite "go to" story was about the toy chest that could be found in my closet. At the
time we lived in an old Victorian era building - on the top floor was our apartment. Truly it was
an elegant apartment. Three bedrooms and two bathrooms, floor to ceiling windows and a hallway
that seemed to go on forever. That third bedroom was actually at one time in its history
considered the maid's quarters. It was just off the kitchen and for the most part separated from
the rest of the apartment. The closet inside it was a small walk-in. That room was all mine.
I would lay in my bed with my eyes clenched shut, blankets over my head. My cocoon
of safety from the darkness shrouding my room. That is when I would take comfort in my
story. The one where once inside the closet I would close the door after turning on the light. I
then would open that old toy chest and crawl in as I moved aside my dolls and stuffed animals
to reveal a secret passage, a door at the bottom of the chest.
Upon lifting open the door a staircase would come to view and at the bottom was a store,
a toy store filled with all my favorite and most wanted items. My Siamese cat, Kelly, would
always be with me. He protected me, and knew all my secrets. The only living soul other than
myself and those who had harmed me, who did. Kelly was good at keeping secrets.
There I would stay, in that toy store of my imagination. Sometimes the toys would come
to life just like on the Island of Misfit Toys in Rudolf the Red Nosed Reindeer. Still to this day
when I see the movie I think back to those nights and my special story.
As the story played out in my head I would drift off to sleep and if my nightmare woke
me up, I would start the story all over again. Little did I know then I was coping - kicking in a
survival mechanism. Nor did I realize I was being creative - all that I knew was that it was what
I needed to do to get through the night.
It would take years and some counseling before I realized those nightmares I had were because
as a child I was overwhelmed with fear and confusion. The Boogeyman did not live in
my house but he did live next door, in the apartment next to us - and another one lived with
someone I was close with.
As twisted as it may sound to some - in a way I am thankful that as a child I was basically
forced to use my imagination and be as creative as possible to find comfort. When I was a teen
my form of expressive creativity turned to writing and poetry - as I went through my journey
of healing I relied heavily on my ability to express myself through writing. Being creative
while under pressure has been the one tool that has kept a roof over my children's head, and
food on that table as I juggle life as a single mom and survivor of domestic violence.
Continued on the following page

January 23, 2020 WHEN I BECAME FREE Page 5
CONTINUED FROM PREVIOUS PAGE
The words I shared with you on the previous page are the words I wrote along my healing
journey and have been published to my blog, Thankfully Chewed Up and Spat Back
Out. They convey snippets of my past, when I was a victim. A young child trying to attempt
to make sense out of world that was confusing and scary.
Buried in those words are the signs that I was a child who had experienced sexual assault.
Signs that my loved ones, my parents and other adults around me missed. They
missed those signs because, in my case, this all took place in a generation where we buried
our heads - society was not working to bring awareness to issues of trauma and abuse.
Children were to be seen, not heard.
I am thankful that in today’s society people like me are now able to share our experiences
to a wide audience in an attempt to bring awareness so that no other child ever has
to know nor carry the pain of child abuse and child sexual assault.
Let’s take a look at the signs buried within my words - I went from a happy carefree
child to being careful not to bring attention to myself, I withdrew. I became hypersensitive
to my surroundings. I had nightmares and I attempted suicide at an age so young
where I should have only known to how live.
There are others aspects of my childhood I haven’t shared here but they would have
shown that I was an ill child, always getting sick. Low self esteem started taking over my
emotions and my thoughts.
Granted, all of these signs could have painted the picture of something else, but in the
end, they all showed that I was a child who needed attention beyond a passing glance.
When I finally told my mother what had happened to me, she recoiled and placed more
worries and shame on my shoulders. I was only 14-years old and already wishing I could
disappear. After that days she never brought the topic up again - I would be an adult before
I revisited it with her.
Now as a parent I cannot imagine what it would be like to hear such horrors from my
child and thankfully, I never have had to absorb such a nightmare. For the parents who do,
I want you to know your reaction to your child’s truth can make or break when and how
their healing journey will begin. That is a heavy responsibility, however, at the same time
if you take a deep breath and reach out for the right help, you will be providing a safety
net for the life you created. There is help. It will not erase the harm but it will save unneeded
additional trauma.
To set the stage for your child to feel comfortable coming to you it should begin as early
as possible. The following comes from the advocacy group RAIIN:
Be involved in the child’s life.
Being actively involved in a child’s life can make warning signs of child sexual abuse
more obvious and help the child feel more comfortable coming to you if something isn’t
right. If you see or hear something that causes concern, you can take action to protect your
child.
Show interest in their day-to-day lives. Ask them what they did during the day and who
they did it with. Who did they sit with at lunchtime? What games did they play after
school? Did they enjoy themselves?
Get to know the people in your child’s life. Know who your child is spending time with,
including other children and adults. Ask your child about the kids they go to school with,
the parents of their friends, and other people they may encounter, such as teammates or
coaches. Talk about these people openly and ask questions so that your child can feel comfortable
doing the same.
Choose caregivers carefully. Whether it’s a babysitter, a new school, or an afterschool
activity, be diligent about screening caregivers for your child.
Talk about the media. Incidents of sexual violence are frequently covered by the news
and portrayed in television shows. Ask your child questions about this coverage to start a
conversation. Questions like, “Have you ever heard of this happening before?” or “What
would you do if you were in this situation?” can signal to your child that these are important
issues that they can talk about with you. Learn more about talking to your kids
about sexual assault.
Know the warning signs. Become familiar with the warning signs of child sexual
abuse, and notice any changes with your child, no matter how small. Whether it’s happening
to your child or a child you know, you have the potential to make a big difference
in that person’s life by stepping in.
Encourage children to speak up.
When someone knows that their voice will be heard and taken seriously, it gives them
the courage to speak up when something isn’t right. You can start having these conversations
with your children as soon as they begin using words to talk about feelings or emotions.
Don’t worry if you haven't started conversations around these topics with your
child—it is never too late.
Teach your child about boundaries. Let your child know that no one has the right to
touch them or make them feel uncomfortable — this includes hugs from grandparents or
even tickling from mom or dad. It is important to let your child know that their body is their
own. Just as importantly, remind your child that they do not have the right to touch someone
else if that person does not want to be touched.
Teach your child how to talk about their bodies. From an early age, teach your child
the names of their body parts. Teaching a child these words gives them the ability to come
to you when something is wrong. Learn more about talking to children about sexual assault.
Be available. Set time aside to spend with your child where they have your undivided
attention. Let your child know that they can come to you if they have questions or if someone
is talking to them in a way that makes them feel uncomfortable. If they do come to
you with questions or concerns, follow through on your word and make the time to talk.
Let them know they won’t get in trouble. Many perpetrators use secret-keeping or
threats as a way of keeping children quiet about abuse. Remind your child frequently that
they will not get in trouble for talking to you, no matter what they need to say. When they
do come to you, follow through on this promise and avoid punishing them for speaking
up.
Give them the chance to raise new topics. Sometimes asking direct questions like, “Did
you have fun?” and “Was it a good time?” won’t give you the answers you need. Give your
child a chance to bring up their own concerns or ideas by asking open-ended questions like
“Is there anything else you wanted to talk about?”
As for evaluating caregivers, be diligent. It’s not always easy to trust another person
to look after a loved one. Elder and child abuse is far too common, and choosing a caregiver
can seem a little overwhelming. There are steps you can take to evaluate caregivers,
such as babysitters or nursing homes, to reduce the risk of something happening to your
loved one.
Individual caregivers
There are many situations in which you might want to leave a loved one in the care of
an individual person such as a nanny, tutor, or senior in-home caregiver. Consider the following
tips to choose someone who will care for your loved one safely.
Contact multiple references that can vouch for the caregiver. Ask questions about their
character, past performance, and interactions with their charges as well as other peers or
colleagues.
Are they willing to submit to a background check? If they say no, it’s worth reconsidering
their services. Due to the low rates of reporting and prosecution of sexual violence,
background checks are not 100 percent effective, but they can be a valuable tool in screening
caregivers.
Run a search on the National Sex Offender Public Website (NSOPW), a national resource
that pulls data from state, territory, and tribal sex offender registries. You can search
by name and region. You can perform your own cursory background check by researching
public records–including legal records–and anything the person might have posted
publicly online and via social media.
Drop in unexpectedly. Visit your loved one from time to time without announcing your
visit in advanced. This will give you a realistic sense for the standard of care the caregiver
is providing..
Centers, agencies, and organizations
You might be considering a daycare center, an assisted living center, or a similar organization
to provide care for your loved one. Take into consideration the following tips
when determining who may provide the best care.
Is the service provider licensed in the local jurisdiction? Most cities, counties, and/or
states have regulations regarding qualifications for service providers that care for children
or the elderly. Check with your local city or county to find a list of all certified care
providers and ensure the service provider you are considering is on that list.
What vetting and training is involved in the staff hiring process? Depending on the organization
and type of service offered, employees may have to earn a certain degree, uphold
certain certifications, or undergo training. Ask about these requirements and compare
them across different organizations and against any county or state regulations that may
apply. Ask about ongoing training for staff. What training is involved for noticing and responding
to signs of abuse? How often is this information tested or reviewed?
What is the management system like? How does the organization oversee staff and monitor
its employees? Find out more about how caregivers are monitored or evaluated. How
often does this happen? What is the policy for poor performance or failure to follow rules?
Ask about turnover rates for caregivers. A high turnover rate could indicate signs of
poor management and make for a less stable environment. Ask about the caregiver-tocharge
ratio, or how many people the caregiver will be supervising. Does it seem like the
caregiver will be able to provide adequate attention to your loved one?
What is your general impression of the facilities? Are the facilities well-kept and clean?
Are proper safety measures in place such as windows on classroom doors? Is there a
security process in place to ensure only approved staff have contact with children/adults
and all children/adults are accounted for at all times?
To speak with someone who is trained to help, call the National Sexual Assault Hotline
at 800.656.HOPE (4673) or chat online at online.rainn.org.
If your child has been sexually assaulted
If you find out or suspect that your child has been sexually abused by a family member,
it can take a toll on you as a parent. It’s important to find a way to manage your feelings,
so you can focus on creating a safe environment for your child that is free from harm,
judgment, and blame. It is imperative that when your child discloses to you, you continue
to repeat the following messages through both your words and your actions:
I love you.
What happened is not your fault.
I will do everything I can to keep you safe.
How am I supposed to react?
There is no “right” reaction to hearing that your child has been abused. You may experience
a wide range of reactions and feelings that may impact different aspects of your life.
Some common reactions from parents include:
—Anger. You may feel angry at the abuser for hurting your child or even frustrated with
your child for not telling you. It’s also possible to feel angry at your child for disclosing
the abuse. It’s not easy news to hear, but it’s important to remember it is not your child’s
fault.
—Anxiety. You might be anxious about responding in the “right” way to your child or
navigating the other relationships in your life, especially if you have a relationship with
the abuser.
—Fear. Depending on your family circumstances, you may be afraid that the abuser will
find a way to harm your child again or be concerned about taking care of your family on
your own.
—Sadness. You may feel sad for your child, for your family, or for yourself. When a child
discloses sexual abuse, it will cause changes in your life. It’s OK to be upset over the
changes in your life that may result from this disclosure.
—Shock. If you had no idea that the harm was occurring, you may be very surprised to
hear what has happened.
It is important to keep in mind that there is no one “right” reaction, and that all reactions
and responses are normal. Having both you and your child talk to a professional about
these thoughts and feelings can help sort through these issues. Professional support can
also result in healthier long- and short-term results for both you and your child.
How do I manage these feelings?
Your child is counting on you for support. In order to put your child’s safety first, it’s
important to take care of yourself. That means finding a way to work through your feelings
and reactions to the abuse that doesn’t interfere with your child’s welfare. It may not
be easy, but with the right support it is possible.
Consider talking to a counselor one-on-one. Individual counseling gives you the chance
to focus entirely on you and your concerns, without needing to worry about how your
child will react to those thoughts.
Develop your support system. It might be family and friends you trust, or it might be
a support group that you didn’t have a connection with before.
Set limits. Dealing with these emotions can be time- consuming and draining. Set aside
time for activities that don’t revolve around the abuse. Practice self-care to keep your mind
and body in healthy shape.
What if the perpetrator is part of my family?
Finding out that your child was hurt by someone you know and trust can present some additional
challenges as a parent. You may be faced with a range of emotions specific to this
situation that others can’t relate to. No one has the right to invalidate the way you feel, but
it’s important to find a way to manage these emotions in order to prioritize the safety of
your child. Some experiences of non-offending parents may include:
—Anger towards the child for disrupting your family, especially if the perpetrator is your
partner
—Anger towards the perpetrator for hurting your child and betraying your trust
—Guilt that you didn’t know the abuse was occurring or for still having feelings for the
person who hurt your child
If it the person who harmed your child was another one of your children, you may feel conflicted
about how to provide support to the child who was harmed while still trying to protect
your other child.
Losing faith in your judgement or abilities as a parent
Practical fears about finances and day-to-day life that may change when the family member
who caused harm is removed from the family circle.
Continued on Next Page

Page 6 When I Became Free January 23, 2020
Continued from previous page.
What can I expect from my child?
The effects of sexual assault and abuse vary from person to person. The process of healing
from sexual abuse can take a long time, and it’s understandable to feel frustrated as a parent. Survivors
of child sexual abuse can react in a wide variety of ways. Some of these reactions could
cause you discomfort or take you by surprise.
—Being angry at you for not protecting them
—Being angry at you for removing the perpetrator from the home—
—Confiding in someone who isn’t you
—Not talking about it at all
—Talking about the abuse all the time
Howcan I report the abuse?
If your child is in danger, don’t hesitate to call 911. You can also call the National Sexual Assault
Hotline at 800.656.HOPE (4673) to talk to someone from your local sexual assault service
provider who is trained to help.
Call or text the Childhelp National Abuse Hotline at 800.4.A.CHILD(4454) any time, 24/7, to
be connected with a trained volunteer who can help you through the process of reporting the
crime. You can learn more about mandatory reporting laws in your state by visiting RAINN’s
State Law Database. To speak with someone who is trained to help, call the National Sexual Assault
Hotline at 800.656.HOPE (4673) or chat online at online.rainn.org.

Page 7 When I Became Free January 23, 2020
Grooming Dynamic
BY NATIONAL CENTER FOR VICTIMS OF CRIME
Perpetrators of child sexual abuse (CSA) may gain the trust of potential child victims and their
caregivers by methodically “grooming” them. This process begins with identifying potential victims,
gaining their trust, and breaking down their defenses. These grooming tactics are often directed
at potential youth victims as well as the adult caregivers—parents, other youth-serving
professionals, and the community-at-large. After gaining access to children and youth by achieving
this trust, the perpetrator initiates some kind of contact that s/he finds sexually gratifying. This
sexual contact may range from voyeurism to rape and other forms of child sexual abuse. Grooming
helps the offender gain access to the victim, and sets up a relationship grounded in secrecy so
that the crime is less likely to be discovered.
Perpetrators of child sexual abuse are often individuals known to the family; they may be acquaintances,
influential members of the community, trusted friends and even family members.
Sometimes the offender is known to the family through association with an organization or activity
in which the child or youth participates, such as school, a community club, sports team, recreation
center or camp.
One reason that the perpetrator is able to exploit the child is because he or she holds the power
in the relationship based on age and experience, size and strength, and adult status. A perpetrator
may manipulate and use those power differences to gain the youth’s trust and confidence, and/or
to create fear that enables the perpetrator to coerce the child or youth. (Note that this is not common
in all cases of CSA; in many scenarios, there is NO trust at all, only coercion and fear.)
Grooming steps include:
Identifying and targeting the victim - Any child or teen may be a potential victim. Some predators
may be attracted to children and youth with certain characteristics or may target youth with
certain co-existing factors—such as vulnerable parents—to facilitate the crime.
Gaining trust and access - The perpetrator may observe the child and assesses his/her vulnerabilities
to learn how best to approach and interact with the child. Perpetrators may offer the victims
special attention, understanding and a sympathetic ear, and then engage the child in ways
that eventually gain their friendship and trust (they may play games with victims or give them
rides, provide them with gifts and/or special treats).
Playing a role in the child’s life - The perpetrator may manipulate the relationship so that it appears
he or she is the only one who fully understands the child or meets the child’s needs in a particular
way. A perpetrator may also exploit a youth’s empathy and convince the young person that
s/he is the only one who understands the perpetrator and reinforce that the perpetrator “needs” the
child or youth.
Isolating the child - Offering the child rides and/or taking the child out of his or her surroundings
is one way that the perpetrator may separate the child from others and gain access to the
child alone, so that others cannot witness the abuse. (Note that in other instances, perpetrators
have been successful in molesting victims without detection while other adults were in the room.)
Creating secrecy around the relationship. The perpetrator may reinforce the special connection
with the victim when they are alone or through private communication with the victim (such as
letters, emails or text messages), and strengthen it with admonitions against telling anyone, lest
others be unhappy about it. The perpetrator may threaten the victim with disclosure, suicide,
physical harm to the child or loved ones, or other traumas if he or she tells.
Initiating sexual contact - With the power over the child victim established through emotional
connection coercion or one of the other tactics, the perpetrator may eventually initiate physical
contact with the victim. It may begin with touching that is not overtly sexual (though a predator
may find it sexually gratifying) and that may appear to be casual (arm around the shoulder, pat on
the knee, etc.). Gradually, the perpetrator may introduce more sexualized touching. By breaking
down inhibitions and desensitizing the child, the perpetrator can begin overtly touching the child.
Controlling the relationship - Perpetrators rely on the secrecy of the relationship to keep it going,
and to ensure that the child will not reveal the abuse. Children are often afraid of disclosing the
abuse. They may have been told that they will not be believed, or that something about the child
“makes” the abuser do this to them. The child may also feel shame, or fear that they will be
blamed. Often, the perpetrator threatens the child to ensure that s/he won’t disclose the abuse.

Page 8 When I Became Free January 23, 2020
Keeping Awareness Going
How YOU Can Help!
BY EVA MARIE WOYWOD
WHENIBECAMEFREE@GMAIL.COM
If you're a regular reader then you know we've been working hard at giving a voice to issues
and raising awareness around the plight of domestic violence, child abuse and sexual
assault. In October of 2019 we started publishing a digital weekly newspaper to help promote
awareness, address issues, and remind survivors that they are not alone.
All of this is being done by volunteers - volunteers who write for the paper, volunteers who
put the content together and publish it.
At first we thought we could support the project with subscriptions - at least we gave it a
go. That decision never sat right with me even though I am the one who made it. We did get
some subscribers, which we are incredibly thankful and grateful for, however the goal of this
project is "no barriers" toward safety and healing for survivors.
I re-evaluated the decision, contacted the subscribers we did have, and announced we
would consider subscriptions as sponsorships so that we could make free the paper for all.
Since the paper started we have now published 13 issues. The weeks of Christmas and
New Year's we took off and mainly because I was sick. I am unable to write as much as I
once did so instead I do the pagination and some editing of the paper but I do write when I
can. I wear the editor/publisher's hat.
I rely on the talented and vocal survivors we have writing for us, Mechelle, Kelli and Savannah
- at times others have submitted pieces. Then of course and unfortunately, there are
always press releases and news about tragedies that take place any given week, including
lives lost to domestic violence and child abuse.
I must tell you, I long for the time when I am unable to find those tragic stories.
There's the backstory to the weekly news, as for the When I Became Free project itself,
like life it has had some twist and turns since coming to be - but, the goal remains the same,
bringing awareness to issues and survivors of domestic violence, child abuse, and sexual assault.
Now...
This is where YOU can help...
If you have a story you would like to share, or give your voice a platform, please email us
at whenibecamefree@gmail.com. Same is true if you belong to an organization and you
have news to share. Share the paper with others. Give a like to our Facebook page! And, if
you feel so moved think about sponsoring our efforts.
Follow this link and help us grow! There are three levels of sponsorship: $25, $50, and
$100. If you have a difficult time with the dropdown menu on the site just zip off an email to
us at whenibecamefree@gmail.com.If you've missed any of our issues, also be sure to check
them out! Remember...pass them on!
Thank you for paying attention!
Prevent Child Abuse America Announces Seven Newly
Re-chartered Chapters in 2019, 15 More Slated in 2020
Chicago—Prevent Child Abuse America (PCA America)
announced today that its chapters in seven states—Connecticut,
Delaware, Idaho, New Jersey, North Carolina, Rhode Island,
and Virginia—successfully completed the
organization’s strength-based chartering process in 2019.
Fifteen more chapters—in Florida, Indiana, Missouri, Montana,
Nebraska, New Hampshire, New York, North Dakota,
Oregon, Pennsylvania, South Carolina, Utah, Wisconsin,
Wyoming and Washington, D.C.—are preparing for site visits
in 2020, helping to extend the organization’s mission
throughout the United States.
“Prevention happens in partnership, and our robust nationwide
chapter network resides at the core of the work we
do to ensure that all children and families thrive,” explained
PCA America President & CEO Dr. Melissa Merrick.
“We’re fortunate to have skilled and dedicated leadership
and staff in all of these states, and the numerous local partners
they collaborate with, which enables us to both extend
our primary prevention efforts broadly and tailor them to
meet the specific needs of diverse communities across the
country.”
During this process, formally called Building Capacity
Chartering, PCA America chapters undergo an in-depth selfassessment,
combined with on-site interviews and discussions
with board members, partners, funders, legislators and
others, to evaluate criteria such as the demonstration of a
strong mission and consistent brand identity, documentation
of sound operational infrastructure and financial resources
and evidence of leadership in the statewide scope of influence
and activity in child abuse and neglect prevention.
“The comprehensive but focused framework established
by these criteria help ensure consistency across the network,
as well as define the chapter’s areas of expertise and capacity
to focus on and address the needs of its core audiences,”
stated PCA America Director of Chapter Services Anita
Odom. “The Rhode Island chapter’s Healing Mothers and
Babies program, for instance, was developed specifically in
response to the adverse impact of the opioid crisis in the
state.”
PCA America chapters range from independent nonprofit
organizations to entities operating under umbrella institutions
such as government agencies, hospitals and universities.
For example, the Delaware chapter is registered as a
stand-alone 501 (c)(3), while the Idaho chapter operates in
conjunction with the Idaho Children’s Trust Fund, in Boise.
Regardless of their makeup, chapter programs are frequently
developed and delivered in tandem with a variety of public
and private partners:
A provisional chapter for two years, Prevent Child Abuse
Connecticut obtained chartered status in 2019 and operates
under the umbrella of the Connecticut Children’s Alliance,
working closely with the state’s Office of Early Childhood,
spearheading child sexual abuse and abusive head trauma
prevention efforts and safe sleep initiatives.
Established in 1978, Prevent Child Abuse Delaware is the
lead administrator of community-based child abuse prevention
(CBCAP) grants in the state and partners closely with
both public entities and philanthropic institutions, including
the Beau Biden and Rodel foundations, to provide extensive
training and home visiting and safe sleep programs.
Prevent Child Abuse Idaho partners strategically with community-serving
agencies, including faith-based organizations,
hospitals, the Commission of State Libraries, the
Idaho Association of Young Children, the state chapter of the
American Academy of Pediatrics and numerous other early
childhood advocates, to deliver a comprehensive system of
child abuse prevention programming.
A leader, convener and coordinator of statewide prevention
efforts, Prevent Child Abuse New Jersey works with
public entities and community-based organizations, including
the Department of Human Services and the Child Wellness
Institute of New Jersey, respectively, to address issues
such as infant safe sleep, child sexual abuse, abusive head
trauma, human trafficking and adverse childhood experiences.
The chapter is also the state lead of Healthy Families
America, PCA America’s evidence-based home visiting
model.
Through a wide variety of initiatives—Circle of Parents, Incredible
Years, Strengthening Families, Positive Parenting
Program (Triple P) and involvement in the implementation
of the CDC’s Essentials for Childhood framework—Prevent
Child Abuse North Carolina delivers wraparound prevention
services in conjunction with public and private entities such
as the state’s Division of Social Services, Division of Public
Health, the Duke Endowment and the NC Institute of Medicine.
Hosted under the Family Support Network of Rhode Island,
a parent-led nonprofit organization, Prevent Child Abuse
Rhode Island had its first chartering experience in July,
2019, which lifted its provisional status. Three centers
throughout the state deliver programs such as Healing Mothers
and Babies and the Rhode Island Fatherhood Initiative,
as well as supports for pregnant and parenting families with
substance-exposed newborns.
Two years ago, Prevent Child Abuse Virginia merged with
CHIP (Virginia’s home visiting program) to become Families
Forward Virginia, which in partnership with the Virginia
Department of Social Services and Family and Children’s
Trust, among other entities, implements child sexual abuse
prevention strategies, such as Darkness to Light, manages
the state’s home visiting consortium, is the state lead of
Healthy Families America and provides training and technical
assistance to all home visiting programs in the state.
“Affiliation with PCA America provides access to a broad
network of aligned institutions, which not only helps to amplify
the impact of the work widely but also engenders the
sharing of information and expertise,” continued Odom.
“This is how we provide the safe, stable, and nurturing relationships
and environments that help children succeed and
families and communities across the country thrive.”
About Prevent Child Abuse America
Founded in 1972, Prevent Child Abuse America is a national
organization with chapters in 48 states and nearly 600
Healthy Families America home visitation sites throughout
the country. It promotes services that improve child wellbeing
and develops programs that help to prevent all types
of abuse and neglect. Ninety-four cents of every dollar spent
goes directly into programs and services, which is why it is
rated as one of the top charities for children by Consumer
Reports and charity oversight organizations, including Charity
Navigator, GreatNonprofits and GuideStar.

January 23, 2020 WHEN I BECAME FREE Page 9
MLB & MLBPA commit $3 million to nonprofits
focused on positive mental health, relationship
skills and support for domestic violence survivors
The “Healthy Relationships Community Grant” Will Fund Organizations Providing Critical Services
to Vulnerable Populations and Those Affected by Domestic Violence
Major League Baseball (MLB) and the Major League Baseball Players Association (MLBPA) today
announced a $3 million commitment to the “Healthy Relationships Community Grant,” a joint initiative to
provide funding in 2020 and 2021 to organizations that advocate for positive relationship practices through
critical services for vulnerable populations and those affected by domestic violence, including relationship
management skills for the next generation, programs focused on mental health resiliency among vulnerable
populations, and critical career & personal services to survivors of domestic violence.
U.S.-based nonprofit and global non-governmental organizations (NGOs) can apply for localized support
at MLB.com/HealthyRelationships and MLBPLAYERS.com/HealthyRelationships throughout the
year, with proposals reviewed on a quarterly grant cycle. Nonprofits and NGOs may apply for grants of up
to $50,000 for general operating or programmatic funding
for one or more of the following categories: Healthy
Relationship Practices/Education, Support for Survivors
of Domestic Violence, and/or Mental Health Resiliency.
Grant applications will be evaluated quarterly based on
assessment of the population served, organization
strength, impact, partnerships, sustainability of the programs,
and more. Additionally, MLB Club charities and
Major League Players are encouraged to apply for up to
$25,000 as part of a gift matching component of the initiative,
with grant evaluations based on documentation of
direct funding and commitment to the issue.
“This program will support deserving organizations
working to build and improve the mental health resiliency
and relationship skills of those they serve, with
a particular focus on youth, and to provide critical services
to help domestic violence survivors rebuild their
lives,” said Melanie LeGrande, Vice President of Social Responsibility, Major League Baseball. “This effort
reflects Baseball’s desire to invest in strategies that can help change the statistics and norms around domestic
violence as well as support those who need help and assistance today.”
“Our players are committed to supporting and promoting healthy relationships,” said Leonor Colón, the
MLBPA’s Senior Director of International and Domestic Player Operations. “This initiative will allow us
to support organizations that raise awareness of domestic violence, assist survivors and promote mental
wellness.”
Empowering the next generation to understand the components of a healthy relationship is intended as
a prevention strategy through this initiative. Organizational efforts supported by grant funding may include
public education, with a preference for youth populations, on the difference between healthy and unhealthy
relationships as it relates to interpersonal violence (e.g., intimate partner, family or teen dating). Examples
of education efforts include creating, producing & distributing public service announcements with relevant
content and call to action as well as conferences or events focusing on awareness. Funding can also go toward
supporting existing, or introducing new, programming on how to break the cycle of violence.
Efforts toward building and improving mental health resiliency
for vulnerable populations may include providing
greater access to (a) quality mental health services and wellness
programs; (b) preventative programs designed to reduce
suicide, suicidal ideations and self-harm; (c) training programs
for mental health professionals; or (d) school or community-based
interventions.
Strengthening and providing services to survivors of domestic
violence is of critical importance to this grant initiative.
Efforts may include (a) capacity building in support of
the organizational mission of the nonprofit or NGO; (b) mental
health support; (c) professional and life skills workshops
as well as additional education and materials to improve employee
readiness and workplace development; or (d) advocacy
efforts to reduce domestic violence, dating violence,
sexual assault, and stalking.
The joint donation for the “Healthy Relationships Community
Grant” represents an ongoing commitment by MLB and the MLBPA to provide support to causes
that assist vulnerable populations, which has historically included financial assistance toward disaster relief
and recovery as well as human trafficking prevention.

Page 10 When I Became Free January 23, 2020
National Resources
The National Domestic Violence Hotline
1-800-799-7233 (SAFE)
www.ndvh.org
National Dating Abuse Helpline
1-866-331-9474
www.loveisrespect.org
National Child Abuse Hotline/Childhelp
1-800-4-A-CHILD (1-800-422-4453)
www.childhelp.org
National Sexual Assault Hotline
1-800-656-4673 (HOPE)
www.rainn.org
National Suicide Prevention Lifeline
1-800-273-8255 (TALK)
www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org
National Center for Victims of Crime
1-202-467-8700
www.victimsofcrime.org
National Human Trafficking Resource Center/Polaris Project
Call: 1-888-373-7888 | Text: HELP to BeFree (233733)
www.polarisproject.org
National Network for Immigrant and Refugee Rights
1-510-465-1984
www.nnirr.org
National Coalition for the Homeless
1-202-737-6444
www.nationalhomeless.org
National Resource Center on Domestic Violence
1-800-537-2238
www.nrcdv.org and www.vawnet.org
Futures Without Violence:
The National Health Resource Center on Domestic Violence
1-888-792-2873
www.futureswithoutviolence.org
National Center on Domestic Violence, Trauma & Mental Health
1-312-726-7020 ext. 2011
www.nationalcenterdvtraumamh.org
CHILDREN
Childhelp USA/National Child Abuse Hotline
1-800-422-4453
www.childhelpusa.org
Children’s Defense Fund
202-628-8787
www.childrensdefense.org
Child Welfare League of America
202-638-2952
www.cwla.org
National Council on Juvenile and Family Court Judges
Child Protection and Custody/Resource Center on Domestic Violence
1-800-527-3233
www.ncjfcj.org
Center for Judicial Excellence
info@centerforjudicialexcellence.org
www.centerforjudicialexcellence.org
TEENS
Love is respect Hotline:
1-866-331-9474
www.loveisrespect.org
Break the Cycle
202-824-0707
www.breakthecycle.org
DIFFERENTLY ABLED
Domestic Violence Initiative
(303) 839-5510/ (877) 839-5510
www.dviforwomen.org
Deaf Abused Women’s Network (DAWN)
Email: Hotline@deafdawn.org
VP: 202-559-5366
www.deafdawn.org
WOMEN OF COLOR
Women of Color Network
1-800-537-2238
www.wocninc.org
INCITE!
Women of Color Against Violence
incite.natl@gmail.com
www.incite-national.org
LATINA/LATINO
Casa de Esperanza Linea de crisis
24-horas/24-hour crisis line 1-651-772-1611
National Latin@ Network for Healthy Families and Communities
1-651-646-5553
www.nationallatinonetwork.org
IMMIGRANT
The National Immigrant Women's Advocacy Project
(202) 274-4457
http://www.niwap.org/
INDIGENOUS WOMEN
National Indigenous Women’s Resource Center
855-649-7299
www.niwrc.org
Indigenous Women’s Network
1-512-258-3880
www.indigenouswomen.org
ASIAN/PACIFIC ISLANDER
Asian and Pacific Islander Institute on Domestic Violence
1-415-954-9988
www.apiidv.org
Committee Against Anti-Asian Violence (CAAAV)
1-212- 473-6485
www.caaav.org
Manavi
1-732-435-1414w
ww.manavi.org
AFRICAN-AMERICAN
Institute on Domestic Violence in the African American Community
1-877-643-8222

January 16, 2020 WHEN I BECAME FREE Page 11
The Black Church and Domestic Violence Institute
1-770-909-0715
www.bcdvi.org
LESBIAN, BI-SEXUAL, GAY, TRANSGENDER,
GENDER NON-CONFORMING
The Audre Lorde Project
1-178-596-0342
www.alp.org
LAMBDA GLBT Community Services
1-206-350-4283
http://www.qrd.org/qrd/www/orgs/avproject/main.htm
National Coalition of Anti-Violence Programs
1-212-714-1184
www.ncavp.org
National Gay and Lesbian Task Force
1-202-393-5177
www.ngltf.org
Northwest Network of Bisexual, Trans,
Lesbian & Gay Survivors of Abuse
1-206-568-7777
www.nwnetwork.org
Trans Lifeline
877-565-8860
www.translifeline.org
ABUSE IN LATER LIFE
National Clearinghouse on Abuse in Later Life
1-608-255-0539
www.ncall.us
Legal Network for Gender Equity
nwlc.org/join-the-legal-network/
MENTAL HEALTH RESOURCES
Suicide And Crisis
The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention provides referrals to
support groups, mental health professionals, resources on loss and suicide
prevention information. Phone: 888-333-2377
The Suicide Prevention Lifeline connects callers to trained crisis counselors
24/7. They also provide a chat function on their website.
Phone: 800-273-8255
Mental Health Conditions
Anxiety and Depression Association of America (ADAA) provides information
on prevention, treatment and symptoms of anxiety, depression
and related conditions. Phone: 240-485-1001
Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance (DBSA) provides information
on bipolar disorder and depression, offers in-person and online support
groups and forums. Phone: 800-826-3632
International OCD Foundation provides information on OCD and treatment
referrals. Phone: 617-973-5801
National Center of Excellence for Eating Disorders (NCEED) provides
up-to-date, reliable and evidence-based information about eating disorders.
Phone: 800-931-2237
TARA (Treatment and Research Advancements for Borderline Personality
Disorder)offers a referral center for information, support, education
and treatment options for BPD. Phone: 888-482-7227
National Center for Elder Abuse
1-855-500-3537
www.aginginplace.org
MEN
National Organization for Men Against Sexism (NOMAS)
1-720-466-3882
www.nomas.org
A Call to Men
1-917-922-6738
www.acalltomen.org
Men Can Stop Rape
1-202-265-6530
www.mencanstoprape.org
Men Stopping Violence
1-866-717-9317
www.menstoppingviolence.org
LEGAL
Battered Women’s Justice Project
1-800-903-0111
www.bwjp.org
Legal Momentum
1-212-925-6635
www.legalmomentum.org
Womenslaw.org
www.womenslaw.org
National Clearinghouse for the Defense of Battered Women
1-800-903-0111 x 3
www.ncdbw.org

Pae 12 When I Became Free January 23, 2020