Jan 23, 2020 When I Became Free

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Page 2 When I Became Free January 23, 2020 When I Became Free Published online each Thursday (sometimes Friday )and delivered via email to sponsors, When I Became Free is an independent freelance project/publication with a mission to bring awareness to issues around abuse (child abuse, domestic violence, and sexual assault). The goal of the project is to be a vehicle of inspiration and empowerment for survivors. Sponsors of this publication help to support services, support groups, and workshops freely provided to survivors of abuse. All of our freelance writers are survivors of abuse. The When I Became Free Project was created and is managed by: Eva Marie Woywod Freelance Writers: Kelli Bungert Mechelle Cichy Savannah May Proofing: April Fichthorn Bethany Fichthorn Gabriel Brown Kyle Roberts Phone Number 901 949-2226 Email: WhenIBecameFree@gmail.com Website: whenibecamefree.com ISELA MAURICIO-SANCHEZ 27-YEARS OLD Advertising: advertising helps the When I Became Free Project to provide free workshops, support groups and more to survivors of abuse on their healing journey. According to news reports an arrest warrant for first-degree murder was issued for the father of a boy who is the subject of an Amber Alert (see below). Three-year-old Osiel Ernesto Rico is believed to with Jorge Rico-Ruvira. Osiel’s mother, Isela Mauricio-Sanchez, was found dead at her home in Roswell. Police reported, Rico-Ruvira was arrested in October for battery on a household member. Law enforcement have stated that he choked Isela while she was in her bed with her child. “We believe there is a strong possibility he left the state,” said Roswell police spokesperson Todd Wildermuth. “Because of that potentially crossing state lines, we have the assistance of the FBI also." Anyone with information about the case is encouraged to call authorities at 1-800-457-3463 or dial 911. At the time When I Became Free Weekly News published our digital paper, the father and child were still missing. Amber Alert Issued After Mother Found Dead
January 23, 2020 WHEN I BECAME FREE Page 3 Woman to Woman You Can’t Do It Alone MECHELLE CICHY THEWRITEEMPATH@GMAIL.COM People! Who needs them? Right? They can be nosy, overbearing, bossy, inconsiderate, rude and downright hateful. People can pass judgment on us for minuscule infractions we may not even be aware of. Sometimes they can be impatient despite the fact we are doing the best we can. People are backstabbers, liars, abusers and psychopaths. However, humans are social animals and as such, we need our people. We are not meant to be alone. But, after suffering from abuse, survivors have a difficult time feeling comfortable around other people, no matter who they may be. First of all, there are trust issues. They once trusted the abuser to love and care for them. That trust was disrespected and stomped on over and over again. How can they trust someone else not to repeat the same bad behavior? Whether it was a parent, a lover, a coach or a member of the clergy, or someone else, the victim trusted that he or she was safe in their care. Then there are the self-esteem issues. Survivors of abuse have a horribly low sense of self-esteem thanks to the abuser. In order to keep the victims in line, it's necessary to break their spirit and sense of self. Leaving the abuser behind does not automatically restore that self-esteem. It takes years of conscious hard work to bring back a healthy love of self. It's tempting to try to live independently of anyone. How many of us have thought we would love to live on our own deserted island with supplies mysteriously dropped during our sleeping hours so we never have to see another person again? No more traffic jams during rush hour. Rude salesclerks after a hard day's work? Nope! No keyboard warriors to ruin our quiet time online. The fantasy sounds wonderful when people are annoying and rude. However, we seldom think so much of that dream at night when the curtains are closed, the bed is empty and supper is a microwave meal because it's too much trouble to cook for one. We are alone with our thoughts and insecurities. As I mentioned earlier, we were not meant to live in solitude. As much as other humans drive us insane, we need them sometimes. As survivors, we probably need them more than other people do. Survivors need a support system. We would love to be able to heal on our own without help from anyone else. It would eliminate the issues we have with trusting others. But, our brains have been incorrectly programmed by the abuse we suffered. Our emotions, memory, thinking and sense of self have all taken hits. We have a bad baseline to build on. You might liken building a new life and new self to a carpenter building a house. If the ground he builds on is unstable or uneven, the house will ultimately collapse. The same happens if you try to rebuild your life with the faulty thought processes the abuse programmed into the brain. Unhealthy coping mechanisms such as substance addictions or self-harm are hardly the things to build a new life upon. Survivors are plagued with self-doubt and criticism which hinders the confidence needed to make necessary changes to rebuild. “I'm not good enough” and “I can't do that” come from the abuse programming. Without the support of other caring individuals, it's difficult to impossible for the survivor to push through the fear to find success. A woman I know is a good example of this. She had seldom driven a car for any distance, or in a larger city. If she wasn't being made to tag along with her husband, there was always someone else who could and would drive her where she needed to go. After leaving her abuser, she had to make weekly trips to a city quite a distance away. The initial fear was almost debilitating. After she successfully made the trip herself a couple times, the fear was gone and she had gained a new level of confidence. But, it took not a little prodding from those of us who were her support people to convince her she could do it. Some of the things abusers tell their victims is that they are worthless or stupid or ugly, or incompetent. Being told this over and over rewires the brain into believing it's true. To reverse the programming, it may take someone else saying over and over “you are good enough”, “you are worthy”, “you can do it”, “I have confidence in you” and whatever else counteracts the hateful things that had been said. While it's understandable for survivors to be afraid to ever trust another person again, it's imperative that they do for their support system. However, it's also important that they find someone who is worthy of their trust, or they may fall for the same abuse from a different abuser. Where they find the trustworthy people may depend upon their life situation. Most abuse organizations have advocates who can work with survivors. A therapist may suggest a few local organizations from the area. Online support groups exist as well. In fact, I am one of the moderators of a Facebook group dedicated to helping victims and survivors of abuse. You can find it by searching for “When I Became Free Support Group”. Someone is usually always available for support, help or to just listen. So, as much as we might wish sometimes for everyone else on the planet to disappear, there are times when we need them around. If we want to heal, we can't do it alone.
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Jan 23, 2020 When I Became Free

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