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they get the impression that parents are either
unapproachable, or the topic is taboo. This leaves a
child to find out in their own way.
Some of us remember having “The Talk” when
we were younger, and it seems many of us share
the same experience of rather cold and clinical
memories of one single awkward talk with our
folks. Hmmm, maybe if the topic was a little more
“permissible” and widely spoken about in our
generation (before the internet, mind you!) then
perhaps some of us would’ve learnt about sex in a
safe and comfy environment where it was ok to ask
questions and learn about the dangers.
Fast forward to today – a different world to then –
and we all have our own personal views regarding
sex. Ilze highlights the importance of deciding as
parents what our value system is. You might want to
teach your children that sex is only allowed between
a married couple, husband and wife, or you may
want to teach your children the value system that
sex is allowed between two adults when they love
each other.
THE GOODNESS OF THEIR BODY
From as young as possible, start by teaching your
child about the goodness of his or her body and
that his or her body is special and belongs only to
the child. Teach them that their private parts – the
parts covered by our swimming costumes – are
private and not secret. We do not show them to
others, nobody may touch them, and they are
not toys. Teach them that their body is theirs and
that nobody may touch their body without their
permission, and that they may not touch another
person’s body without their permission. No matter
your value system, this is an incredibly important
lesson to teach boys and girls, and to always remind
them of. Repeat this over and over and over again,
throughout their childhood and adolescence.
You can never be too early or too late in telling
and reminding your child enough that they have
a beautiful body, that their body belongs to them
and that nobody may touch them without their
permission. This will go a long way in safeguarding
them against peer pressure and abuse.
TEACHABLE MOMENTS
We, as parents, can agree that we all want our kids
to come to us for advice and guidance, and to
create a safe space for them to ask the questions
that they are seeking answers to. When we share
information with our children about sexuality, it sets
the atmosphere that the topic is approachable.
Life presents many teachable moments, and the best
way of talking to children about the birds and bees is
to respond to these teachable moments. Be receptive
to their questions and answer with the truth.
As an example, perhaps you are on the way to
drop your children off at school and on the radio
you hear of a sexual assault case on the news, or
an advert for condoms, or a song with lyrics of an
explicit sexual nature. Your younger child asks what
this means – there is your teachable moment. If you
cannot answer properly in the car, make sure to
discuss it with your child that evening. Interestingly,
teachable moments are often presented in the car
as children ask big questions when there is no eye
contact. Teachable moments can also be created
by parents when, for example, an aunt is pregnant.
Look out for these moments whether your child is a
toddler or in high school.
KNOWLEDGE BEFORE PUBERTY
Make sure that your child is well informed before the
onset of puberty about the physical and emotional
changes that will take place. The timing of puberty
has decreased radically with the average age for
the onset of menstruation in girls now under 12.
Boys are beginning to go through puberty at about
13, with live sperm appearing in a boy’s semen as
early as age 10.
RESPECTING PRIVACY
As a child journeys through their own sexuality,
respect them by setting the tone that they may
talk to you openly about the topic. It is also very
important to respect your children and their privacy.
If, for example, your children do not wish to bath
together any longer, respect that. Or when your child
of any age covers herself or himself when you enter
the bathroom or bedroom, respect it. Show respect
for children’s bodies and teach them respect for
their own bodies.
Every child a masterpiece | 35