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Beacon 4-20

Your community news with Regional Reach and Community Commitment. Serving Dearborn, Franklin, Ohio, and Ripley Counties in Indiana as well as southwestern Ohio.

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Page 8A THE BEACON April <strong>20</strong><strong>20</strong><br />

By Merrill Hutchinson<br />

When was the last time<br />

one of your kids made you so<br />

mad you wanted to scream?<br />

Don’t tell me I’m the only<br />

one that gets fired up like this.<br />

I worked as a school counselor<br />

for over twenty years; I’ve<br />

seen some of you in action.<br />

Steam coming out of your<br />

ears, face turning beet red,<br />

veins bulging out of your<br />

neck. That’s some ugly stuff!<br />

I have more than my share<br />

of personal stories that demonstrate<br />

my immature way<br />

of handling anger with my<br />

kids. I remember one summer<br />

when I told my kids over and<br />

over again to pick up their<br />

toys out of the yard. Finally,<br />

one day while cutting grass,<br />

I saw a glove and baseball<br />

laying out in the yard... again!<br />

They were soaking wet after<br />

being left out overnight. As I<br />

looked at the glove, I got an<br />

idea. I felt this devilish smile<br />

appear on my face that might<br />

remind you of the Grinch as<br />

he was taking the very last<br />

toy from the kids in Whoville.<br />

As the smile appeared, the<br />

ball and glove disappeared<br />

under the mulching blade of<br />

my mower. Before you judge,<br />

think about how you have<br />

handled anger and frustration<br />

Slow to Anger<br />

with your kids.<br />

Let’s face it- raising kids<br />

can be tough! None of us are<br />

perfect, and we don’t always<br />

make decisions that make us<br />

proud.<br />

We all have seen and experienced<br />

raging anger that<br />

has led to hurt, mistakes, and<br />

even scars- physically, mentally,<br />

and emotionally.<br />

Maybe we were the giver;<br />

perhaps we were the receiver,<br />

but either way, anger is something<br />

that often leaves us with<br />

regrets. Handling our anger<br />

in a better way gives our kids<br />

a positive model from which<br />

to learn.<br />

We must keep a couple of<br />

things in mind.<br />

• We must remember that<br />

we are human, but so are our<br />

kids. We make mistakes. We<br />

allow our emotions to get the<br />

best of us, and sometimes, we<br />

just make bad choices. Our<br />

kids are no different. They,<br />

too, make mistakes, bad<br />

choices, and run amok with<br />

emotions. The difference is<br />

that you are an adult. Despite<br />

what you might see on the<br />

news, adults should be held<br />

to a higher standard for how<br />

they handle their anger. We<br />

have too many adults throwing<br />

tantrums like children,<br />

and our kids are watching it<br />

happen. As adults, we have<br />

a greater responsibility to<br />

model a healthy response to<br />

anger.<br />

When we get upset with<br />

our kids, losing sight of the<br />

power and influence we have<br />

over them is easy. Whether<br />

we realize it or not, children<br />

are watching everything we<br />

do.<br />

Children emulate what they<br />

see and often hold on to our<br />

words and actions like we<br />

were their heroes.<br />

• We need to become aware<br />

of our triggers. The longer<br />

we parent our kids, recognizing<br />

our triggers becomes<br />

easier. The things our kids do<br />

that seem to draw a strong<br />

negative emotion from us.<br />

Once you identify your triggers,<br />

the time has come to<br />

deal with them. You must put<br />

certain practices into place<br />

that allow us to avoid, alleviate,<br />

or accept the triggering<br />

behavior. I often think of this<br />

as a fire drill. Fire drills are<br />

held in our schools because<br />

we want our kids to recognize<br />

what the unpleasant sound is<br />

and then develop a set plan<br />

to respond. Fire drills allow<br />

us to empty a school building<br />

full of young children in<br />

a matter of seconds... calmly!<br />

Teaching yourself to react<br />

appropriately to your kid’s<br />

negative behaviors can also<br />

keep you and your family<br />

safe from the pitfalls of emotional<br />

triggers.<br />

• Inform your kids about<br />

your triggers - If your kids do<br />

something that pushes your<br />

buttons, discuss what these<br />

triggers are with them before<br />

you get to the point of raging<br />

with anger about their unacceptable<br />

behavior. For example,<br />

“Kids, I hate to see your<br />

Melany Longo, DCHBA Executive Officer; Lisa Cox,<br />

DCHBA President; Amy Phillips, YES Home Director;<br />

and Lashanda Messer, DCHBA Vice President.<br />

(Photo courtesy of Melany Longo)<br />

Dearborn County Home Builders<br />

Support Community<br />

The Dearborn County Home Builders Association (DCHBA<br />

recently hosted their annual Home and Garden Show where<br />

they had a gift basket raffle. They decided to “give back” to<br />

the community by donating the proceeds of their basket raffle<br />

to the YES Home. The donation will be used to help fund<br />

building improvements being made to the exterior of the YES<br />

Home. The mission of the DCHBA is to promote affordable<br />

housing, builder networking, and construction education.<br />

bikes out in the yard when<br />

I come home from work.<br />

They need to be in the garage<br />

before I get home.” Conversations<br />

like this help your kids<br />

know your expectations. Trying<br />

to catch our kids messing<br />

up speaks to our immaturity<br />

and the need to demonstrate<br />

power over our kids.<br />

• When kids do hit your<br />

trigger, understand your emotions,<br />

and put yourself into a<br />

time out. Take a break! This<br />

step does not mean to let the<br />

incident go. It means giving<br />

yourself time to tackle the<br />

incident with a logical mind,<br />

not a raging temper. Your<br />

reaction is YOUR responsibility.<br />

You are the adult.<br />

Don’t blame a child for your<br />

out-of-control behavior.<br />

• If you mess up, own<br />

it. One of the most powerful<br />

things a parent can do with<br />

their children is to apologize.<br />

However, an apology without<br />

repentance is of no value.<br />

If you apologize and the<br />

next day you lose your<br />

temper again, for the same<br />

reason, they will soon learn<br />

your words mean nothing.<br />

• Don’t mix up admitting<br />

your wrongdoing by excusing<br />

their wrongdoing. If<br />

your child was indeed doing<br />

something wrong that needs to<br />

be corrected, then healthy and<br />

appropriate consequences are<br />

required. They, too, need to<br />

learn to apologize and accept<br />

Call your<br />

local<br />

licensed<br />

Humana<br />

sales agent.<br />

Call your<br />

local<br />

licensed<br />

Humana<br />

sales agent.<br />

responsibility for their actions.<br />

• Keep in mind the following<br />

- God gives us justice and<br />

grace, but he balances these<br />

two with love. Think about<br />

how often you have probably<br />

made God want to scream<br />

because of the things that<br />

you have done. Aren’t you<br />

thankful for God’s grace and<br />

mercy? Your kids desperately<br />

need that same balance of justice<br />

and grace.<br />

As your children grow up,<br />

they may still look up to you<br />

as their hero, but they will<br />

eventually realize you are<br />

only human. One of the greatest<br />

gifts we can pass on to<br />

our children is to demonstrate<br />

how we have grown and<br />

matured. Teaching your kids<br />

through discipline and praise<br />

are essential, but limiting<br />

the number of negative scars<br />

caused by our anger is something<br />

we will never regret.<br />

If you find yourself experiencing<br />

intense or frequent<br />

bouts of emotionally charged<br />

anger, consider speaking with<br />

your spouse or a friend about<br />

getting help. Reach out to a<br />

pastor, priest, or counselor.<br />

Do not allow you or your<br />

family to become a victim of<br />

anger. Your kids will thank<br />

you, and your family will be<br />

better for it.<br />

Merrill Hutchinson is the<br />

President of Rock Solid Families,<br />

a faith-based coaching<br />

organization in St. Leon, IN.<br />

Talk with your local licensed<br />

Humana Sales agent today.<br />

513-857-9513 (TTY: 711)<br />

Talk with your local licensed<br />

Humana Sales agent today.<br />

Monday – Friday, 8 a.m. – 5 p.m.<br />

513-857-9513 (TTY: 711)<br />

Monday – Friday, 8 a.m. – 5 p.m.<br />

Dan Art<br />

Dan Art<br />

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Restaraunt and Tavern, open since 1891!<br />

Serving mouth watering, dry-aged steaks, fresh<br />

seafood, & dazzling cocktails.<br />

Y0040_ GHHHXDFEN18 Accepted<br />

weekly specials<br />

TUESDAY<br />

Half Price Bottle of Wine<br />

\<br />

WEDNESDAY<br />

Seafood Night:<br />

$1 Oysters, $2 Prawns,<br />

$30 1lb Alaskan King Crab<br />

223 3rd Street, Aurora, IN 47001<br />

812-655-9727<br />

thirdandmain.com<br />

THURSDAY<br />

Buy Any Steak,<br />

Get a Salad or Soup<br />

& Dessert on Us!<br />

Twenty-five Years of Bringing our Community and Businesses Together.

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