MDF Magazine Issue 61 April 2020 (2)

ON THE SPOT, SCOTT…
It’s ok Cupid . . .
By Robert Scott
Dating is something that is not easy and is often awkward at
first. At some point or another we have all experienced this
to a certain degree. If face-to-face dating isn’t hard enough,
doing it online is where things can become even trickier!
Online dating has the same basic principle as regular dating,
except it is done over the internet through dating websites as
well as mobile apps.
Various people go into online dating with different wants/
needs. These can include such things as romance, long-term
relationships, sexual satisfaction and wanting to connect with
someone.
No matter the reason for it, it is not easy and can be difficult
to navigate.
Before I dive into the subject too much, I am in no way
encouraging online dating and if you are active with it,
remember to always do so with caution and ensure your
personal safety at all times.
Meeting people online has many pros and cons and became
particularly evident in an article by Brittany Wong (2018)
entitled “You think online dating is bad, try doing it in
a wheelchair”. The article focuses on three people with
different types of muscular dystrophy and their experiences
with online dating.
The article contains some very interesting observations
which I will highlight below.
When asked if they disclosed their disability when doing
online dating, the three interviewees had the following words
to say:
Amin Lakhani said: “Yes, I’m very explicit about it. One time
a girl didn’t know I had a disability until I showed up on the
date, and she was really quiet throughout the night. I finally
asked her about it and she told me she was surprised — my
profile had only hinted at it, so from then on I always made
it explicit. Now it’s in my main photo, and I talk about it,
usually jokingly, but also seriously when there is room for
it… .”
Erin Hawley shared: “Yes, I always mentioned it and
included a full-length photo of myself in my wheelchair.
There was no point in hiding it because a partner would
eventually know I was disabled. Showing myself right away
also weeds out those who are close-minded; why would I
want to date someone like that?”
A very interesting point has come from this in that being open
about who you are as well as your disability is often the best
way to do it!
The article posed another enlightening question: “What
advice would you give to other disabled people who are
apprehensive about using online dating apps or just dating in
general?”
Amin said: “Primarily, joke about your disability
immediately. People will respond to it based on how you
present it. Trying to hide it or ignore it will just make people
uncomfortable, because humans are naturally curious about
anything that is unique.”
Erin added: “It’s going to suck no matter what. You
really must go into it with armor of steel, because people are
going to be cruel. Meet in person as soon as you can —
someone might say they are OK with your disability, then
change their mind when meeting in person. And, finally,
don’t give up hope. It might take a while, but that’s OK. Keep
dating, keep putting yourself out there, and take breaks to
refocus on yourself when needed.”
Lolo said: “My advice would be to just fearlessly try. Have
fun first and don’t get hung up on hoping to find ‘the one.’
That way, you’ll have better experiences meeting people than
disappointments when things don’t work out. And everyone
struggles to date these days. It’s not always just because of
your disability.”
What we can draw from this is the importance of being
honest about who you are and your disability. Why hide who
you are? To meet someone online and not tell them that you
have muscular dystrophy is not going to help you at all. If
you decide to meet in person, they are going to find out in
any case. If that person is not ok with your disability, is that
person really worth your time?
Be who you are, don’t hide away, and the right person for you
may be closer than you think!
The wants for love, connection, relationships and intimacy
are ones we all share. No matter where you try to find these
things, just be who you are.
Reference
Wong, B. 2018 (updated 2019). You think online dating is
bad, try doing it in a wheelchair. https://www.huffpost.com/
entry/dating-with-a-disability_n_5b887ea5e4b0162f472136
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