allure 12 April 2020

with Adesuwa 07011289316 | adesuwaewoigbokhan@hotmail.com
Coping And Bonding Sexually
@ Easter Lockdown
All of sudden, your love life seems to be in a lockdowndeprived
of its usual routine-privacy. Couples now endure
difficult situation in other to sustain their emotional and
physical relationships.
The COVID-19 pandemic has affected how we live, how
we work, how we congregate and how we experience touch
and intimacy to the extent that the World at large, has had
to renegotiate the common norms of social intimacy with
distancing measures that are daily increasing.
Suddenly, husband and wife are facing a new reality of
confinement at home against their will. They are also faced
with getting the children occupied, be able to cope with
stress while at the same time, trying to provide comfort and
reassurance for each other.
Create time to be alone with yourself, play games with
your partner, try new sex positions, and don’t forget about
your hygiene. Hug, reassure and give each other
massages. Below are great tips but might not work for
everyone.
It may be difficult for some couples to implement these
tips if they have young children at home to care for, children
with special needs or elderly parents to worry about. With
the threat of illness, loss of income and worries about the
future, can put people in survival mode, making it difficult to
relax at times, let alone meditate.
No two couples are the same, some are in healthy,
loving marriages and communicate well, while others are in
frequent conflict and fight, bicker regularly under normal
circumstances. Implementing behavioral tips in couples
who are experiencing distress, high anxiety, and conflict
most of the time, can trigger an already ongoing power
struggle.
Now you see that the solution to maintaining a healthy
loving relationship does not really lie in what you do, but
rather how you do it. This means stepping up with being
compassionate and caring, rather than arguing over whose
turn it is to wash the dishes. It means being self-aware and
communicating your feelings to your partner, rather than
internalizing them until you explode.
Maintaining intimacy during this lockdown is not about
how often you get to have sex, or what new positions to try.
It is about how each couple can adapt to the crisis by
coming together rather than moving apart. It is about taking
turns providing reassurance and comfort, as well as sharing
responsibility, taking care of children and performing
household chores. It also may mean reframing the meaning
of intimacy and sex.
Couples have different value to what sex mean to them;
sometimes it could be about physical pleasure while other
times, it’s about bonding and intimacy. Love making can be
about playfulness and recreation and it can even feel
spiritually uplifting, or a combination of all of the above.
For the singles that are dating someone new, just
continue to get to know them through Skype/ Face Time
calls with them. Conventional dates are not allowed though
there is no reason why you cannot learn about each other,
and build a bond that may even accelerate the relationship.
If you are trying to meet someone or planning to date once
this pandemic is all over, then make a list of what you want
to do and where you want to go.
If you happened to be in a monogamous relationship
and if you are living together and practicing self-isolation,
then there are not many better things to do than getting
down to some hanky-panky, since sex and pleasure are
much needed right now. Whereas in a long-distance
relationship, phone sex is a great way to pass time. All you
need to do is exercise more caution in whatever you do and
how you do it. Don’t go out and about on that date or use
your dating app to hook-up with someone for a night.
Corona virus does not mean we cannot experience
pleasure or have fun, just be mindful of others.
Loving in the time of covid-19 is a make or break
moment for couples. There is stress to contend with,
self-isolation, travel bans and in some places, there are
even lockdowns. If you are practicing social distancing or
14-day quarantine, the idea of being near your spouse may
be a little daunting. Here are some ways you can cope:
One of the reasons couples are having such a hard time
with the corona virus lockdowns is because of boredom.
Combat this by finding new ways to have a date night
inside, or on your back porch. Have some wine and ask
each other questions about life. Play games together, have
a candlelit dinner, cook a meal or share a bubble bath. Most
importantly, make time for romance. Sex is a great way to
keep your emotional intimacy strong during all of this
Lockdown chaos. The cuddle hormone has been shown to
promote bonding between partners, and lowers stress and
anxiety and if there was ever a time that married couples
need to de-stress, it’s now.
Just because you’re in quarantine with your partner
doesn’t mean you have to spend all of your time together.
Try staying apart. Go into a different room in the house, and
practice self-care, read a book, watch YouTube, write a
story, play an instrument – do hobbies that you love that
makes you feel good. These things make you happier,
which makes you a better person for your partner.
Being able to spend time alone doing your own thing is a
key ingredient to a healthy relationship. Don’t think that just
because you’re on lockdown that you can’t call a friend or
spend time away from your spouse. When you do, you’ll
feel even more appreciative of your partner when you do
come back together.
If you and your spouse don’t live together, or you are in a
long-distance relationship, lockdown may seem especially
long for you. Here are some essential tips on how to survive
the Corona virus without your partner by your side.
If your partner lives far away or in another country, it can
be heart-wrenching to think that you won’t get to see them
for a while. But remember to do your part and listen to the
government’s advice not to travel – even if your partner is
only a few hours away. This is for the health and safety of
not just yourself but, your loved ones as well. Chat with your
spouse daily by phone, video chat and keep the lines of
communication open.
Stressed couples should not allow stress and fear take
over their lives. Another way Covid-19 can affect
relationships is by letting the fear and panic, take over your
happiness. If you feel that you’re starting to obsess over the
pandemic, try doing the following.
*Communicating your feelings with your partner is
essential for keeping the love alive, and not losing your
mind during this scary time. Spending less time on social
media, if possible, shut it down as it can contribute to
depression.
Living and loving at this time of the pandemic can be
scary and stressful at times. Note that this is not permanent,
it will soon become history but your love doesn’t have to be.
Talk
SPOT
By - Rita Okoye
What some of your favourite
celebrities said and we listened.
“Marriage, friendships,
work relationships, even
ideas should be delicately
placed in public places.
We must be careful to
protect what we value. We
must be intentional about
the motive and purpose of
sharing. Don’t be hasty to
press share/post. Not
everyone is celebrating
with you”.
Lami Phillips wants us
all to protect our vital
information.
“Be consistent and never give up in
life. Even Tissue paper, Hand
Sanitizer and Face Mask, no
believe say them go blow like this.
Life na turn by turn”.
Dbanj’s words on marbles.
“I have very little sympathy for
single mothers that beg on the
basis that they are single. I am a
strong advocate against
premarital sex. But even if you
must engage in it (you should
not), use protection or ensue that
the man can meet his
responsibilities. The only single
mothers that I sympathise with are
widows.
Reno Omokri on single
motherhood and premarital sex.
“Dear Lagos State
Government, The People
Have Been Crying For Light
Since This Lock Down
Started. But It Seems That’s
Not A Worthy Outcry. The
People Are Suffering - Does
That Mean Anything To The
Government”?
Ms Effah’s open letter to
Babajide Sanwo-Olu.
6
/ April 12, 2020