Mar/Apr 2012 - Level Renner

Rat Re-Issues 1998 Stu’s 30K
would best replicate the IBM Selectric
that Wallan purchased at least 20
years ago for $900. Below is the best I
could do.
Now the good thing about retyping an
article is that you get to appreciate it
all the more. The style and tone of the
report fits perfectly with the race it-
self. Raw. Edgy. Like salt on chafed
skin. I love it. It’s what The Level
wants to be.
And how ‘bout some of them names?
Some blasts from the past. Some I
don’t think we’ve heard or seen since
that fated race back in the winter of
‘98. A real testament to this
“grinderoonie.” But some are still
cranking: Gail (Heinrich) Martin and
Harry Carter among them.
I could go on and on about Stu’s, the
below recap, and the fantastic lore of
Bennie’s 10 Miler, but I’m out of space
so you’ll just have to read and reflect
for yourselves.
BIG, BAD, UUG-LEEEEE STU’S 30K CROAKS 700+ BUT NOT JIM GARCIA (1:49.13)
– POST (GFTC) SCORES BIG GPS GAIN
FITZPATRICK IS FOURTH, HEINRICH RUMBLES OVER BABES, ROSS BLEEDS AND KESSLER GROANS
CLINTON, MASSACHUSETTS – Aha! I have it! A cure
for all those frostbitten yuppy Mount Everest
Climbers. Let their chums come to scenic Clinton,
Mass. and lay in some serious training miles on
the Stu’s 30K course. Better still, let’s see
them race this sucker. C’mon you day-glo wimps.
I dare you!
Talk about apoxia, oxygen starvation and
vertigo. Cripes, even Sir Edmund Hilliary (no
fancy equipment, just a superb athlete and not a
yup) would have nosebleed on this savage killer of
extreme magnitude. We almost had to get out the
LL Bean official crampons to scale the killer
hills at (ugh!) 17 and 18, and then there’s (of
course) that miserable switchback grinderoonie of
a nut buster at mile 8-9, an athletic sensation I
haven’t had the pleasure to experience since the
fecund summer of 1959 when I took a line drive
directly in the macadamias in a high school baseball
game. Yup, this Boylclint Tour-de-Wachusett
will make your baby blues seep and will dull your
sex drive.
The best thing about this no-frills race is
that it attracts only real runners. All hardcore,
of all abilities. There are no complainers or
whiners. We were all here simply for the challenge
of a long race. This indeed is the philosophical
equal of the monstrous Derry, NH 16 (but
slightly easier). This is how distance running
ought to be. This is actually how it was. Man, I
wanna tell you that this is some kinda good
sheeeeet here just up the street a bit from the
old Bigelow Carpet Factory in bricky old Clinton,
which has more class and history than any ten uppah-class
ritzy suburb enclaves combined. How
classy is this race? Even Ed and Bev Whitney
(NMC) showed up to spectate. They’ve got nearly
100 combined years of service to the sport of distance
running on their noble ledgers. Add Tom
Hurley, Bobby Hodge, and Maine’s marvel Carlton
Mendell and you’ve got so much class and history
that you can choke on it. I’ll bet the ghost of
Clarence DeMar was here, too.
You bleed here. Mentally and physically.
Fred Ross (Brattleboro, VT) looked like his poor
nipples had been sandpaper-massaged at the finish.
Several runners’ brogans seeped pale red, and Ruth
Kessler (Burlington) uttered the best Stu’s 30K
comment a half mile from the finish
line…”arraaggghhhmmmff’…I couldn’t have put it any
better myself. Don Lambert (Marlboro) had to walk
the last three, Killer Miller (Plainville) hit the
woods for a 2-minute pee-pee-wee-wee stop, Natick’s
Chris Post indicated that his cold showed
signs of turning to bulbar pneumonia, and Jane
Goodman hit the sack before 8 p.m. after she got
home to Dedham.
But then, geez, there are guys like Jim
Garcia (CMS) and Dermont Fitzpatrick (SoRR). They
eat this stuff up like Mo eats dogs and burgers.
Garcia buried the field and added to his GPS lead
over the aching and nearly hors-de-combat Hank
Gediman (pulverized at 50+ by the new HSR Jostein
Pederson). Fitzpatrick copped 4 th and there is
simply no truth to the scurrilous rumor that he
once played hockey without a helmet under the alias
Trevor (Skull) Hull from the Flin Flon Bombers
of the Alberta Junior League.
Speaking of bombers, can anyone beat Gail
Heinrich? She’s making perfumed hash of the women’s
GPS competition with only Cambridge barristette
Erin Brown a threat. Had she not missed
three races she’d be hanging on Garcia’s back like
a cheap suit in a heat wave.
But the overall women’s winner was Erin
VanKeen of R.I. of whom nobody knew nothing except
that she beat most of us, even Manny Arruda who
won’t be a Clydesdale any more if he keeps this
up. Whoa! Dark Cloud, whoa!
Looking down on the list of Rats we find
Jeff Gould racing his 12 th Stu’s. Dave Camire
missing the old sub 7:00 days, Harry Carter creamin
the 60+ Rats, Paul Powell (MSP) edging out Mike
Sullivan (BPD) in the Rat Lawman Division, Bill
Brown coming all the way from Vineyard, Rob Rose
passing no-show Larry Kessler with 3 ½ GPS points,
and Glenn O’Connor (SoRR) eschewing racing in favor
of passing out water on the course. Smart guy
except he took grief from Garcia for handing him
the cup incorrectly.
Post race found tired folk all over the
school cafeteria totally ignoring Don Drewniak’s
award ceremony. This is traditional. Nobody
cares about winning anything. Stu’s 30K’ers have
gone waaaay beyond that point. Food included Polar
soda, bagels, and junky wing-dings and whoopie
pies. Also traditional. Don’t like it? Tough.
What is this? A race or a bleeping buffet?
And what’s a rat race without a spandex
comment? Suffice to say that women who run 30K
are WOMEN, and women who run 5K are…well…girls.
Later, there was migration to cozy Clinton watering
holes, just down the same hill you climbed to
the finish.
Hey, is it safe to mix Rolling Rock with
two Advils? I’ll have to ask Ed Dowling and Dave
LeBlanc.
Official Race Song: “Don’t think twice, It’s All
About Fright,” Dylan, 1973.
35