Mundelein High School - Voices Magazine - 2020

V o i c e s 2 0 2 0 | 25
Something I learned and realized in that moment is that everyone has a breaking
point. Whether it’s a triggering word or a specific item that just causes people to finally
break. And mine was right there. On this broken-down, rusty bench. This is what broke
me, finally.
I got up and my legs felt weaker than ever. I stumbled inside my house and
wiped my eyes. My family was all eating dinner and I simply grabbed a plate and ate my
food. Some people’s appetite would be completely gone but mine always grows bigger
whenever I feel awful. They didn’t ask me anything. They let me eat in silence.
That night, I fell asleep fairly early. I was exhausted. I had rarely gotten any sleep.
People from school even noticed the bags under my eyes and asked me how much
sleep I had gotten the previous night. The answer was always the same, “I fell asleep at
10.” Of course, they knew it was a lie but I think they could tell I wasn’t up for talking
about anything. I was always tired. Emotionally and physically. I woke up and my eyes
were heavy. I slowly got up and went to the mirror to check my eyes. They always get
puffy when I cry and especially, if I cry myself to sleep. It was a Sunday morning and
usually my mom would wake me up so that we could go to church, but today she didn’t.
Guessing she just knew I needed to rest. I moped around all around my house. I sighed
as I saw the bench outside my window. I had decided that once my family comes back,
I’m going to be happy. I’m going to joke around with them again. I’m going to be okay.
And that’s exactly what I did.
Often a little while longer, I started to finally be okay talking about Fynn. I started
to finally tell more people about him and what he meant to me. I became okay with
everything. I wasn’t gonna hide it anymore. I wanted to get better and I did. I learned
that people don’t live forever but what they did for you and your memory of them does.
And that’s something I’ll never forget.