Suburb March 2019

REDEFINED LOVE
As one grows into a committed
relationship, whatever may have been
imagined earlier dissolves into the number
one item on the list - spending time
together. Beyond meeting the practical
demands of life together, the ‘oldies’
mention favourites such as a drive,dressing
up to go out for a fancy dinner only to opt
at the last minute for eating from street
food carts, or listening to music irrespective
of whether there is agreement on the
genre.
Taking time out for each other, showing
respect, doing little things that matter, a
safe space to be ‘yourself’ and accepted as
such, simplicity, humour, honesty and trust
– essentially words and actions that are
carried out not because they are ‘romantic’
but because they seem ‘right.’ These sound
like the thoughts of the older mind. Not so.
They are expectations voiced by some
Delhi University girls about what they
consider ‘romantic’. There still are those
who measure romance in terms of
obligatory show, expensive gifts, and even
casual ‘hooking up’, but perhaps today’s
generation has skipped the entire bubbleheaded
phase, evolving faster than its
predecessor.
What makes the ‘ordinariness’ of life
acceptable is one’s perception of romance,
no matter which side of the college gate
you are on. At the risk of offending the
champions of rosy, cotton candy cloud
romance, I admit I did not mind the course
February 14th took for me that year. What
would have riled, even if I had been given a
bunch or red roses on the day, is the ‘nonromance’
of say an attack on my
self-esteem or on things and people that
matter in my life, or secrets being kept
from me about matters considered ‘none of
your business’.
On the other hand, days not bearing the
date 14th have been ‘romantic’ enough,
days on which a conscious effort was made
to pick up dirty coffee mugs from all over
the house to be placed on the kitchen
counter so I would not have to run around,
days on which an empty shelf in the fridge
was miraculously re-stocked without my
having to bother, days on which a
professional accomplishment of mine was
proudly talked about and participated in,
days on which free and unselfconscious
conversation flowed about the highs and
lows of life …
As a postscript, that particular February
14th did eventually end up slightly out of
the ordinary. It ended with a late-night
pastry eating session at the nearby bakery.
Not because Valentine’s Day demanded it
(by the time of the pastry, both Significant
Other and I had forgotten the Occasion)
but because just as we were about to turn
in, I announced a sudden desire to indulge
my sweet tooth … s
The writer loves to be known as a parent – a parent
of two energetic spaniels who run their own blog and
of their elder human siblings who run their own lives.
March 2019 | suburb life 23