Wealden Times | WT223 | Sept & Oct 2020 | Kitchen & Bathroom supplement inside

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THE TEENAGE EMOTIONS All this rapid change makes teenagers more susceptible to stress and mental illness than adults. Conditions like anxiety and depression can emerge in these years, as can problems with eating or self-harming. Teens are also painfully aware of their peers. Uncertain about their adult selves, they suffer and burn as they try and fit in with others, or attempt to stand firm against peer judgments. And they can find it hard to understand themselves – their mood swings and intense emotions – which in turn can make them angry and confused. Teenagers also see the world they are growing up into with the fresh eyes of youth. This is one reason so many young people are passionate and angry about issues like climate change and homelessness. They are waking up to problems that we’ve lived with for a long time, and tend to see through a weary adult gaze. WHAT OUR TEENAGERS NEED FROM US As in all stages of parenting, our teenagers need us to be as understanding and supportive as possible. They need us to allow them a looser rein, while also maintaining boundaries that help them feel safe and loved. They need us to be there for them, even if they don’t want us there, they need us to pick them up if they stumble, and above all else they need us NOT TO BE EMBARRASSING! On a practical level, they very much need us to help them get enough sleep. Teenagers need between eight and ten hours a night, to process all their brain changes, but since they tend to be wakeful at night and slow to wake up in the morning, few teenagers get the sleep they need. Our job is to do everything possible to help them – maybe by encouraging a slow wind-down to bed and banning devices from the bedroom at night – while at the same time acknowledging that their natural body rhythms make this hard for them. They also need us to try and steer them away from drugs or alcohol, and to talk to them about why it’s good to be cautious in these areas. Both are far more damaging and addictive to the sensitive teenage brain than to an adult’s. For example, studies show that regular weed smoking in the teen years can damage both IQ and memory. “The teenage brain is Teenagers also need us to watch programmed to start out for problems and take action if it’s needed. All teenagers are naturally exploring and pushing limits prone to obsession, for instance. and as it does so it prunes This goes back, again, to the way the brain develops. But the boy who synapses and builds more shuts himself off to play video games efficient neural networks” all the time, or the girl whose crush on a rock star edges into fanaticism, needs your help to stay connected with family, friends and the real world around them. They also need you to move fast and decisively if they develop an eating disorder, or other evident mental distress. There are services to help but they are badly over-stretched, so if this is the case, you may have to roll your sleeves up for a long, stubborn battle. Of course, the best possible way to guard against serious problems is to encourage your teenager to feel secure, confident and well-grounded. But the honest truth is that this is something that has its roots way back in childhood. So if your children haven’t yet hit the teen years, you can be confident that any good parenting work you put in now will reap great rewards later. priceless-magazines.com 122
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Wealden Times | WT223 | Sept & Oct 2020 | Kitchen & Bathroom supplement inside

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