The Good Life – November-December 2020

We all rue the day that the dreaded PTA envelope
arrives, containing this year’s big fundraiser. Its
always the same format: sell as many as you can
so your child can participate in (insert activity).
To make matters worse, the sales drive has now
morphed into some form of cutthroat competition,
that pits students against each other in a contest to
see who can sling the most (insert product).
It gets better ... in an effort to bolster sales, students
are incentivized by a list of cheaply-made knockoff
prizes ranging from RC drones that break after one
use, to off-brand MP3 players. Sell thirty coupon
books – win a plastic light up sword (batteries not
included) ... UGH.
You have two choices: you can, like me,
procrastinate on participating and end up writing
a large check, or you can awkwardly harass your
family members into purchasing whatever your
child is slinging. As a testament to this, I now have
a glovebox full of Blue Book Coupons that I plan
on distributing to family members at Christmas.
Either way, you’re gonna have a bad time. It’s best
just to power through it!
Just let her be “basic”.
One day, you will walk into your home and be
greeted by the smell of apple pie. You’ll excitedly
trot into the kitchen, only to find out that there is, in
fact, no ACTUAL apple pie and that your significant
other has just lit an apple pie scented candle. This
travesty of occurrences is not just limited to apple
pie scent ... pecan, pumpkin, banana cream ...
there’s a scented candle for every pastry flavor!
My suggestion is very simple and resonates
especially well during the holidays: Just let her
be basic. Go one step further: embrace female
seasonal tendencies! I, for one, look AMAZING in
flannel and will happily pay 11-17% more to shop
at Target, in order to avoid having to go to Walmart.
Wear the flannel. Pay $400 for the fall photo
shoot. Embrace the pumpkin patches. Put up the
Christmas tree (in late October for some reason).
Watch the Hallmark movies. Take her to Target.
I hope this concise and curated list gives
you some insight into how to navigate
the oft tumultuous world of the
holiday season. Read through
it again and then take it to
heart. Now … go get your
Carhartts on. You’ve got
Christmas lights to hang (in
November). •
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