Y K 24— Vanguard,WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 25, 2020 C
C M Y K Vanguard, WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 25, 2020 — 25 I can’t handle my violent wife Dear Bunmi, My wife has always been very possessive and hates me going out without her, even before we got married nine years ago. Recently, though, her jealousy has become so bad that the rows have turned violent. If I talk to another woman at a party, she kicks me viciously under the table, and when we get back home, she attacks me. I try to fend her off, but it is difficult, as she is bigger than me. I have teeth marks and other bruises, and it’s difficult coming up with a story explaining my wounds that my workmates would b<strong>el</strong>ieve. I’ve also have a nasty gash at the back of my neck, after she pushed me backwards off my chair. I’ve tried talking to her but she wouldn’t listen, and He’s adamant he doesn’t want a third wife Dear Bunmi, I’ve been with my partner for almost eight years. He is a fairly successful businessman and was married twice. His two wives don’t live with him. He’s told me from the word go that he was not keen on living with a woman. I live in my own house and he is supportive. My rival's a sugar-mommy Dear Bunmi, I knew my boyfriend was romantically linked to a fashion designer, almost 16 years his senior, when I met him. He was a widower and his lover visited as often as she could because she was married. As compensation, she was financially responsible for virtually everything he had - Domestic violence against men is one of the last taboos, but it’s a growing problem. You need to let your wife see she’s killing your marriage. Make it clear that you will end the marriage and, if she won’t change, pack your bags and leave I have a son and would want, at least, a child now that I’m approaching 40. He said he would go along with me having his child but he’s not getting married to any woman again. Do you think he will change his mind? I don’t really mind being a third wife. Nike, by e-mail. Dear Nike, After eight years together, the bed, his clothes and second hand car. After I met him, we started meeting fairly regularly and I even stayed over in his flat from time to time. He made it clear, though, that he was very fond of this older woman and wouldn’t want to hurt her. I asked him if he didn’t want to remarry, and he said 'not in the You knew this man was involved with an older woman when you met him, and now he’s not ready to sacrifice his cushy existence for a permanent r<strong>el</strong>ationship with you. You could either stay for the fling or find another man who'll be proud of a r<strong>el</strong>ationship with you. the violence is getting worse. I’m afraid she might really hurt me one of these days. What <strong>el</strong>se do you think I can do? Steve, by e-mail. Dear Steve, Domestic violence against men is one of the last taboos, but it’s a growing problem. You need to let your wife see she’s killing your marriage, and she must seek h<strong>el</strong>p for her anger and jealousy. Make it clear that you will end the marriage if she attacks you again. In the meantime, you have to let a few of her r<strong>el</strong>atives know what danger your life is in. If she won’t change, pack your bags and leave, albeit temporarily. If that doesn’t work, then I’m afraid you have to make an alternate plan, so you could have a stress-free life. there’s absolut<strong>el</strong>y no chance your partner is going to change his mind. He’s been honest with you from the start that this is the type of life he intends to live. Can you live with this? You have for the past eight years, though a lot of women looking for better commitments would have given him his marching orders. immediate future'. I have seen this woman and she’s not half as pretty as I am. What in God’s name does he see in her to prefer hurting me like this? Bussy, by e-mail. Dear Bussy, It has been established that a lot of men in r<strong>el</strong>ationships with much older women are sometimes the ones who find it difficult to make decisions and take responsibilities for thems<strong>el</strong>ves. They’re happy to let an older woman do it for them, just like their mum did. You knew this man was involved with an older woman when you met him, and now he’s not ready to sacrifice his cushy existence for a permanent r<strong>el</strong>ationship with you. You could either stay for the fling or find another man who cares enough for you to be proud of a r<strong>el</strong>ationship with you. My teenage daughter is sexting! Dear Bunmi, I have two teenage girls aged 17 and 14. Recently, I was contacted by the principal of my youngest daughter’s school and told she had been sending explicit photos and texts to boys in her class. She has been suspended, but I’m at a loss as to how to deal with this at home. Any ideas as to how to approach this without her fe<strong>el</strong>ing she behaved like a tramp. Joyce, by e-mail. Dear Joyce, You need to keep her off school for a while and seek couns<strong>el</strong>ling. There are a lot of information on-line; all you have to do is hit your google button for useful information and advice. Using this as basis, talk to your daughter about the dangers of what she’d done and how to be strong enough not to make the same mistake again. Hopefully, there would be no repercussions for her or any of the other children involved. My husband <strong>says</strong> he wants a break Dear Bimmi, My husband and I began trying for a baby when we got married three years ago. I f<strong>el</strong>l pregnant immediat<strong>el</strong>y, but miscarried a few weeks later. Sadly, my second and third pregnancies also resulted in miscarriages. I want us to try for another baby straightaway, but my husband <strong>says</strong> he needs a break - not just from the baby stuff, but from me as w<strong>el</strong>l. I fe<strong>el</strong> as though my whole world is falling apart, especially when I heard from the grapevine that an old girlfriend is expecting his child. Mariam, by e-mail. Dear Mariam, You need to have an urgent talk with your husband with a mediator present. It’s no secret that there are some men who equate successful marriage with babies, just as there are women who find it difficult to stay with men who couldn’t give them children, either because of a low sperm count or erectile failure. Your husband would be hedging his bet if it’s true he’s expecting a child by another woman. It’s too early to be throwing away a marriage, but it happens. You need your peace of mind back and you need to find out from your doctor why you seem to be having these miscarriage. The solution could be a medical problem that could be easily fixed. Seriously though you must reconsider your future with a husband who leaves you in the lurch at the sight of emotional problems. Why is he sending love texts to his ex? Dear Bunmi, I recently had to use my boyfriend’s mobile, with his consent, but curiously peeped through his messages. To my horror, I discovered he’d been sending steamy texts to a woman called Jakie. He said she’s an ex when I confronted him, and the texts are just their way of communicating. This still sounds far-fetched to me. What do you think? Dami, by e-mail. Dear Dami, It’s obvious you don’t trust this man of yours or you The solution could be a medical problem that could be easily fixed. Seriously though you must reconsider your future with a husband who leaves you in the lurch at the sight of emotional problems wouldn’t be scrolling through his messages. You don’t b<strong>el</strong>ieve his excuse and now he can’t trust you not to peep at his private messages. The tone of these texts appears suspicious, though. Ex-girlfriends should be in the past and any talk should be friendly, not using the language of lovers. If you can’t genuin<strong>el</strong>y b<strong>el</strong>ieve what he’s t<strong>el</strong>ling you then your r<strong>el</strong>ationship isn’t that solid. It is now up to you really; either you give him the benefit of the doubt or you find a different partner who'll make you fe<strong>el</strong> secure. Share your problems and r<strong>el</strong>ease your burden. Write now to Dear Bunmi, Vanguard Newspapers, P.M.B 1007, Apapa, Lagos, or bunmsof@yahoo.co.uk
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