NEDA A Tip of the Hat January 2021

GENERAL INTEREST
Praise of the In Barn Cat
BY BETH ANN CRONAN
D
omesticated felines are
categorized into three sections:
house, farm, and
feral. Those farm cats that
live in equine facilities are typically endeared
with the delineation "barn cat".
These domesticated felines are very, very
sophisticated creatures, much more so than
their housebound cousins. Barn cats are
amazingly self-assured, bordering on arrogant.
If James Bond were a domesticated
feline, he would be a barn cat. Just like 007,
a barn cat takes his grain room mouse
"shaken, not stirred". Being shaken with
great enthusiasm and menacing vigor is the
penalty for interloping a barn cat's territory.
Lily ensconced in her favorite Back on Track saddle
pads. She retired from full time barn cat duies in 2020
and is enjoying life with the Kourys in Norwell, MA.
Photo: Patty Montana
Barn cats are the Navy Seals of the barn;
they are resilient and hardy. A barn dog will
cross the aisle rather than face an oncoming
barn cat. Poor canines. They never
know if a barn cat is going to rub lightly
against them or pummel them with a nasty
swat on the nose. It makes for a humorous
relationship. Humorous to onlookers; no
one is really sure what the dog thinks.
Sometimes, while in contemptuous control,
a barn cat will appear "frightened" by the
mere presence of a barn dog. It is a
Leonardo DeCaprio performance, worthy of
an Academy Award. The barn cat will sit all
12 TIP OF THE HAT NEDA.ORG January 2021
squished into themselves. Then they spontaneously
spring-launch a mad sprint across
the barn aisle. Invariably, the barn dog falls
for the con and follows close behind.
Poor thing, he really believes that he has
the barn cat running scared, this time. He is
going to be the victor; the chase is going to
end differently from the usual nasty swat on
the nose. He has the barn cat running
scared, you know, this time.
After a cheetah-like dash, the barn cat
slides to a stop, does a reining horse
rollback and is face to face with Rover. With
a martial art flick of her tail, the barn cat imparts
a slap across Rover's stunned face
like Bette Davis swatting a would-be suitor
in a romance movie. It is a solid, resounding
slap delivered with the corresponding facial
expression of "You impotent fool. Keep it up
- I am just getting started".
Usually this is when the barn dog makes the
wimpiest yelp imaginable, part disbelief and
part ouch. Incredulous with questions,
Rover turns and runs. Remember: He has
fallen for the con and thinks he has the barn
cat running scared, this time. The barn cat
uses this retreat to impart one more swat to
his retreating butt. This produces an impossibly
more undignified whimper. Without
putting the swatting paw down, the barn cat
will sit and start licking it to clean off any
pesky residual Rover hair.
Barn cat charm component:
Unpredictableness.
Barn cats establish an extensive domain at
a stable: the hayloft, the aisles, the grain
room, etc. Some kitties claim the benches
in front of the barn or the seating near the
indoor and outdoor arenas. Others procure
warm comfort on the most demanding
stallion's butt. Nothing is off limits to the domesticated
farm feline. Their name may not
be on the property's deed, but they definitely
OWN the barn and everyone and
everything in it. Think "sweat equity".
Tack rooms are high-traffic, high-attention
receiving areas. Some barn cats have a
heated tack room amenity; it keeps their
water supply acceptably tepid. Saddle pads
are customary barn cat property. The
newest paisley pattern merino sheepskin
Swarovski crystal adorned brandy-new
saddle pad being saved to debut in the "The
BIG clinic" with the Olympic medal winning
clinician is the perfect reserved dining area
for a barn cat date night. It is there that a
buffet of the juiciest mouse grain room interloper
will be shared or munched upon
solo, depending on barn patrol obligations.
A barn cat RULES the barn with the suave
competency of a treasured monarch. Barn
managers and boarders alike bow to the
barn cat's presence, literally. They know to
scratch that sweet spot for fear of retribution
for not bending the knee on feline
command. High court manners and all.
Barn cat charm components:
Confidence and Dominance.
Maglynn Acres had a senior barn cat named
Vicki. She ruled the Rehoboth dressage facility's
inanimate and animate objects with
uncompromising mastery and unwavering
sovereignty.
Possessed by a brutal patience, Vicki would
take her victims by surprise. You would be
sitting on a bench watching a lesson in the
outdoor arena, oblivious that you were violating
some obscure royal rule of attention.
Leaving the barn with the passion of a Navy
Seal team member advancing on a target,
Vicki would stealthily approach from the
fringe. She would arrive out of your line of