24022021 - Banditry designed to 9 destroy Nigeria — GOVS

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16 — VANGU ANGUARD, ARD, WEDNESDAY, , FEBRUARY 24, 2021 He knows my past and is blackmailing me Dear Bunmi, IN my student days abroad in the early 80s, life was tough and I did a lot of things to keep going, as funds coming from home were virtually non-existent. I slept with a lot of men for money and was able to finish my studies. I got married and had two children, but the marriage didn’t last and I returned home. I have a good job because I’m well qualified. I have my own flat and a loving partner. Recently, my partner, who is married, visited my flat with one of his good friends, and you can imagine my shock and embarrassment when he turned out to be one of my ‘regular customers’ during my student days abroad. Dear Bunmi, I ’M a single mum and I’m 29. I’ve never been that lucky with men, as my partners have always been violent and cheats. Although I still care for the father of my child, we’ve been apart for close to two years. Now I’ve fallen in love with a friend who works in the same office as I do. As a matter of fact, he is my boss. We’ve been sleeping together for close to a year now. It was meant to be just a bit of fun, till we fell in love. I’ve asked him to make me his second wife, but he He didn’t let on that he knew me and I was grateful to him for that. However, a few weeks after the visit, he came calling on his own, and it was plain what he wanted. I told him I was now involved with my partner and he said he wasn’t looking for a permanent relationship and that he would keep his mouth shut. Of course, it was blackmail and, I’m ashamed to say, I let him have sex with me. He left some money and went away. I feel dirty and used and dread his coming back. I would hate for my partner to find out about my sordid past. What can I do to get rid of this shameless man? says that he’s not ready for that. I want to be his wife but, instead, I am the other woman...and I hate it. He says he hasn’t slept with his wife since we started sleeping together, but I don’t believe him and we argue a lot. I’m scared of losing him. Faith, by e-mail. Dear Faith, Why are you afraid to lose what you haven’t really got? The sooner you dump this liar and cheat the better. You need a man you can trust to be a true and caring person for you and your child. Nonye, by e-mail. Dear Nonye, Your past should be well behind you and you have to call the bluff of this shameless man from your past. It is a pity that you gave in to his blackmailing tactics. When and if he comes calling again, let him know you’re not having any of his crude overtures, and that if you had to, you could come clean with your partner. It would be nice if you had a tape recorder to record what would transpire between the two of you, in case he denied anything. I am sure if your man is any friend of this creep, he wouldn’t breathe a word about pestering you for sex to him. I hate being the other woman Are my friends selfish not to help? Dear Bunmi, BECAUSE of the type of friends I keep, and our life-style, I’m in terrible debt. I have a thriving business and it’s not that I spend a lot on myself per se. But I’ve run up huge debts trying to keep up with the various aso-ebi I bought for my friends’ numerous social engagements. As things are, I don’t even have my rent, which is due soon, and I haven’t got a clue how I’m going to survive. Thanks to the months of lockdown, due to the COVID-19 pandemic. My business is also suffering. A lot of my friends know how bad things are, but they have refused to help me when I asked for assistance from them. I was always very generous to them. I can’t believe they’re being so selfish. Mandy, by e-mail. Dear Mandy, It seems to me as if you’re very laid-back about money. The good side of that is you’re generous to your friends. The bad side After a series of unfortunate relationships, and on the rebound from parting with the father of your kid, you’ve taken up with a man whose loyalty and duty is to his wife, although he’s delighted to have a willing young bit on the side! Your self-esteem right now is low. You may feel that you and your child don’t merit more than men who beat and cheat on women. But this is not the case. Ditch the adulterer and hold out for a man who can give you the love and respect you deserve. is it means you let your spending get out of hand. Your friends are obviously much more careful about money and don’t indulge in every aso-ebi as you do, and they don’t lend money to others. It’s nothing personal; it’s just the way they are...in the same way as you’re easy come, easy go. And for all you know, your friends too might be having their own financial crisis, due to the aftereffect of the lockdown. Don’t feel too bad about your friends. Instead, ask them to help you learn how to budget, so this situation doesn’t occur in future. Not all men fancy flashy women Dear Bunmi, IREAD a letter on your page from a woman who complained that all men think women are just “sex on legs.” Well, she’s wrong. Not all of us think that way. I’m a divorced man of 49 and I live on my own with my teenage son. I think that a woman’s personality matters most, than her sense of humour, trust and understanding. She doesn’t have to be sexy or very attractive. All that glitters is not gold! Gbogbo, by e-mail. Dear Gbogbo, The cruel experience of a broken relationship humbles a man and teaches him to value the emotional qualities that help a couple to get on. But you must admit that sexual attraction and the need for a mate are what draw men and women together. Men want to know that sex will be on the cards if they invest love on a woman, and demand sex as soon as they can. Women are inclined to resist sex without the commitment to care for her that she needs. With time, when needs are identified and trust comes in, the relationship takes deeper roots, or just withers and dies. He won’t have sex after surviving prostate cancer Dear Bunmi, LAST YEAR, my husband was diagnosed with prostate cancer. He’s now much better, but our sex life has deteriorated. I’m only 40 and I’ve tried to be understanding, but don’t know how much longer I can go without making love. I want things back to the way they used to be. Christina, by e-mail. Dear Christina, A major life-threatening illness can put people off Dear Bunmi, I CURRENTLY live with my boyfriend, and we have been trying for a baby for close to a year now with no success. I’ve had fertility tests and so has he – they’re all positive. I’m getting really depressed at not being able to conceive yet. I’ve noticed that every time we have sex, the sperm seems to run back out of me. Do you think this could be the reason why I’m not pregnant yet? Jola, by e-mail. Dear Jola, Even if some sperm leaks out when you make love, enough should be able to travel up through the cervix to your ovaries. But She doesn’t have to be sexy or very attractive. All that glitters is not gold! sex completely. So, I can see where your husband is coming from. But I also appreciate your point of view – this crisis has hit you hard and you need the comfort of sex. There’s no easy answer, but two things will help. The first is to listen to how your husband is feeling, and lovingly explain the impact his illness has had on you. The second is physical affection. Even if love making is not on the agenda, ask your husband to give you cuddles and kisses to show you’re still close. I want to conceive soon if you think there’s a problem, try sexual positions that let your partner penetrate you deeply – the missionary position with your legs on his shoulders is particularly good. When he climaxes, he should thrust in as far as possible, then withdraw in a straight line, so the semen pools at the far end of your vagina. You should try to orgasm, as this will dip your cervix into the semen. Afterwards, lie on your back for 30 minutes with your knees up to your breast and a pillow under your pelvis, to stop sperm leaking out. If after three months you’ve still had no good results, ask for further tests. Share your problems and release your burden. Write now to Dear Bunmi, Vanguard Newspapers, P.M.B 1007, Apapa, Lagos, or bunmsof@yahoo.co.uk
Where federalism works THE world has for more than a week now been treated to images from Texas, in the United States of America, that many Americans thought belonged in the “Third World”. The state was plunged into prolonged darkness caused by extreme weather conditions that froze and disabled the power grid that was not winterised. It’s stating it mildly to say that the entire state was grounded. While the sub-zero weather, characterised by snow storms, made outside movement impossible, life indoors was no less harrowing. It was really heart-rending to see some of the four million people affected by the dire situation breaking up and destroying their own home furniture in order to make fire that would keep them warm while wondering how they would make it through the next day. Many were frozen to death right inside their homes while broken water and gas pipes left many homes flooded with water. The disaster, avoidable as it was, was a firm reminder of the awesome power of nature and how nature could humble human ingenuity. Not only were residents compelled to put out containers to collect storm water for domestic use, as we normally do in our part, entire families filed out with their own bottles and other means to stand on queues where they could collect water from taps in open spaces made muddy by human feet. Texans carried water in buckets to flush their toilets and lit their homes by candle light. After days in darkness the state gradually returned to civilisation by rationed power. Not every home could have it at the same time in order not to ground the entire power system again. Does that sound familiar? We here in Nigeria are used to the peculiar magic of our power providers, be it the defunct NEPA or its successor PHCN, providing power to two adjacent streets where one is lit and the other remains in pitch darkness. Texans had their own Nigerian moment when they let out loud cheers after power was restored to parts of the state. There are online images of Nigerians in Texas cheering the Nigerian way of “Up NEPA!” after power was restored to their home. These are moments that show that, when reduced to the same condition, human beings are the same anywhere. One telling evidence of this are reports of rich or influential Texans, especially politicians like Ted Cruz, bailing out of the situation rather than thinking of what to do to bring succour to the people they claim to represent. Ted Cruz took the next available flight and bolted out of town with his family to neighbouring Cancun in Mexico. Caught in the act, he responded that he was only being a good father to his daughters. Of course, other Texans don’t know how to be good parents or they would not stay back to face the situation back home. As Vanguard, WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 24, 2021—17 and solar power, etc. But he was quickly reminded that the bulk of Texas electricity supply came from fossil fuel. Like Nigeria that produces oil that is beyond the reach of Nigerians, Texas is the largest producer of electric power in America. But its fixation on fossil fuel, refusal to upgrade its power grid by winterising it, were more crucial factors in the energy crisis of a state that rejects any form of federal intervention in its affairs. As an affirmation of its right of selfdetermination within a federal setting, Texas runs an independent power grid outside the one controlled by Washington. If Texas could exercise its right in this manner, it also follows that it should take responsibility for its action. Save its attempt at buck-passing, is it not remarkable to Nigerians that Governor Abbot and not Joe Biden is being held responsible for the power situation in his state? But that, together with the fact that he is a Republican, is no reason for President Biden to stand aloof. He is not issuing releases through spokespersons while staying back in the White House. He is doing what a president does at these times, even offering to visit Texas if it won’t disrupt things in the state. But it was here in Nigeria that the plan by Lagos to begin a metro line system or even run an independent power system under ENRON was run aground and scuttled by so-called federalists who probably thought Lagos has no right to develop at its own pace. As terrorists misnamed bandits, insurgents and armed herders run over the country, making life ever more precarious, it is governors who have no control of anything outside their ill-spent security votes, without oversight or power over any of the military or paramilitary agencies- it is these governors that are called upon to secure the country even by “the presidency” in which all these powers are vested. This is what happens in a polity where it is crippled and other handicapped Nigerians that stand at road intersections to control vehicles driven by abled bodied people. Nigerians remain without hopes for a vaccine, some of our politicians have been quick to make their way to America, the United Arab Emirates and other parts of Europe to get one of the available vaccines out there. Not satisfied with their acts of betrayal of a people they are supposed to be responsible for, they sent back proud photographs of themselves taking the jabs, no doubt passing the message that only politicians and others of influence deserve to live in times of danger and that taking care of oneself at the expense of the majority is good business. Following the power debacle in Texas, Americans have been asking questions about how they found themselves in the place where they were reduced to a Banana Republic. Well, they have been on that path in the last four years they chose to Make America Great Again under Donald Trump. The situation in which America finds itself today with its loss of influence and respect, while floundering where other countries are Texans had their own Nigerian moment when they let out loud cheers after power was restored to parts of the state standing tall in their management of global crises like the COVID-19 pandemic, was at least four years in the making. It all came to a head with the attempted coup of January 6, 2021 when Donald Trump, straining for tenure elongation, made one last ditch attempt to bend the electoral will of Americans. For us in Nigeria what the four years of Donald Trump’s presidency should tell us is the importance of good leadership. Where a leader fails to step up and lead as their position demands they endanger those they lead. That is where Nigeria is today with its failed leaders. Greg Abbot, the governor of Texas, tried to pass the buck for the power crisis in his state by being political, blaming the crisis on the inadequacy of renewable energy – wind 08055069060 (SMS Only) For Telecoms, a place in the sun for alarmists THERE was suppressed excitement across the land last week. The country’s economy dealt a massive blow into depression by COVID-19 suddenly witnessed a renaissance, a stirring out of that dazed stupor into some place under the sun, making some of us to learn how to smile again. The news was so sudden that some people didn’t know how to believe it and are only now trying to respond in a way to encourage the economic minders to do even more. Because the possibility is that if we mistake these tiny ripples of life to be strong signs of real recovering, there is the more likelihood that we go into a more serious one as we often don’t know how to dance our way out of trouble but instead force ourselves down the slippery slope like somebody courting disaster. This is why the people walk about wearing forlornness as garment. The economy is dreary. Life is cruel and the danger which stalks us can break into death any time. Therefore, the announcement that Nigeria witnessed 0.11per cent in Q4’2020 sounded more like music to the ears although Nigerians are not about breaking into a dance. They have been so disappointed over the years, taking promises in their face value to the effect that they are unable to seek forgiveness for attracting this moment of hazardous folly upon themselves. But good news is good news and even in its infinitesimal manifestation in our land, we must manage a smile with suspicious restraints. The smile came last week, giving a justification to the alarmists, those always shouting about the protection of the telecommunications sector, that they are not wrong and that there is, indeed, a justification to jealously secure the sector for our collective good. The cliché instructs that you do not kill the fowl that lays the golden eggs! The ICT sector of which Telecoms remains a very visible component is heading down that lane that attracts protection and preservation. The figures released by the National Bureau of Statistics, NBS, which showed a mild positive economic growth of 0.11 per cent also credited the Information and Communications Technology Sector with an encouraging growth of 15.06 per cent in Quarter 4, 2020, thus remaining one of the few sectors to enjoy a double digit growth throughout the year in spite of the pandemic, with others being 13.47 per cent Quarter 3, 2020, 17. 83 per cent Quarter 2, 2020, and 14.07 Quarter 1, 2020. Comparatively, the Oil sector contributed 5.87 per cent in the same quarter down from 8.73 per cent in Quarter 3, 2020. The report noted that oil production stood at 1.56m barrels per day which is way What showed on the GDP is not a fluke and, without being a prophet, technology is going to provide the support structure for our GDP into the foreseeable future below the 2.00m per day recorded in the same quarter of 2019. In everything production there is unpredictability especially in our part of the world and the oil sector is not sequestered from such vagaries. And this should give us some concerns because we are still some years away from what Jeremy Rifkin called the ‘carbon bubble’ in his book, The Green New Deal, when the world will rely more on cleaner sources of energy, and what we have always bragged about as our massive investment in the oil sector, the magic mono product that sustains our economy, will become stranded assets. That day is not far away and yet our oil production is not stable enough to meet the exigencies of the immediate. So, in a troubled world the ICT sector rallied to a surge. This is hardly surprising because technology has always been there to ameliorate the worries of the world in moments of crisis. This is what has happened in Nigeria. When the world started to shut down last year under the weight of COVID-19 and shifted the breathing pattern to a new normal, ICT provided the vessels of communication. There were no movements but people were talking. There were no cinemas yet people were entertained. Even when jobs were lost and people suffered hunger they still scrounged enough to buy air time so that they could stay connected. But for technology it would have been a nightmare far beyond what anybody could ever imagine. What showed on the GDP is not a fluke and, without being a prophet, technology is going to provide the support structure for our GDP into the foreseeable future. You, therefore, need to understand the alarmists when they cry that the telecommunications sector needs to be delivered and protected. As I write, there still some states that put strictures on the path of rollout of services by telecom operators or even allow expansion where services are already available. In parts of the country where there are security challenges – and the challenges are pervasive – but obviously more serious in some areas, telecommunications services have been seriously disrupted and or totally decoupled from existence. Plus the security challenges are the activities of some highly placed government officials, the politicians among them who throw their weight around some regulatory agencies while trying to approximate the laws setting up these agencies. This writer has always shouted on this column that the telecommunications and broadcast sectors are too important to be subjected to the mood swings of an ephemeral politician. They need to be freed up for growth to enable the sectors build up the strength to leverage the country into the future. Those who doubt the importance of ICT should ask themselves just these questions: Where was Zoom two years ago and where is it now? Which technology supplies the oxygen to the new normal? One other matter. The government seems to be thinking right when, last week, the Federal Executive Council, FEC, approved about N8.9bn for a new National Information and Communication Technology park in the Federal Capital Territory, FCT. My little warning is that this project should not be a packaged deal for any politician or a political stunt. This nation obviously needs such intervention projects that can withstand or at least attenuate a headline inflation of 16.47 per cent and food inflation of 20.57 percent. We need to put an end to the hunger in the land using technology.
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