The Bethlehem Star

Vol. XCII, Issue XII
The
Kislev XXV,
DCCXLVII ab urbe condita
Bethlehem Star
The Underground Magazine of the Faithful Chosen of the Lord
on the Eastern Frontier of the Empire of Rome
In This Week’s Issue
What’s with that New Bright Star in
Our Skies? A Sign of Arrival of Our
Messiah Finally?
Shepherds Startled
by Nighttime Apparition!
Unusual Births Cited by Midwife
Sooo …what’s with the Three Rich Men
from the East coming to visit us?
IN SPORTS:
"Gladiator Challenge”
Brutus Magnus vs
Gallia the Dwarf King!
…in Death Match
to Honor King Herod
Chariot Races to Honor
Caesar Augustus

Schlekel’s
Sacrificial
Livestock
Need poultry, doves,
goats, or sheep to offer your blood
sacrifice to the Almighty?
Don’t even THINK of
offering your Temple
sacrifice without
seeing us first!
Have you been a little shaky on your
adherence to the Law of Moses? Are
you an—ahem—over-the-top sinner?
HUH? Then you may want to go the whole hog
(oops, sorry) and spring for an entire oxen
for your sacrifice.
Have you been a clueless father, …who
now has, heaven forbid, VII prodigal
sons? Well, if you’ve been bragging to all your
neighbors that, yes, the kids are lost, but your
workaholicalism now has you hob-nobbing with the
wealthy elite, then …prove it to them pesky neighbors! Get that “fatted
calf” now, while they’re still on sale for the Holy Days!
—Fresh produce accepted as partial payment with coupon.
See David ben Schlekel at Temple precinct marketplace –
“My price is my own sacrifice!”

The Bethlehem Star
Pg. III
Feature Articles in This Week’s Issue…
Bright Star Over Bethlehem Said to be Sign of Birth of Long-Awaited Messiah!
by Abraham ben Zokut, the Miller’s Son ........... .............................................................. p.IV
Carpenter of Nazareth Claims to be Witness to Miracle of Peace on Journey.
by Nehemiah the Scribe
........................ ............ .............................................................. p.VI
King Herod said to be “Excited” by III Visitors Looking for Newborn King.
by Underground Royal Court Reporter Hezron of Ram ............................................... ... p.XI
What is Going On Around Here? Putting the New Phenomenon Together.
by Rehoboam Philosophicus, Firstborn of the Fish Merchant ...................................... . p.XVI
Spirit of Giving Brings Chaos
to People of Bethlehem.
by Felicity Hooperschwagel ......... p.XVII
Shepherds Startled by Nighttime Apparition.
by Rehoboam ben Midrash.
Unusual Births Cited by local Midwife
.......... p.XX
by Elizabeth of Sepphoris ......... p.XXIX
SPORTS: ............................................... p.XXX
Gladiator Champions in Jerusalem Showdown
Chariot Races to Honor Caesar Augustus
Keeping an Eye on the Royals.
by Kitty Caligula ..................... p.XXXIV
Fun things to Do with all that Snow!
by Rebecca Smallchilds.
........... p.XXXV
Travel Worries Eased by Pax Romana .... p.XXXVI
The Star Classifieds
The Prayer of the Shepherds
............................. p.XXXIX
................. p.XLVI
The Bethlehem Star
is an e-magazine of historical fiction for the month of Jesus’
birth, a one-time-only publication of Scripture on Stage of
Livonia, Michigan, which also brings you its historical fiction
radio broadcast of exactly the same stories in The Voice of
Bethlehem, but with all the cool music and sound effects
backups.
If you enjoy this step back in time, perhaps you’ll also enjoy
our The Jerusalem Star e-magazine or its radio counterpart,
The Voice of Jerusalem, which will take you back to the days
of Jesus’ passion, death, and resurrection.
And thank you ever so much for the blessing you are to us for
supporting our efforts to bring alive the historical Jesus
through the magic of theater and the quill of historical fiction.
John Dzwonkowski, M.A. Theology, …Actor, and Editor-in-
Chief, is an ex-Maryknoll seminarian of 9 years college and
grad school, retired Director of Religious Education, and
Master Catechist for the Archdiocese of Detroit.
Please visit scriptureonstage.com for further info, or about our
Home Schoolers’ Catholic Education resource, Raising
R.I.C.K. (Responsible, Intelligent, Catholic Kids). And thanks.
copyright ©2020. All rights reserved. Please do not print,
copy, or distribute without the permission of Scripture on
Stage.

Bright Star Over Bethlehem
Said to be Sign of Birth
of Long-Awaited Messiah!
by Abraham ben Zokut, the Miller’s Son
Could this finally be
the sign we have all
been waiting for
since the dawn of
our forefathers?
Sound that Shofar! We’re
lookin’ at a whole new era
of prosperity for
Bethlehem!
Gimme a “B!”
We’re happy as a Judean farmer in a rainstorm over here
at the Bethlehem Star newspaper to see the entire city so
doggone excited about a “Bethlehem Star!”
But exactly what it is, or what it means, is anybody’s
guess!
Oh, we’re all well-familiar with what our ancient
prophetic friend Micah has said about us:
But you, Bethlehem-Ephrathah, too small to be among
the clans of Judah, from you shall come forth for me
one who is to be ruler in Israel.
That has always been a summons to us to keep our house
clean, to keep our lives pure and ready for the Lord.
Wouldn’t that be something if this mystical star settling so
brightly above us these days was actually the sign we have
been waiting for?
And now, thanks to this census that Augustus has
suddenly inflicted upon us, anybody and his brother
could be born in this town and grow up to be our
king, so our chances of fulfilling the prophecy in
our lifetime are really going up! Of course, there
are so many out-of-towners here these days that we
may never even know who it is! Now wouldn’t that

The Bethlehem Star
Pg. V
be a nasty hairball in the belly?
But then again, wouldn’t it be a
wonderful turn of events if our future king
did come from our home town here? No
longer would we be just that poor shepherd
town in the far away shadows of mighty
Jerusalem, would we? That would really be
something. Our children would likely be
showered with the best that life has to
offer! They’d likely build a brand new
temple here on whatever site was his
birthplace, and, man, would property
values soar on that piece of land and its neighbors.
I’ll bet we’d even get an aqueduct from our
cisterns on the backside of the hills, and that
would allow many of us to bathe with impunity.
Hard to imagine.
No longer would we be that little nothing town
that people pass by on their way to the festivals in
Jerusalem. In fact, it’s likely we’d be considered
for a coliseum, or a hippodrome, and just think of
all the jobs that would bring to town!
And travel! Whoa! How many times have
you been stepped over while waiting in line for a
room or a meal, ...or just to see some attraction? I
took my family to
Egypt just last
summer, of course,
to allow them to
see those fabulous
pyramids. I know
you’ve done the
same; my kids
weren’t the only
ones in rabbinical
school to have seen
them!
But there we were, patiently waiting our turn,
when some hoity-toity schlep from Athens shows
up with his whole entourage of uncles, aunts,
grandkids, the whole shebang; and who gets
bounced to the back of the line? It was
embarrassing, I tell you. We might as well have
been making bricks over there again!
Spotlight on US! Ya gotta love it!
And why? Because nobody ever heard of
Bethlehem, that’s why! But everybody wants to
hear about what life is like in Athens, don’t they?
Lot of big shots came from Athens, don’t you
know! Or even Jerusalem! Just try getting in line
behind a Jerusalemite! “Ooohh, tell me all about
that g-r-e-a-t Temple of yours.” It’s disgusting, I
tell you; it’s just disgusting.
It’s really too bad, too. Our Bethlehem is really
a beautiful little town. The only thing we lack— to
my mind, anyway— is a big name. Well, looks
like, if this star is right, that’s going to change real
soon around here.
No, never heard of your
…Bath-la-him. But come see our
amazing pyramids, no?
“Make way for
a king!” I say.
Or maybe he’ll
be a wealthy
merchant who will
sponsor the building of a
glorious hippodrome. Now
wouldn’t that be something?
And, who knows, could be
some powerful warrior, some
mighty rebel leader, like our
Judas Maccabeus, or a Samson
maybe, who is destined to free us from foreign
domination forever! I, for one, can’t wait.
People of Bethlehem, look up at that new
star with pride! Whether we realize it or not, it is
lighting the way for a whole new future for all of
us!

The Bethlehem Star
Pg. VI
Carpenter of Nazareth Claims to Be
Witness to Miracle of Peace
on Journey!
By Nehemiah, the Scribe
One Joseph of Nazareth, a young man who says he
traces his lineage to the family of our great King David, has
journeyed here to Bethlehem for the census of Augustus,
bringing his very pregnant new wife, Mary. But Joseph’s
story is unlike any other traveler’s story we have heard.
“I have traveled here many times before as a child;
but never have my eyes seen such wonders as they did on
this journey!” he says, as he gathers straw for his pretty
young wife’s bedding.
They arrived rather late into the town last night,
unfortunately, and there simply were no rooms left in any of
our inns. In fact, Bethlehem hasn’t seen so many travelers
around here since the glorious days of Judas (Maccabeus, of
course).
At any rate, believe it or not, citizens, grumpy old
Zacchaeus, long-time owner of the Servants’ Palace Inn on
IVth street, actually permitted them to take shelter for the
night in his run-down ramshackle stable, “…as long,” he
said, “as they didn’t disturb the sleep of my Goliath!”
Goliath, as you will recall, is that enormous ox who won
Ist prize at our province fair this last harvestfest. That is
one la-a-arge animal.
Joseph, a kind young man with a pleasant
countenance, and already a rather full beard for his young
years, was a soft-spoken man, but one who spoke
with the confidence of a seasoned leader. He is
well on his way, he said, to becoming a master
carpenter, under the tutelage of his father, Jacob,
who has been responsible for much of the
synagogue work in the region of southern Galilee.
As we talked, I finally got around to asking
him, rather casually, actually, about his journey
from Nazareth. But, as it turned out, that’s where
the real story lies. It’s about an LXXX-mile
journey, as you know, or closer to C miles if you
take the Jordan Valley route, which they did. And
that is where he claims to have witnessed what he
believes to be a sign, maybe even a miracle of
nature.
This is what he told me:
“I’ve made this journey before, a lot of
times, although never with a bride. And every time
I’ve gone through that Jordan valley, my dad and I
have had to carry some sort of weapon because of
the robbers and the wild beasts. We’ve seen bears,
lions, wild boars, snakes, you name it; that valley is
an arena for danger, I always thought. You never
travel through there unless you can be part of a large
caravan.
But not this time. This time was different.
Mary—that’s my bride—and I actually found
ourselves getting way behind the others from
Nazareth, mainly because I was trying to keep
Jasper, our family donkey, moving as slowly and
smoothly along as I could so the journey wouldn't be
so rough on Mary. That had to be tough on her back.
Oh, she never complains; but I figured it's gotta be.
In fact, we just made it. She actually gave birth to
our son just late last night, only shortly after we
arrived here. That was a close one.
When we started out, it was already pretty
cold, unusually cold for this land of ours. We’d
dressed in woolcloth, so we were okay on warmth
and all, but then, on the first evening of the trip, it all
of a sudden started snowing. Now you know we

The Bethlehem Star
Pg.VII
This is the likely view of that amazing star over our
town that the young carpenter and his new wife
had as they approached us.
don’t get much of that around here, and when we do, it
doesn’t stay for more than a couple of hours.
But this time was different. It started with just a few
flakes. But seems like it was no time before it was snowing
the biggest, and really most beautiful flakes either
of us could ever remember. It was surprisingly
peaceful, and we just watched it falling
so ...gently all around us as we continued.
Neither one of us said a word. We just watched
that snow.
In time, however, we both ended up
getting pretty wet, and Mary started shivering; so
we decided to stop, an hour or two outside of the
Esdraelon Valley just a little south of the road to
Scythopolis. I figured I’d make a fire for us to
warm ourselves. By this time, we had already
fallen behind the caravan, and the snow
prevented us from seeing much of anything up
ahead. We knew they’d stop soon too, though,
and we’d be able to catch up later by their wide
path of footprints.
Our staff artist’s
depiction of one of the
most feared predators in
the Jordan Valley forests
I helped Mary off of Jasper, and found a
sheltered cubby hole beneath a rockface where she
could sit and maybe rest her back against the rock. I
figured the fire would warm the rock face behind her
too, and that would serve to warm her and dry her out
even faster. I tied up Jasper right next to her so he’d
alert us if anything came prowling around.
Then, as I searched nearby for wood, I came
across a line of bear tracks that made me a little
nervous. Once I’d collected enough wood and got the
fire going good and strong, though, I didn't say a word
about the bear to Mary. Instead I made up a hot drink
and pulled out a few pieces of bread and a little bit of
fish, and we sat there beneath that rock and just watched
the snow falling, coating the entire valley now, trees and
grasses and all with what looked like a thick white quilt
of the purest lamb’s wool. It was breathtaking. And we
sat and sipped our drinks and talked about our child.
I’d brought together enough wood to last the
night, so we readied ourselves to sleep right there under
the shelter of the now-warm rock. But, just as we
snuggled up and lied down together, with Mary tucked
in tightly to my chest beneath the two blankets her
mother had given us, we heard a heavy rustle in the
brush not more than a stone’s throw from us.
“What’s that?” Mary whispered to me, a little
fright in her voice.
I had a feeling I knew, so I reached out and
pulled my hunting knife close to me. I’d also set several
torch sticks right next to us, and hoped that one or two
of them, quickly lit and wielded, would stave off any
predators.
“I don’t know,” I said, as I reached for
one of the torch sticks.
“Look!” Mary whispered hurriedly,
“Over there!”
She pointed to a lamb that emerged
from the small patch of woodland in front
of us. It just stared at us, sizing us up
probably, and then it turned and froze in its
tracks.
An enormous brown bear stepped out
of the woods only about thirty paces to our
right, with two tiny shivering cubs
scrambling along close behind her.
Mary gripped my arm real tight. “J-o-se-p-h,
what should we do?”
I wasn’t sure myself.

The Bethlehem Star
Pg. VIII
“Nothing,” I whispered back. “Let’s stay real still.
We’re best off right here behind the fire.”
The giant bear stopped as soon as it spotted our fire.
She stood up on her hind feet and sniffed the air, first in our
direction, and then toward the petrified lamb. And then she
did something that I’ve never seen any animal do. She turned
on her hind feet and just stared at that new bright star in the
sky, the one that’s over your Bethlehem tonight.
And then, after maybe a minute or so, with her cubs
tugging at her legs, she moved slowly closer to that terrified
lamb, and curled her huge fury body up under the shelter of a
large pine tree, tucking her two cubs up close under her
forepaws, no further than five or six paces from the lamb.
The cubs nuzzled in and seemed to go immediately to sleep;
and the mother bear just rested her large head on her paws
and seemed to look rather sadly at the lamb.
Mary and I watched this for what seemed like an
hour or more before we both started to nod off as the warmth
of the fire and the heated rock enveloped us.
When next I awoke to stoke the fire, I was amazed to
see that lamb tucked in right against the powerful neck of
that bear, sleeping incredibly peacefully as the giant beast
lifted one eyelid to watch my movements by way of
protecting her young.
Never before have I seen anything like that in my
life.”
Well, there you have it, readers. If this young man is
to be believed— and he does have an amazingly honest face
—then has a miracle of nature been witnessed in our
homeland? Has that wondrous star we’ve all seen overhead
these last few days been an omen of the changing of an era?
Could it be that we are actually ushering in a time of peace
among our people? If a Messiah—our King, and the savior
of our people—is to be born during these cold and darkened
days of Kislev, then the big question becomes, who is he?
This, the real story today, may take us many many
years to discover.
Sooo, for us
lucky ones, EVERY
day is Hump Day.
From Our Readers...
Dear Bethlehem Star Editor:
Thanks for all your efforts in unmasking the
swindling tricks and traps of the tax collectors
in your last month’s issue. I’ve been fudging
my own books for years, but now I believe I
have new insights for success, thanks to your
excellent coverage.
~ Anonymous
You’ve got to be nuts to give Herod’s son,
Archelaus, that much coverage last month.
There’s no way that scumbag is going to
ascend to the throne. He’s got a rock for a
heart and saltwater for brains. Cover Antipas
instead; I’m telling you!
~ Lydia, daughter of Noah of the tribe of
Napthali
Just a caution to your readers, Bethlehem Star.
That recipe you printed last month for gefilte
fish was out of the known world. I made some,
and now I can’t get my relatives to leave.
~ Sympaticus the Light-Headed of Caesarea
Your review of our new play, The Last Dance
of Julius, now playing at the Amphitheater of
Caesarea, completely missed the point. This is
our first offering of a really sound musical
comedic tragedy, and you are keeping people
away!
~ Euthanasius of Gad
This newspaper always arrives with dirt on it!
What’s going on?? Can we get a new
paperboy?
~ Disgusted in Bethany
Ed. Note: Readers, this IS an underground
newspaper!

The Bethlehem Star Pg. IX
Weather for Locals
by Heather of Yokols
TEMPERATURE
A little colder than usual for winter, water buckets may freeze.
PRECIPITATION
Unusual amounts of snowfall, especially in the high country around
Jerusalem and Bethlehem. It’s magnificent, though, and we heartily
suggest you get outside and enjoy it! We don’t get to see it around
here enough!
A caution, though—DON’T taste any yellow snow you find!
WIND
Yes, cover your heads. Anticipate bad hair days!
PRESSURE
Pressure, as always, steadily on the rise, direct result of Roman
occupation, we think.
COMMENTS
Be sure to jump out there and take advantage of the rare
snowfall. Nice company for that wonderful new star.
Enjoy; won’t last long!
Our Weather Word
of the day today…
“BRRRRR!”
CAUTION, though! Those long pointy icicles
growing from your overhanging roof are NOT to be
used as cattle prods! Kids are being brought in to our
healers with something they’re calling frostbite of the
fingers. Nasty stuff, especially if you’re a harpist.
PLEASE, those nasty frozen buggers are not to be
trifled with. You could poke somebody’s eye out with
one of those things!
For the courageously experimental parents, however,
you might wanna set a coupla skinny vessels of fruit
juice outside overnight, then put a stick handle in
‘em, and watch your kids go nuts when you serve
them to them at dawn as they come in exhausted
again from the fields.
Just sayin’. You’ll thank me.

The Bethlehem Star
Pg. X
“Know Your Holy Book” Quiz
(answers on pg. XLII)
Okay! O-KAY!
I’m thinkin’ here!
1. For how long a period of time did Cain hate his
brother?
2. Who is the fastest runner in the Bible?
3. What instructions did Noah give his sons about
fishing off the ark?
4. What fruit lasted the longest in Noah’s ark?
5. When is a piece of wood like our great King
David?
6. Why were the shepherds unable to speak when
the angels appeared to them?
7. What makes us suspect that Job
was a medical doctor?
8. What is the only evidence we
have of drug abuse in the
Good Book?
9. Who was the very best
musician in all of our history?
10. Which prophet was apparently
not always truthful in our
Scriptures?
Tidbits of Wisdom
by Rabbi Joachim ben Laffin
Without scruples, there really isn’t much
fun in temptation.
Always put off tonight what you’ve
got to put on in the morning.
If you don’t go to friends’
funerals, then don’t expect
them to come to yours.
Life is wonderful; without it you’re dead.
If you can make your guests feel
at home when you wish they
were, you are a good host.
If you make your bed of camel
hair, don’t complain when
your mattress is lumpy.
The only fool bigger than the
person who knows it all is the
person who argues with him.
In any municipal parade, always place
the street cleaners right behind the
politicians.

King Herod said to be “Excited” by III Visitors
Looking for Newborn King!
by “Underground” Royal Court Reporter Hezron of Ram
They are astronomers by trade, students of the stars, and
apparently very learned and successful ones at that. They
had brought with them a fair-sized caravan of servants and
gifts, most of which, of course, were pleasantly accepted by
our good King Herod. The man is shameless.
They remained in Jerusalem at least a fortnight, waiting,
they said, for the star they had been following to reappear
and direct their travel. In time, however, they did depart the
city, leaving through the Kidron Valley towards late
afternoon on the day before Sabbath. They’d only gone
about II-III miles along the southern road when, as night
approached, they made their camp, now about halfway
between Jerusalem and our small town of Bethlehem,
Royal court reporter Simon “Sketch” Quillquick
depicts the visit of III Men of Wisdom from the East in
the presence of a harried King Herod last week
during Herod’s experimental “Open Forum,” which
has, lamentably, already resulted in the torture and
death of no less than VII naïve complainers.
It’s not often that we receive visits from III
learned men of wisdom from among our people
in the region of our former exile, Babylon, right
here in our holy city Jerusalem!
But we did.
This month, three men, giving their names as
Kasper, Melchior, and Balthasar, appeared at the great
gate of the ornate palace of King Herod on the western
edge of the upper city, with the message that they had
come to our land in search of the meaning of the bright
new star that has appeared in the skies over our
Bethlehem.
III Visitors of Wisdom from the East travel through the
mountain passes to our Land, following our new
Bethlehem star. In our artist’s depiction, they are astride
their camels: (l-r) Kasper, Melchior, and Balthasar. That’s
me on the left inviting them to share a meal, in hopes that I
might interview them on their journey. Hezron of Ram

The Bethlehem Star
Pg. XII
which, as you know, readers, is only a distance of about VI
miles to the south of our Holy City. It was there that I was
able to catch up with them.
For the first hour or so, I underwent a long ritual during
which I must have finally convinced them of where my
loyalties really lie.
Then I turned to one of the
III, Kasper, a tall, stately man,
although with a rather pale
countenance, much like a ghost
to this writer’s eyes, and asked
him about the elaborate gifts
they had brought.
He told me, “Those were
supposed to be for the family of
the one who has been born. We
believe that he is the Messiah
that we have all been waiting
for, and we wanted to be sure
that his family is well provided
for. We expect that he will be of
humble heritage.”
Kaspar, the Spokesman
“Are you kings?” I
asked them, seeing how large
their entourage was, how
ornately dressed they were, and
how lavish were their materials and gifts.
“Not at all,” Kasper said, with a slight smile on his face.
“Like others in the East,” he explained, “we have spent much
of our lives in the study of the stars. They always have much
to tell us. And we have been rather successful in helping
various businesses arrange their affairs based at least partly
on the knowledge that we have gained. For this we have been
compensated rather handsomely, even by several of the
monarchs in that land on a fairly regular basis. In fact, our
families have been involved in this type of study for many
generations now, and the reputation of the families, as well as
our financial status, has been carried on from generation to
generation.”
“So how is it, then,” I continued, “that you saw fit to
undertake such an arduous journey as this, over dangerous
mountain passes where surely robbers and gangs of brigands
would be anxious to lie in wait for such bearers of wealth as
you three?”
Kasper looked at his two companions. They thought a
moment, and then I noticed Balthasar laying his finger aside
of his nose and beginning to develop a sort of a gleam in his
sparkling eyes. He was a short, chubby fellow whose heavy
white beard only slightly concealed dimples and surprisingly
rosy cheeks—rare, but appealing features on the jolly face of
a man of his advanced age.
And then he spoke.
“Somehow, we all knew not to be worried. We
knew that this star was a sign that peace was about
to fill the land. We knew we would be okay. Of
course, we consider ourselves wise men, not fools,
so we always travel with our hired mercenary
soldiers, more for a deterrent to robbers than
anything else. We’ve never yet been subject to any
attack in our travels.”
“How did it happen that you all decided to
travel together, then?” I asked.
Melchior, a large-framed, healthy-looking, yet
older man, who seemed to be a much more serious
fellow, answered me. “It was Kasper who brought
us together for this, soon after we happened upon
one another in a city park on the west side of
Babylon one night as each of us had come there to
get a better look at what appeared to be a new
revelation in the sky.”
“You mean our star,” I said.
“Yes, that’s right,” he nodded. “You see, when
our father in the Heavens wants to tell us something
special, He often uses
His stars. And He
places them up there
for us with their own
special color,
brightness,
twinkle, ...and even
with their own
individual feel about
them.”
“A feel about
them?” I asked. I
wasn’t sure I
understood. “What do
you mean?” I said to
Melchior, the Elder
them.
Melchior
continued, “When we
realized that each of
us that night was gazing at the same exact star, we
began to discuss it together. And each of us had the
same exact feeling about it. As we studied its
movements each night, we couldn’t help but feel a
tremendous calm, and yet, at the same time, a
wonderful excitement, that it was a sign from on
high of the beginning of an era of worldwide peace.
Never before had we seen or felt any other star like
this one. We watched it together for nearly a month;
and then, when we were pretty sure we knew what
it meant, we decided to follow it, and find out for
ourselves.”
“Yes,” added Kasper, “but, oddly enough, once
we stopped in Jerusalem, the star disappeared. It

The Bethlehem Star
Pg. XIII
didn’t reappear until now, and so that is why we set out again.
We can see now, though,” he added, looking up at the star,
“that it is finally bringing us to our destination. It appears so
much brighter here even than in our own homeland, that we
are convinced that our sense of this star is correct. Now it is
only a matter of welcoming into the world the person whom it
is for, and of perhaps easing the path, in some small way, for
the family who will shoulder this tremendous responsibility.”
“And then?” I asked. “Will you become advisors to this
person; will you remain with him to help make certain that the
world accepts him for who he is to be?”
“Not at all,” chimed in the smiling Balthasar. “We have no
doubt that, whoever this person is to be, our Father in heaven
would not have put him or her here without also providing
only the finest parents to guide them on their journey through
childhood. No, we will not remain. It is our intent to step out
of the way, to return to our homeland, and to allow the hand of
our Father to steer the
course of destiny.
“Surely,”I continued,
“as you followed the star
towards the west, surely
you anticipated finding
this person in some city
of great importance, like
our holy city Jerusalem.
Doesn’t it seem ...odd
that a “king,” as you say,
should come from our
tiny Bethlehem?”
“At first, yes,”
answered Melchior, “but,
as we came up from
Jericho, from the Jordan
Valley into the Judean
highlands here, we could
readily see that this star
was not leading us to
Jerusalem, but rather a little farther south. That is when our
excitement began to grow.”
Balthasar added, “We wouldn’t have gone to that city at all
if it hadn't been that Herod sent out his henchmen to ‘escort’ us
in, ‘protecting us,’ of course, and making sure that we made a
stop at his palace with all of our gifts first. Now personally, I
love giving gifts, but really, how do you people put up with
him, anyway? It’s like wearing a camel-hair shirt inside out!”
He laughed, and grabbed onto his belly with both his hands
just to keep it from shaking too much and knocking him off
balance, I’d guess.
Kasper added, “At our arrival in front of his throne, I’m
afraid we made a big mistake.”
“What do you mean?” I asked.
“We announced that we had come to help him
celebrate the birth of a child whom we believed to
have been a member of his own family, the future
king.”
“Yeah, big mistake that was!” laughed Balthasar.
“Well,” added Melchior, “we’d already told the
soldier escorts whom he sent out for us what we were
here for. How could we not say that we thought this
future king was to come from Herod’s family?”
“He’d have had our heads!” laughed Balthasar.
“And it’s so hard to travel without your head, you
know! It’s got your eyes in it; your ears; everything!”
“We certainly knew too well,” Balthasar added, a
big grin on his face, “that no Messiah was going to
come out of Herod’s family. If he did, Herod would
have had him killed right away, like he did his wife,
and half the rest of his family already. Personally, I
pity his sons
Aristobulus and
Balthasar, the Jolly, …my clear favorite
Alexander, who
ought to watch
their backs
around the
eldest,
Antipater. We
packed in a few
extra gift items
just to appease
him, but, I’ll
tell you, we
didn’t calculate
his greed
accurately
enough. No
wonder you all
are breaking
under his tax
load!”
I couldn’t help but grin just a little.
“Then, you come bearing gifts for this newborn
infant?” I asked them.
“Yes, we do,” Kasper said.
“Of course!” chimed in Balthasar. “Who comes
to a birthday party without a gift; especially for the
actual birthday?”
“May I ask, then, what do you bring ...for an
infant?”
They all looked solemnly at one another. And
then Kasper spoke.
“The road of a child such as this will not be an
easy road, my friend. So we bring III gifts. We
believe that his origin will somehow be from the
Divine, so we bring the finest incense in the world,

The Bethlehem Star
Pg. XIV
Frankincense, so often used as an offering to our God. We
also bring myrrh, that richest of ointments used for special
healing and to inter the deceased, as this Chosen One will
have to undergo much suffering before His work is
complete. May they be symbols not only of this child’s
stature in the eyes of the Divine, but may they also serve to
protect him on his journey.”
Then Balthasar leaned in to
me, a sharp gleam in his spirited
eyes. “But, for Earthly giftgiving,
there is no better
protection than gold, my friend,
the currency of kings. It travels
light, and it provides whatever
they may need, ...at least for a
time.”
“Gold.” I said.
“Gold!” he answered.
“You seem so sure,” I said to
them, “that the one to be born is
to be a king. How can you know
that?”
Again they looked at one
another, and then up to that star.
Then Melchior touched my
shoulder. “Our Father above,” he
said, in a more solemn, more
meditative tone, “does not release
a bright new star like that into our
heavens without using it to tell us
something special is about to
happen.”
“What do you mean?” I
asked him.
“The III of us all see peace in
this star. We believe that, because
of the way it shines, the
brightness it brings, and the very
sense of awe and tranquility that
it has brought to each of us who
has studied it, that this star means
that our world is on the edge of
great change for the better.
We saw today that your King
Herod is a rather sickly man. He
may go down in history as a great
builder, but he is not the
statesman that his father
Antipater was. And the sons of
his that we met today from
several of his X wives seem
every bit as ruthless as he. Following his passing, we
see very difficult times ahead for this land.
Within a lifetime, however, we now look to
greatness for the people of Yahweh, and we believe
that the source of this greatness will be found
wherever this star will lead us.”
A page from Kasper’s notebook
Celestial Observations DCCXLVII
Month of Tammuz — II celestial bodies, Jupiter and Saturn, have
been brought very close together in constellation of Pisces. Jupiter -
“The King’s Star.” Saturn - “The Defender of Palestine.” Perhaps new
King to appear as defender of Palestine? Pisces—constellation of
Fishes. Remember—this constellation always associated with Syria
and Palestine, and represents epochal events to take place there when
signs appear. Could this mean a defender King to appear in the land of
Palestine? Stay watchful!
Month of Cheshvan — after separation of celestial bodies for last III
months; now brought together again.
Month of Kislev— Saturn and Jupiter once again separated, then
rejoined. close to Mars, all in constellation of Pisces again. Weather
turning cold. Contact Balthasar and Melchior. We must journey west
to Palestine to find its meaning! This may not last much longer!

The Bethlehem Star
Pg. XV
We sat quietly then, and sipped our hot drinks. I thought
long and hard about all that they had said to me this night.
After some time, I asked them if they were going to
return to King Herod, as he had asked them to do once they
discovered who this newborn king child was.
And Balthasar burst into fits of laughter!
“Oh, yes!” he howled at me, “And we’re going to bring
the infant child to Herod wrapped in gold cloth, so he can
kill the baby and send us all into another century of misery!”
“Now wouldn’t that be something?” he bellowed. “We
spend a lifetime seeking wisdom, and then turn around and
ruin it for everybody by falling prey to a wretch the likes
of Herod. Wouldn’t be a whole lot of wisdom in that,
now, would there be?”
“Actually,” Kasper confided to me, as Balthasar
started banging his head against his camel in fits of
laughter, “each of us received word in the same dream
last night to consider returning to our homes by another
route. I think that’s advice we’ll do well to heed.”
I like these guys.
SSSHHHH, don’t let this out, but our
III wise friends did NOT return to our
greedy, selfish excuse for a king.
Uh, they’re …wise, so they returned home
by a wa-a-ay different route. …Nice.
The III Magi anxiously prepare to depart for Bethlehem
after our most delightful and informative interview.

The Bethlehem Star
Pg. XVI
What Is Going On Around Here?
Putting the New Phenomena Together
by Rehoboam Philosophicus,
firstborn of the fish merchant
We’ve all seen the snow. Who hasn’t seen the
snow? It’s everywhere; it’s gorgeous; and it has never fallen
as much as this in our lifetime. This much beauty—pure
white beauty at that, has to be our Father in heaven speaking
to us.
And then there’s the star. Or is it III different
heavenly bodies all coming together in the
constellation of Pisces? Well, everyone knows what
that means! Just ask the III learned men who have
journeyed all the way here just to visit ...a baby.
Come to think of it, what’s up with that?
How often do people with real money come to
our Bethlehem?
People here seem affected by all of this,
but in a really neat way. Have you ever seen so
many random acts of kindness before in your
life? Neither have I. Babies are falling asleep as
soon as they’re laid down. My own in-laws have
come out with IV unsolicited compliments of my
mother in less than a month. Teenagers are
talking to their parents willingly. I didn’t hear a
single angry argument in the town square all
week. I even tried to create a few by
complimenting King Herod right out in the open.
And, wouldn’t you know it; people said they
actually agreed that the man does have a good
side. People of Bethlehem, what is going on?
Something’s up! And I think it has to do
with all of these signs coming together. Citizens
of Judea, prepare the way of the Lord, I say. Our
minds and hearts are being affected, and I believe
it’s all for the good. Could it be that our Rabbis
are actually right when they say that we enjoy
more happiness in our own lives when we reach
out to help others?
Just a thought: perhaps we ought to note
this time of year, and find a way to act more like
this every year, at least at this time, just to
commemorate the difference it makes in
everyone’s world when each of us actually shows
that we care.
Hmmph, maybe we really are made in
His image and likeness after all.

The Bethlehem Star
Pg. XVII
“Spirit of Giving” Brings Chaos
to People of Bethlehem
by Felicity Hooperschwagel
“It all started with the pomegranates! If it
wasn’t for the pomegranates, none of this would ever
have happened!”
Those are the words of long-time resident Mortimer Shlep, LVI years
old, when questioned about the phenomenon of “giving” that has struck this
town, as some are saying, ever since that new star appeared in the skies
over us several weeks ago.
“So it’s the morning of Sabbath;” he told me, “so, of course, I
go to the market. So what else am I to do? It’s Sabbath. So who doesn’t
go? And I’m there for the pomegranates. All those seeds, they gotta be
good for you, so, of course, I’m an older man, I eat pomegranates.
Well, I pick out a dozen—they’re VI shekels a dozen—and I
hand Isaac VI shekels.
And Isaac says to me he won’t take the money. Says ‘Today,
the pomegranates are free.’
I look at him, of course, as if he’s got his head on
backwards. This is a man who charges children for mutton
samples, and now he’s giving away pomegranates for free!
Right away, of course, I get suspicious. And who
wouldn’t?
I argue. He argues back. After X minutes of argue,
…I walk away with a dozen free pomegranates.
They taste a whole lot sweeter when they’re free, you
know. He tells me, ‘Maybe do something nice for someone else
now, Mortie.’
So I walks away, but now I feel like I got an obligation. I
gotta do something nice for somebody too. So I eat one
pomegranate, and then I walk through the marketplace and give
away the other eleven—to old women, to kids, one I even fed to a
dog, if you can believe such nonsense. What was I gonna do, eat all
of them? How could I ever sleep again if I didn’t also do something
nice?”
We’ve heard reports like this all through Bethlehem.
It even came to us that miserly old Zacchaeus, owner of the
Servants’ Palace Inn on IVth street, reputed to be the meanest, stingiest,
albeit wealthiest man in town, actually offered lodging to a poor young
couple from Galilee this week, just because the woman was IX months
pregnant and it was so terribly cold outside. Now when did circumstances like
that ever affect ol’ Zacchaeus? It’s not too often we get to cover stories of
kindness like this, but this month we’ve been deluged.

The Bethlehem Star
Pg. XVIII
We’ve had reports of mothers-in-law holding their
tongues; children playing games in the street where a whole
team loses, and yet nobody gets punched. Brothers and sisters
are helping one another to clean up their rooms. Some
children are washing the dishes without being asked; and a
few have even been reported to be going to bed without being
told by anyone to do so.
The list goes on.
Yesterday in the
marketplace I came upon
none other than that
mountain of a gladiator,
Tyrannosaurus Horribilis,
the one, you remember,
with the short arms and the
enormous teeth who
decimated those four
unfortunate fishermen from
Crete in a drunken brawl
just last month. He was at
Frumel’s Fruit Promenade
where I watched him
squeezing the oranges to
test them for freshness.
When he accidentally pulverized II in a row and
started to become frustrated, frugal old Mr. Frumel simply
slipped him a bowl to catch the juice each time. He loved it;
and pretty soon everyone’s gathering around to sample the
fresh-squeezed orange juice. Smiling Mr. Frumel makes a
killing.
So what’s going on? Well, that’s anybody’s guess.
We could offer an opinion, but we thought you’d rather hear
one from our town elder, Rabbi
These random
acts of kindness
are going to kill my
criminal career.
Ben ben Huutin. Here’s what he
had to say:
“It must be because of that
new star. It is,
of course, a
sign from our
God, but,
“What is it He is trying
to tell us?” I ask.
Then I look about
me. I too see all that
you have seen, and I
feel the joy inside, the
feeling of being at
peace with my
community that all of
these actions bring.
And I think to myself
that that must be what
our God is trying to tell
us.
Thoughts to live by…
When one gazes on that star, and on the
beauty of the heavens all around it, how can one not
think of the order, the unity, the glory of the world
that He has created? It helps me to see all of us as
part of His community of creation together. The
more we are unified, the more we work together, the
more we help one another,
the more beautiful is all of
creation. And, when we do
something nice for
someone else, something
that conforms to the Divine
plan; we feel His presence
inside us, the warmth of
His thanks and of His
praise.
It’s a very nice feeling.
When, however, we hurt
others by our words or our
actions, even if we gain
something for ourselves,
then too we can feel the
presence of our God inside
us, pulling at our hearts,
telling us that we have done something hurtful to
His creatures.
That, I believe, is the message of the star. If
we are ever to really usher in an era of peace, we
must always remember that it can only arrive when
we join our hearts continually to His.”
Well, there you have it, readers. Around this
pressroom, anyway, the words of Rabbi Ben are
never ever taken lightly.
I am nobody.
Nobody is
perfect.
I am perfect.

The Bethlehem Star
Pg. XIX
Cloth merchant seeks -
Experienced Mercenaries
for security duty.
If this picture reminds you of home, then
you’ll have a home with us!
Experience with gladiatorial combat a big
plus, but must have all limbs intact and at
least partially functional.
Roman and Greek
military experience accepted.
Higher rates for cavalry with mount.
Proven record of brutality a plus.
Sign-on bonus for any severed head
brought to initial interview.
Find Omar of Damascus
at Sheep’s Gate market
Tuesdays & Thursdays.
Excellent pay, spoils extra.

The Bethlehem Star
Pg. XX
Shepherds Startled
…by Nighttime Apparition!
by Rehoboam ben Midrash
“I come from VII generations of shepherds, and none
of us ever had anything happen like what happened to us last
night!”
Those were the words of Samuel ben Jehudah, son of
Isaac, of the town of Bethlehem, where he says he and his III
brothers were tending their flock on the hillsides just north of
the town when he says our God stepped out into the night, into
their lives, ...and altered the course of history.
“It was unusually cold. All of us thought that,”
Samuel starts to explain. “We had to feel bad for all those
travelers who were coming into the city looking for lodging.
Not many people come to our town, so there really aren’t a lot
of inns. But there sure seem to be a lot of us who came from
the family of David! This census that Augustus ordered is
cause for a whole lot of family reunions around here. They’re
great times, but who has that kind of space? I hope everybody
has found some place to stay inside!
Anyway, we shepherds are pretty used to the cold.
Hey, wool is half our livelihood! But, even with that, it was
still mighty cold last night. The sky was half clouded over, and
the clouds kept floating slowly by that gorgeous new star up
there.
And then, out of nowhere, it started snowing.
Now that we don’t see very often. And usually it’s a
real nuisance. But not tonight. For some reason, and
we all felt the same this time, the snow seemed soft,
real gentle, quiet, peaceful. And the air that brought it
to us was as still as a sleeping lamb.
My little brother Benjamin was warming a
bunch of good-sized rocks for us to sit on to try to
warm the inner man, but that’s kind of touch n’ go—
some are way too hot, and others are barely
warm, ...and none of them are really very soft.
Thomas, the eldest of us, was trying to
squeak out a tune or two on his flute, as much to keep
the wolves away as to calm our nerves, I think. He’s
really not that good, but he’s bigger than any of us, so
nobody wants to tell him. Anyway, his spit kept
freezing in the flute every time he’d stop for a
minute, and, when he finally tried to warm it over the
open flame, it caught fire. We all thought he got the
best sound out of it finally only when he blew into it
trying to put out the fire. Sometimes blessings are a
mixed bag, it seems.

The Bethlehem Star
Pg. XXI
Benjamin’s VII-year old son, Tobias, has always
taken a shine to his Uncle Thomas, and maybe some of his
enthusiasm for music too. Here’s hoping, though, that he, at
least, also got some talent to go with it. A couple of weeks
ago, he began experimenting with goat hides, trying to make
some small drums that had a decent sound to them. He’s
getting close, actually. Anyway, at least his drums don’t
freeze in this cold and, as long as he held them in against his
lap, the two he had brought with him didn’t really sound too
bad.
No matter. What really captivated us that night was
that brilliant star that has settled over Bethlehem these last
couple of days. It’s gorgeous to look at, and seems to light up
the whole countryside. It’s not just bright, though; it also
seems somehow to have brought a certain warmth to this hill
country, but a warmth that has little to do with temperature,
if that makes any sense. It’s a very ...peaceful star. At least
that’s what our Rabbi’s been telling us. I think he’s right. Me
and my brothers can feel it inside.
Well, that’s what got us all to just sit down together
last night for a change. We usually split up and surround the
flock; but not last night. Young Benjamin had lied down and
was starting to nod off. We were still kidding Thomas and
young Toby about their music—and they weren’t even upset.
Something was up.
And then it started. We were all sitting there quietly
studying the star, huddled around the fire, when John, my
twin, said that he felt a very warm breeze floating in from
the south. You’d expect a cold breeze from the sea to the
west, or else from the mountains to the north. But this one
was warm. No mistake about it.
And then Thomas said, “Listen!”
And, from somewhere off in the distance, we heard
the most beautiful blend of voices, only faintly at first. It
sounded like men’s and women’s voices, singing with a
voice the likes of which we had never ever heard before.
As we listened, Thomas said, “It seems to be coming
from the Inn of Zacchaeus.” His place is right on the
northern edge of town, so it was only about 1⁄4 to 1⁄2
mile from where we were. But it wasn’t the usual
tavern song that we’ve heard come out of there
before. These songs were...beautiful to hear, peaceful,
...inspiring, ...and filled the air with ...majesty
somehow. I’d never heard anything like it.
And, as we sat and listened, all of us in awe
of the sound, the singing seemed to be coming closer.
It grew gradually louder to us, not because the singers
had raised their voices—the same wondrous,
harmonious, even-toned blend continued— but
because the source of the singing was getting
somehow closer to us.
And then we saw them. They seemed to
appear out of thin air. Men and women of the most
peaceful countenance, smiling at us as they sang. My
first thought was that our wives had somehow
arranged for this night to... But no, that would be
impossible, and where would anyone find such
magnificent voices as this, or be able to pay for such
a performance? And their robes were of the most
brilliant white, not the heavy wool or any furs like so
many of us had to wear against the cold.
It scared us out of our wits! Benjamin, no
longer nodding off now, shot straight up from his
bedclothes.
“What’s happening?” he whispered, clutching
at the back of my robe.
“I don’t know.” I whispered back, “But don’t
move. They don’t seem to be armed!”
As they approached nearer and nearer,
obviously intending to come straight to where we
were, my brothers and I tried to slide inconspicuously
closer and closer together, huddling now in fear, not
knowing what to make of this...apparition. I noticed
Toby slip his head under the armpit of his father,
reaching out and pulling his two drums close in to
him as if to keep them safe.

The Bethlehem Star
Pg. XXII
And then they were upon us. They stood right before
us, with their wonderful singing filling our ears, and
somehow our hearts, with ...with...a song of highest praise
for our God. And, as they sang, we could all, every one of us,
feel the energy, the very warmth of their presence. Nobody
spoke a word; we simply sat there awestruck.
And then one among them spoke. “Do not be afraid.”
I thought to myself, “He’s gotta be kidding.”
But he continued, “Behold, I proclaim to you good
news of great joy that will be for all the people.”
And I thought, “Are they bringing news to everyone
in town like this?” I was shaking, I was so confused.
But the messenger continued. “Today in the city of
David a Savior has been born for you who is Messiah and
Lord. And this will be a sign for you: you will find an infant
wrapped in swaddling clothes and lying in a manger.”
“Lying in a manger?” I thought. “Why would anyone
put a baby in an animal’s feeding trough? That’s terrible!”
But, even as those thoughts passed through my head, the man
turned to me and smiled. And his look was a very peaceful
look of ...understanding, ...of gentleness, ...and of a genuine
joy at the news that he had brought to us.
When he had finished telling us of this birth, all of
those gathered with him, maybe XXX or XL strong now,
again raised their voices in the most wondrous song of
praise, and they sang:
Glory to God in the highest.
And on earth peace to those on whom his favor
rests.
And then they departed, ...just disappeared from our
midst, and we listened as their wonderful singing slowly
faded away back toward the town.
Well, we were shaken to the bone. Poor
Benjamin had tears in his eyes, but I really don’t
know if from fear or joy. Little Toby’s eyes were
opened so wide in awe that I thought they looked like
a pair of biscuits popping out of his head! I felt
overwhelmed myself. I really can’t explain all of the
emotions that swirled around inside my heart. All of
us, we just sat there mystified for what had to be
several minutes, trying to comprehend what had just
happened to us.
Finally, my brother John broke the silence:
“Our wives are going to think we were drinking.”
“They won’t believe a single word of this,”
mumbled Thomas, seemingly lost in his own
thoughts beside me to the left.
We waited. We shook our heads slowly in
silence, trying to understand. The warm breeze had
left us when the strangers did, and now the cold of
the winter night was once again beginning to knock
on our door.
At last, I suggested to them, “My brothers,
what we have just witnessed could only have
been ...messengers ...from the Lord. They must have
been ...Angels. Who else can sing His praises with
such ...angelic voices? Who but the Angels of the
Lord can robe themselves in such pure white
garments against the cold of the night?”
We paused then, and we couldn’t help but
turn our eyes to that Star. After a long moment, I said
to them, “Let us go to Bethlehem to see this thing
that has taken place, which the Lord has made known
to us.”
“But,” Benjamin, holding little Toby close to
his side, asked, “where would we go? What would
we look for?”
And I suggested, “If I heard them right, the
long-awaited Messiah, the one who is to bring peace
and freedom to our people, has been born tonight,
somewhere in this ...ramshackle, insignificant town
of ours. And we’ll find him lying, of all places, in a
manger.”
Then Thomas added, “Yes, I heard that too;
and it made me think that, yes, the Messiah, whoever
he is to be, would be born to humble beginnings.
Wasn’t Moses himself born into slavery?”
“Yeah,” John added. “Can you imagine what
kind of man would come out of Herod’s family?
Couldn’t be born in a palace somewhere! Couldn’t
be. It would be a complete waste.”
Then I turned to my brothers and I said,
“Brothers, if this...apparition, ..or...vision that we
have all just had is ...true, then this is what we have

The Bethlehem Star
Pg. XXIII
been waiting for all of our lives. Our people have been
waiting for hundreds of years for this very night. And, with
all the important and worthy people of our land—the Scribes,
the Rabbis, the Priests of the Temple even—for some reason
our God has chosen us, shepherds, to be the first to receive
the news; to be the first to know of the birth of the Messiah.
Let us go into town and find him. I believe tonight, of all
nights, our sheep will remain unharmed. Let us go, then, into
Bethlehem.
We gathered ourselves up and walked along the
ridge of the hill over to the edge of town. It was amazing, but
it appeared as if the new star
was shining even brighter
than in the recent days past,
and now it seemed to be
shining right over the Inn of
Zacchaeus the Miser.
So that’s where we
went. As we approached the
door, I thought to myself,
“Wouldn’t that be a stretch if
the Messiah were to be born
under the banner of a stingy
guy like this?”
Then, as John went
to knock on the door—it was
the middle of the night, of
course—I stopped him
suddenly.
“Wait!” I said.
“They told us He would be
found ...in a manger. ...Why
don’t we try the stable first?”
They agreed, so we
made our way around to the
back of the Inn to Zacheus’s
stable. As soon as we came
around the corner of the
building we all stopped in
our tracks. A beam of light
glistened in the night,
shining straight down from
the star to this meager little
run-down animal barn. Made me nervous just to behold it.
We moved toward it with probably the same caution in our
steps that I imagine Daniel had when he was in the lion’s
den.
The stable itself was sort of a lean-to timbered
structure built in against a rock face that had been a type of
caved enclosure many years ago. Wasn’t much to look at,
and, even as we approached, I found myself hoping that, if
there was to be a Messiah born, that he wouldn’t have to
spend his first days among our people in such a brokendown,
smelly place like this. It would be an
embarrassment. What kind of hosts would we be?
Thomas took a deep breath, and then he
knocked, lightly, on the stable door. We heard
stirrings inside, a woman’s voice whispering.
My heart sank. “What are we doing here?” I
thought to myself. “These people just want to get
some sleep. It’s the middle of the night, for cryin’out
loud!”
But then we heard the latch bar being lifted
from inside, and the door slowly creaked open, just a
little. Immediately, though, I
could feel the warmth from
inside. I could also smell the
animals. Whoa.
A young man peered
out at us, rubbing his eyes,
“Yes, do you need a place to
stay? We don’t have much
room in here, but we certainly
can find a way. How many
are you? My name is Joseph,
son of Jacob, the carpenter of
Nazareth, and you are all
welcome. Please, come in.”
“Wow!” I thought to
myself. “We could be
robbers, brigands, ne’er-dowells,
anything; and this
young man invites us in
without even a second
thought.” This Joseph was a
big fellow, though. Those
carpenters always were;
but...even so, there were IV
of us. “He must be a young
man of great courage,” I
remember thinking to myself.
“You look to me like
This is the humbly touching scene that greeted the
shepherds,” he continued,
shepherds as they entered the old stable of Zacchaeus “and you must be very cold
tonight. Are you hungry?
Please, do come in.”
Thomas looked at me and John and
Benjamin, and even down at Toby. “This is one
unusual night.” We thanked this young Joseph, and
entered into the stable.
To my astonishment, there was a beautiful
young woman lying on a very warm and comfortable-looking
thick bed of straw, right next to what
looked like an old feeding trough, but one that had
been converted now into a very clean-looking, strawladen
crib. And the infant himself was wrapped in

The Bethlehem Star
Pg. XXIV
various strips of cloths that kept his arms and his legs close
against his body for warmth—swaddling cloths, just as we
were told. He was sleeping as peacefully as any baby I’d
ever seen.
It was just as the messengers had said.
When I took it all in, I couldn’t help but fall to my
knees. My III brothers and Toby did the same. And we all
started to cry. IV grown men and a boy, kneeling in a rundown
stable, staring at a sleeping baby, and crying our eyes
out. Now it was the young Joseph who was mystified. As I
recall, he just stood there staring at us, at his young wife, and
at his newborn baby.
After a moment, the young woman finally said to us,
“Are you gentlemen all right? Can we help you somehow?”
“Please sit,” young Joseph told us, “and I will
prepare all of us warm drinks. Please. Sit.”
We sat back then, and I said to my brothers, “It is
true. The vision was true. It is him. It must be him.” And we
all just sat there and stared at that beautiful, peaceful, rolypoly
little baby. On hearing our words, though, I noticed
Joseph give a nervous, almost furtive look to his wife, and
she returned the same to him.
After only a few minutes, Joseph brought us warmed
goat’s milk, into which he had inserted some odd little stick
of spice. Whatever it was, it was delicious; and it was warm.
But it was delicious. Boy that hit the spot!
We thanked him profusely for
warming us up, although he had already
been successful in bringing warmth to this
otherwise barren stable with just a small
fire built against one of the corner rock
faces. Of course, the body heat from the
pigs, a couple of sheep, a small flock of
hens, a single donkey, a rather large plow
horse, and one enormous ox—must have
been that Goliath that Zacchaeus is always
bragging about—seemed to help heat the
place up a little as well. The smell of the
place, though, was horrendous. I thought
my nose was going to fall off, it was so
bad. In fact, at first when we entered, it
made me want to gag. But, after a short
while, and the delicious drink, I guess you
sorta got used to it.
And then Joseph introduced his
wife.
“This is my wife, Mary,” he said,
“and may we ask your names?”
Thomas, the eldest, of course,
answered, “I’m Thomas, son of Isaac ben
Jehudah of Bethlehem, and these are my
III brothers: our twins, Samuel and John,
and Benjamin, our youngest.” And then,
motioning to little Tobias, he added, “And this is
Benjamin’s firstborn son, Toby.”
Joseph looked at Toby with very kind eyes,
noticing his little drums. “I see that you are a
musician,” he said. But Toby just blushed and
slipped behind his Dad’s backside.
And then, a little anxiously, Thomas asked,
“Joseph, um, ...er, ...uh, when was ...your baby
born?”
The big young man just smiled. Then he
reached down and carefully, very gently lifted his
tiny son from the manger, from beneath the cuddling
arms of his Mary, and he raised the infant to his chest
and cradled him ever so softly against himself,
looking down as lovingly as any proud new father I
have ever seen, and he said, “He came to us no more
than an hour ago.” You are the very first visitors to
greet our firstborn son into the world.”
I couldn't help but smile just to look at such
proud new parents. Benjamin immediately began to
cry again, ...but he even cried at Helga’s wedding,
and absolutely nobody agreed with the matchmaker
on that one.
Then I asked Joseph, “Joseph, have you
decided on a name for your son?”
Our artist’s sketch of the shepherds’ visit to young Joseph and Mary, who
actually gave birth to their firstborn son this month, unfortunately, in the
rundown stable behind the Servants’ Palace Inn of the miser Zacchaeus
at the end of IVth Street. Joseph and Mary, both from Nazareth of
southern Galilee, have named their newborn infant “Jesus.”

The Bethlehem Star
Pg. XXV
And he looked at me, and then he looked at his wife,
and he said, “Yes, we have called him ‘Yeshua.’”
I looked at my brothers, and then back at Joseph and
Mary, and I said, “That is a fine name for your son. Yeshua
shall become a great name among our Aramaic-speaking
people. And yet, I suspect the world shall know him by the
Greek; they’ll know him by the name of ‘Jesus.’”
Joseph and Mary both looked at me, then, and I
could see their concern. So my brothers and I began to tell
them of everything that we had witnessed that evening up on
the hill, and how we had found them by what the messenger
had said, and soon after as
well by the light of the bright
new star above them.
We talked well into
the night and, although she
must surely have been
exhausted, Mary was so
incredibly gracious in her
concern for our needs as her
guests, ...in another man’s
animal barn! She even
allowed each of us to hold
their son, even if for only a
brief moment. Even Toby.
Luckily, the little guy never
did awaken, but slept very
peacefully all through the
night.
At one point, of
course, we sent Benjamin
quickly back up the hill to
fetch Snowball, our whitest,
calmest, and the most prolific producer of wool in our entire
flock. And we offered him to this Joseph and Mary as a gift
at the birth of their first child. With the four head of sheep
that Zacchaeus had already put in there for the night, I’m not
sure that this was the best, but it was the very best that we
Mary of Nazareth, wife of Joseph, mother of a
newborn son, Jesus, who looks like she’ll be an
absolutely wonderful mother for a very fine
little boy.
had to offer. Myself, I know, I was very very proud to be
able to offer our finest prize sheep to so fine a young couple
as this. “If these two beautiful young people were to be the
ones chosen to raise our Messiah,” I thought, “then let us do
whatever we can to ease their road ahead.” I just hoped our
father would understand. He had had big plans for Snowball
for next year’s Harvestfest competitions.
As for Toby, well, young Mary had been watching
him all the while we were there, playing sort of those peek-aboo
games with him that adults sometimes do with young
kids. Toby kept staring at her, of course. So she’d steal a
glance at him, and Toby’d quickly turn his eyes away, and
tuck down a little farther behind his Dad. She’d smile, then, a
beautiful, warm, motherly smile, by the way— made me
sorta jealous—and, eventually, he’d peek out from
behind his dad to see if she was looking. And when
she did, the game would continue all over again.
I had to admire this young woman. She had
to be exhausted. She had to have wanted a little
quiet time with her new baby. And there she was,
wide awake all of a sudden in the middle of one of
the coldest nights of the year, confined to a
rundown, smelly animal barn, playing eye tag with a
shepherd kid she’d only met a short time ago.
Finally, when the conversation among all of
us finally began to slow, my
brothers began drifting off to
sleep. Now only the crackling of
the small fire and the muffled
sounds of the winter wind outside
could be heard. Mary leaned way
over then, and drew close to little
Toby. She touched him lightly on
the arm and asked him if he would
be kind enough to play a little of
his music for her newborn son.
I watched Toby, through my
half-sleeping, but now curious
eyes. He seemed surprised, but
genuinely delighted that anyone
should request the music of his
crude little drums. But, then, with
all the pride and reverence he
could muster with those tiny hands
of his, he sat up straight, set his
two small drums before him and
began, lightly at first, to tap away—
the two different-sized drums making, actually, sort
of a pleasant pa-rum-pum-pum-pum sound. And
only then, for the first time in his short little life, did
the baby Jesus stir in his sleep and seem to smile.
It was a moment,” Samuel said, “that I shall
never forget as long as I live.”
So there you have it, readers. We all see that
star. No one else that I’ve talked to has yet claimed
to have heard singing, or to have had a vision about
the coming Messiah. But wouldn’t it be something if
what this Samuel says is actually true.
For now, at least, it sure does make for a
great story!

The Bethlehem Star
Pg. XXVII
~ Point / Counterpoint ~
The New Star—Omen of Peace …or War?
Absolutely Peace!
Rabbi Yeshua ben Yehudah of the Temple Priesthood
How ridiculous can this get? Those of our people who think that this
new star can mean anything but the beginning of a new era of peace in our
land should be burned at the altar of sacrifice, right along with the oxen and
the sheep. Don’t be ridiculous!
One only has to step outside and gaze at the night sky to see the
radiance of this new star. Why would our God set a new masterpiece in His
skies just to taunt us? If he wanted to do that, He’d make the star so bright
that we’d all be blinded. Hmmph, sounds like some of us are already.
Go outside; take a good look at that star. And, if you’re like me, you’ll
actually feel a new sense of peace coursing through your body. I’ve never had
a star do that to me before!
Sure, the Romans have taken over. Sure, we are stuck with Ol’ Herod
for another couple of years maybe. But soon—mark my words—soon a son of
Israel will rise up like none other that we have seen, and he will smite our
enemies with a heavy hand. It is he who will raise us up to the stature we have
always been promised. Look to the skies for the coming of a great warrior, a
leader who will surely restore the mighty throne of David.
No longer will we have to permit these evil men of Greece and of Rome to dictate to us and to our children how
we shall live our lives. No more will we have to allow the presence of
heathen graven images across the land! No more will we have to stand
worriedly by as our children cross paths with those heathens who are
always discussing ...philosophy, ...and ...democracy, ...and all those other
strange, foreign, distorted ideas meant only to destroy our society and our
youth. Multiple gods! You’ve got to be kidding!
What this star is saying to me is that, finally, we, the Chosen of the
Lord, will be raised up to take our rightful place at the very top of the
known world. No longer will we be slaves to anyone else. Rather, the world
all about us shall be slaves and servants of the Chosen!
Therefore, I advise all of you young men of Israel to train now for
the coming peace. Beat your plowshares into swords; study the ways of the
wild beasts, for we too shall become as them, all in order to stand at the
right hand of the warrior of peace who is to come. Let us join together for
the final conflagration. When the clarion call is sounded, let us all be ready
to march, side by side with our God, to the fields of victory, and to the fields
of peace for all in our land.

The Bethlehem Star
Pg. XXVIII
~ Point / Counterpoint ~
The New Star—Omen of Peace …or War?
Unfortunately, Only War!
Rabbi Asher Rinkel, Pharisee
My heart is warmed by this star that has appeared above our land; but my
heart is also very heavy. I can feel, as I gaze upon it each night, the sense of calm
and peace that seems to usher from the skies in the warm glow of its wintry light.
And yet, I find myself looking around us, and trying to understand the
message that our God would have us receive.
I believe this is a sign for us that war among our kind is all but inevitable.
We have been ruled by so many outsiders for generations now—the Assyrians, the
Seleucids, the Greeks, and now the heathens of Rome. I’m afraid that our patience
as the chosen people is rapidly growing thin. And how aggravated we have all
become under the despicable rule of our Herod—only an Idumaean Jew, of
course, but a crueler man would be difficult to find even among the heathens.
The real meaning of the star, I believe, is to be understood by what one
sees and feels on gazing at it each night. To be sure, it does seem to afford a warmth of spirit unlike any other sign that
we have witnessed. Since times are so terribly unstable and turbulent of late, therefore, I suggest to you, people of the
Lord, that this star tells us we must search for His peace from within ourselves only. It is only in my personal viewing
and reflection on this star that I have felt the peace that it can bring. Even the debates that we’ve all heard, even right
here in our beloved Bethlehem Star, are little more than a prelude to conflict. Soon our discontent is going to erupt
beyond the boundaries of what our minds and hearts can contain, and surely the end result will be war—us against
them, the Chosen against the intruders.
Let us look to the star, then, even during the coming heat of battle, to remind ourselves that there is so much
more to our lives and our world than conquest of others. Let us look to peace—the same peace that seems to be brought
by this star—and not to war, to find the real purpose of our time here on this land. To me, life has no other purpose so
noble or everlasting. My hope is that this star is NOT a signal to us of the coming of a Messiah. At my age, I now
believe that war, despite its apparent inevitability, is simply not the answer to the struggles of our lives. To me, it is
peace; and when we can look for a Messiah who will usher in an era of peace, then that man will truly be a Messiah to
the entire world.
Point/Counterpoint is the ongoing attempt by this news team to present to you the distinctions in
thought among our well-respected leaders, examining differing points of view, garnering opinions
and positions from each of our many factions, including the Pharisees, Sadducees, Priestly class,
and even occasionally opinions from the Essene communities.
The opinions expressed here are not necessarily the opinions of “The Bethlehem Star.” It is
strongly suggested that these opinions be confined to discussion only among our own kind, as open
discussion of such matters in the presence of heathens, Greeks, Romans, and the like may well
result in imprisonment and, as in one recent case, the torture and death of one of our editorial
contributors.
The Editors

The Bethlehem Star
Pg. XXVI
I can’t
believe it. He’s absolutely
clueless.
Carpenter
Estate
Sale!
Everything
Must Go!
Son Ishmael “inducted” into Roman army. It’ll be the death of him yet. This
kid couldn’t hit the side of a barn with a spear at X paces. I’ve seen him try.
Pathetic. The kid’s no warrior.
In fact, he wasn’t much of a carpenter either. We think he was adopted, but you know how
confusing those moments can be with so many midwives scrambling around all at once. You never
know for sure. Anyway, so trade abandoned, as my husband was crucified IV years ago for refusing
to make crosses for these disgusting Romans, and none of the VII daughters I have seem to have any
knack for—let alone interest in—carpentry. Nobody in his right mind would buy an ox yoke from a
girl, anyway, right? Our hope was with Ishmael. But, really, he probably should be a scribe or
something. The kid can write, ..but that’s about it. They’re sending him to Germania. He’ll be dead in
a week.
Please help widow. Hundreds of pieces of lumber, ready to be worked, assorted sizes. Ishmael really
fouled up a bunch of them, and a lot more are pretty warped now, but maybe, if you’ve got a better
prayer life than we apparently do, you can actually build something out of them. I’ll let ‘em go
cheap, …partly so we can all stop tripping over them all the time in the dark.
Also assorted saws, chisels, hammers—some LN, others, like us these days, a little bent out of shape.
Solid oak workbench. L+ cedar planking. Much more.
See our display at XVI Bethany Way. Come on down, …and let’s make a deal!

The Bethlehem Star
Pg. XXIX
Unusual Births Cited by
Local Midwife!
by Elizabeth of Sepphoris
“I have
been bringing Our
Father’s children
into the world for
most of my life
now, some XL
years already—
may He be praised
for the gift of
longevity He
brings me—and
never have we had
a birthing season like this!”
Those were the words of Josephina Bullfinkel, easily
the most popular midwife in all of Bethlehem, renowned as
she is for her warm hands and cool head. As busy and harried
as she is, we were lucky to catch up with her as she finally
stopped to take a moment’s rest after helping bring to life a
newborn baby ox.
“I didn't know that you worked with animals too,
Josephine,” I said to her.
“Ugh, don't get me started on the animal births in
this town. I tell you, something’s up with this star up there
that won’t let me sleep at night. It’s so bright, y’know!"
“Oh I’m sorry to hear that. But has it also kept you
busy?” I asked her.
“Busy? Busy is not the word!” she said to me.
“Every day now brings something new, …for ME, after
a lifetime of this! I’m not used to NEW!”
“What could be new to YOU?” I asked her.
“Unbelievable. My own lazy donkey Petunia
finally got herself, uh—excuse me, ‘filled with the
spirit’ last year at this time—and so she picks last night
to finally give birth. And I gotta tell you, I had long ago
given up on that ever happening. Never did I think I would
someday be pulling a baby out of my own ass.”
“I see,” I told her. “And how about people? Are
people calling on you more during these cold months now
too?”
“Oy.” she says to me. “Maybe people stayed inside a
lot during those horrendous rains we had this past Spring. So
let’s face it, how long can anyone just keep on
sewing, ...really?”
She tells this reporter that, while the number
of births has been way up, more remarkable were the
unusual circumstances surrounding so many of them.
“We had III sets of twins in II days—Yahweh
be praised—and not a single stillborn all month. That
is a blessing. That census nonsense has brought so
many visitors to our town that people are giving birth
wherever they can make do.”
“There is a rumor,” I reminded her, “of a
possible king to be born here. Have you seen
anything like that?” I asked Josephina.
“That’s ridiculous!” she told me. “If royalty
was to be born anywhere near Bethlehem, you can be
sure that I would be the one they would call! And
I’ve seen nothing like that around here!
People are having babies in hotel rooms
these days—what a shame, is it not? In fact, the
worst one I heard of—I was not present for this one,
thank my stars—was some young girl from Nazareth,
I hear, who gave birth to her first child in a stable.
Can you imagine?
Royalty? I don’t think so!” she said.
Remember,
it’s Hanukkah! Don’t
forget your mother!

The Bethlehem Star
Pg. XXX
SPORTS
Gladiator Champions
in Jerusalem Showdown Today!
Brutus Magnus Recovered and Ready!
by visiting sportswriter Demetrius Finniculi
We all saw him last
year at the Gladiatus
Maniacus “Festival of
the Hippo” marathon
matches— Brutus
Magnus, or “Big Brute,”
as he’s often called in
foreign circles! And
what a show he gave us!
Thrown into the
arena with only his
walking sword—no
shield—and facing no
less than III half-crazed
hippopotami—“animali
gigundi”—from the Nile
Valley, Brutus fearlessly
jumped astride the first—
backwards no less—and swiftly struck him in the behind
with the force of a mighty blow. As the great beast rolled
to the ground, however, our hero slid helplessly beneath
him, where his left leg was snapped in two and crushed in
an instant under the II-ton behemoth.
How could anyone ever forget our anguish at the
sight?
He didn’t give up, though, did he? Not our hero.
Instead, he jumped up on his right leg alone, cleverly
hopping left
and right, his
half-sword
raised and at
the ready, just as the other two hippos made
their ferocious charge. As the first opened his
enormous mouth to swallow him whole, Brutus
immediately hopped to the side and cleverly
inserted his sword straight up into the beast’s
open mouth, handle on the animal’s tongue, and
tip of blade firm against the roof of the animal’s
mouth, instantly preventing the creature from
closing on anything at all. It stopped dead in its
tracks, mouth agape, but then swung its huge
head hard at Magnus, who was sent flying right
into the waiting jaws of the third hippo, who
immediately bit down hard on Magnus’s other
leg, chomping it off at the hip. Luckily, our hero
rolled free, to the uproarious cheers of the
crowd!
One of the many
gladiatorial fighting
hippos brought out weekly
in the hippodrome

The Bethlehem Star
Pg. XXXI
We knew he wasn’t beaten even
then! As the one hippo, now distracted,
continued to feast on Magnus’s leg, our hero
quickly snapped off the broken, sharp-tipped
bone of his first leg, cleverly rolled beneath
his fat-filled opponent, and stabbed him
twice in the underbelly with his own leg
bone, slaying that loathsome beast in a
matter of seconds.
Unfortunately, as you remember, he
got himself covered with hippo blood, so, in
no time, the other hippo was upon him—
unable to see, but well able to smell—and began
licking him all over, tantalized as he must have been
by the taste of fresh hippo blood. And you’ll recall,
sports fans, how it was that very movement of the
hippo’s tongue which finally freed the sword, causing
it to fall out right next to the waiting hands of our
mighty Brutus, who lost no time in using it to pierce
the heart of his final foe, even as he himself lie on the
ground beneath his jaws, without legs, now only a
mere half of his former length.
Of course, it took a team of IV of our stable’s
finest plowhorses to pull that hulking carcass off of
our hero and, to our terrible disappointment, we
learned that Brutus had lost
both his arms in the crushing.
But did even a tragedy
such as this end his
gladiatorial career? Of course
not!
And today, on his XXIst
birthday, in fact, he’ll proudly
wield that sword for us in his
teeth in a fight to the death
against the fierce Gallia, the
Dwarf King of the north country.
When asked for his take on the coming
match, Brutus Magnus roared out his anger,
declaring that, by the end of the day, everyone
will see how “Gallia est divisa in partes tres!”
What more do we need, fans, to come out
once more in support of this warrior of the
common man?
Point spread, however, will go to Gallia
by VII.
Gallia, the Dwarf King
Our Gladiator’s Creed
Don’t break anybody’s heart—
they have only one.
Break their bones—
they have CCVI.

Pg. XXXII
Chariot Races to Honor
Caesar Augustus!
Come on down to the Hippodrome this afternoon and see
some of the finest steeds the world has ever known! They oughta
be! We’ve all been paying for their feed up at the Megiddo
stables for years now. These beasts eat better than we do! They
look better than most of us, too! So come see your tax denarii in
action!
Caesar once said that it would be better to be one of
Herod’s pigs than one of his sons. Well, I’d rather be one of his
horses! Life should be so kind to us.
Commanding his four ivory-white warrior steeds will be
the Sicilian mercenary commander Titus Corleonus, former
champion of the ill-fated “Chariot Battle at Sea” against the
barbarian rebel flotilla of Carthage, a man reputed to actually
have beheaded the champion steeds of his opponent only last
year, after which he is alleged to have placed their heads beneath
the man’s bedclothes even as he slept. Can you imagine?
This indictment, however, has still not been proven,
as it seems the fates have stepped in, killing off potential
witnesses by a mysterious, gruesome series of
accidents.
He’ll be challenged today by none other than
the vile young Carpathian heathen Lumbricus
Terrestris, a violent, despicable wretch raised and
trained by the slimy tunnel dwellers of the mountains
of the east.
Remember, whoever loses this one, we all win.
One of the most exhilarating sideshows to
these chariot races, at least in the mind of this writer, is
the breakdown of a wheel or a harness, causing the
driver to quickly bring his chariot into the pits. It’s
utterly amazing to watch the speed at which the
drivers’ crews can correct the problem and get them
back into the race, all while the sundial keeps forging
relentlessly forward.
The grand prize today will be LXX denarii, II
prize steeds from the Herodium fortress, and a possible
vestal virgin to the winner. The IInd place finisher
will be allowed to keep his life. IIIrd and IVth—
maybe not so lucky.
What could be more festive?
Last week’s camel-spitting exhibition will
not be repeated today, due to out-of-hand protests by
the wives of the contestants, complaining of
husbands who chewed the very same eucalyptus
leaves as their camels in an attempt to demonstrate
to their beasts what was being commanded of them.
Apparently, the stench of eucalyptus breath fairly
ruined several households, despite its favorable
effect of expelling insect pests.
And, today, sad to report, ...no elephants. It
seems that repairs have still not been completed on
that section of the bleachers where the peanut
vendors were holding their annual “Nuts to You”
sales and distribution planning convention. So,
really, how could anyone have known that those
otherwise lovable beasts enjoyed those things that
much?
Personally, I can’t believe that these Romans
have conquered the known world just so they can
put on spectacles like this. If this is supposed to be
the highest level of civilization of which we’re
capable, we’re in sorry shape indeed.
See ya there!
W-H-A-T?
Calm down! I
told ya, they’re outta
peanuts today!

The Bethlehem Star
Pg. XXXIII
~ - WANTED - ~
Experienced Blacksmith, II shovelboys
at the Antonia fortress.
Promotion within one year for right candidate to
Supervisor of Stable Slave Staff. Experience with horses
or other beasts of burden not necessary.
Proven ability with whips a
definite plus!
Written Oath of Blind
Allegiance to Caesar
a must.
Apply at front desk of main
floor level.
Ask for Gluteus Maximus.
“I’m behind you all the way!”
- Gluteus Maximus

The Bethlehem Star
Pg. XXXIV
Keeping An Eye on the Royals
By Kitty Caligula
May my quill be mightier than their sword!
Looks like Ol’ Herod is kissin’ up again, and we’re
getting stuck with the bill.
I just came from Rome a fortnight ago and, I gotta
tell ya, they think pretty highly of him over there, their local
royal puppet on the eastern edge of the empire. Apparently,
what we call murder, assassination, extortion, and
greed, ...they call good business. And, as long as Herod
keeps us paying taxes to them, and continues to crush any
potential rebellions, they think he’s practically a god; ...in
their warped minds.
Anyway, he petitioned for MMM more Midian
slaves to finish up work on his Temple in Jerusalem. He’s
been at it now for some XV years. The smart money says the
man goes to his grave without seeing that monstrosity ever
completed.
We’ve all watched the
construction over there on our
lunch hour. Did you know
that it takes over CCC slaves
more than a month to place
one of them humongous
stones in place? Just one
stone! Why Herod doesn’t
have them just cut them up
into more bite-size pieces, I’ll
never know. I think he
expects that west wall to last
forever.
Hey, it’s not his back,
is it?
Regardless, the man
is now LXVII years old, and,
quite frankly, that skin disease
he picked up really seems to
be getting the better of him.
He looks terrible these days,
and seems to be in continual discomfort. Unfortunately,
that’s had a rather frustrating effect on his paranoid
temperament.
According to his close friend Nicholas of Damascus,
who seems to be preparing written notes for a later
biography, Herod spends an awful lot of his time these days
in the hot springs of Callirrhoe, just east of the Dead Sea, as
you know, trying to get some relief from his discomfort. If
Our renowned dirt-digging
investigative reporter Kitty Caligula
you have a
business
small claims
case pending,
therefore, you
may want to see
about trying to
settle out of court
instead.
Meantime, Bethlehemites, we’d better
prepare. Word has it that, if he does pass, he
wanted his body interred in that huge mounded
fortress we all call the Herodium just to our
southeast. I’ve been in there, and it’s absolutely
magnificent, ...if royal flamboyance is your
style. If you’re wondering
why your kids are living
off grain, and his family
has beefsteaks every day,
this place will tell you
where your money’s
going. I can see us all
paying taxes out of the
nose for all eternity trying
to cover the upkeep and
the guard duty on the
place, especially with so
many of us hoping to
steal an item or two just
to get some of our money
back from the wretch.
That’s all for now. But
don’t worry, if woeful
King Herod decides to
put to death any more of
his family, you’ll be sure
to read all about it right here. Seems, if you’re
going to marry ten different women and father
children with so many of them, you’ve got to
expect a little conflict when the table talk turns
to succession.
Let’s all watch our backs out there.

The Bethlehem Star
Pg. XXXV
Fun Things to Do
with All That Snow!
By our Children’s Writer, Rebecca Smallchilds
Whoooaaa! Have you been outside? Are you seein’
through your window what I’m seein’ through my window?
Have you looked at all that gorgeous white stuff? What a
treat! It hasn’t been this cold around here, though, since ol’
Herod had his poor wife Mariam put down. Brrrr!
But did you know that there’s a whole lot of cool
stuff you can do with that snow? I know, I know, we don’t
see all that much of it, so we at The Star thought you might
enjoy a few tips on what you can get out there and do with it
all.
Believe it or not, some kids actually roll snow up
into super-large “snowballs,” pile one on top of the
other, III-high, and then make sort of a face on the top ball
by pressing dark stones into it to look like two eyes. Is that
clever, ...or what? We actually saw one group of kids who
had stuck a carrot right in the middle and it looked just like
a nose— a Roman nose, to be sure, but a nose nonetheless.
How about branches for arms? Worth a try! Be careful,
though. One group of Rabbinical school students tried to set
the “snowman” on tree stumps for legs, but we don't
encourage that. When the sun came out and it started
melting, it looked like it was going to the bathroom.
Everyone got embarrassed and the principal made them take
it down the next day.
If you’ve got a good grip, we found you can
squeeze a handful of snow into a real tight, solid ball,
perfect for anyone’s sling. Then you can chase crows away
with them. However, here again, be cautious. We heard of a
young visitor from Athens, Zeke “the Greek”
Kanthrorockus, who had never seen snow before. So he
made about thirty little “rock pellets” out of snow and
shoved them into his cloak pocket to go hunting for rabbits.
To his surprise, seems like his body heat melted them,
got his leg all wet, and turns out he nearly lost the leg
to what some healers now call frostbite by the time he
got himself home to the fireplace.
Live and learn, I guess.
A class of XIV students made a scale model
of Herod’s Temple out of snow last week too, but
then they wouldn't let anybody see it without paying
II shekels. Hmmph.
In the middle of the night, then, police
believe it was rival students who ran an oxcart right
through the Holy of Holies, so the whole thing was
pretty much ruined. Go figure.
If you get a chance, head out to Bethany,
though. They’ve started a “snow sculpture” contest
over there. People are going nuts carving lions,
hippos, even images of Samson and Delilah—graven
images, to be sure—so
they’re going to pay for
that one. But we Jews are
certainly welcome to
look at the other stuff.
One man created
an entire chariot with
four white (obviously) A graven image?
horses. Looked great, I
hear, at least until
Really?
someone actually tried to
drive it away. Snow
novices, you ask me.
Enjoy it out
there!

Glass
Be the first on your block to have the new
wonder of the ages
—a “window,” the “wall” you can see through!
Let the light come in
while the wind and noise stay out.
One size to choose from.
Installation free this month only.
All currencies accepted.
Gabriel of Gilead
Glassworks
XCVIII Market Row North
“Watch the world go by, ...without the dust in your eye!”
(We’d show you the actual glass, …but you’d just see right through us!)

The Bethlehem Star
Travel Worries Eased by the
“Pax Romana!”
by Euripides Trawzers, VIIIth Son of
the Tailor Mottl
You can despise them Romans all you
want for their arrogance. I know, just because
they’ve got the biggest army in town, they
think they can throw their weight around and
we’re all supposed to bow down to their
hundred or so gods—who are always
squabbling among themselves anyway! What a crock that is!
But, hey, you can’t fault them for their roads. Romans
know how to build good roads. And, I’ll tell you, this is going to be
very good for us into the future as we get our towns and markets
linked up with the rest of the players in the world of commerce.
And not only can they build them; they can protect them
too, and protect anybody who uses them. Now that’s a package
worth looking into. They’re calling it their Pax Romana. That’s
supposed to be Latin for The Roman Peace.
Who knows; they might just have something here.
If there’s one good thing about this census that Caesar
ordered on all of us, it’s that it does demonstrate how much better
travel is going to be now that the roads are protected.
Don’t get me wrong; I know how difficult travel is right
now, what with all the snow everywhere. I mean, what’s the deal?
But, we’re coming into the winter rain and mud season anyway, so
maybe we oughta be thankful at least for the frozen ground.
I just came up from Jericho yesterday, in fact, and it was
pretty slippy-slidy for a mile or two on the incline, but the
ground’s still pretty dry in the Jordan Valley, and it’s frozen up
here in the highlands, so, all in all, there’s not a whole lot of sense
in complaining. And, what’s more, not I, nor a single traveler that I
encountered, had been attacked on that road; and you all know,
readers, how big a change that is for us. There’s the boon to
commerce right there!
To encourage commerce even more, in fact, some
communities are encouraging local business owners to “adopt a
mile.” That’s right. They and their employees agree to take
responsibility for keeping their particular mile free of litter,
Pg. XXXVII
carrion, camel dung, what have you. We all know what a
pain it can be to keep ushering an entire caravan around a
large carcass in the road. And camel dung—forget it!
Especially in the upcoming muddy season. Why, you
can’t even tell what you’ve been stepping in until you
finally get home, slip those sandals off, and try to get your
feet clean!
If you get a free minute, by the way, you ought to
head out some afternoon and watch these guys lay one of
their roads. It’s fascinating stuff. Them bricks are mighty
small, ...but the roads are mighty long. That means a
whole lot of labor. And the laying isn’t even the hard part.
You ought to see what they have to do to level the path
first. I’ll tell you what; let’s be glad they only conquered
us, ‘cause, if they’d gone a little further and made us their
slaves as well, it would be you and me laying those
thousands of bricks from here to the horizon every day.
No, thanks.
By the way, if you fancy yourself a savvy
investor, I’ve got one word for you—BRICK! ‘Nuff said.
Must be the brick. He
ain’t used to the brick!
A Brief Word of Wisdom
Next time a stranger talks
to you when you’re alone,
just look at him shocked
and say, “You can see me?”

The Bethlehem Star
Pg. XXXVIII
Agonizing over
heathen Roman
occupation?
This too shall pass.
It might pass like a
kidney stone,
…but this too
shall pass
Just IV Laffs!
Sooo …LAUGH! …Dis is funny stuff!!
The King of Persia loved to hunt. In fact, he brought in hordes of game animals
and allowed them all to roam free through his kingdom. Unfortunately, this infuriated his
subjects whose crops were being destroyed, so they threw the king out.
It was the very first time a reign was ever stopped on account of game.
Rabbi: Remember, children; you are put on this Earth to help others.
Small Boy: Well then, Rabbi, what are the others put here for?
At the outside of a tanner’s shop at the far edge of the marketplace, the tanner had a sign
which read, “skins prepared while you wait.”
So I brought in a fresh goatskin and asked him to make it into a water-carrying bag.
“Sure,” he told me. “Have it ready for you by Tuesday.”
“What?” I asked him. “Your sign says, “Skins prepared while you wait!”
“Well,” he said to me, “you will be, won’t you?”
Poultry farmer Hupka Pupka ben Chelupka has the laziest rooster in all of Judea. When all the
other roosters start crowing, his just nods its head .

The Star Classifieds
For Sale: II scrolls
Books of Isaiah and Jeremiah
Complete. Once the property of rabbinical family, tribe
of Asher. Excellent condition. Pure sheepskin; no
papyrus. Absolutely no food stains anywhere. Only read
once.
CXIX Shepherd’s Route III.
Juggler, Jokester, Buffoon
available for hire for
bar/bat-mitzvahs,
birthdays,
anniversaries, military
victory celebrations,
graduations from
Rabbinical school.
Can convey punch
lines in Greek, Latin,
Aramaic, even very
brief ones in Hebrew!
Mime routines available for foreign guests.
No blue material, no political jokes,
material appropriate for children.
~ Oils & Spices ~
...for the culinary arts, for the beautification of the
body, and for the interment of the soul.
Come to “The Spice Rack,” just across the street
from the Amphitheater bleacher gate.
“Always be sure—inter with myrrh.”

The Bethlehem Star
Pg. XL
Answers to:
Know Your Holy Book
(from pg. X)
Don’t worry too
much about messin’
up here. We always
grade on a curve,
y’know.
1. As long as he was Able
2. Adam— he was first in the human race
3. Use bait sparingly— we only have two worms
4. All the preserved pairs
5. When it’s made into a ruler
6. They were already starstruck
7. He was well-known for his patients
8. Goliath was stoned to death
9. Joshua— at Jericho he brought down the house
10. Daniel—the lyin’ didn’t even bother him
Wheels
Iron rim offered at
discount with
purchase of four
All sizes, solid oak, oxcart to wheelbarrow. Light- weight
spoked chariot style available by special order only.
“‘Round the corner, ‘Round the World!”
Wheel-Mart
Your place for savings!

The Bethlehem Star
Pg. XLI
Learn to read and write!
You’re kiddin’ me.
THESE are our
textbooks?
Aramaic, Hebrew, Greek, introductory Latin,
Egyptian slang a specialty.
Young or old, learn at your own pace. Women and
girls accepted with parents’ or spouse’s permission.
Discounts for siblings, but extra for nasty, unruly
ne’er-do-wells requiring excessive flogging.
Look for the “Rabbi in Green” at the Sheep’s Gate
each weekday morning.
Eternal
Rabbinic Wisdom
When life gives you lemons, try to
make lemonade,
…and then go out and try to find
someone whom life has given
vodka,
…and party together.

*** Poultry IV Sale ***
From the prize stock of
Farmer Hupka Pupka ben Chalupka
Breeder of Champion Roosters!
Just open your ears in the
Temple Marketplace at dawn,
…and you can’t miss us!
You tell us what time you want to get up in the morning,
and we’ll supply the rooster that’s just right for you!
Are these Heathen Romans Ruining Your Prayer Life?
Hmph, …are they starting to mess with your sex life now, too?
STOP all that nonsense right now!
Visit Simon Magus,
Miracle Worker to the
Stars!
(Journey to his cleverly-concealed “Cave of Miracles” just west of the Dead Sea wilderness)
Bring this ad to south Temple steps, Monday thru Friday
for free, No-obligation consultation

The Bethlehem Star
Pg. XLIV
Nepotism of Neptune Hair Salon
Your hair too can mirror the waves of the seas. Enjoy the beauty,
the glamour, of the hairstyles of the Greeks.
No longer does that Roman nose of yours have to be the first
thing they notice when you walk into the marketplace.
Submerge that face in beauty,
drown your husband in passion,
with the glory that is Greece.
Bring this ad for a free pedicure as well.
At the base of the Tyropean Valley,
…right next door to Elisha’s fish market!
XII-person family of seasoned
Grape Stompers
For hire.
Large, clean feet
a family tradition!
Guaranteed absolutely nothing
between the toes!
“We put our best foot forward for
you!”
Genta & Yenta of Hebron
Find us on corner of IVth & Corinth daily
Mangers/Feed Troughs
I-IV cubit length options. All
cedar. Water sealing extra,
except pre-Sabbath sales with
coupon. Okay for cribs, but TLC
and imagination required.
Liability waived if not scrubbed
clean first.
Look for “Mangers” sign
by Temple main steps.
Mention this ad and get IV
for price of III!

The Bethlehem Star
Moneychangers
in the Temple, Inc.
We’re not the stingy misers you’ve been led to believe
we are! Money is not the root of all evil; it’s the
foundation of all commerce!
The days of barter are past;
the days of money are upon us!
You’ll get yours if you just look for the
men in black and gold at the entrance to
the Court of the Gentiles.
We’ll gladly take you
for all
you’re worth!
Fresh Fish!
brought direct from the Sea of
Galilee to you!
Tilapia our Specialty
Pg. XLII
Tell us your wish,
And we’ll get you your fish!
See Zebedee “the Hook”
ben Perchuk
at the Sheep’s Gate Fish Market!
If you sit down in the marketplace and
an unwelcome stranger sits down next
to you, just stare straight ahead and
say, “Did you bring the money?”
To advertise on these pages, see our Marketing
Mgr, Mordecai “Moneybags” Mizer at
The Bethlehem Star offices.
Greek, Roman, and Jewish coinage accepted.
Babylonian currency still bitterly suspect.

The Bethlehem Star
Pg. XLV
How Well Have You Read?
After reading this issue, see if you can answer these questions.
1. What are the names of the III wise men
from the East?
2. What is a “manger” normally used for?
3. What is meant by “swaddling” clothes?
4. What was the name of the first child to visit
the child Jesus?
5. What is the name of the twin of the
shepherd whose story is told on pg. XVII?
6. What did the III wise men from the East
think of King Herod after they met him?
7. How old was King Herod at the time that
the child Jesus was born?
8. Who owned the stable where the child Jesus
was born?
9. What III celestial bodies may have come
close together in the skies to look like a
bright new star at this time?
10. According to Kasper, in which constellation
did the “new star” appear, and why was
that significant to them?
11. How did Joseph plan to catch up with
the caravan after he and Mary
had fallen behind on their journey?
12. At the time of Jesus’ birth, how long had
King Herod been rebuilding the
Temple in Jerusalem?
13. Why didn’t the III wise men return to
King Herod to tell him where they
had found the child?
14. Who are the two “Gladiatorial
Champions” for today’s contest in
Jerusalem?
15. Why was the snow sculpture of Herod’s
Temple destroyed, and by whom?
16. Who is an even bigger fool than the
person who knows it all?
17. What is the date of this issue of the
Bethlehem Star? It is also the likely
date, according to the Julian
calendar used by Rome then, for the
date of the very first Christmas.
The Bethlehem Star
magazine is a weekly publication of the community of
Bethlehem writers and illustrators, who seek to keep all of us
Bethlehemites informed of the goings-on in the kingdom of
Judea. Actual names and pictures of writers and illustrators are a
closely guarded secret, of course, as public disclosure will likely
result in beheading or worse, at the hands of King Herod, or the
Romans, or anybody else who doesn’t happen to agree with us
and has a bigger sword.

The Bethlehem Star
Pg. XLVI
The Prayer of the Shepherds
by Tobias ben Prehin
Twas the night before Hanukkah, and we sat on the hill,
Watching our sheep on this cold night so still.
The hills and the trees ‘neath a blanket of snow,
And the new star above made them sparkle below.
The peace in the air was new to us all,
No wolves, no bears, ...no nothing at all.
My father, he sat with my uncles and spoke,
Of the rumors of old that the new star awoke.
How someday from our Bethlehem town,
Would arrive a Savior. But no one knew how...
Or when or where or who He might be.
We’d all been waiting a long time, you see.
We’d learned of three wise men who’d come from the
East,
Bearing fine gifts and preparing a feast,
For a new baby born in a stable, folks said,
But my father just laughed; he just shook his head.
Then all of a sudden I woke with alarm!
Papa had grabbed me firm by the arm.
“Listen,” he whispered, “My brothers, awake!”
The fire was strong; yet I couldn’t help but shake.
There must be a wolf or a bear prowling near!
But Papa just stared..., put his hand to his ear.
We listened, and soon we all heard it too;
But none of us spoke; we were too scared to move.
The sound was of voices; couldn’t yet hear the words;
But the harmony, tone—like none we had heard.
Then, one by one, they came into sight,
A hundred or more, and all dressed in white.
I’d not seen nor heard such beauty before,
Then scrunched next to Papa, “What is this all for?”
He held me close in his arms, “I don’t know.”
...This chorus, the star, ‘midst the new fallen snow.
“A warrior baby will never survive;
‘Least not as long as Herod’s alive.
And if it is true that He’s poor, just like us;
Then why does everyone make such a fuss?”
He reached for his flute, my uncle, his lyre;
As I warmed my hands by stoking the fire.
Then followed their tune, tapping lightly my drum,
And the night air carried my rum-pum-pum-pum.
As we played I thought, “What’s so different tonight?”
The sheep gathered near, began huddling so tight.
Their tiny bells jingled, the sound made me smile,
And soon I fell into sleep for awhile...

The Bethlehem Star
Pg. XLVII
I felt so privileged; I was just a young boy;
Yet my heart was filled, fully bursting with joy.
A more beautiful night I could never recall;
And Papa, he hugged me. I remember it all.
And now as they sang, all around us, it seemed,
My heart started thumping, my face it just beamed.
We rose to our feet, for, though it seems odd,
We knew somehow we were right there with God.
Then the first of them spoke—Gabriel, by name;
His voice spoke so gently; his eyes much the same.
“Be not afraid. We bring news of great joy!
A child is born; a new baby boy.
In the City of David, a Mother gives birth;
The Messiah has finally arrived on this Earth.
He’ll be in a manger in swaddling clothes,
And soon He’ll bring peace wherever He goes.”
I thought, “Could this be true?” We’ve waited so long.
For a Messiah to come; who had to be strong,
To lead us back—back home with our God,
Then Gabriel smiled at me; gave me a nod.
Then their voices burst forth with a song of great praise,
And bells started ringing as on festival days!
“Glory to God in the highest!” they sang;
And “Peace on the Earth,” and the bells, how they rang.
Their song was of majesty, peace to us all.
I felt I was standing...at least ten feet tall.
This joy, this love, this peace cannot hide!
This must be, I thought, what God feels like inside.
Well, swift as they came, they passed out of sight.
And we sat there in awe...in the still of the night.
Then Papa said, “Let’s go find this new boy.”
So we hiked into town, and we carried our joy.
And we followed that star ‘til it shone its bright light,
On a broken down stable; they must have been right.
We knocked very gently. “Come in,” we were told.
“...and stay for the night to get out of the cold.”
The young man was Joseph, and Mary, his wife;
And there, wrapped in swaddlings, a new little life.
“Can you tell us,” I asked,
“what you’re calling him, please?”
And when Mary said, “Jesus,” ...we ...fell to our knees.
And prayed for this boy, and His mother and dad;
That they might be blessed through the good and the bad
Of all that lie ahead of them now
Then Papa stood and offered a bow...
And returned to the flock to bring back our best sheep;
For Joseph and Mary and their baby to keep.
Then we offered a song, and I pulled out my drum;
And I smiled and I played for Him
— rum-pum-pum-pum.

The Bethlehem Star
Pg. XLVIII
If You Enjoyed The Bethlehem Star…
…that is, if you find it helpful to immerse yourself in the
events of Jesus’ life, …and if you enjoy theater, especially
that backed by oodles of emotion-carrying music and
immersive stage lighting, maybe you’d also enjoy sitting
in on one of our three live theatrical productions offered
at whichever parish invites us in. We’ve been doing these
for 30 years now, and seem to be getting standing ovations
for the last 15 of them. Of course, it may just be that
audiences are really glad we’re done already and they can
finally get to the bathroom.
An Evening with St. Joseph, a two-act, 90-minute
theatrical production, wherein the foster father of Jesus
tells the Nativity story of the Gospels of Matthew and
Luke, but from a seldom-heard, very close-up, rather
unique point of view.
An Evening with Simon Peter, a two-act, 90-
minute production in which the First Apostle
tells the emotionally turbulent story of the
passion, death, and resurrection of Christ as
Peter himself experienced them firsthand.
Peter and Magdalen …on Jesus, a 60-minute
conversation between perhaps the closest man
and woman friends of Jesus, about just what it
was like to live with him, learn from him, and
to grow in overwhelming love for him.
Find further info and upcoming performance dates
at our scriptureonstage.com, and maybe follow us
on social media!
Thanks very much for your time and support.
John Dzwonkowski, M.A.

The Bethlehem Star
Pg. XLIX
- Free Will Offering -
Thank you ever soooo much for taking the time
to read this historical fiction e-pub.
Although it took us several months to complete,
it was an absolute Christmas joy to bring together. We
sincerely hope that it does as much for you as it has for
us to bring alive the real Spirit of Christmas, that which
becomes more alive for us the more we sit quietly down
and think about the miraculous wonder of the birth of
the Son of God to two specially-chosen wonderful
earthly parents just like us …uh, kinda.
If you are in a financial position to help support our work, we would be
so deeply appreciative, and you can do so with a donation of maybe just a buck
or two, or whatever you might be able to offer for this Bethlehem Star e-pub,
by clicking the donate button on this page. Live theater’s ridiculously
expensive, so every single dollar really helps us keep doing this kind of stuff
for others. We can’t thank you enough.
If you’re not in such a financial position today, please don’t get beset
by our Christian guilt. We’re glad you read this e-mag, and maybe you can help
support our work at some later date. Christ’s Peace to you.
If you enjoyed this historical fiction e-mag for the very first Christmas, perhaps you’d also
enjoy a similar e-pub, The Jerusalem Star, for the very first Easter Sunday morn, coming
out for Lent 2021. Some of the stories included are…
—Empty Tomb Reported by Disciples—Heads
Roll as Palace Guard Summoned to Pilate!
—Jesus of Galilee Trial a Mockery of Justice!
—Resurrection Hoax …or Messianic Miracle?
—An Interview with Procurator Pontius Pilate
—Death Trek to Calvary Demonstrates Impact of
Galilean
—Point/Counterpoint—Was this Jesus the
Messiah?
—Suicide note Attributed to Judas, one of “The
Twelve”
—SPECIAL INSERT SECTION:
A Crucifixion Like None Other this
Reporter Has Ever Witnessed!
—Earthquake Rocks Sabbath Prayer
—SPORTS
—Equus Magnus in Death Match in
Honor of Procurator Pilate!
—Marius Andrettus Crowd Favorite
in Jerusalem D Chariotmania
Death Match!
—OBITUARY: The Legacy of a man of
Our God—a Tribute to the Life and
Teachings of Jesus of Galilee

Thank You so very much.
May God Bless You & Your Loved Ones.
…and Merry Christmas!