2021 riverrun Final PDF

Our home has been lighter with your departure.
Someone told her that the more you participate the more normal they think
you are. As if wanting to participate in yoga at the mental hospital is something
anyone wants to do. Out of pure numbness she unrolled a very sticky yoga mat.
There was a bite mark on the left side. They probably wrote that on their clipboard
for whoever did that. The yoga instructor said savasana three times in her first sentence
and the excitable elderly lady let out a happy sigh. She had to hold back a
groan. The more you participate the more normal you appear. She tried to breathe
at least. She didn’t want to go anywhere inside her mind, but she could at least act
like it. Her skin felt unbearably dry. They don’t give you lotion on the account of
some people using it for inappropriate behavior. The more you participate the more
normal you look.
You are not welcome home for the summer.
She watched as seven people walked out the doors and into the daylight. She
sat by the one big window in the nook between the fold out dinner table and the
blocked off construction site. She slumped in the chair and put her feet on the side
table, effectively hugging herself in the fetal position. She stared out the window at
the dandelion weeds growing through the cracks in the roof of another building. She
used to go for walks in the woods behind campus, but she had no idea when she’d
ever do that again. She learned to tell the time by how long ago the last meal was.
Meals were at 7am, 12pm, and 6pm. If her stomach started growling, then she was
halfway between and when she started to lose her appetite the cart would start
scooting up the hallway. If you didn’t eat at mealtime, then you didn’t eat.
You are destined to be alone.
She didn’t realize that she was allowed to have personal things with her, so
when her friends came to visit and brought some of her things she almost cried. She
thought of that saying “material things don’t buy happiness” or something like that,
but whoever said that obviously didn’t know what he was talking about. Just holding
clean underwear sent relief through her shoulders. “They kept some of your stuff
cause we didn’t know what would be allowed, but most of it is here. Your pajama
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